Episode: 2x17
"So, you're not really into anyone?" Bridget asked, as mother and daughter stood in the kitchen.
"No, mom." She rolled her eyes, as she finished drying up the dishes.
"I'm mean, you are almost 30, sweetie. You just have..."
"I just turned 25, mom, please." Lily laughed, as Bridget shrugged.
"Five years fly, sweetheart." She smirked as she turned to face her daughter instead of the sauce she was making on the oven. "When you realize it, you'll be 50."
"Geez... Thanks for the positive prospect, mom."
"I'm just saying."
Before Lily could say anything else, though, her phone rang and she frowned when she saw Emily's name shining on the screen.
"Excuse me for a second, mom?" She asked, as she left the kitchen.
"You said you wouldn't work while you were here." Bridget complained.
"I'm sure it's nothing." She called back. "It's just a second, I swear."
She could hear her mom mumbling something, but she decided to ignore it when she accepted the call.
"Hey, Em." Lily said. "Are you guys okay?"
"Yeah, we're fine, don't worry about it, Lily." She answered calmly, but the younger woman could tell something was bothering her friend.
"But..." She encouraged, as she heard Emily sighing.
"Listen... something's wrong with Reid."
"Spence? Is he on the case with you? Didn't Hotch give him some time off as well?"
"I mean, he did, but he showed up at work everyday, and when we tried to stop him from coming, he just wouldn't have it."
"How so?" Lily frowned. "He was forbidden of going. Did he go against the rules?"
"Not only that." Emily said. "He argued with Hotch until Gideon allowed him to come."
"Gideon allowed him?" Lily gasped. "For the love of God... The boy was held hostage and tortured for almost two days, stayed in the Hospital for another two and had no more than five days off? Of course he's snapping."
"Yeah, well... I have to head back, but we are almost closing the case and I know you were planning on a few more days with your family, but maybe..."
"Yeah, of course." Lily interrupted Emily, already knowing what she was thinking. "Text me when you land. I'll go pay Spence a visit."
"Okay. Thanks."
"No problem. Now, go catch the unsub. Good luck, Em."
"Thank you. Bye, Lily, see you soon."
"See you."
***
The day she received a message from Emily saying they were returning, she said her goodbyes to her family, hopped in the car and left New York, head back to D.C.
When she got there, about three hours later, she didn't even stop at her house before heading toward Spencer's. She parked her car in his street and entered the building, receiving a smile from the night gatekeeper.
"Hey, Ms. Scottley." He greeted, already used to her unusual visiting hours. "Dr. Reid has just arrived."
"Hey, Danny." She smiled when he left his desk to accompany him toward the elevator. "Thank you." She smiled once he held the door open for her.
Danny only nodded and Lily pressed the button that would take her to Spencer's floor. Once the doors opened, she stepped outside and went to his door, before knocking slightly. When there was no answer, she frowned.
"Spence?" She called. "It's me, Lily."
"Sorry, Lily. Can't talk right now."
At that, Lily's frown deepened.
"You can't?"
"No." He answered. There was a bit shuffling around. "I can't. Please, go away."
"Spence, I just... I want to see you. We haven't talked properly since..."
"Just go away!"
Lily jumped. Spencer was never one to raise his tone of voice. Especially not at her. Emily was right. Something was very, very wrong with Reid. Deciding she needed to know, Lily stomped her foot on the ground and crossed her arms in front of her chest.
"No." She said, forcefully. "I'm not going anywhere."
"Please, Lily..." Spencer's voice was soft again. He was almost pleading.
"No. We need to talk."
There was silence and Lily was worried Spencer had decided to just ignore her, but instead, he opened the door just slightly.
"You'll be mad at me." He said, not quite meeting her eyes.
"Spence..."
"The moment you step inside, you'll be mad at me."
"So there is something wrong." She said.
"Of course there's something wrong, what did you expect?" He yelled again, but once he saw her widened eyes, he softened again. "I'm sorry, Lily... I'm so sorry."
"I won't be mad, Spence." She assured, ignoring his apologies. "Just let me in. Let me see what's going on. Let me help you."
"You can't help me."
"I can try."
With a sigh, Spencer nodded. He stepped back and opened the door to his apartment, allowing her to come in. Lily didn't dare to pry her eyes from him and as he closed the door, she kept staring at his back. When he turned around and noticed she was waiting for his okay to take a look around, he nodded.
Lily spun around and started walking carefully around the house she had been so many times in, but she was analyzing everything so intensely it almost felt like the first time. Nothing seemed or felt out of place. Nothing except the two little bottles laying in the center table beside a needle. When she looked at Spencer, ready to ask him what it was, she noticed he was looking at the ground. She walked up to the couch and sat down, reaching for one of the bottles. When she saw the tag in it, she gasped.
"Oh, Spence..." She cried. "Oh, Spence, come here..."
