Who had wanted Colin dead? I hadn't known him all that well. Maybe he was involved in something illegal. My stomach churned.
The most chilling part was the fact that the attack had occurred in the Tower. The Tower was where I was supposed to be safe. We were all supposed to be safe here.
I was sitting on Bucky's bed in one of his long sleeved shirts. He'd left the room so I could change. When he'd left, I was wishing he wouldn't, because I was scared to be alone. But then, after he was gone, I just sat there for a minute, processing.
"Doll?" he called from outside the door. Worried.
"I'm fine," I said. "Come back in."
He did. When he saw me just sitting on the bed, the worry in his face became more pronounced, and he knelt down on the floor in front of me, watching me carefully. He laid his hands on the bed, on either side of me, but I took them and I interlaced them with mine.
He was below my eye level by well over a foot, which felt strange. It was even stranger when I realized this was the angle he usually looked at me from.
"Do you feel better?" he asked. His thumbs were moving in little circles on my hands.
I nodded.
"I don't want you to be scared," he said. "How can I make you not be scared?"
I leaned forward until we were at eye level again, and I kissed him instead of answering. Soft, just for a second. But there was a sort of desperation in the way I felt him respond. There wasn't even a moment of shock or adjustment. He kissed me back with intensity, pressure, surprising me, when all I'd done was brush my lips against his. He would've deepened it if I'd let him.
"Thank you," I said when I sat back. "For caring, I mean."
He was frozen for just a second after I pulled away, and I wondered if that was as close as Bucky ever got to looking breathless. He recovered quickly, and moved on like nothing had happened.
"You wanna lay down? Do you think you can sleep?" he asked, standing up, letting go of my hands.
He was already busying himself with pulling the covers down for me, moving the pillows out of the way except for the one I liked to sleep on.
So I nodded and crawled into the space he made for me. I pulled the covers around myself tightly, rubbed my feet together, squirmed a little bit against the sheets. He was still watching me.
"What?" I asked finally, laughing for the first time since the elevator.
"Can I stay in here?" he asked. "In a chair? So I know you're okay?"
No, I thought. I didn't want that. I didn't want that at all.
"Will you hold me?" I asked uncertainly. "Like that one time?"
I meant the night I'd stayed over and he'd slept.
"Yeah," he agreed easily. I sat up and made room for him.
Except he didn't lie down. He propped a pillow against the headboard and leaned against it. He put the pillow I liked on his lap before guiding me toward him. He let me curl up there on his lap, my head on the pillow, his hand stroking my hair.
When I woke up, it was an hour or so later. I felt Bucky slipping out from under me, so I kept my eyes shut and my breathing even. I didn't want him to feel obligated to stay, and thought he might if he realized I was awake.
I knew he believed I was still asleep from the way he pulled the covers back up around me and brushed the stray hairs from my forehead. Then I was extra sure when I felt his lips there, and he kissed my forehead, and he muttered "I love you" so close that I felt his warm breath.
He left, and I heard him open the door in the living room. At first, I was scared he was going somewhere, but then I heard different footsteps coming into the apartment. He'd let someone in.
"Come in," Bucky said, so low I could barely hear. "Grace is asleep, so be quiet."
"You wanna talk about this somewhere else?" It was Steve, his voice matching Bucky's volume.
"No. I don't wanna leave her," Bucky said.
"Sure," Steve said. "Are you—?"
I tried to stay perfectly still, my body tense so I could hear however Bucky was about to answer.
"I don't wanna talk about it," he said.
My muscles released the tension, and I slumped against the bed.
Steve sighed. "I thought for sure you'd figured things out with her tonight," he said. "Don't lead her on, Buck."
"How am I leading her on?" Bucky hissed. "She needed someone, and none of you were even glancing at her. What was I supposed to do, just leave her there?"
"It was a busy scene," Steve said. "I would've helped her calm down if I'd noticed."
"You didn't, though."
There was a rustling of papers and a pause. "There's something I need to show you," Steve said. "That's why I came."
More rustling. Another pause.
"It's Rumlow, isn't it? He meant this for Grace."
"It couldn't have been him personally," Steve said. "He must've gotten in contact with someone while he was out of prison. They're questioning him now."
There was a crash, like Bucky had knocked something over.
