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The One With A Flurry Of Activities
"You are the first person I looked at with a mouthful of forevers. We have both known loss like the sharp edge of a knife. We have both lived with lips more scar tissue than skin. Our love came unannounced in the middle of the night. Our love came when we'd given up on asking love to come.
I think that has to be part of its miracle. This is how we heal. I will kiss you like forgiveness. You will hold me like I'm hope. Our arms will bandage and we will press promises between us like flowers in a book. I will write sonnets to the salt of sweat on your skin. I will write novels to the scar of your nose. I will write a dictionary of all the words I have used to describe the way it feels to have finally, finally found you.
And I will not be afraid of your scars.
I know sometimes it's still hard to let me see you in all your cracked perfection, but please know; whether it's the days you burn more brilliant than the sun or the nights you collapse into my lap, your body broken into a thousand questions, you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
I will love you when you are still a day.
I will love you when you are a hurricane."
— Unknown
A/N:
hello, how is everyone? I'm sooo sorry this has taken eons, life has been so incredibly busy y'all, I've barely had a second to breathe 😩 hopefully I didn't lose all of you!! 😭
please leave lots of comments! 🥺
enjoy loves!
A R I E L L E
"Look!" I say with a gasp, pointing towards a waterfall flowing a short distance away.
Zayn smiles as he sees my excitement, grabbing hold of the side of my kayak to pull it beside his. He carefully puts his paddle down and then reaches his free hand over to grab my cheek, turning my face to his. His mouth descends upon mine and when he pulls back, he whispers, "I love you."
I want to question him on what that was for, but I decide against it. He's looking at me with such adoration that it completely fucking melts me into a puddle of mush.
"It's beautiful here, innit?" Zayn questions as we observe the water falling against some rocks, where it runs down to the surface of the lake.
"Very," I agree.
I'm not entirely sure what I expected this area of Canada to be like. I honestly didn't think much about it when I'd decided to vacation here. About the only thing I figured was that it'd be quiet, serene, calm.
But it's so much more than that. The few people we interacted with since we've been here were super fucking nice, the views are gorgeous, the food has been delicious, and I've felt an awful sense of relief ever since we landed.
I hope Zayn has felt it too.
"We should probably head back, babe."
He's right—if we're too late, we'll miss the ATV ride and zip lining experiences we have planned this afternoon. However, it's hard to kayak back when it's so peaceful and relaxing out here.
He quickly paddles around me and I follow suit, pulling up beside him.
"I don't mean to ruin the mood, but I have to ask—" I take a controlled breath, glancing off at the lake in front of us as we continue to paddle across it. "Do you think you guys put Ezra away for good?"
By the time I peer over at him, it's obvious that he's visibly tensed from the sound of my inquiry, but he hides it quickly. "We had audio tape of him talking about paying off judges, of him chatting about setting you up falsely for a crime. We had evidence of his drug smuggling racket, names, locations—all that shit. I trust Hayes when he says we're good." He stops as he speaks, the conversation intense, as he pulls his kayak to the side of mine.
It's weird how full circle this shit has come. When I first introduced Hayes to Zayn's life, he fucking hated the guy. Hate isn't even a strong enough word to describe it, because eventually he hated him at the same level he hates Ezra at.
I'm still trying to wrap my head around the fact that they're not only getting along, but that they trust one another and are low key friends. It's definitely something to get used to.
Is he wrong to trust Hayes? I know that Hayes explained everything away with proof, but can he really, truly be trusted? Maybe I'm just reading into things too much, but it's hard for me to fully put that sort of faith in someone who's burned me. Don't get me wrong, I believe everything he told me and he pulled through on what he said he was going to do, but there's still that tiny part of me that isn't sure.
However, it's possible that's just Ezra's doing. He makes me distrust nearly every single person in my life. The only people I know are solid are Zayn and Chase.
I relate it like this: when it comes to a court case and people on the jury, they say that for someone to be convicted, you need to be absolutely sure that there's no reasonable doubt. If someone says something, states some sort of fact, provides some sort of evidence—and you pause—then that's reasonable doubt. That pause is the moment where you think that there's a chance of something—either guilt or innocence.
When it comes to Zayn and Chase, there isn't a pause. There isn't a single fibre in my being that believes they'd ever intentionally wrong me.
Every other person, there's potential for a pause.
It's become the norm for me and I'm acutely aware of the fact that isn't the norm for everyone else. I honestly think it's become a part of Zayn's life as well now, especially after working for Ezra. It's something I wish I was able to remove from our lives—like taking a vacuum to a clump of dark fur on a light-coloured rug, I desperately desire to be able to suck up and effectively rid of that dirt.
