wednesday january 19
"Are you still mad at him?" Kenzie asks.
"That's an understatement," I tell her.
The two of us are hanging out at the house and watching Grey's Anatomy. She's the only one who will watch it with me, and hate Derek with me.
Like what's up with people loving him? He's toxic as hell and a terrible person in general. Did I still sob when you know what happened? Very much yes.
"Is he still trying to talk to you?" She asks.
"Yes, and he won't stop." I groan. I've been avoiding him since he practically called me an object. which by that way has been so hard since he's very adamant on talking to me. Somehow I've managed to get away from him every time, which I'm very thankful for.
Honestly, I'm not mad I'm just hurt.
That night I heard Rebecca shouting at him in his room all the way to mine.
Kenzie looks down at her phone after it dings and gives me a sheepish smile. "Have I mentioned how much I love you and how I'm so happy to have you as a best friend?" Uh oh.
I drop the spoon of ice cream in the bucket and look her dead in the eyes. "Kenzie Azalea Pierce what the heck did you do?"
I hear the front door open and shut but I'm too busy glaring at Kenzie. She quickly grabs her bag and phone and stands up. "Sorry, love you, bye." She says before taking off to the front door. I roll my eyes and stand up to chase after her but stop dead in my tracks when I see Roman standing less than 10 feet away from me. My eyes go wide and for a good ten seconds, I can't move. After my senses finally kick in I quickly reach for my phone and I start trying to figure out a way out. I quickly start walking, hoping I can somehow get past him. I should've known better though because I don't even make it three feet past him before he grabs my arm and turns me around to face him.
"Roman buddy! Long time no see." I say with a sheepish smile still trying to figure out a way out of this situation.
"We need to talk." He says.
"I would love to but I don't want to," I say breaking the nice act. "Fine then I'll do the talking and you can listen."
I don't want to hear what he has to say all I want is to get the hell out of here. "You're probably trying to figure out a way out, I'll make it easier for you and tell you that there's none. Just listen to me and then you can walk out if you want." He tells me.
"I already did, ya know after you called me an object."
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean that I wasn't thinking straight."
I scoff, "was that your big apology?"
"Just please sit and let me talk." He pleads.
Don't give in.
"Five minutes."
I thought- never mind.
I know I'm weak, no need to rub it in.
He seems taken back but quickly recovers. I brush past him and plop myself on the couch. "Four minutes and fifty-one seconds," I say. Yes, I've been county.
"I really am sorry. I was just mad and it kind of came out and for that I'm sorry." He apologizes.
"You had no reason to be mad."
He let out a heavy sigh, "I know." He says growing frustrated.
Don't push it.
"You know, we say we're friends but then I catch you across the room, and you get mad when someone else tries kissing me."
"We talked about this, I care about you but nothing more can happen."
Ouch.
That's kinda hurt.
"Can't or you're too scared to let it happen?"
"Don't do this."
He's right, I need to stop.
"You said nothing could happen and a few days later you kiss me in the dark."
"Kai."
"Every time we talk, kiss, are in the same place at once it hurts so bad because I don't even know what we are."
I need to shut up.
I let out a sigh, "I accept your apology but I can't keep doing this."
"What are you saying?"
"I'm saying I want to be with someone who wants to be with me too, and not in just a hookup type of way."
"Over my dead body."
Oh my god.
Stop dude.
"I can be with whoever I want."
He walks right in front of me and takes my face in his hands. "I told you, I don't share what's mine. And we both know you've been mine for a while."
"I'm not." I spit out. Then something in me finally breaks and I start spitting out everything I've been holding in. "You made it clear that nothing would happen between us and you know what? I was perfectly fine with it because at the time I didn't have any feelings. But then you were being you. You started being nice, you started being flirty. And to make it worse I got closer to your daughter. And then I stupidly agreed to your offer of friends with benefits knowing very well I'm not that type of person. I've spent the last 19 days telling myself, 'this means nothing, this is just us relieving the sexual tension, but then you do stuff, you say stuff like this! You're hurting me and I'm letting you! I can't take this because as much as I told myself not to, I caught feelings. And I can't do this and you don't make it any easier for me!"
That felt good.
"Kai-"
Now it doesn't feel good.
Damn it damn it damn it. Why couldn't I just keep my stupid mouth shut?!
"Damn it." I whisper. I start walking away but again I don't make it far. I get turned back to face Roman. I lower my gaze avoiding him but he cups my cheek and brings it up to meet him. "I should just go," I tell him trying to get out of his grip but instead he locks our lips.
By instinct, I kiss back. We're both eager but somehow the kiss managed to stay soft and tender. We both break apart and just stare at each other, leaving our heads on one another. "I was wrong." He whispers. I back away from him and this time he lets me. "About?" I ask.
"I don't know that I want, all I know is that I want you. Only you."
The fact that this makes me happy proves that I have issues.
"You don't want this though."
Don't get your hopes up.
"I do."
"What about-"
"Forget all the stupid shit I said. I want you, only you. Forget the promise. I can keep my promise and be with you." Idiot.
Idiot for making me feel all this.
I cant though.
"You're not ready for a relationship."
"I know, but I want to try with you for you." He says, "we'll take things slowly."
"So we're what?"
"We're talking, dating, whatever you want it to be."
My smile falls when I realize something, "the house is empty. This house is never empty everyone practically lives here-"
Kenzie left in a hurry and he walked in.
"Oh, what did you do Grey?" I ask suddenly suspicious.
"I didn't do anything," Hs says innocently. "Liar. I will breakup with you before we even start dating."
He lets out an amused chuckle, "I made sure to tell everyone to inform me when you were alone in the house so you couldn't escape again."
"Pfft, I have not escaped."
I totally have.
"Really? So you didn't blackmail Dean into catching you when you jumped out your window?"
My eyes widen, "that little trader."
supriseee! they're talking! ngl writing kai's outburst made me feel some typa way😫
debate time:
rolani or koman? if you have any better ideas pls share them 💋 kk bye -kisses m
published 5•4•21
word count: 1562