"What do you know about Eren Jaeger?"
You shrug, leaning forward against the table. "Nothing."
The Military Police brigade member that's been questioning you raises an eyebrow. She glances sideways at her counterpart, who shrugs. "You know nothing about Eren Jaeger, the boy who can turn into a titan?" she says.
You shrug again, leaning backwards in your chair. "Nothing you don't already know. I wasn't close with the kid."
"Did he ever display any suspicious behavior?" the man asks, crossing his arms.
"Nah. Asked some stupid questions, sure, but nothing suspicious."
"Stupid questions?"
Your lips twitch as you recall your conversations at the mess hall table. "We always used to joke that all of his questions were stupid," you muse to yourself, but your mood instantly falls when you think about those fun times as trainees and how many you've lost. And how many you don't even know that you've lost.
"Miss Logan."
You blink yourself out of your thoughts. "Oh. He always asked about training. How to get better. He always wanted to master every technique. Always went on and on about how he wanted to kill all of the titans."
The two people interrogating you both glance at each other, sharing some sort of secret look.
"Are we done here?" you ask. "Because I have to go find out how many of my friends died."
Neither of the police say anything else.
Satisfied, you stand up, push in your chair, and march out of the interrogation room.
It's been a few days since the Battle of Trost, as people are calling it. For a full day, the cannons didn't stop firing, finishing off every titan down there. They'd left two titans and captured them- Hange was ecstatic. Once they'd found out you were alive, they'd wanted a full recap of the battle and everything you'd seen about Eren.
Eren. That dumbass was the hot topic right now. He could turn into a titan- a fucking titan. And he'd done it to close the hole in the wall. It didn't make any sense to you. The military were 'talking to' (you called it interrogating) any of Eren's friends, trying to gather any sort of intelligence on him. At the very least, it had let you know that he was alive, and by digging a bit further, you found out Mikasa and Armin were alive as well.
You don't know about anyone else. You've refused to go inside Trost and help identify bodies because you're not sure you can handle that.
However, you can only avoid it for so long. When officials claim that Trost has officially been cleared, there's a massive bonfire to burn the dead. And then, you finally force yourself to go.
Time to figure out who made it through.
You haven't seen Levi since you left his room the morning after the Battle of Trost. He hadn't kissed you or anything like that; he'd just said he had work to do and he'd see you at graduation. In a way, you're glad that his comfort had just been that: comfort. No romantic feelings involved. Especially after an ordeal like that.
You miss him, though. You could really use him right now. But you need to learn to handle this on your own- especially if you're going to be in the Survey Corps.
"C'mon, Logan, keep your shit together," you grumble.
You can smell the fire as you move closer. You're trying not to get your hopes up, but the second you see your friends, you're going to feel a lot better.
Your eyes scan the crowd, avoiding looking at all the bodies piled high, blazing with heat. Then, you catch a glimpse of a bald head and nearly cry out: Connie. And that means the girl next to him with the ponytail is Sasha.
"Connie," you call, your voice hoarse. "Connie!"
The boy turns around, and his eyes light up when he sees you. "Oh my god, Logan!" he cries out, and several other trainees turn to follow his gaze. Yes- you see Reiner and Bertolt, Annie, Ymir and Krista. More of your friends- more people made it.
You grab Connie in a bear hug, and Sasha joins in, squeezing you tight. "You guys made it," you mumble, gripping the back of Connie's jacket in your fist.
"Where've you been?" Reiner demands, and he pulls you in for a hug next. God this man gives good hugs.
Bertolt, as sheepish as he is, even gives you a hug too. "We knew you couldn't be dead, but we hadn't heard from you," he murmurs into your hair.
You pull back, forcing your shoulders to relax. "I needed to take care of some things," you lie, reaching out to Krista for a hug. Ymir joins in with some sort of lopsided, one-armed hug. "I'm so glad you all made it through."
"We're glad you're okay," Krista murmurs as she pulls back, smiling.
You smile back, then take another look around. There's still two people missing. "Where's Marco?" you ask. "And Jean?"
