song recs °∴,*⋅✲ there's so much sad shit i could recommend rn oml
anyway stan recuerdame from coco in spanish ty <3
Kiyoko's POV
"The hospital? Why do I need to go?" Kiyoko frowned, playing with the ring on her finger.
(Y/N) shrugged her jacket on sluggishly, eyes that seemingly had trouble staying open these days looking over at her, "I don't know. They wanted to tell you something,"
Hesitance still fizzing around her, Kiyoko bit her lip, "Yeah, okay,"
Seeing her apprehension, (Y/N) mustered up a lethargic smile, "Hey, it'll all be fine. Why don't we take a walk, yeah?"
"Walk to the hospital? It's freezing outside," The black-haired girl said, shooting a glance at her window which had frost creeping from the corners, blankets of snow covering the outside. They had just missed the heaviest snowfall when they went camping, coming back before they'd be snowed in completely.
"Why not?" She said, shoving something into her pocket, "I have to stop somewhere anyway,"
And submitting to (Y/N)'s wishes, as Kiyoko always did, she got up, taking the coat (Y/N) offered her with a smile.
As they reached the pavement past Kiyok's now-white lawn, (Y/N) rushed in after forgetting her phone, coming back about five minutes later with said item in hand.
Sliding her hand into Kiyoko's, she skipped ahead, pulling Kiyoko along with her.
"So how's your day been, lovely?" (Y/N) asked, putting both their hands into Kiyoko's coat pocket, given that the old, tattered leather jacket didn't provide warmth, exactly.
Not bothered by (Y/N)'s particular clinginess that day, she smiled softly, breath coming out in soft puffs of white air, "Good. I woke up with my gorgeous girlfriend at my side, I had breakfast with my family, I had a Super Smash Bros tournament with my brother and my girlfriend, and then we made chicken satay,"
"Sounds fun," (Y/N) said, before slipping on a piece of clumped snow she'd missed.
Quickly grabbing her arm and letting out a nervous laugh, she looked at her with worry, "Are you sure you're okay?"
(Y/N) waved her off, shaking off the adrenaline that had shot up her spine from the fall, "Yeha, yeah. Just closer to the date, you know?" She said, tilting her head to the side.
Kiyoko got what she was trying to convey. They didn't count it down. They'd established that on the camping trip last week. She still counted down in her mind, though. She couldn't help it.
They turned a corner, and Kiyoko began to recognize the area. It was a little different than usual, trees bare and christmas lights up. It wasn't really toward the hospital, so... She turned to (Y/N), "Hey, uhm, where are we- Oh," She had started, before they stopped in front of a specific house. (Y/N)'s parents' house. "What are we...?" She trailed off at the end as she eyed (Y/N)'s face, big eyes staring up at the windows and the snowy roofs.
(Y/N) ripped her eyes away, shooting Kiyoko a comforting smile, "Just have to sort stuff out. I'll be back in no time,"
She paused but nodded, "Are you sure you don't need me to come with you,"
"Nah," The handsome woman winked, opening the gate to the barren garden, "I'll be fine,"
---
"Hi! You're Kiyoko Shimizu, yeah?" The doctor, clad in his white coat and clipboard, smiled.
"Yep," She said in confirmation, taking a seat in the chair opposite his, a desk with very little items in between them. Playing with her hands, she eyed his expression. It didn't seem like there was a trace of grimness there. It was all rather... happy.
"Good, good," He said enthusiastically, and flipped over a page while writing stuff down. After a second of two of silence, filled in by the scribbling of his pencil, he finally looked up, placing the documents to the side, "See, we couldn't exactly tell miss (Y/N) out there," Gesturing toward the door, "The news, given that it might overwhelm her and cause, well, her brain to overexert itself. So, we'll wait until she gets better completely and then-"
"Get- Get better?" Kiyoko stuttered, eyes widening as hope began to fill her chest.
He smiled warmly at her, "Yes. (Y/N)'s showing remarkable recovery. It was odd. Her state decreased a lot, but then, whatever it was she was doing, seemed to be enough sleep for her brain to start functioning normally. It seems around that time she moved in with you?"
Kiyoko, who's mouth had been opening and closing in disbelief as a large grin grew on her face nodded, "Uhm, yeah. She did!" She laughed, overjoyed by the news. She was going to be able to have her (Y/N). That crushing pain and misery that'd followed her around would disappear, and they could grow up and become adults with each other.
"Well, then. If this keeps going then she'll be on her way to full recovery." He smiled, standing up as he went to the door, "Just make sure she doesn't go outside to cold places in the winter. She's particularly susceptible to illnesses that could take her-"
Kiyoko stepped through the door, barely processing his words before she noticed her slumped body.
