In another life.
The last day had finally caught up on them. Tomorrow, there was no escaping, no training. Reaping day was around the corner and Alivia could barely ignore the thrum of her heart every time she thought about it.
She kept going back and forth between a memory and a supposition. The memory was old, mostly made up with bits and pieces she remembered; the suppositions were never ending. After tomorrow, everything could happen.
But the memory kept her grounded. Alivia found herself in front of the sea, as she did in that moment, allowing herself to enjoy the view one last time before the Reaping Ceremony. Her mother had joined, and Alivia knows something was said by her mother–something important– but she couldn't recall what it was. Perhaps it was the loud noises that the children around her were making or perhaps it was the simple fact that Alivia didn't have her mother's voice in her head. She wanted to, she desired nothing more than to hear her mother at least one more time. Especially considering how easy she found it to forget stuff nowadays. Not the stuff she wanted to forget somehow, but nice memories like a walk on the beach when she was twelve or what they did for her mom's last birthday...What life looked like before the games turned her into this.
Alivia forced herself to shake all those thoughts off, if this truly was her last day in front of the sea she might as well try to actually appreciate it. The kids kept saying their farewells for the next weeks to Mags and Finnick, some tears were shed. They all shared a session of basic survival skills. It ended up being a crafting session, with Finnick teaching how to do all sorts of knots and nets.
Even after most of them had left, Alivia noticed that a kid was stalling. He kept tugging at the piece of rope he had between his hands nervously. The three of them eyed the kid and each other simultaneously until Finnick crouched up to his level and said, "Everything okay, bud?"
Pretending to be busy, Alivia gathered her fishing rod in an attempt to make the child less shy. She was totally eavesdropping. It was hard because the boy spoke so quietly, all whispers. He wanted to give Finnick a rope bracelet he made only for him.
"This is the coolest thing ever," Finnick said. "You want to help me put it on?"
While the kid nodded, Alivia tried her best to not show that the scene was pulling her heartstrings. He explained how he thought Finnick was the greatest human he'd ever met and how he waited until everyone left so he could be the only one to give a bracelet to him: to protect him from everything. Finnick might've had to clear his throat to dissimulate the knot on it.
"I won't tell anyone, I promise."
Practically sprinting, he left after a fistbump. Alivia stood by the sea line and Mags laid in the sand. With his teeth, Finnick tightened the bracelet after the child left.
"You are very good with children," Alivia noted once Finnick joined her.
"Yeah, I guess it's because I never stopped being one," he joked. Sort of.
"You ever... Want some of your own?"
Finnick took a look at the calm deep blue in front of them almost longingly. He inhaled soundly and his shoulders sagged as he said, "Maybe in another life."
He did want some children, to raise them with the love of his life by his side. But this world had never been gentle with him and it'd be cruel to raise them when it almost promised not to change.
Alivia didn't ask further and was hurried by Mags to catch dinner.
"Alright boss, no need to be rude!" Finnick answered.
"I've got a pie to eat!"
"This lady and her sugar intake are going to be the death of me," he mumbled.
"You still owe her a slice of chocolate pie."
"And I'm still not happy about it."
Alivia chuckled and stared discreetly until her eyes fell down his arm, the mark she'd done still present on his flesh. She felt guilty all of the sudden, biting the inner part of her cheek. He turned, finding ashamed eyes focused on his body; it was rather odd how they weren't lustful, he wasn't used to being frowned upon. He followed her eyes and landed on the little red line across his arm.
"Hey," he nudged her, "I'm okay."
She shrugged, like she hadn't been caught staring. "Have you been cleaning it up?"
"Yeah, check it out."
Alivia scanned the arm that was being shoved in her face, she lifted her hand and her fingertips barely brushed him when he started wailing exaggeratedly. "Ow! My arm!"
"Ha. Ha. Hilarious."
Finnick kept snickering, so amused with himself. With their eyes straight ahead, they witnessed the light leave the sky and the night come in for what it felt like the last time.