Immediately, the atmosphere crumbles. You want to sink into the ground, because there's no way those two could possibly be-
"We lost Marco," Connie forces out, swallowing.
"Jean's over there," Sasha adds, pointing to a separate burning pile.
You glance to where she's pointing, and you swallow hard. Jean and Marco had been nearly inseparable through training- he lost his other half. You walk over to him, head spinning.
Marco, who'd always apologize on his friend's behalf. Marco, who would've been a fantastic squad leader one day. Marco, who had always been quick to defend you.
The sweetest boy in training.
He didn't deserve this.
Blinking back tears, you make your way over to Jean. He glances up when you get close, then looks back at the fire. "Logan," he greets quietly. "Figured you'd be alive."
"Alive and kicking," you reply.
You're trying to figure out how to word your apology, tell Jean how sorry you are for his loss. It's not just his loss but everyone's loss- but Jean is taking it the hardest. Deciding that actions speak louder than words, you crouch down next to him and wrap your arms around his shoulders.
Jean doesn't say a word. He leans into you, and you feel his shoulders shake. You tighten your grip, needing the hug as much as he does.
Marco.
Eventually, Jean pushes himself away from you, and he stands up. You follow him back to the other cadets, who are all staring at the fire. "Hey, you guys," Jean says. "Have you decided which branch of the military you're going to apply to?"
You're surprised by the question- the timing of it. But Jean has a haunted look in his eyes, one that you recognize.
"I'm..." he exhales, and you can see that he's trembling. You want to lend him a hand, just let him know he's not alone- but something tells you he needs to get through this himself. "I'm going to join the Survey Corps."
Survey Corps? Jean?
Ah. So you're not the only one feeling this way, then. A need to make use of all the deaths today- make them all worth something.
Silently, the rest of you watch the smoke curl up into the sky, clouding the stars.
.
The two captured titans were killed.
Hange was devastated. They were an absolute wreck at the scene. Although you'll never understand Hange's connection with the titans or why the loss was so personal for them, you know it was a loss for humanity. Two captured titans could've helped research; helped find new ways to kill the titans.
The military check everyone's gear to see if they can register whose was used, but no one's turns up as misused. You're not sure who did it, but you're more on guard than ever.
The timing of the attack still bothers you. Right as the Survey Corps were out- that can't be a coincidence.
Regardless, the recruit solicitation ceremony rolls on. You, alongside everyone else in the 104th- everyone remaining, that is- line up in front of the stage for the Survey Corps speech. You can spy Eren hiding in the wings. Levi's there too, glued next to Eren. You'd hear through rumors that he'd been assigned as Eren's personal watchdog. He's the best man for the task, honestly- but you wish he wasn't. You haven't been alone with him in a while, and even though you're about to join the Survey Corps, you highly doubt you're going to get the chance.
"I am Survey Corps commander Erwin Smith," Erwin calls from the center of the stage. You're impressed with how he commands himself: holding his head high, voice reaching everyone without sounding like he's shouting. "The King has granted me authority over all Survey Corps activity. Today, you choose which division to join. The reason I'm up here is to invite you to become a part of the Survey Corps."
You fidget in anticipation. This is it. You're going to join.
"But I should warn you," he continues. "In the recent titan attack, everyone here has experienced what the average excursion outside is like. I'm sure nothing else in your lives comes close to it." His eyes flicker to you briefly, then back up. "Though you're trainees, you've experienced sacrifices."
Erwin keeps talking, and the more he does, the more hopeful you feel. He's describing Eren's use and their plan to take back Wall Maria. You clench your hands into fists, then release, calming yourself.
"During those four years," Erwin says firmly, referring to the massacre of a large portion of the population after Wall Maria fell, "over ninety percent of the Survey Corps have died."
That's... depressing.
Then it gets worse. As Erwin talks statistics and casualties, you can feel the people next to you grow restless. You knew that survival rates in the Survey Corps were rather dismal, sure, but you hadn't expected him to be blunt with it. You swallow hard, forcing yourself to calm down. You know that it's going to be dangerous. You know. You're still signing up for this.