Granting her wish, Spencer slowly made his way from where he was standing in front of the door to the couch. He was emotionless, but as soon as he sat down and felt Lily's familiar and warm touch, he broke down. He sobbed so hard that Lily gasped surprised, but after recovering, she pulled him in for a hug. Spencer buried his face in the crook of her neck and damped her hoodie. Not that she was about to complain. In fact, she just let him, gently cradling him close and rocking their bodies slightly.
It took him about half an hour to calm down and when he did, he looked incredibly tired, but Lily just needed to know one thing.
"Why?" She asked, as she wiped the reminiscences of tears from his face.
"It's so calming." He whispered. "You know how that feels. Minds like ours can't stop wondering, but mine, instead of focusing on the good things, it keeps reminding me of the bad things. It keeps convincing me that I'm a horrible son for leaving my mom alone, keeps reminding me of the day my dad left... It makes me think of how much of an awful person I really am."
"You're not a bad person." Lily shook her head. "And I know right now you don't believe in me, but that's the truth. And... I don't know, Spence, but I don't think you need that to feel at peace."
"What do I need then?" He asked.
"You need to open up." She said. "Talk. If not with me, with JJ. If not with her, with Hotch. I don't know, Spence... You need to talk to someone. Keeping everything in won't do you any good."
"You sound like you talk from experience." He whispered, as Lily looked down, rubbing her thumb across his hands in her lap.
"I do." She nodded. "You know, what happened to me... It doesn't compare to what happened to you, Spence, I know that, but I... I was back in New York for the past few days and one day, when I went to visit Ellie and her fiance, I found out they had a dog. It was a small one, as well and you know how much I actually loved dogs. I thought nothing of it, but the second I saw that little ball of fur running up to me, I just... I broke down. I started hyperventilating and I just froze. My parents were so scared. Eleanor felt so guilty... I felt so bad, Spence. I didn't expect it to happen but now, who knows? Maybe I'll end up scared of dogs for the rest of my life."
Spencer said nothing. He knew there wasn't much he could say to ease Lily's situation and even if all he wanted was to take all her pain away, he settled for just wiping her tears away gently and pulling her in for a hug.
She was so small. She was short compared to other women, but when it came to him, he could easily place his chin on top of her head without even craning his neck. So as he held her, she fit perfectly against his chest and while his heartbeat calmed her down, her warmth and the smell of the vanilla shampoo she always used had the same effect on her.
"How about we make each other a deal?" He spoke up, but his voice was quiet, just above a whisper. He didn't want to disturb the relaxing atmosphere they had created and apparently neither did she, because when she answered, her tone was the same as his.
"What deal?"
"I help you get over you fear of dogs and you help me get over dilaudid."
It was the first time he did that. The first time he admitted aloud he had a problem with the drug Tobias Henkel injected on him not three weeks ago.
Lily lifted her head from his chest and pulled back from Spencer just enough to look at him. Her eyes were still glossy with tears, but her smile was so bright Spencer almost forgot the seriousness of the subject they were in.
"I like the sound of it." She nodded.
Lily reached on her back pocket and pulled out a coin. It was a normal coin, but it would have to suffice.
"Here." She said, giving him the five cents. "It's nothing special, but this is a reminder. A reminder that I'll be with you every step of the way. It's not gonna be easy, Spence, but I know you can do it."
Spencer's hold tightened around the coin and he smiled gently, silently thanking Lily for being the amazing woman and friend she was. She only nodded, before glancing at the clock behind Spencer and frowning.
"It's getting late." She said, getting up. "I should get going."
"Aren't you going to take the dilaudid?" He asked.
Lily frowned.
"Do you want me to?" She asked. When he stayed silent, she shrugged. "I believe that if you really want, I could. But I trust you, Spence. You can get over it. But if you ever need to talk, no matter the time, just promise you'll call."
He smiled.
"I promise."
"Good." She winked. "Good night, Spence."
"Hey." He called before Lily could reach the door. He stopped walking and turned around to face him. "Are you free tomorrow?"
"Yeah. Why?" She asked.
"I have a plan to help you. Would you like to grab lunch with me?"
"Sure." She smiled, even if inside she was shaking. Of course she trusted him, but after what happened in Eleanor's house, she didn't trust herself.
"Okay. I'll go pick you up." He said. Lily nodded. Spencer took a deep breath. "Thank you, Lily. For everything."
"It's nothing." She shook her head. "Bye, Spence."
"Bye, Lily. Good night." He called as he got up to lock the door after she left his house.
When he glanced back at the center table, now alone in his apartment, he almost felt as if the drugs were calling him. He walked toward them and went to pick them up, but that was when he remembered the coin in his hand. He stopped and retracted his hand, opening it and smiling at the sight of the symbol Lily's promise in his palm.
He got up from his couch, walking toward his bedroom. And for the first time in a while, he fell asleep without the help of the dilaudid.