I still haven't mustered up the courage to ask Zayn more in depth about his days alongside Langley. It's inevitable that I'll find out everything he experienced, but I'm just unsure of how well—if at all—I'll be able to handle the gory details. I'm positive he did some dark shit. He's hiding it well, but I'm aware of the demons he spoke of.
They're evident in the way that he seems tired. In the way that he—a night owl—wakes up in the wee hours of the morning and exercises. It's obvious in the way he's beginning to bulk up and I fear it's because he believes something, or someone, is coming for him. It's in the times when he's lost in thought. When he's taking a second glance over his shoulder that he doesn't think or realize I notice.
It's small. Anybody that hasn't spent any significant amount of time with him would never know, but I understand him more thoroughly. I'm better able to get him, but I'm also able to comprehend Ezra's actions more intimately. He ticks in a certain way and I've had enough time with him that I can often figure out where his head is at. Although, I'm not always right on that either because he's not only intelligent, but he's cunning and manipulative.
"So then Hayes thinks we've got him?"
Zayn's eyes soften and he brushes his thumb along my cheekbone, just below my eye. "He's in jail, babe."
"I'm just—" I sigh, upset at myself for ruining this nice afternoon. "You know what Ezra's like. You fuckin' worked for him. You know him. I'm just worried, that's all. If shit isn't completely successful, you know he's coming after us with a fuckin' vengeance."
Zayn chuckles, which causes me to cock my head in confusion. "You worry too much," he comments, pressing a kiss to my lips a second time.
"I have to," I admit, "I don't know how to function without worrying about him or Vivien. I don't know anything else."
He frowns as the words leave my mouth. "I promise you we'll deal with Vivien when we get back. But for now, please, just relax. Enjoy your vacation." He moves his hand upwards, smoothing out the lines of worry from my forehead. "Please," he whispers a second time with his lips against mine.
He kisses me and then without warning, he adjusts his grip on my kayak, causing me to suddenly get very tippy as he pushes us apart. A bit of water ends up spilling into my kayak and I yelp as the cold wetness reaches the backs of my thighs and my ass. "Zayn!"
He's laughing adorably when I peer at him. When I finally get my kayak stabilized, I scoop my paddle into the lake and use it to spray water at him. He faux-gasps as it hits him, soaking all the way from his shirtless torso up to his hair. I smile at him before I dip my paddle back into the lake and start paddling away as fast as my arms can manage.
* * *
A smile stretches across my face, the sound of my machine loud in my ears as I push my thumb down harder on the throttle, carefully steering down the path between the rows of trees. I slow as I near the small pond, Zayn whips past me, standing on his ATV and bending his knees only slightly as he hits a small jump.
I stop and watch him. Observing the smile on his face. He's having so much fun, he seems so carefree, and it makes me indescribably happy. He deserves it.
As he turns into the mud at the far side of the pond, I watch as his tires spin and the mud flies everywhere, including past the mud flaps to coat his back. I laugh as he maneuvers out of the dirt, but by the time he's approaching me, he's fucking covered in it.
I hear Chase and Zara having finally caught up to us and I turn to see Zara carefully driving with Chase holding back so he's able to guide her. I know Chase wants to fuck around like Zayn and I have been doing, but this is Zara's first time on an ATV so she's naturally a bit hesitant. In fact, she's fucking terrified she's going to flip it.
"Chase, I don't know if I can do this," I hear Zara commenting nervously as she slowly stops her machine a ways away from Zayn and I.
Chase pulls up beside her, giving her assurance, "You can. You're doing good. We're almost there."
"Hey, babe," I hear Zayn's accented tongue and look forward to him, noticing he's positioned his ATV so his backside is facing me—his tires deep in wet mud—and he's wearing a mischievous smirk on his lips.
I narrow my eyes at him, "Don't you dare."
His grin only widens, where his tongue presses up against the back of his teeth. Then, he presses down on the throttle and mud flings my way, fucking coating me with it. "Payback, Babygirl."
My mouth falls open in a half laugh-half gasp. I faintly hear Chase cracking right the fuck up behind me. I wipe the thick mud from the front of my helmet, wishing I would've had a visor. Instead, I have to rid of the substance from the pieces of my face exposed in the helmet.
Zayn pulls his ATV around, stopping it beside me. He puts it in park before he gets off the machine and steps towards me. He's quick to yank his helmet off and approach me, placing a hand on my bare thigh. I feign as if I'm simply attempting to clean myself off, but I secretly accumulate a handful of it and as he's laughing, I quickly slap my hand to his chest.