"That's all," Erwin says eventually, arms behind his back. "Those of you who wish to join the other divisions are dismissed."
Immediately, people start walking by you. You steel yourself, willing your feet to stay firmly rooted in the ground. Not many people are hanging around; there's a few that hesitate, then follow the rest of the crowd.
This is it. You're joining the Survey Corps; you're going to be with Levi.
Eventually, everyone who wanted to leave has left. You do a quick headcount: twenty-two people. You can hear Sasha stifling her cries from behind you.
"Very well," Erwin says, his voice booming. He salutes. "I welcome the newest members of the Survey Corps! This is my real salute, devote your hearts to the cause!"
You salute in return, chorusing "yes, sir!" with everyone else. So many of your friends stayed- just about all of the surviving ones. Mikasa and Armin are near the front, and you see Krista standing next to Ymir. Sasha and Connie are standing with Jean, and Reiner is over with Bertolt. They've all seen the horrors, and they're still going to go forward with it.
They're tough. But it's a lot of people to protect- you're going to have to work hard.
.
One month until your first expedition.
Your days are filled with training. Horseback riding, studying formations, vertical maneuvering practice. It's not any more intense than cadet training, but it's geared specifically to work in the Survey Corps, and the purpose behind it is clear. You need to master this training to have the best possible chance against the titans.
But you haven't seen Levi since that brief glimpse of him at the ceremony, and it's driving you mad.
The two of you had agreed to talk about this- whatever this is- after graduation. Now graduation has come and gone, and Levi's not here. You understand, sure. He's got special orders with his stupid special ops squad to keep an eye on Eren and oversee his training. Doesn't mean you have to like it.
It doesn't help that people are giving you weird stares. They've probably heard about you, then: former Survey Corps member with amnesia. Lovely. It was well over five years ago anyways- it's not like there's anyone here you would know from back then.
Days goes by. You pine for Levi more than ever.
Things start looking up when Erwin calls you into his office after breakfast one day. Your friends bid you goodbye from the table- knowing them, they're assuming it has something to do with your previous time running with the Corps. Honestly? You're not sure what it's about.
You follow Erwin to his office. It's clean, albeit a bit busy: desks is piled with paperwork, arranged neatly in stacks. There's a lantern acting as a paperweight on a few loose sheets. Erwin gestures for you to take a seat, and you pull up one of the spare stools.
"Is this about what I think it is?" you ask, scooting in your chair.
Erwin sits down at his own chair behind his desk. "What do you think this is about, Logan?"
You shrug. "The same thing everyone else thinks it's about. My time in the Corps before this happened," you say, tapping the side of your head twice your knuckle.
He smiles. "No, actually. I don't believe there's anything you need to know from back then that would help me or you, so I don't need to pick your brain."
"Oh." You fidget with the hem of your shirt. "Then I'm drawing a blank, sir."
"This is about Levi."
Immediately, you stiffen.
"I understand you're used to periods of time apart from your training," Erwin says casually, lacing his fingers together. "But I also understand that you committed yourself to three years of training so that you could stand here with him, and you haven't seen him in much too long."
Your throat feels very dry. Does Erwin know? How much does Erwin know?
"I don't know the nature of your relationship," he says, raising a hand. Your shoulders deflate slightly. "And I'm sorry, but I cannot permit personal visitation during training." Well, you knew that much already. Erwin continues. "But I know you've been exceeding all expectations in training. You've been working very hard- overworking yourself, perhaps."
You blink. What does that have to do with Levi? And you wouldn't say you've been overworking yourself exactly- you feel fine. "Sir?"
Erwin's eyebrows knit together. "I wouldn't be surprised- and neither would any of the other squad leaders- if you required an afternoon off to nurse yourself back to health. We need all of our shoulders at their peak for our expedition in a week."
He's giving you an afternoon off?
"And of course," Erwin goes on, "you would remain in your barracks for the entire afternoon. Naturally, I couldn't permit you to leave- especially not to leave Survey Corps headquarters."
"Sir?"
"Very much against the rules if you're caught," he says. "It'd be a shame if you found out that Mike would be in the stables around lunch, readying you a horse. Do you remember Mike?"
