Hongjoong waited anxiously at the edge of the pool, his feet swinging back and forth through the water. He had to tell Seonghwa. It was now or never. It would probably ruin everything. But he needed to tell him. He couldn't hide it anymore. He crossed his arms and took a deep breath. He had to do it.
He heard the scanner click as the door to the pool opened and Seonghwa came in, a giddy smile spread across his face. Hongjoong was confused.
Hadn't he said he had bad news? He didn't give off the wrong message, did he? But when he made eye contact with Seonghwa, he immediately changed his expression to match Hongjoong's.
"Hi," he said cautiously.
"What's got you so excited?" Hongjoong tried to tease but his heart wasn't quite in it.
"Nothing! Nothing, I was just—it's nothing. You said you had something to talk to me about?"
"Yeah."
Seonghwa set his stuff down and walked over to Hongjoong. Taking a seat, he lightly dipped his feet into the water, pressing his toes together and curling them at the temperature.
"A little colder than last time," he said with a smile.
Hongjoong looked at him for a while. His eyes traced Seonghwa's delicate features, watched his sparkling eyes, admired his soft hair still styled the way it had been at the studio. How could he break his heart? This beautiful, incredible soul. He placed his small hand on Seonghwa's fingers, intertwining them.
Seonghwa looked down at his hand and squeezed back. He turned his face back to Hongjoong, waiting for the news.
"There's something I have to tell you."
"I know, you said that in your text," Seonghwa smiled.
"Right, sorry." Hongjoong scratched the back of his neck, looking back at the pool water.
Hongjoong felt his eyes starting to water and he turned his face away from Seonghwa, trying to keep them in. He tried to tell himself that it wasn't necessarily the end, that maybe he was misjudging Seonghwa. He wasn't giving him enough credit. Just because he said his career came first didn't necessarily mean it did, right? Wasn't that what Wooyoung insisted?
He wiped his eyes and started to turn back to Seonghwa when his negative thoughts resurfaced. He won't be understanding. He's going to be upset. He's never going to talk to you again. You'll never get to spend time with him again.
"Hongjoong? Are you okay?"
Impulsively, Hongjoong whipped back to face Seonghwa, grabbing his neck and pulling his mouth to his own, sinking into a deep kiss. Seonghwa was shocked but not upset, quickly leaning into it and grabbing Hongjoong's lower back. Tears started flowing again as Hongjoong tried his best to wipe them. Seonghwa noticed and immediately pulled back, his eyebrows bent in concern.
"Joongie? What's going on—"
"Don't stop yet," Hongjoong mustered, pulling Seonghwa back to him.
Seonghwa was confused but kept going, seeing how badly Hongjoong wanted it. Finally he felt tears landing on his cheek and he slowly released again.
"Joongie, just talk to me," he said, wiping Hongjoong's face.
"If I talk to you you won't talk to me ever again!" he burst, not expecting to be so forward.
"What? What do you mean?" Seonghwa started to look upset. "Tell me Hongjoong? What is it?"
Hongjoong bit his lip and let out a short sob.
"Hongjoong. Tell me."
"Well I didn't find out until a few days ago so it's news to me too."
"What is?"
"It's about us. About what we do for a living."
"But—we've never actually talked about it? Did—did you find out about me? Because I'm not supposed to tell anyone—"
"Yes. But neither am I."
"What do you mean?"
"You're not the only one in a band, Seonghwa. Not even the only leader of a band."
Seonghwa was taken aback, trying to process this information.
"So you're saying—you're saying you're here for the competition—to compete?"
"Yes."
"What band?" Seonghwa's eyes flashed with warning. Clearly he already knew the answer.
"Fever."
Seonghwa backed away from him.
"No, no that can't be right!" Seonghwa panicked, his hands moving to is temples. "I—I trusted you I—all this time!?"
"I didn't know either—"
"Well you knew before me! Days before me! And you kept it a secret!?"
"I told you as soon as I—"
"As soon as you what? As soon as you realized you had nothing to gain from it? What was there to hesitate about? Were you considering using it to your advantage to get information out of me? So that you could beat us in the competition?"
"Why is everything about your goddamn career? Of course I wouldn't do that! I'm sick of you second-guessing me! I've never done anything to harm you! Not once! And yet you keep making me redeem myself! This! This is why I didn't tell you right away! I knew you were going to freak out at me and that it would be the end of us! I knew you were too invested in yourself to accept me if you knew! Do you know how hard I've had to fight for you?! How much I've done just to get time with you?! You treat me like I'm the one who should be thankful for you and I'm sick of it! You should be thankful too! I'm a goddamn catch and if you can't see that then I'm done wasting my time trying to show you! I don't have to prove myself to you if you never loved me in the first place! If you can't even trust me when I've never even lied to you, how will I ever be able to break through to you!?"
"Why would I doubt you?? Because you're a fucking stranger that I met at a bar! We don't fucking know each other! You keep saying you love me but you've hardly even known me more than a few months! How am I supposed to trust a man who just walked into my life? Especially the man who's career is to beat me!?"
"Because I've shown you. I've shown you a thousand times over how much I care about you! Obviously you weren't paying attention and so maybe I do deserve to be yelled at. I deserve to have some sense knocked into me because obviously you never paid attention and never will! I came here to do the right fucking thing and tell you the honest truth but obviously you're too much of an ass to realize that or to even try to be understanding! I'm done fighting for your affection! Clearly if you'd wanted to give it to me you would have by now. I'm leaving. Goodnight Seonghwa."
Hongjoong stood up and and walked over to grab his towel.
"Haven't you realized I don't give anyone my affection? How many times have I told you you were wrong about me? I'm not fucking compassionate and never have been. I've only ever been as ass to you so I don't know what you even fucking saw in me."
"You're right. I don't know what I fucking saw in you. Asshole."
Hongjoong stormed out of the pool, slamming the door behind him. As soon as he had made it to the elevator he couldn't hold back the tears. He had seen it coming but it still hurt like a bitch. Did he really not know Hongjoong at all? And yet Hongjoong had known Seonghwa all too well. He knew exactly how this would pan out and Seonghwa had not exceeded his expectations one bit. When the elevator dinged he quickly wiped as much as he could off his face as the doors opened to reveal Yeosang.
"Woah, hyung are you okay?"
"It's fine, I really don't want to talk about it."
Yeosang followed him to his room anyways.
"We don't need to talk, but if you want a shoulder to cry on, I'm here," he said softly and Hongjoong looked into his eyes.
"Thanks Yeosang," he smiled, tears forming again.
They entered his room and Yeosang sat with him on his bed until he could finally talk without crying.