➳ 37 | SEALED FEELINGS
╼╾
"Stop with this shit already", Taehyung glared at the latter, who now stood up from his chair already annoyed by him.
"I thought you already knew! Not my problem it's hard for you to take it in", gritting through his teeth, he stared at Taehyung who was fuming in anger.
Taehyung wasn't in any good relationship with his father, but Jungwoo blaming his father was something hard for him to take in.
He was looking for the one ruining his business desperately, not knowing that it was his own father behind it.
The way Namjoon lied them about Mr Han, he wasn't gonna believe Jungwoo anyway.
He wanted proof. The least he wanted to do was to make the same mistake again.
No matter how much he hated his father for making his life hell, he wasn't ready to accept him being the one he was looking for years.
"Depends on you, whether you want to believe it or not. I have a sister waiting for me at home, bye", Taehyung stared at Jungwoo who strided outside the room leaving him and Jieun behind.
As for Jieun, she seemed quiet. She knew Taehyung won't believe it in the first place, and she pitied him for what was happening around.
Imagine your father ruining your life and your business entirely.
She could see Taehyung looking down, probably getting a hold of himself, giving himself hopes that it isn't his father and Jungwoo just lied to him.
But at this point, it did also made sense.
"Taehyung...", she stepped closer to him, noticing how he was looking down with numerous emotions.
He seemed out of the world.
"Not right now... I don't want to take out my anger on you", she flinched a bit after hearing his harsh world.
He was trying hard to calm himself down, considering the fact that he gets quite mad at things.
She was just trying to calm him, maybe help him from what he was going through but his words made her stop.
"Leave for now, we'll talk later", he looked up at her, noticing how she looked very disappointed.
At this point, he did felt guilt rushing in him as he was treating her like a jerk. The way he longed for her, it felt nothing as of now.
He was being cold and arrogant, he knew. And the things happening around were only making it worse.
Jieun nodded at his words, not trying to give him hard time, she left the room without even sparing him another glance.
She was mad. Not at him, but herself. She wasn't brave enough to stand up to him, console him for what was happening around.
She left him there to fight with his mind alone.
----------
JIEUN'S POV:
"I was dead worried, you weren't picking my phone up", I gulped as I heard Jimin speaking through the phone.
He still had no idea where I was past week.
"I tried calling Taehyung as well, but he was busy, dealing with his stuff. But you should be careful, you're distancing yourself from me after your marriage", He spoke, his words making me remember the old times.
It used to be just me and Jimin, bickering at home and stuff, no mafia thingy at all.
"You're emotional blackmailing me"
"Heck I didn't even blackmailed you yet. Just don't forget about me while you're spending time with your husband"
I chuckled at his words. Me spending time with my so-called husband almost seems impossible. How naive of Jimin that he doesn't even knows the whole scenario.
Neither I wanted to tell him. He would fume in anger if he ever gets to know I was kidnapped by someone related to the word 'mafia'.
Worst he can even ask me to leave Taehyung in this case.
"When are you coming back to Seoul? I'm sick of waiting", I said, trying to change the topic which I successfully did.
"This weekend. I'm just too busy with things here"
It wasn't just an excuse to change the topic. I did wanted to see Jimin considering the fact that I missed him a lot.
As the other one, being in the same place, doesn't even gives a fuck about me who wanted his presence.
At the very moment, the door opened, revealing a tired Taehyung entering the room.
Speak of the devil, here he is.
He didn't seemed to notice me. Or maybe he was just avoiding me.
"Oppa I'll call you later", hanging up on Jimin, I now turned my attention towards the one figure staring at me, stuck in his place.
"Now who is this oppa guy--"
"Jimin", I shortly replied, not wanting him to think anything else, considering the fact that he is too overprotective.
The way I talk with Jimin informally these days, it might be getting a bit confusing for him.
"You're gonna sleep?", As much as I wanted him to sit beside me, talk about his days without me, I didn't.
He was dealing with something worse, and I didn't wanted to ruin his mood more.
