Episode: 13x01
"Hold on when there is nothing in you except the will which says, 'Hold on!'" - Rudyard Kipling
They had barely settled Diana back in Spencer's apartment when they got the call from a very frenetic Penelope Garcia telling them the team was hurt and that they should go to the hospital. In the car, as Lily drove, she asked George to head to Spencer's apartment to stay with Diana for a while.
"I'm sorry I'm asking you to do all these things, it's just..."
"Don't worry, Lily." He assured. "I came here to help you, didn't I? So I will."
"Thank you." She smiled, as Spencer glanced at her from the passenger seat.
"Don't worry." He responded. "Be safe."
"Always am."
When she turned off the phone, she noticed Spencer looking at her. She frowned, turning to look at him instead of the road for a second.
"You okay?"
"Your brother has been helping you with Alec?" He asked, as she nodded.
"He insisted." She said. "After you... I mean, after that incident in Mexico he insisted I wasn't one second unsupervised."
He nodded and said nothing else. Lily sighed, felling her grip on the steering wheel tightening slightly. She knew what was going through his head. That should've been him. The one to look after her and their son. The one to watch him doing all those small things for the first time like the first night at home, or waking up in the middle of the night because he couldn't sleep, or placing a finger in front of him just for him to grab it gently... He wanted to be there for all of it, but he couldn't. And nothing either of them did would change it.
After a long and quiet ride to the hospital, they finally arrived and as soon as Lily parked the car, Spencer was out, and running inside without even waiting for her. She sighed, but reached for the support in the panel of her car to grab her cellphone.
Georgie: Already at Spencer's. We're all okay for now.
Lily: Good. Tell me if something goes wrong.
When she entered the building, she found Spencer pacing around the hall as they waited for the team to be brought in. Lily walked up to him and placed a hand over his arm, causing him to stop for a second and turn to stare at her.
"They'll be okay." She assured.
Spencer barely had time to nod before he saw JJ being wheeled in. He rushed to her and she smiled gently despite all the blood over her face.
"Hey." He smiled down at her, as she reached out to grab his hand.
"Spence."
Lily watched as they went and stayed put in place when they wheeled in Tara and Rossi. She frowned. Before she could even start to worry, she felt a warm hand on the small of her back and jumped slightly, before spinning around just to see Luke standing there.
"Oh, Luke..." She sighed, throwing her arms around his neck as he pulled her into an embrace. "I'm so glad you're okay. What happened? Where're Walker and Emily?"
When he let go of her but refused to meet her eyes, she felt all the stress she had been keeping in coming up her throat.
"Luke. What happened?" She demanded, causing him to sigh and run a hand through his hair in despair.
"Prentiss is missing." He said, as she gasped, placing a hand over her mouth. "And Walker... Walker is dead."
"No..." She whispered, as he nodded.
She fell forward, crying against his chest as he placed his arms around her waist again and cradled her as she let everything he knew she was holding back for God knows how long.
"Oh, Monica... Stephen's wife." She suddenly realized, pulling back from his embrace and locking eyes with him. "Someone needs to call her and tell them."
Before he could say he would handle it, a nurse shyly approached them, causing them both to look at her. Luke kept his hand on Lily's back as she wiped her tears and took deep breathes to calm herself down.
"Hum, I'm sorry to interrupt, but... Agent Rossi's refusing treatment until he speaks to Agent Alvez and Doctor Reid."
Luke glanced at Lily and she only nodded.
"Go. I'll handle Monica." She assured. He nodded back at her, but before he could actually leave, she grabbed his arm, causing him to spin around to face her. "Take care of Spence, please."
"I will." He said. "I will, Lily, I promise."
She watched as Luke ran toward Rossi's room and sighed, before walking out of the Hospital. She went toward her car and opened the passenger door to sit down for a second. After letting more tears fall, she recomposed herself and picked her phone.
"Hey." She said, as soon as George answered her call.
"Hey, you okay? Everyone okay?" He asked, and as soon as she didn't answer, he knew something wasn't right. "Lily, what's wrong?"
"Walker is dead." She cried out. "And Emily is missing."
"Oh, Lily..."
"I suppose... I think I'm going to stay out for a while longer. Is that okay?" She asked, as she, once again, wiped away her tears.
"Of course... Don't worry about it."
"How is everything around there? How's Diana?" She asked, desperately trying to change the subject.
"Oh, she's good. She's having the time of her life with Alec." He chuckled, as Lily heard a bit of shuffling around.
"Pick-a-boo!" She heard Diana cooing slightly. She smiled, despite herself, imagining the woman with the baby in her legs, bouncing him just enough to keep him smiling.
"See?" George asked, probably putting the phone back on normal mode, instead of speaker. "We're good, Lily. You don't have to worry about us."
"Thank you, Georgie. I gotta go now. I love you."
"I love you too."
When she ended that call, she sighed, knowing that the next one wouldn't be easy. She scrolled her contacts list and when she found Monica Walker's name on it, she bit her lip.
"Oh, here we go..."
***
Again, the drive to the hospital was uncomfortably quiet. If it wasn't for Monica's sniffles, Lily could've sworn she was alone. When she parked her car, she grabbed her phone to write a quick text to Will before she had to guide Monica inside.
