Her head pounded out a beat, while the ringing in her ears eked out the melody. Yet the lyrics evaded her completely. Fuzzy static replaced all memory of words, yet she somehow knew they were supposed to be there. Suddenly the dream faded away, leaving only the pain that played accompaniment.
"AHOY! OCTOLING!"
Her eyelids cracked open, big buggy eyes jolted her awake. The squid's breath assaulted her nose with a crabby stench, almost making her pass out again.
"Up and at'em, ya lazy whiffle-whaffle!"
What? The words glided through her mind in slow motion. Only half really registered. Whiffle-waffle. Tasty.
"This fight ain't over!"
A headache throbbed at the back of her brain. She wished the incessant ringing inside and out of her head would quiet down.
"Prepare for a royal whoopin!"
The beardo-weirdo crowed, "But there's no honor in defeating an unarmed opponent...and you seem to have lost your weapon somewhere around here."
Weapon? I don't remember a weapon. I don't remember...Uh Oh. Reality came crashing back around her. The cold concrete floor. Dim fluorescent light. Steel beams crisscrossing the ceiling. A Stranger standing over her with a bamboo cane. Her breath accelerated. Fast and shallow, her chest too constricted with bruises and panic to allow deep breaths. The stranger kept on talking in the distance.
"And just where is...here...anyway? Last thing I remember is you battling my protégé, Agent 3, in Octo Valley...when both of you were attacked by someone."
Attacked. Her head throbbed. I can believe that.
"And somehow we got marooned here...So, uh, hows about we call a temporary truce while we find a way to escape?"
Truce? I don't have a choice, do I? She pressed her lips together and nodded.
"But where are my manners...I haven't even told you my name!" The squid bobbed his head, "I'm Cap'n Cuttlefish! Leader of the Legendary New Squidbeak Splatoon! And you are?"
Name. My name is...She wracked her memories.
"..."
Which was rather difficult considering there was nothing to be found.
".........."
Fuzzy nothingness replaced what should have been on the tip of her tongue.
"*psst*"
"This is the part where you tell me your name."
She screwed up her face with concentration, "No...idea" she whispered.
"By Kraken...You lost your memory when you hit the ground?!"
Inky tears threatened to flood her face. She took a deep, slightly shaky breath. No tears, that'd just make the headache worse.
"You can't remember anything about yourself? Anything at all?!"
Not helping. She wished the Cap'n would stop talking.
"Most interesting..."
Easy for you to say. She wrinkled her nose.
"I noticed you were humming the Calimari Inkantantion right before you came to..."
The music came rushing back to her. Perhaps not as helpful as memories, but the tears rescinded with a salty swallow. It's alright. It's something.
"Could it be? Has this heavenly melody been etched into your very soul?!"
Etched? Sounds magical.
"..."
And painful. Magically painful.
"........."
"I'll take your stunned silence as a YES! I've heard of octarians whose souls were etched by those squidtastic grooves..."
Squidtastic, "Hmph", that's not a word.
"But that was a couple years back, during Agent 3's battle with DJ Octavio. Still...I can't shake the feeling that this is related somehow."
That makes one of us. She sighed, whether Cap'n was right or not she couldn't feel the connection or any clues about her past for that matter.
"In any case sorry for siccing Agent 3 on you back there."
She attempted a small smile to say something like: "Don't worry, I already forgot about it."
Cap'n bobbed his head like he understood, or maybe that was just his arthritis.
"Any fan of the Squid Sisters is a friend of mine! I mean that with all of my hearts."
Friend. The word felt unfamiliar, yet filled her with a warmth that washed away the drafty underground air.
"Now dust yourself off and find your land legs. We need to get moving!"
Arms trembling, she pushed herself off the concrete while Cap'n struck a ridiculous pose.
"Let's find a way out of here!"
Good plan. She took in the dingy scene. Yellow tape littered the walls. Harsh light came from long, overhead fluorescent bulbs on thin wires. One hung lopsided, it's cut wire emitted sparks.
She tiptoed across a ramp onto a stagnant subway. Her steps echoed on the cold metal. Inside the subway graffiti littered the walls, like an abandoned message in a time capsule. She traced the paint. Where did the artists go? The subway lights flickered, plunging the train into momentary darkness. Nope, nope, nope, nope. She sprinted across the rest of the cars and slipped out onto the tracks. Up ahead a square of golden light lit up the exit.
Panting, she left the tracks. Turquoise ink bags hung from the walls of a brightly lit lab with white boxes stacked all over the floor. The concrete walls were either half-built or half demolished. Half built, hopefully. Don't want a cave-in from damaged interiors. She teetered from foot to foot debating on whether to wait or accept that the darkness ate Cap'n when the clunk of a cane on concrete pounded up the railway.