The tiring look on his face told me that he was not in the mood to talk. He took slow steps towards the bed and sat on his side, making himself comfortable.
"Why do you care about me so much?", he asked as he locked his emotionless eyes with me.
I'd lie if I say it didn't made me nervous.
"Isn't it obvious?", I left out an almost inaudible chuckle, looking elsewhere but him.
My words were complicated for him, I knew. I didn't wanted to just straightforward tell him that my days without him were worst and that I realised some little feelings I should have a long ago.
He'll probably laugh at me for being so dynamic and bipolar.
This was so not me at all.
"And you aren't mad at me?", he asked, as I looked at him dumbfolded.
"Why the heck would I be mad at you?", I shook my head at his lame question.
He's quite good at making weird statements and leaving me dumbfolded.
"You got into this whole mess because of me. That's the exact same thing roaming in my mind since the day you stepped into my life as my wife", I noticed how his eyes held different emotions now.
Mostly sadness, pain and loneliness.
"It hurts me knowing that you'll have to go through such things just because I am dealing with underground stuff. I'm the one at fault and you don't even realise it"
He pursed his lips, his chest heaving because of the deep breath he took.
His words left me speechless.
He was wrong. I came into his life knowing that he was a part of mafia, and I married him knowingly.
It wasn't as if he kept it a secret.
"You need to calm-"
"When I came to know that you were missing, it felt as if I was at fault all the time. In the end, it always comes back at me for dragging you into my life without your will"
With a bit of anger because of his words, I stood up from the couch, striding towards him and sat on the edge of the bed near him.
"and as of now, the guilt is killing me alive---"
"Not another word", my anger was at peak right now. He noticed the little distance between us, as he tried to scoot himself a little away but I held him back.
"I accept the fact that we were never on good terms to start with, nor did we 'willingly' accepted this whole marriage thingy. I know whatever we had to go through was totally unexpected. I never had any idea I'd be married to my brother's friend. Whatever you mean to say right now, no matter how much you blame yourself, I ain't backing away", I snapped at him, anger quite visible in my voice.
"Jieun, you don't understand things"
"I do. Atleast I do now. Maybe I was so immature back then, and I never got hold of things. It almost feels like I've got my senses back and now I'll do anything to make our relationships work, while on the other side you're making it harder for us both"
There was a couple minute of silence. Just him staring at me, whilst I looked down, not daring to meet his eyes.
My words were too obvious. It screamed everything I've been meaning to tell him lately.
"It's out of the blue but... you still think you can live with me your whole life?", again his implausible statement, made me fume in anger.
He was just asking nonsense questions, and I didn't really get what he wanted to indirectly say.
"For the thousandth time... now that I've been so far, I'm never gonna look back. Why don't you get it... I c-can't imagine anyone else being my future other than you"
I knew whatever I said, it was way too obvious and direct now. I wanted him to understand how I feel. He is giving up on us, and I won't let him do that.
It was hard for me to admit it, but after all the time I spent with him, it was enough to make me fall for him.
"Don't tell me that you...", he left out a sigh, looking at me with pursed lips.
Yes he guessed right. It was exactly what he was thinking. It took me way too long to realise that I have feelings for him.
I was just confusing them with a simple attraction, which I thought would go away by time. I still remember how I promised myself now to open my heart for him and yet I helplessly did.
"Y-You can't have such feelings for me... it'll make it worse for you", I didn't replied, nor even spared him a single glance.
My silence was the answer right now, even if it's confessing my feelings for him right now.
"You can't... where is the Jieun who used to mock me, say she'll never gonna fall in love", his worried voice made tears well up in my eyes.
I expected this sort of reaction from him. He wasn't pleased to know it at all.
"She's gone. Forget about her--"
"No Jieun! Try to understand things! It's all my fault for taking this all too easy but you can't have feelings for me at all--"
"Is my heart banned to fall in love with you?", I asked him out of a blue, looking up straight into his eyes which reflected nothing but worriedness.
We just stared at eachother, not even speaking a word. The tension in the room was way too much.