There was some dinner and some dessert, of course, but the melancholy started to set right as Finnick was washing the dishes and Alivia gave her box of things to Mags.
"What 's this?"
"You know what they are Mags," Alivia sighed. Mags seemed tired of it too, and before she could say anything else, Alivia stopped her. "Just... keep them for me, please?"
Grunting, Mags answered. "I'll keep them for you just until the Quarter Quell is over, understood?"
That was all Alivia was asking for.
"In return, you sleep here tonight."
"Mags–"
"No," she interrupted, "you sleep here. Plenty of rooms filled with nothing, pick one."
Alivia didn't like to sleep over at Mags. It felt invasive, never quite right.
It didn't help that the one time she decided to stay, she had a horrible nightmare. That night, she fell asleep on the couch and Mags didn't wake her up. And right as the night went on, Alivia woke up abruptly.
She couldn't recognize her surroundings, everything kept dancing under her sight. As her eyes tried to adjust to the darkness she distinguished Finnick, of all people, looming over her.
There was this weird sensation in her chest that screamed danger and she felt like the air wasn't getting to her lungs. Finnick tried to quiet her sobbing down but Alivia couldn't help it. In some twisted way, the nightmare continued and she found herself in the arena fighting for her life. The fresh memory of waking up and realizing someone had sliced up her throat, or at least, tried to.
Desperation overpowered her as she looked down to her hands that tried to stop the blood but found out there was none. Fingers danced around her neck until they found the scar, the uneven skin immediately alerting her that it was only a memory. Then why couldn't she ground herself to the present?
Finnick placed a finger in front of her and raised it until their eyes met. Not a word was spoken and touch was not needed to show her what he wanted her to do. Inhale and exhale. Alivia tried, her breathing came out jagged the first time but Finnick was in no rush and Alivia had no other choice.
Calm was not the word she would use to describe the way she felt afterwards, it was more like her body just gave up and she had no energy left. Alivia was so dizzy she must've passed out.
Finnick didn't say anything the next morning and there were no signs that it had actually happened. Sometimes, the possibility of the whole thing being some kind of bizarre dream crossed her mind. She tried not to think too much about it.
"Want me to walk you home?" Finnick popped out of the kitchen, Alivia grunted in response. "You are staying over?"
"She's blackmailing me."
Finnick laughed as he took a seat on the couch next to Alivia.
"Well, what room do you want?" Alivia stood silent. "You have to sleep at some point."
"I know."
Alivia wanted to say something else but nothing came out of her mouth. Finnick didn't push further, instead he laid down, putting his legs over the armrest.
"What are you doing?"
"I'm keeping you company." He flashed her a cheeky smile and she huffed.
"I'll go to sleep in a minute, I promise."
Finnick hummed in acknowledgment but did not move. "Alright."
Alivia wanted to miss him so badly. If things went accordingly at the Reaping Ceremony, neither Mags or Finnick would be chosen as tributes.
"What do you want most in life?" Finnick wondered out loud. Out of nowhere. Was he reading my mind? she thought.
There was a pause as she let her heart dive in yearning and want.
"Somewhere to feel like home again," she almost whispered. "What do you want?"
"Freedom."
Alivia recognized very well the longing in Finnick's eyes, she had seen it in herself countless times. She wouldn't dare ask him but at the tip of her tongue the question Freedom from what? danced.
As spontaneously as he asked that question, he started telling the story of how two little girls got her hands tangled in the morning learning the knots. It was truly news to Alivia since she had spent most of the day on her own mind. She listened attentively, not minding that the night was growing darker and they laid more comfortable at the couch.
At some point, Finnick's mumbles turned into soft snores. Alivia thought of waking him up, he needed to go to bed but he looked so... calm. His hands rested over his chest loosely and his lips were slightly parted. Alivia stared.
Is it foolish to hope everything works out the way I want it? She wondered but knew the answer already.