"What the devilfish is this place?" He crowed, "Proceed with caution."
Together they stumbled across a glass vault blocking the path.
"Hey--that's an Octarian vault! You need a key to open it. You know, being an Octarian and all, are you sure this place doesn't look familiar?"
She inspected the vault. Behind the glass, her reflection caught her eye. Four magenta tentacles. Two golden eyes. Octarian. Me. She pulled away from the glass, shuddering. I don't even know my own face, much less why this vaults here. She stumbled onto a pad that lit up with her ink color. Next to it, an inkline activated. Ooh. Immediately, she swam up the line, past a blockade, and onto another pad. This time glass walls enclosed her. Woah! Some sort of gun hung on the walls, she picked it up and the glass receded. She stepped forward then back on. Poof! The walls came back up. She swayed on and off, smiling as the walls jumped up every time she tried leaving with the weapon.
Cap'n coughed from behind the blockade. Right, find a key. She jogged deeper into the area. Soon the hall opened up into a wide warehouse with glassy walls, wooden crates, a dash track, and balloons. Bright, glossy balloons. Some were big and orange or yellow. Others were set into square cubes. Most were floating all around the warehouse. All had a target printed on them.
She blinked and turned her attention to the crates. There has to be a key somewhere in here. Dropping her weapon she attempted to prying the lid off. The wood held firm.
"Shoot it full of ink!" Cap'n commanded. Shoot? Seems a little...violent. Nevertheless, she picked up the gun and tried squeezing the trigger. The box exploded in a burst of ink, making her flinch. No key. Squaring her shoulders she plowed her way through box after box until a golden key clinked on against the concrete. She surveyed the damages and winced. I hope no one needed these boxes. She fled out the way she came.
Cap'n lamented her lack of weapon as she swam up the inkline. Ignoring him, she reached the vault, then poof! It disappeared. More train tracks led the way into the darkness. She gulped.
Cap'n pushed past her.
"This looks a little sketchy, but we're gonna have to check it out."
Do we have to? She scurried after him. Only looking back once at the lighted lab behind them.
They heard the phone before they could see the lights. The solitary ringing grated on the silence of the tracks. The tunnel opened up to reveal a station. She climbed onto the platform and hauled Cap'n up beside her. For a minute they stood in silence till the ringing grated away her resolve. As soon as she jogged up to the phone it stopped. How did it...
"[SEARCHING FOR USER ID...USER 10008 CONFIRMED]"
She stumbled back, startled. The phone shuddered and hummed.
"Greetings, 10,008. Your current location is the: Deepsea Metro Central Station."
She blinked. Ooh, Science! The telephone continued.
"My primary function is to facilitate your journey to the promised land. Pleased to make your acquaintance."
Promised Land? She glanced back a Cap'n. Is that where he wants to go? Is it where I want to go?
The phone seemed a little put out by the lack of reaction and beeped dejectedly.
"[ACCESSING COMMUNICATION EFFICIENCY...]
[EFFICIENCY: 12.42%]
[ENABLING CONTEMPORARY SPEECH MODE]"
"What is crackalacking homeskillet? Let us bounce to the promise land, fo sho."
She nodded seriously. "Fo sho" she repeated, bouncing on her toes.
"I am bout it bout it, so listen while I [SLANG_NOT_FOUND] you the facts. You have spent your entire life in the dark."
Woah, really?
"Your eyes closed to the new hotness that awaits."
Her eyes burned as she held her eyelids open to stare at the machine.
"The promised land! A utopia of light beyond your wildest dreams. It's all that and a bag of cool beans."
Good, I'm getting kind of hungry.
"I will take you to the promised land now."
Yay!
"NOT!"
Her lips quivered. She scuffed one of her black boots against the stained, cracked concrete. Behind her Cap'n snorted with disapproval.
"Haha, psyche out"
Her mouth folded into a pout as she stared at the phone.
"Only cool cats who have proven themselves can [ERROR] the promised land. Do you dig, dog?"
Okay, I'm a dog, but I need to be a cat. Then we'll go to light land. Think I got it now. Wait. What's a dog? Or a cat? Nevermind. Unimportant.
The phone continued, "There has been 10,007 applicants so far, which makes you applicant 10,008."
10,008. That's...a big number. Where is 1-10,007?
"This opportunity comes once in a lifetime, yo. Good luck and [SLANG_NOT_FOUND]. This is Deepsea Metro Central Station, the realio dealio central hub of the facility. Here is your CQ-80 and CQ card. They are so bad."