"Bold of you to think that someone can live with you whole life, without even having any sort of feelings"
He still stared at me, not even blinking. It seemed as if he was lost in his own world.
"Loving me will only give you pain nothing else"
"I don't know what sort of pain you're talking about... but I do know the pain of even living a single day without you", I felt confident about opening up to him. This was the best chance.
His words had no effect on me at all.
He was clearly trying to keep me away from this whole Mafia business as it would only bring me danger.
It wasn't even the right time to tell him how I felt for him, but it was the only option.
I sat a bit more closer to him, trying to show him how I was not even a bit scared of showing my feelings to him.
"Just want to let you know, if this underground business is the only reason you want to keep me away from yourself, then you'll fail. You're underestimating me"
He just looked at me dumbfolded, a bit defeated before he sat himself close to me, looking me dead straight in my eyes.
"You'll only ruin yourself loving me"
"I don't care"
"I'll only end up giving you pain, why don't you understand?!---"
"I'm not even listening you", with my hands on my ears, I closed my eyes showing him that I was zero percent interested in his nonsense talks.
"I'm trying to make you understand something, yet you are being here immature", he said whilst I sighed once again, tired of him at this point.
"You have no right to tell me what to do. It's my life I can love whoever I want", rolling my eyes at his annoying behaviour, I looked elsewhere but him.
"Don't tell me that I haven't warned you. Like always... you're the most stubborn girl in this world--"
Right when he finished his sentence that I wasn't even paying attention to, I did what I could do to shut him up for real this time.
With my hands on his collar, I sealed my lips with his ones as he just sat there processing what just happened.
He wasn't gonna stop talking shit without something like this.
It hurted me how he didn't responded and I pulled away, noticing the disappointed look on his face.
He yanked my hand off his collar, sitting himself far away from me.
"Didn't expected that from you. I was serious and there you are with your--"
He stopped before breathing heavily, rubbing his temples.
"What do you mean? You have the whole license to kiss me, while I can't show you even a bit affection?!", I snapped at him, totally mad at him.
"Sure... showing me affection in the middle of a damn argument. I don't want to argue on this", this time he stood up from his place, trying to make his way outside but I held him back, atleast tried to.
"What is even holding you back? What are you even afraid of?!", not strong enough to hold my tears back, I cried infront of the heartless man.
With my full strength, I harshly pulled him towards me, hitting on his chest.
I was tired. I was tired of keeping all those feelings sealed, even from myself. My ego never let me believe that I was slowly falling for the man who I supposedly hated.
I didn't even cared about what he thought for me. I was even fine if he had no feelings for me. But the fact that he was stopping me from loving him, it hurted me.
"What are you even afraid of?!", I snapped once again, desperately wanting an answer from him who stood there dumbfolded before hesitantly speaking.
"Losing you... I'm afraid of losing you. I won't be able to go through that pain, so stop-"
"You don't make sense at all!", I wiped my tears, backing myself away from him.
"I have a reason Jieun. If m-my father is really behind this whole thing, it'll be all messed up", running his hand through his hair, he stared at me.
"You are 'just' assuming things. Nothing will happen", I calmed myself down, giving him hopes. He couldn't just rely on stupid assumptions.
"You don't know him. There is a reason why he asked me not to fall in love with whomever I married. For God sake, try to understand"
"You're philosophy and theories are out of my mind", with my tears already dried, I said with my hands folded.
"This is not my assumption, not my philosophy or whatever you call it", He said with a stern face, stepping closer to me.
"Why would a father even do such thing to his son"
I noticed his expression changed as he gazed at me with mixed emotions.
"He wants me to feel the pain of losing someone I care for...who I love. Like he did"
I stood there, not getting his words at all. The fact that I was unaware of most of his background was making it worse.
"I don't understand you...", I sighed before speaking again. "Ok..let's suppose your father is really behind it all, what would you do then? What will you want me to do then?"
He smiled with pain before slowly speaking the word I feared the most.
"Divorce"