Mike had been the one to teach you how to ride a horse in the first place. "Yes, sir, I do."
"Ah, good. Because I can't inform you of how to make your way to where Levi is," Erwin says slowly. "But he can. What a shame it would be if you spent your afternoon off stealing a horse from the stable with Mike's assistance and going to visit Levi."
Oh.
You've been putting the pieces together, but Erwin's last sentence solidified it. "Of course, sir," you agree, crossing your arms. "It's a dangerous task, but I could be back by dinner without anyone knowing."
"Hypothetically," Erwin adds.
"Hypothetically," you agree.
"Wonderful. Obviously, I cannot tell you any of this or assist you in any way," he says, lips twitching up into a smirk. "All I can do is advise you to make the most of your afternoon off."
You do your best not to fidget in excitement in your seat. "Thank you, sir. I most definitely will."
"Thank you, Logan. I'll see you at lunch and then at dinner."
"I'll see you then, sir," you say giddily, trying not to run to the door.
As soon as Erwin's office door is closed behind you, you run down the hall, finding yourself a corner to hide in, and then you squeal to yourself. You can't even hide your grin anymore; you're going to go see Levi.
Training has never gone more slowly. You're more restless than ever, zooming around in the ODM gear, trying to practice everything Levi drilled into you but having a hard time focusing. You're going to see Levi today; how can they expect you to focus?
At lunch, you play your part. "I'm not feeling that well," you tell your friends. "I'm going to the nurse."
"Stomachache?" Krista asks, frowning.
You shrug, then nod. "Yeah, kinda. I just feel sort of sluggish."
"Sounds like excuses to me," Jean says with a roll of his eyes.
"Says the one who told the instructor he couldn't work because it was cold outside."
"Well, it was!"
Regardless, everyone waves goodbye to you and tells you to feel better as you head away from the lunch table. As soon as you're out of sight, you break into a run, headed for the stables. You can hardly contain your excitement anymore.
You make it to the stables, breathless, and throw open the door. You look around: lots of horses, no Mike. Frowning, you step inside.
"Ah. Logan."
You glance up. Mike's on the far side of the stables, raising a hand at you, and you head over to him. "Mike!" you say happily, glancing at the horse next to him. Mike is holding the horse's reins, and there's already a saddle set up. "Good to see you."
He nods. "You too. Survived training?"
"Meh. Kind of boring, but I got through. Good to see that you're still..." you trail off, then shrug. "Alive."
"Surprised?" he asks.
"No, I guess, but..." you shrug. "Didn't really think I would know anyone other than Hange and Levi. So this is a nice surprise."
Mike nods, satisfied with your answer. He hands you the reins. "So, you're sick today."
"That I am," you say, accepting the reins. "Terribly so."
"Terrible." Mike holds the horse steady as you thrust your boot into the stirrup, then hoist yourself up. "Are you still as bad as riding as you used to be?"
You scowl. "No! I got better at it."
"Here's hoping, because you're in for a trip." Mike walks the horse towards the doors, and you shift your weight as the horse walks, adjusting itself. "They're at the old headquarters," he says, pointing at a wide trail that leads into the woods, near the back of the field. "Follow that trail. Maybe forty minutes in, you'll hit a fork. Take the left. You're going to hit a second intersection, stay straight."
"Left, then straight," you echo. "Got it."
"Trip will take a little over an hour." He pats the side of the horse. "You'll be back for dinner?"
"I will," you confirm. "Does Levi know I'm coming?"
"No." Mike taps one of the packs that's attached to the horse's saddle. "They think they're getting resupplies of food today. You're got those supplies in here."
You nod, trying not to fidget. You just want to get going. "Alright. Am I good to go?"
He nods. "Good to go. Ride safe."
"I will." Before you squeeze the horse to go, you look back at Mike. "Thank you," you say genuinely. "I- I can't tell you how much I appreciate it. From both you and Erwin."
"Levi needs this as much as you do," Mike says casually. "At least, that's what Erwin told me."