Lily: Can you tell JJ I'm bringing in Monica? I don't want to do this alone...
Will: Of course. She'll be waiting for you.
And thankfully, she was. When Lily walked Monica inside the wing of the hospital the whole team was staying, JJ, now bandaged and apparently well, walked toward Monica with her arms outstretched.
"Oh, Monica..." She whispered.
"Don't." The woman cut her off. JJ glanced at Lily and she shrugged. She had gone through the exact same thing minutes before. "I can't. Where's my husband?"
"Come on, Monica." Lily said gently. "This way."
Afraid of trying to touch and comfort Monica, Lily reached out to JJ. When she grabbed her friend's hand and squeezed it, she silently asked if she was okay. Already used to that, JJ only nodded with a small smile. A silent answer to her silent question: 'I'm fine, thank you'.
When Lily pulled out her badge to show it to the nurse, she already knew where to take them. Silently, she guided them to a secluded area of the Hospital and pointed them a door. Lily thanked her as JJ pushed the door open to Monica. When the three women saw the white sheet covering his body, they froze for a second.
Lily stood beside JJ and, this time, it was the blonde who reached for her hand. Monica completely ignored the two and walked over to her husband, uncovering his face and letting out a strangled sob.
"Oh, babe, what happened?" She asked quietly, before taking a deep breath. "The kids are still asleep. How do I... Huh. I'll take care of it, ok? See you."
She sniffled, before covering Walker once more. She turned around to leave, but before she could, she broke down crying, causing both JJ and Lily to rush over to her to keep her steady, trying to avoid looking over her shoulder so they could avoid glancing at Stephen's cold body.
After a few minutes of trying to comfort Monica, JJ and Lily finally convinced her to, at least, accompany them to the waiting room. The three of them sat down and as JJ kept whispering reassurances at her, Will sat down beside her and Lily excused herself to grab a cup of tea, after offering them all some.
As she was pouring herself some chamomile tea, a nurse approached her.
"I'm sorry, are you with Agent Rossi?" She asked, as Lily turned around to face her.
"Yeah, why? Something happened?"
"Not really, it's just... He's trying to get up and as much as we tell them not to..."
"I understand..." Lily sighed gently, with a nod. "I'll see what I can do."
The nurse nodded and left. Lily threw her tea on the garbage, untouched. Well... She didn't need it anyhow. As she went to Rossi's room, she spotted Luke arriving and sighed in relief, before running toward him.
"Lily, is everything..."
Before he could even finish his sentence, she was already pulling him with her by the arm.
"Rossi is being stubborn again." She explained. "We need to go talk to him."
Luke chuckled slightly as Lily pushed Rossi's room door open. They stepped inside just in time to see him buttoning up his shirt.
"I was sought to talk some sense into you." Luke announced.
"Can't help by lying down, and I hear Tara's waking up." He responded, as Lily shook her head.
"Do you want me to find you some crutches or something?" She asked.
"I don't need them." He refused, before turning to Luke. "I got you."
He chuckled again before going to stand beside Rossi and helping him up. Lily held the door open for the pair of them, before leaving behind them toward Tara's room, passing by JJ to call her as well. When they all reunited at Tara's bed, she wasted no time in speaking up.
"Scratch." She said. "Scratch took Emily. I saw him."
"Yeah. We know." Luke nodded. "We're looking for him."
"He dosed her." She explained.
"In the SUV while she was knocked out?" Lily asked.
"Yeah." She nodded. "He brought his gas with him. He said her legs were broken and that she was in pain."
"She would wake in a delusion he'd have total control over." JJ sighed.
"He thinks she knows where Hotch is, so he's trying to trick her." Rossi said.
"She's one of the smartest people we know. She'd see through it." Luke said.
"So Scratch would go even farther." Lily sighed.
"Sometimes interrogators even simulate death." JJ agreed. "He could make it feel like the real thing."
"No. That wouldn't work." Lily shook her head. "Remember when Emily told us about when she died, for real died, how for her, it was just dark and cold?"
"That's right." Rossi nodded. "If he made her experience some out-of-body vision, she'd know it was a lie."
"He probably combined the delusion with a classic prisoner interrogation tactic." JJ agreed.
"At first, he would take away any chance of escape." Lily said. "Then he would introduce somebody else and give her a sliver of hope."
"It could be a second interrogator who is a nice guy." Luke nodded.
"That guy would be her blind spot." Rossi agreed. "She'd trust him and then reveal something she shouldn't."
The silence that followed was overwhelming. It wasn't until JJ's eyes filled with tears that they all turned to her.
"But she'll be okay, right?" She asked, weakly, as Lily reached out to grab her hand.
"Emily is strong, and she's smart." Lily assured. "If I had to bet on anyone surviving Scratch, I'd bet on her."
"Yeah. Me too." Rossi nodded.
"Don't worry, Jay..." Lily whispered, pulling the woman in for a hug. "It'll all turn out okay."
As soon as Lily noticed her whole team's sad faces upon the prospect of having Emily hurt, she gulped down the tears she had been holding back.