---
Day and night, every minute of every hour, Kiyoko sat there next to her, watching her sleeping figure in the hospital bed with the thin stark white sheets . She had brought a vase of lavenders, but by now they whittled away until bitter brown flowers were left.
Kiyoko's cheeks had sunken, heavy bags forming under her eyes. She might've laughed at the irony at how she was sorta like (Y/N) if she hadn't been so burdened with stress, grief and misery.
How long had it been? Not long. A week, maybe.
(Y/N) had gotten a fever, or a cold. She wasn't really listening, mind ridden with negative thoughts. And nothing. It changed, often.
It didn't look like she was going to live, make it, whatever it was they called it.
She stroked her hand, (Y/N)'s frail, cold hand.
One day (Y/N)'s mom had come in, and that was when she knew it was truly over. Every hope and dream of making it past the winter together had been ripped right out of her hands.
The woman looked solemn, though she had a frigid front. A mask, though not an effective one.
Standing at the door, she looked at (Y/N), cold eyes glossing over for a fraction of a second, before it was blinked away.
"I'm... I'm sorry," Kiyoko had said respectfully, voice shaky. It was the first time she'd spoken in a while.
Slowly ripping her eyes off her dying daughter, she met Kiyoko's gaze. Shaking her head, she held out something. Kiyoko hadn't realized what it was (Y/N)'s mom had been holding before, but the recognizable objects ran a million memories through her mind, almost making her tear up immediately. (Y/N)'s mom swallowed, "No, I'm sorry. I'm not worthy of that..." She bit her lip, "(Y/N) came to see me. Said to give you these. I'm glad she found you,"
Kiyoko took the three items, and wordlessly, (Y/N)'s mom nodded, with a last fleeting glance at the daughter who'd been everything she couldn't.
Her vision blurred just looking at them, so she hastily put them in her coat pocket, not being able to bear with it all at the moment. There was still a chance. Yeah. A chance.
---
She had come back for a good minute or two before she left her grasp completely, the grasp Kiyoko had been trying so hard to hold onto.
(Y/N)'s eyes weakly opened, meeting Kiyoko's almost immediately. Stormy grey met (E/C) ones. (E/C) ones that, even on her deathbed, sparkled with mischief, looking as if the small opening where her eyelids let Kiyoko into her irises were the milky way.
"Hey," Kiyoko managed to breathe out, voice trembling as she tried not to contain all the emotions that crashed down upon her at once, her heart aching.
Her cracked and dry lips parted, attempting to form a smile, "Hiya, Ki'" Her croaky voice said.
"I'm-"
"No. I know what you're going to say," She said, lifting her arm to stop her from apologizing.
"And how do you know that?" Kiyoko smiled, tears already brimming her eyes.
A cough, "Because I know the moon better than anyone else," Pretentious as she lay dying. God, Kiyoko would miss her, "Do you know what else the moon is?"
And like that, her smile dropped, instead replaced by a furious shake of her head as her tears fell, "No, (Y/N), no. That's too much like a goodbye,"
"It is a goodbye," She said plainly, though sadness made its way through her words, sadness she was most likely holding back for Kiyoko's sake, "Say it,"
"No, no. You know I can't- I can't have you leaving me just yet-"
"For me, 'Ki," (Y/N) weakly said, her own eyes turned glassy, "I have to die in a cheesy way. And I know you're the moon in this allegory of ours, so it's kinda weird, but..." She drifted off, tears threatening to spill as she looked up at her moon, "Please?"
In her state of sobs, she laughed, shaking her head as she bit her trembling lip. She looked at her, straight at her, and took in a few breaths, trying to calm herself for the last words, "The-" She hiccuped, and took one last deep breath, gathering up her tears, "The moon is beautiful, isn't it?"
The dreaded response that followed came, and Kiyoko might've died then and there too, done anything to follow the girl she loved so much to the afterlife. She had no idea how to describe what she felt, but it was a pain like no other.
And (Y/N)'s lips melted into a soft smile, a single tear dancing down her cheek as her eyes fluttered close, "I can die happy..."
And like that, a star blinked out of existence.
she feels a sense of foreboding.
something is chasing her,
something is quick.
its voice welcomes her.
lavenders.
the lavenders are gorgeous this time of day.
what a lovely pastel sheen,
soft like a warm hug from her lover
like lying in the lilac fields at noon.
she is so mesmerized she begins to feel light,
the voice beckons her again
but she is far too weak to resist.
she begins to drift,
drift into the arms of her caller
she feels at peace.
she can finally rest where the lavenders bloom.