Nodding, you turn back to the woods and squeeze your calves around the horse. It breaks into a canter, and you lower yourself closer to the saddle as the horse heads into the woods.
In all fairness, the hour-long ride seems to fly by. It's refreshing, riding a horse through the woods, and you're repeating Mike's instructions so often in your head that you may as well have them tattooed at this point. You hit the fork in the path and take a left, bringing you to a slightly more narrow trail, and when the path opens up into an intersection, you continue on straight.
When you finally have the old castle in your sites, you actually gasp out loud. It's gorgeous, albeit worn down. Vines are creeping up some of the larger towers. You can see why they changed to the newer headquarters; this feels a bit old fashioned, and a little bit small compared to where the Corps are located now.
"Easy, girl," you murmur, slowing your horse down as you trot into the clearing. You don't hear the telltale whir of any maneuver gear, so there should be people in the building- right?
You slow down even more and try to listen. Then, you hear a voice. "Hey, trainee."
You turn your head. There's a man with long blond hair pulled back into a low bun with a hand raised towards you. "I've got your supplies," you say, remembering the packs Mike had sent you with. "Where do you want them dropped off?"
"Here's fine," he says. "We'll bring them inside."
Nodding, you hop off of your horse and start grabbing the packs. "Thanks," you say awkwardly as he takes them from you, nodding stoically as he walks them inside.
"Is that our food?" someone asks, and another man steps outside. "Oh! Who'd they send us this time?"
"Oluo, don't be rude," another man says with a sigh, stepping out after the brown-haired man. This man is tall- hell, they're all tall- and he's got a short crop of dark hair. "I'm Gunther," he greets, holding out his hand. You shake it. "Sorry. We just expected our usual messenger."
"Name's Oluo," the other man says, waving at you.
"The man who greeted you was Eld," Gunther says, and he opens his arms. You hand him one of the packs that had been clipped onto your saddle. "He's not one for many words."
Oluo steps forward, removing some of the supply packs from the saddle himself. "So, you're new blood?" he asks, leering at you. "Transfer or cadet graduate?"
"Cadet," you reply, removing the last of the supply packs. "104th."
"Oh, so you'll know Eren, then," a lighter voice calls, and you look the doorway. It's a young woman with short hair- she looks like she's about Levi's height. "Hi, I'm Petra," she says, smiling. "Nice to meet you. Sorry if the boys were rude."
You laugh. "We had some oddballs in the 104th. Nothing I'm not used to."
"No kidding," Oluo says as he walks by. "A kid who can turn into a titan! Yeah, I'd say that's odd."
"Want me to get him?" Petra asks, gesturing with her hand to the interior of the castle. "It's our cleaning hours, so he's just inside."
You shrug, then nod. "Sure. Wouldn't mind saying hi."
She nods, then vanishes inside. Eld returns to take the last of the supply packs from you, and you guide your horse to the side, tying the reins off to one of the posts in the wall.
When you wander back to where you met Levi's squad, you see Eren coming through the doorway. He's got a white kerchief wrapped around his mouth and cleaning supplies in hand. When he sees you, he grins, setting the supplies aside. "Logan! Good to see you!"
"You too!" you say. You open your arms, and Eren steps towards you, giving you a quick hug. "Haven't seen you since they pulled you out of the back of that titan's neck."
Eren laughs weakly. "Ah, well. It's been crazy ever since."
"Oh, I bet."
"Sorry, did you just say Logan?" someone calls, and you and Eren turn to see Oluo standing in the doorway. His eyes are wide. "You- you're Logan? The one who killed, like, two dozen titans? Personal training from Captain Levi? That Logan?"
You raise your eyebrows. "Unless you know another Logan?"
"Holy shit!" Oluo gestures to someone inside, and you see the other three come back to the door. "This is Logan."
You're not sure why this is such a revelation. "Oh, cool," Gunther says, nodding to you. "We've heard stories. Nice to officially meet you."
They've... heard stories? Yikes.
"I thought you'd be male," Oluo says bluntly. "Logan's a guy's name. It made more sense- didn't think Captain Levi would be giving private training to a girl."