"Are you gonna wake her up and show her this?" Steve asked. "She needs to know. SHIELD is going to ask her about it in the morning."
"I'll show her when she wakes up. She won't be able to sleep after she sees it."
I moved off the bed then, padding toward the bedroom door, sticking my head out. "I'm awake already. Can I see? I can't come out 'cause I'm not wearing pants."
"Fuck," Bucky swore and crossed the room toward me. "I didn't mean to wake you up."
At the same time, Steve said, "Goodnight, Grace. Try to sleep tonight. They'll need to interview you early." He left, giving us privacy.
"I'm sorry," Bucky continued when he was gone, as I stepped out of the bedroom. "I tried not to wake you up. What did you hear?"
"Everything," I said. I looked down at the envelope in Bucky's hand. "Can I see?"
"Yeah," he breathed. He opened the envelope and showed me the contents. It was a picture of a note laying on the tiled elevator floor.
Angel—
Be careful. I'll see you soon.
Angel—yeah, that was Rumlow. He used to call me that in a clipped, sarcastic sort of way. Like he was making fun of me. Knowing he had something to do with this just confirmed the suspicion that I'd already had, deep down.
"So Colin's dead because of me," I said in a stiff, matter-of-fact way. Processing.
"No, baby." Bucky held me closely again. "It's not your fault. None of it's your fault."
It sure felt like it.
;
The first order of business the next morning was a meeting around a conference table, in the same room where they'd first told me that Rumlow was out with SHIELD. Bruce, Tony, Natasha, and Steve were there again. This time, Wanda came too. She'd been the one who brought some of her clothes to Bucky's apartment for me to wear that morning. Bucky was the one who led me inside—he hadn't left me alone all night.
I felt numb for most of the meeting. I couldn't pay attention. I felt like I'd killed someone. Bucky tapped fours on my hand under the table.
"We're afraid that whatever information Rumlow shared with his contacts was something from the base that was destroyed. Something that made the rest of HYDRA interested in Grace again," Steve was saying.
The base I'd been on had had a self-destruct mechanism for if the Avengers ever showed up. After I escaped, I'd called Tony from a stranger's phone once I'd waved a mini van down. They'd tracked the call. When they set foot on the grounds, the whole base had blown up. Nobody survived except Rumlow, who'd been bleeding out outside. None of the tech, none of the information, none of the files made it out, either. All to stop the Avengers from getting anything. I had never considered that any of the information could have had anything to do with me.
"Whatever it is that you have or know that HYDRA wants, SHIELD doesn't want them to get it. I'm trying to keep you out of witness protection or a safe house for God knows how long," Steve told me seriously. "That means we need strict rules for you to stay here. No leaving the Tower at all until we've eliminated or ruled out a threat to you. I need someone assigned to keep track of where you are—"
"I'll do it," Bucky volunteered quickly.
Natasha raised an eyebrow. "I thought we all just assumed I would do it. I can do it if you want, Grace."
"I knew HYDRA better than anyone else," Bucky argued toward the group. "I'm more equipped to..."
He trailed off when he was met with confused silence. He turned to me and said defeatedly, "Please just let me protect you."
"Okay," I agreed. I took his right hand that had been tapping on mine, stilling it, and squeezed it gently. It was the only time I spoke during the meeting.
I was worried about Tony.
He barely spoke all morning. As the meeting adjourned, I reached out and touched his elbow as he raced toward the door. I didn't speak, but I gave him a look of concern.
"They hacked FRIDAY, Gracie. How the hell did somebody hack FRIDAY?" was all he said. He must've been up all night trying to figure out what had happened. My heart hurt at the realization. I should've stayed up and helped him.
I was worried about Bucky too. He wouldn't even leave my side for me to be questioned. He stayed with me the whole time, and when they were done with me, he led me straight back to his apartment. Once inside, he practically collapsed onto my shoulder, pulling me into him, his jagged breathing on my neck.
"Thank you," he muttered. "I love you."
I wanted to cry. He thought he needed to thank me for letting him protect me. I wrapped my arms around him and ran my hands through his hair.
"Thank you," I said. I paused. I wanted to say the right thing this time, to tell him everything I was thinking, everything I thought he deserved, but all that came out was "I love you too."
For now, that was enough.
END OF PART ONE