❝ do you not believe me? just watch ❞
STARTED: 6/11/21
FINISHED: ???
❝ yeah, i'd rather be a lover than a fighter,
'cause all my life, i've been fighting ❞
❝ never felt a feeling of comfort, oh
and all this time, i've been hiding ❞
❝ and i never had someone to call my own, oh nah,
i'm so used to sharing ❞
❝ love only left me alone,
but I'm at one with the silence ❞
❝ i found peace in your violence
can't tell me there's no point in trying ❞
❝ i'm at one,
and i've been quiet for too long ❞
- silence by marshmello and khalid
❝ all this other shit i'm talkin',
'bout they think they know it ❞
❝ i've been praying for somebody to save me,
no one's heroic ❞
❝ and my life don't even matter
i know it, i know it, i know i'm hurting deep down but can't show it ❞
❝ i never had a place to call my own
i never had a home ❞
❝ ain't nobody callin' my phone
where you been? where you at? what's on your mind? ❞
❝ they say every life precious,
but nobody care about mine ❞
- 1-800-273-8255 by logic, alessia cara, and khalid
trigger warning! contains self harm, and s*icidal thoughts
About six months after the traumatic events that the mind flayer presences caused, honestly, y/n was doing worst than ever. It many different ways actually, but she focused on what she felt mentally.
She felt alone. She felt empty inside. She felt her roots slowly start to break, and she knew it wasn't healthy. Everything was just too much for her to handle, and she didn't have anyone to cry with anymore.
Her sister, Eleven, was too busy sucking face with Micheal Wheeler, to even spend time with her. Her sister used to be able to notice whenever she was distressed, but lately, she didn't.
For a month or two, y/n actually tried to tolerate sharing a bed while they were making out, but y/n felt so uncomfortable that she started to sort of live in the cabin's bathroom. Luckly, Hopper got her a separate bed, so she could sleep in 'peace'.
But she still loved the bathroom, it was her reflection space. All she needed was her journal, a good book, a pencil or pen, and everything else she needed was safely hidden in the cupboards of the bathroom.
They were hidden because they needed to be hidden. At the very back of the mysterious cupboard, was a knife.
It was y/n's knife.
She felt so alone that she started hurting herself, but it didn't hurt as much as the mental knife that was stabbed into her heart, damaging it forever.
She always wore long sleeves, to hide her older burns and scars and her newer, and more symmetric, cuts.
She would sit in the bathroom for hours, crying tears of sadness while she cut straight lines onto her forearm. While doing this, she thought about her life, and why she was still here.
She was going to die sooner than most, but that wasn't the point. Why wait for death to get to you when you can get the job done yourself?
She reflected her life and all she saw was unpleasant moments, with a few exceptions. Even the snow ball wasn't pleasant for the girl. After her hard thinking, she would write it all in her journal.
If nobody wanted to write her story, then she would do it herself.
When she was no longer on this earth, she expected them to see her struggle for her right to live.
One day, she thought she had the guts to do it. She thought she had the guts to end it all. But she didn't. She could think of so many ways to end her life with just her hands alone, but she didn't.
If she was going to die, she wanted them to be hurt. She wanted them to regret their actions toward y/n, and how they all neglected her.
She even started to write her final journal insert. It was titled: death note. She only got a few sentences done before stopping completely.
The only person she could think of who didn't neglect her was Will. Will Byers. Her best friend. The best friend she could have asked for. Sometimes she wished it was more than a friendship, but she knew it would completely ruin everything. But there was something else.
Y/n wasn't straight. She liked girls, boys, and others. She formally had a crush on the enchanting redhead, known as Max Mayfield. But y/n soon realized that Max had already found the one for her, so she had to move on.
Y/n had tried to tell Eleven about her sexuality countless times, but she ignored her. She was used to this, of course, but Eleven seemed different. She seemed dazed.
Dazed by Mike. She didn't seem to care about anything else anymore.
She missed her sister, she missed the time where she and Eleven bonded. She missed when they would watch soap operas together, she would just listen while she read an amazing book. They were living like angels, now all y/n could feel was the presence of the devil.
But, why try, right?
Now, they are farther apart than ever.
All y/n heard now was the silence, that is until Mike and Eleven would turn on the stereo and play loud music. She wished that everything that would go back to how it was before, and that she was okay.
She felt like the walls were caving in, but she tried fighting. She tried fighting so hard. She wanted to be the hero of her own story, but sometimes its okay to ask for help. Even if she wanted to stop fighting, she couldn't.
Even if she wanted to be a lover, rather than a fighter, she couldn't. Her treatments and medications couldn't drown out this feeling. It was too strong. It was too real.
She always hoped that there was a safety net to catch her fall, but there was nothing. Maybe if she fell into the darkness, she would be happy. Maybe she wouldn't have to fake a smile everyday.
But the problem was, the pains just kept growing larger and larger everyday. It kept her up at night, and it didn't seem to go away. If somebody would have just noticed, or talked to her, maybe, just maybe, it wouldn't have gotten this bad.
All she wanted, was to be normal, she wanted to be a normal girl. She didn't want to have exotic powers that couldn't be caged in.
That was the worst cut she had ever gotten. It was the cut that always bleeds. The cut on her mentally.
The fact that she couldn't do anything about her powers. She wished that someone would just add stitches to the cut, that someone would at least attempt to heal it.
She wanted someone who turned her minutes into hours. She just wanted someone who actually listened.
Is that too much to ask?
˚ ༘♡ ·˚ ₊˚ˑ༄ؘ
in which, she just wants someone who understands
YOU
Y/n "Fighter" Reinhardt- Hopper
✧.*
NOAH SCHNAPP
Will "Bowl cut" Byers
✧.*
MILLIE BOBBY BROWN
Eleven "Distant" Hopper
✧.*
KATHRYN HAHN
Eleanora "Granny" Reinhardt
✧.*
MADELANIE PETSCH
Darcy-Anne "Runaway" Louis
✧.*
DAVID HARBOR
Jim "Champagne problems" Hopper
✧.*
WINONA RYDER
Joyce "Peace" Byers
☁️🌱🕊
the rest of the cast as their respective characters
☁️🌱🕊
AUTHORS NOTE!
✎
AHH IM EXCITED ABOUT THIS! LIKE HONESTLY I CAN'T WAIT!
I think you can tell that clouds are a big part of 'Roots 3', I'm not going to say anymore about the plot though 😃
Honestly, I have huge plans for this! Also, if you read the long description, you'll know more about my unfinished (as of 5/6/21) sequel to 'Roots'.
My writing has improved a lot since the release of 'Roots', I've been taking private lessons for it. I also plan to rewrite the original book and the sequel really soon!
Just a warning, this book includes a lot of triggering topics and themes (but I will add individual warnings per each part)
Thank you so much for supporting me and I hope you enjoy this book!
- Love, Maya