Petra sighs. "Oluo, that's sexist."
"What? I'm just saying-"
"Logan's my last name," you say, trying to clear the air.
"Well, in my defense, you certainly don't look like you could kill a shit ton of titans," the man says with a snort, and your shoulders tense. "You don't look like much."
Eren sighs next to you. "This won't be good."
"Why don't you fight me and find out?" you challenge, raising an eyebrow.
Oluo laughs. "C'mon, we're the special ops squad. We ain't got time for that."
You shrug casually. "Alright. If you don't think you can take me on, that's fine- just say so."
Gunther whistles behind Oluo. "Sounds like you've got a challenger, Oluo."
Petra rolls her eyes. "Come on, you guys. We should be cleaning."
"Nah, Levi can wait," you say, cracking your knuckles. Eren sighs again, pressing his palms to his forehead. "C'mon, old man. Can't take me?"
"He's Corporal Levi to you, girl," Oluo snaps, glaring at you.
"Oluo," Eld warns.
There's a bang of a door inside, and everyone immediately straightens up. You hear footsteps, and you feel butterflies in your stomach because you know exactly who it is before you hear his voice. "Oi, there'd better be a good reason for..."
Levi's eyes lock on yours, and he trails off.
"Supply drop off, Captain," Eld says quietly.
"Logan," Levi says eventually, his voice carefully controlled. "Shouldn't you be training?"
Well, it's better than what the fuck are you doing here. "Probably," you agree. "Commander Erwin gave me the afternoon off. Said I was overworking myself and it wouldn't hurt to take a ride."
Judging by the way Levi scowls, he knows exactly what Erwin was thinking. Good. "This is the person you gave private training to?" Oluo asks. His lack of filter makes you cringe. "Captain, I-"
"Oluo, the kitchen still looks like a titan took a shit in it," Levi interjects. He looks to Eren. "Eren. Go with Eld and Gunther. Go over formations. Expedition is in a week and you still don't know shit. Petra, help Oluo in the kitchen so he doesn't burn it down." He turns to you last. "If you're here, you can make yourself useful. You're cleaning."
"Yes, sir," everyone echoes. Eren shoots you a sympathetic smile before he squeezes past you, following Eld and Gunther. Oluo is grumbling something under his breath, but he still traipses inside, Petra shaking her head at him with a smile on her face as she follows.
You and Levi remain still, standing in the open area, waiting for someone to say something.
Eventually, you crack. "I missed you," you murmur.
Levi's expression softens slightly. Sighing, he beckons you towards him. "Come on. Upstairs."
"Cleaning?" you say in surprise. "Seriously?"
He doesn't reply. Sighing, you follow him through the hallways. As you pass the kitchen, you glance inside. Both Oluo and Petra are scrubbing at the underside of cupboards, bickering.
"The squad seems like fun, at least," you muse as Levi leads you up a set of stairs.
Levi shrugs. "They're good. Smart."
You nod along. "Well, they're handpicked by you, right? Then they're the best of the best. At least, that's what everyone calls them back at base."
"How's training?"
"It's alright." Levi heads down another hallway. You step into line next to him. "Eren's a little shit. I get why you complained about him."
You laugh. "Hey, at least he's not my problem anymore."
"Was Oluo giving you shit?"
You shrug. "Yeah. Said I didn't seem like the type to get private training from you or something like that." You smile as you remember more. "Petra called him out. I like Petra."
"She cleans well," Levi murmurs.
"Is that all that matters to you?" you tease. Levi shoves open a door, and you follow him inside. "Petra said something about cleaning hours- is all you guys do clean?"
"Wouldn't that be nice," he grumbles, and you laugh.
Levi shuts the door, and you pause to take a look around to where he's led you. It's a bedroom, sparkling clean. There's a bucket of cleaning supplies resting on a nearby desk, and a window that looks like it's not even there- the glass is that clean. It's larger than the rooms back at headquarters. You glance around at the belongings inside: a green cloak swung over a chair, boots perched by the doorway, a small tea collection...
Your mouth dries. Levi's room.