It spat out a card and a remote control-looking thing that seemed too big to fit in the Phone's slot.
"Guard them with your lizzife, because if you lose them you will be [ERROR]."
She picked them up and hugged them against her chest.
"Now come on, ride the train. Outie 5000."
It clicked off. Cap'n coughed.
"Applicant 10,008, huh? That's a beakful. I think I'll just call you Agent Eight."
Agent? Can he do that? Yay, promoted from Whiffle-waffle.
"The promised land must be the surface. I wonder how deep underground we are..."
Eight looked up. Dark shadows were the only thing behind the glass roof of the station.
"There's no time to waste!" Cap'n declared, "Com'n Agent Eight. Get your dealie-dos and let's get moving!"
As if on cue a high-pitched squeal echoed from the depths of a rail tunnel. Then light pricked the darkness as the subway's headlights came into view. It screeched to a stop. Posters and paint littered the sides of the dusty train. One door slid open, spilling light into the dingy station. Cap'n hobbled inside, gritting her teeth Eight followed. Immediately the doors shut behind them and the subway zoomed away through the dark tunnels.
Cap'n collapsed onto the nearest bench.
"I'm pooped, Agent 8. Gonna rest my cuttlebones here for a bit."
The door to the next car opened, allowing a funny little blue blob to inch its way inside.
"Thank you for using Deepsea Metro today. I am your humble conductor, C.Q. Cumber."
"You gotta be squiddin' me! A talkin' sea slug?!"
Eight's hands twitched. Tiny conductor hat. So cute. She glanced at Cap'n's hat, crammed backward on his bony head, and frowned.
Cumber sniffed, "Pardon me? I take it this is your first time riding with us..."
He squelched forward, raising his blobby body to look his passengers in the...knees. So small. Squishy.
"Here's the deal..."
Eight crouched down.
"We're in a vast underground facility operated by the Kamabo Corporation. It's a series of test chambers connected by the Deepsea Metro subway system."
He turned to inspect Eight, "I see that you're in possession of a CQ-80 device. I take it your aim is to reach the promised land?"
She nodded, "Fo sho."
"That's right! We want out of here!" Cap'n clarified. If Cumber was offended by the lack of appreciation Cap'n had for the Metro he didn't show it.
"Understood. The promised land is a paradise to which we denizens of the depths are forbidden entry."
Eight gazed out the windows and watched the endless blurry landscape race past. Maybe he can fit in my ink tank.
"To reach it, you must pass a test at each Deepsea Metro station."
Test. She frowned. That word is...error.
"You must also find and collect the four thangs. When all four thangs are gathered the door to the promised land shall open."
Cap'n leaned forward on the cold metal bench, "So all we gotta do is pass some tests and find some thangs and then we can go home?"
"I believe so..." He waved a long skinny arm dismissively.
"Let me show you to your first test. Turn on your CQ-80."
Eight pressed the big red button on the remote and a holographic screen popped up.
"Oho! What in the blazes?!" Cap'n exclaimed, "Technology these days..."
"This is the Deepsea Metro map. Go ahead and select a destination."
She fiddled with the joystick. Up! And Down! And back up! The only other area the cursor could move to was a bright orange dot.
"Looks like the real thing...Fake Plastic Station" it read. Eight pressed on it, ignoring her somersaulting stomach.
"Very good, " Cumber said, "Now departing for the first test."
The train accelerated, and she flopped next to Cap'n. In no time, however, it squealed to a stop and Eight found on a small platform with yet another weapon equipper.
Cumber followed her out.
"Go ahead and get your weapon. CQ points are required to take each test. We'll grant you 1,000 to start with. You can gain more for each test you pass."
Eight picked up a splattershot and the glass walls descended.
"If you'd like more info about a certain test, come talk to me. I'm always happy to help."
Happy to help. Eight smiled, committing the phrase to her mostly vacant memory.
"Good luck," Cumber called.
She waved goodbye and walked to the glass gate. Once 100 points were inserted she vaulted inside the site. A beat thrummed through hidden speakers and set her teeth on edge. Onwards a foggy forest of deep green foliage stretched.
Cap'n's voice came over the speakers.
"Trees? Man, this subway is weird."
Eight hugged the splattershot and tip-toed through the forest. A few steps in a mechanical voice shouted from farther ahead.
"Target Acquired."
Eight fumbled with her weapon as a green octoling with blood-red sunglasses landed right in front of her.
"Octolings are your friends, right? Maybe try talking to them?"