"Excuse me." She mumbled, letting go of JJ's hand and running out of Tara's room and exiting the hospital.
When the air of the night hit her small frame, she shivered, although she wasn't sure if it was because of the cold or the guilt creeping up her body. She leaned against the wall and finally let out everything she had been holding back. She didn't even know she was sobbing until two familiar arms wrapped around her form and pulled her into his chest, allowing the woman to damp his shirt. Luke kept whispering sweet nothings in her ear, as he rocked slightly side to side with her.
"Hey... What's going on?" He asked, when finally Lily managed to pull herself together and look up at his warm brown eyes.
"Emily shouldn't be going through this." She whimpered out, as Luke sighed.
"I know. But she's strong. I'm sure..."
"No." Lily shook her head. "She shouldn't be going through it because she doesn't know what Scratch wants."
"No one does." Luke protested. "He wants to know where Hotch is, but we don't know."
"I do." She admitted for the first time out loud. She felt Luke's body stiffening against hers and she sniffed. "A few months ago, I met with him. He said he wanted me to be aware of his whereabouts because if something ever happened to him, I'd be able to help Jack."
"And did... Did Emily know you knew?" He frowned, as Lily looked down at her feet in shame.
"No." She answered. "I promised Hotch I wouldn't tell anybody, I... I had to... In order to protect Jack, I had to... I'm sorry..."
"Lily..." Luke cooed, reaching out to grab the woman lightly by the arms, forcing her to face him. "Why are you apologizing?"
"Because it should've been me!" She yelled out in frustration, as more tears started to fall. "It should be me out there with Scratch! Me, Luke! Not Emily!"
"Don't you ever say that, Lily Scottley, do you hear me?" He said, harshly, as the woman cried in his arms once again. "Emily shouldn't be going through this, but neither should you. No one should be going through this."
"But..."
"You've made a choice, Lily. You've made the right choice." He assured. "You wanted to keep Jack safe. I would've done the same. Maybe Scratch did take Emily because you weren't there, but maybe, even if you were, he would've taken her. We don't know, Lily. Stop blaming yourself."
"Then find her." She pleaded, as he sighed, looking down to stare in her eyes. "Please, Luke. Find her and bring her back safely. Because if she dies..."
"Shewon't." He interrupted her, pulling her in for a hug. "We'll bring her back,Lily. I promise."
***
"We never get to say good-bye the way we want, and when we deal with a loss so sudden and cruel, our emotions can overwhelm us." Emily said, as she stood beside Walker's coffin, in his funeral in the afternoon after Scratch's death. "Stephen Walker was a good agent, but he was a better man. He made the world a better place, and we can honor him by doing the work he never got to do."
As Penelope kept an arm around Lily's waist, they both cried out all their sadness and frustration, before Luke guided them both back to their SUV so they could reunite on the BAU under Emily's request.
All the way from the garage to the conference room, Lily's hand never left Penelope's and they stayed like this when the rest of the team arrived and crowded around the round-table.
"I wanted to thank you for all of your help." Emily said, as she smiled at Matt.
"Well, it was good to be of help." He responded, with another smile. "Ever since the IRT went down, I've been sitting on my hands waiting for a new assignment."
"We should sit down tomorrow. We can talk about that." She smirked and when he realized what she actually meant, he smiled back at her.
"I'd like that." He nodded.
"So we all need to discuss what Peter Lewis' death means for this team." Emily said, after a second of silence to the rest of the team.
"It means that Hotch can come back." Penelope said, quite hopefully.
"Yeah. We spoke to him." Emily frowned, and that was when Lily realized he wouldn't be coming back.
"He was relieved that he and Jack were out of danger." Rossi continued. "They're out of Witness Protection, but, um..."
"He's not coming back, is he?" Lily asked, as the older Agent shook his head.
"He loves being a full-time dad." Emily responded. "He never got to do that before, and let's face it in this job..."
"There's always gonna be another Scratch, and he's lost enough." Rossi finished, as Lily nodded.
"We all have." Tara said.
"Yes. We have, which is why the director has ordered us to take some time off from handling cases, but before we all leave, there's one last thing I need to say." Emily agreed, before growing suddenly dark again. "Scratch got deeper into my head than I care to admit, and the only way I was able to stay sane was by repeating a mantra, two words. You know what those two words were? Wheels up. It saved my life when I wasn't sure I was gonna make it because it reminded me that you were out there fighting, so take your rest... You've earned it... But when we get back, wheels up, Matt."
He smiled surprised at the mention of his name, but didn't miss a beat.
"Wheels up, Emily." He responded.
"Wheels up, Tara." The Unit Chief turned to her, who also smiled.
"Wheels up."
"Wheels up." JJ chuckled, as did Penelope.
"Wheels up."
"Wheels up." Luke said, before glancing at Lily, who smiled gently at him.
"Wheels up." She said.
"Damn right, wheels up." Rossi agreed, causing them all to laugh.
It was only Spencer left, and they were all worried that he wouldn't want to be a part of the team anymore. Of course, after what happened, who could ever blame him? It did get them by surprise – a pleasant one, at that – when Spencer straightened up his posture and smiled proudly.
"Wheels up."