You glance back at him, and to your surprise, he's avoiding your eyes. "Levi," you say softly. "You know I wasn't sent here by coincidence."
"I know," he says gruffly, looking back to you. He undoes the cloth protecting his hair and sets it on the desk. "I'll have words with Erwin about that later."
"What, you didn't miss me?"
Levi's grey eyes seem to burn like molten silver. "Too much," he murmurs, and a fire seems to ignite in your core. "Too god damn much."
Silence follows. You think you can vaguely hear people out in the courtyard beneath Levi's window. You and Levi stare at each other, and the invisible threshold between you two seems to be breaking down the longer you look at each other. You can see the fever behind Levi's eyes, how restless he is, and you know he's feeling the same longing that you are.
At the same time, you and Levi surge towards each other, and your lips collide almost painfully. The sheer force of it pushes your mouth open, and your tongue clashes with Levi's. His hands are holding your face, tilting your head to gain better access, and you grab onto his shoulders to try and steady yourself.
You'll never get enough of kissing Levi, the way his mouth fits perfectly with yours, the way your knees feel like jelly. His lips are soft and his tongue is warm; everything about it is hot and rushed and sweet and oh so perfect.
Levi pulls back almost abruptly, leaving you gasping for air. "We probably shouldn't be doing this."
"You're right," you agree. "We shouldn't."
Another pause, and then you lean in again, capturing his mouth with yours. Levi responds immediately, lips pushing and moving and breaking you apart. This time, it's a bit slower, a bit less rushed. You kiss him firmly, like you haven't seen him in years rather than just weeks.
Levi's hands slide around your waist, sending chills up your spine. You run your fingers up into his hair, feeling the back of his undercut and the softness of his dark hair between your fingers. You'd underestimated how badly you'd needed this, his comfort. It was one thing knowing that he needed you; it's another thing entirely when Levi shows that he does.
Slowly, you pull back from Levi, letting your eyes flutter open. You bring your hands forward to gently cup his face. "God, I missed you," you whisper.
Levi's eyebrows knit together. It almost looks like he's in pain. "I know," he murmurs.
"Is that your way of saying you missed me too?" you tease, brushing your thumb lightly across his cheek.
He answers you by kissing you. You sigh softly, opening your mouth for Levi's tongue, and you let your hands roam, fussing with the collar of his shirt and his cravat. Levi's hands pull you tighter, and one of his fingers slips under the back of your shirt, pressing at the skin just above your hip.
The bare skin on skin touch nearly makes you stiffen up. His fingers are cold, but not unpleasantly so- it's soothing. You hum softly, letting your fingers trail down the back of his neck and dip below his collar.
You pull back slightly, keeping your foreheads tipped together and your eyes closed. "You know," you murmur, "you could just put me on your squad. Then we'd see a lot more of each other."
"No way," Levi replies.
He kisses you again, but you pull back. "Why not?" you ask, pouting. "I could take Oluo. I'll fight him for the spot."
The corner of Levi's mouth twitches up into a smirk. "I have no doubt you'd win," he says, raising a hand up to your face. His fingers brush away a strand of your hair that had fallen into your face. "But you'd be a distraction."
"Yeah?" you tease, unable to hide your grin. "Can't keep your eyes off of me?"
His gaze darkens. "Not just my eyes."
You're suddenly hyper conscious of his grip on your hips. He's been respectful, staying above your ass, but you've had enough of respect. Slowly, you let your fingers run down his arms, tracing his biceps and then his forearms, then over his hands. Carefully, you guide his hands lower until they're over your ass.
Levi's breath hitches in his throat; you can see the sudden tension in his jaw. You return your hands to his face, then lean in. As soon as your lips are on his again, Levi seems to turn on: his hands grip your ass cheeks so hard that you nearly squeal. He pulls you flush against him, spreading his fingers to cover the expanse of your butt.
Slowly, you and Levi stumble towards his bed. Levi is the one to fall down, pulling you over top of him. You sit your weight back, straddling him, and he tugs you forward, grinding you against him.
"I'll be your second," you mumble against his mouth, slowly rolling your hips against his.