"What is crackalacking homeskillet?" She whimpered.
"Destroy!" The thing replied, firing its gun.
"Egads!" Cap'n bellowed, "Are they really going to attack a fellow Octarian? You might want to talk a little louder."
Eight scrambled away and repeated, "Fellow Octarian" to the Octoling. It didn't seem to care. She danced around the ensuing ink, climbing a tower to safety. The octoling waited beneath, circling the tower like a predator.
Her heart pounded against her chest at the sight of the oily teal ink. She clenched her gun to keep her hands from trembling. From the tower she could that another area of trees continued, but was blocked by high walls and a glass gate. A brief rectangle of unblocked space created a window in between the top of the wall and the gate. Eight sighed. The gate ended two meters up from the ground. Wait. She examined the trees as an idea formed. Once the octoling reached the far side of the area Eight made her move.
Leaping from the tower she grabbed a branch of the closest tree, gun clattering to the ground in the rush. She ignored it. Surging forward she grabbed hold of the next tree. In one final jump, she tumbled through the window. Her vision blurred as she lifted her head from the dirt. Ow, how many times am I going to fall today? A checkpoint clicked to life, in her magenta color.
She didn't get long to rest. A second later another voice crowed, "Seek and destroy."
Eight shrank back, the apathetic tone grating at her nerve. Draining away any last scrap of courage.
"More trouble. Double trouble," Cap'n groaned, "Get them before they get you. That's the number one rule of the battlefield."
She ran blindly through the foggy forest. Another glass gate waited at the end of the area, but no trees stood close enough to climb. A pair of green octolings splatted in short order.
Her ears popped as she respawned. The splattershot reformed too. She stared at it for a minute. Rule one. Charging into battle the octolings reconvened for an assault. Swimming up the nearest tower she rained ink on them from above.
Splat. Splat.
She had a moment of silence as their ghostlike leftovers blipped away. Cap'n had no such notions.
"Seems like they'd be friendly to you, yet they're attacking. Why?" He blathered.
Maybe not all octolings get along. Did I do something to make them hate me? The quickly becoming regular lack of memory to fall back on made Eight's head ache evermore.
"Well, whatever...The next gate has opened up so get a move on!"
A stone path cut straight across the new area. Even the beat dampened as she closed in on the woods. Quiet, except for the clack of her heels on the pavement.
She almost made it to the tower in the center of the court when a cry split the air.
"They're coming!" Cap'n yelled. An octoling activated a jet and rained burst of ink down her.
"Where'd they get one of those?! Don't panic! Hide in the trees and layout the scope of the land!"
Too late. The paved path lay far from the tree line, she became engulfed before she could take another step.
Gasping for air she crawled out from the spawner. Last chance. Sprinting to the trees she bobbed and weaved between inkjet shots. The jet wore off and the octoling crashed to the ground. They howled but hopped right back up fired on Eight. Desperately she returned fire, only for the octoling to dodge roll to safety. For a while they clashed, raining down shots and returning fire. Until Eight's lungs burned and her arms shook with the weight of the gun. She tripped over a plastic root. The octoling looked over her.
Eight clawed a splat bomb and squeezed her eyes shut. The jarring robotic cries stopped as quickly as they came.
"Phew, you made it through somehow." Cap'n sighed.
She limped through the next gate. A cluster of glowing mechanisms floated behind.
"Octarians hunting Octarians. What has the world come to?"
She showered it in ink. Each blast irritating the parts until finally, they slammed into a tangible goal with red blinking lights.
The cool metal felt slick under her inky palms. A triumph melody blared over the speakers and the machine deposited an odd fist-sized trinket shaped like an inkling. She shoved it in her pocket before super jumping back to the Metro platform. Her legs quivered with each step inside the train. Once the door slid closed she careened to the nearest bench.
"Congratulations, you passed your first test," Cumber called. Her eyelids drooped closer. Just a quick rest.
"By the way, you received this memento when you finished. It's called a mem cake."
The vacant release of sleep clouded her mind.
"Mem cakes are formed by compressing memories into physical form."
She jolted upright.
"They'll be awarded to you by Kamaba Co. to commemorate each test you pass."
She pulled the figure out of her pocket. Memories? This little thing?
"New stations are now available for you to visit and test your skills within...Safe travels."
More mem cakes are there. She fumbled with the CQ-80, but it fell from her fingers. She glanced at Cap'n, who'd fallen asleep on the bench. Sighing, she curled up on the comfiest-looking bench and closed her eyes. We'll still be here, she decided, arm cradling around the squishy mem cake.