Levi's hands tighten on your ass. "Second?"
"Every Captain needs a second," you reply, kissing the side of Levi's neck and you shift yourself back again. "I'll be yours. You know I'm good enough."
You feel Levi's jaw clench. He pulls against you, rolling your hips forward again. "I can't be..." Levi hisses through his teeth as you kiss a sensitive spot on his neck. You make a mental note for later. "I can't be worrying about you."
You sigh, shifting yourself upwards so that you're looking at him. "You don't have to worry about me."
"I know," he agrees, "but I will anyways."
Your expression softens. Levi's sweet without meaning to be, and it's part of what makes him so endearing. His hands slide up from your ass to your ribs, and he pulls you back down to him again. Levi kisses you, and you sigh happily into his mouth.
Without meaning to, you grind yourself against Levi again. Levi's thumbs brush the underside of your breasts, but he doesn't make any other movements. He seems sort of... timid. Hesitant.
It's only when you roll your hips again that you feel something brush against your crotch. Holy shit, is he hard?
There's a vicious wave of pleasure streaking through you- you did that. You raise yourself up again, meeting Levi's eyes. His gaze flickers downwards before going back up to you. There's the unspoken question floating between you two that neither of you know how to address.
"Have you..." you trail off. "Ever done this before?"
Levi scoffs and tips his head to the side, breaking eye contact. You know what the answer is without him having to say it, and your lips twitch. He sees that you understand and he scowls. "Not really a lot of opportunity in the underground." He looks back up to you, and you have to hide your smile- he's blushing. "You?"
You shrug. "Who knows?"
You definitely haven't had any sort of physical connection with anyone- at the very least, since you woke up. With all of the stories you've heard about the underground, you're betting you didn't really get any action there either. It's sort of nice, then- you and Levi are trying this together.
"I have time," you suggest quietly.
Levi sighs, and his hands drop down to your hips. "I don't, L," he mutters. "I have training shit to get done."
Your shoulders sink. "Oh."
He notices the look on your face and guides his hands up to cup your jaw. Levi sits up so that you're sitting on his lap and facing him, and he kisses you. "I'm not about to rush this shit with you," he says as he pulls away. "We're doing this right."
Oh. Oh. That's uncharacteristically sweet- you hadn't realized Levi cared enough to make your first time together something special.
"I need to go."
Nodding, you pull yourself up, and Levi stands up with you. Not willing to be separated just yet, you reach out and kiss him again. His hands go to your waist, holding you tight. Your tongue gently prods at his lips, trying to savor this last moment you have with him.
Eventually, you pull back. You tip your forehead against his and sigh. His breath is hot on your lips.
"You can't die," Levi says firmly, his hand tight on your hip. "I forbid it."
You snort. "Well, as long as you forbid it, then I guess I can't now."
His lips twitch slightly, and his grip loosens. Levi lets you go, and the absence of his palms on your waist suddenly makes you feel like you're going to tip over. You try to keep yourself steady, reeling from the lack of support.
"You should get going," Levi says, but it almost looks like he's choking on the words. "Where did Erwin say you'd be in the expedition next week?"
"Right flank," you reply, your tongue thick in your throat. "Scouting."
He nods. "I'm in the center. We won't see each other."
You nod. You knew that already. Something occurs to you and you straighten up slightly. "Hey," you say softly. "What did you call me earlier?"
Levi raises an eyebrow. "What?"
"You called me L."
He scoffs, turning his head away. The tips of his ears are red. "Sorry."
"No, don't apologize," you rush quickly. "I like it."
"Oh," Levi says, his voice almost stuttering in his throat. His cheeks are dusted pink. "Good."
Neither of you move. You really don't want to leave, as much as you know that Levi has responsibilities to attend to. Finally, you steel yourself. You're grateful for the time Erwin has given you, and you know you'll have time like this again.
"See you soon," you whisper.
His eyes are soft. "Stay safe."
You leave, shutting the door behind you and beginning your trek back to your horse. If only you knew how hard 'staying safe' was going to be.
.
A/N: love you guys. Next update coming Monday. Thank you so much for reading <3