My smile widens and I twist to spread the mud up his neck and rub it all over his cheeks and in his hair as he squirms in an attempt to get away from me. I hop off the ATV and run to the mud to grab another large handful, which I throw at him. It hits the centre of his chest with a splat! that spreads small dots all over him.
He raises his hands up in defence, "Alright, I deserved that."
I pull my helmet off as he approaches me. He grabs either side of my face, smiling down at me. "You did," I admit. He leans over to kiss me, his hands coated in dirt that he spreads further across my cheeks.
"You were naughty earlier when we were kayaking, it was only payback."
"You started it," I tease, my filthy hands running down his bare arms.
He cups my ass in his hands, as he inquires, "And who do you think will end it?"
"Not you," I muse.
He raises a challenging eyebrow, "Oh, you think so, yeah?"
"I know so."
"Alright, then it's on." A smirk curls his lips upwards making me think I've just made some sort of deal with the devil that is Zayn Malik. I'm not sure what he has in store, but he should be aware that I can give it back just as eagerly.
"Guys!" Chase's voice tears my gaze away from Zayn's challenge and towards the him and Zara. "We should get going. Zara's gonna' ride with me the rest of the way up."
He heads back to his machine and Zayn gives me a quick kiss before we both put our helmets on, start up our machines and we all form a line to drive up the steep incline. This time, I lead the way with Zayn directly behind me and Chase and Zara trailing behind.
I follow the path, trying not to overdo it and drive too fast, thinking that Chase won't want to speed too much with Zara holding on for dear life. She was driving super fucking slow on her own—basically terrified of the ATV she was on—so I imagine with Chase at the wheel she'll be even more scared. Chase has the attention span of a dog—squirrel!—which is not a good quality to have in a driver.
It's the main reason why Chase never raced with me. When I first started racing, he tried attending a few with me. He had his own car, talked his own shit and tried his absolute fucking best to race at the level the rest of us did, but he really just doesn't have the discipline for it. He'd get easily distracted while driving and he got in one too many accidents. It's basically not safe having him on the road driving regular speed, never mind racing at double or triple the speed limit.
So, with all that weighing on my mind, I take it easy for the remainder of the drive. It's honestly not that long of a trail, maybe ten minutes after our stop. There's an initial small hill we drove up and then it was flat and winding through trees and by some bodies of water. Ultimately, there's another steeper hill that I stop at the bottom of to get the okay from the rest.
Chase and Zayn bring their machines up beside me and we all share a nod before Zayn and I start up it. I can hear Chase trying to calm Zara before he asks her to, "hold on tight," and then he races up the slope, which I assume he does because Zara is terrified and he's trying to get it over with fast for her sake.
By the time we finally get to the top of the hill, we spot the zip lining setup. Several workers stand around at the top of the drop and they greet us rather enthusiastically and it almost makes me chuckle because it leads me to believe they don't see people often up here. I take a look back down the hill we just drove up and wonder if most people don't make it up. It's a fairly steep drive—one that people inexperienced or uncomfortable with wouldn't be able to complete—so it's amusing to think of how excited they are to actually see customers.
Chase and Zara ask if we'd like to go first, but I tell them to go ahead as Zayn and I attempt to rub some of the dried mud off our bodies. After a few minutes of cleaning ourselves up, I can hear Chase's signature yelling, signalling to me that he's already descending.
"Are you having a good day?" Zayn asks, walking up to me and pressing his hands to my hips to trap me between his body and the ATV I was driving earlier. He lifts a hand to brush his thumb against my cheek, rubbing away some mud stuck there.
"I am," I tell him, "Even though you sprayed me with mud."
He smirks, like the thought greatly amuses him. "When we get back, we'll have a shower, yeah?" He cups my jaw in his hand, tilting my head back to press his mouth down onto mine. "Now, c'mon," he urges, grabbing my hand in his and yanking me towards the zip line platform.
As the workers greet us and begin explaining some safety regulations and other things, I go through the motions. I'll admit, peeking over the edge of the platform has my head in a tailspin. I'm not typically afraid of heights, but being this high up, with trees and shit around us as potential hazards if shit went wrong has my heart in my throat.
In all honesty, I'm not sure of everything the workers say. I think at some point someone asks me if my harness is tight enough but I'm not focused on the words, so I simply nod my head and glance in his direction to ensure him that I've been listening to everything.
Eventually, he steps back and my hearing comes into focus as someone else says, "You guys can go whenever you're ready."
Zayn quickly turns towards the drop, clearly excited for what's coming.
I'm hesitant to twist, instead taking a moment to collect my breathing. To make it appear as if the entire idea of this doesn't terrify the fuck out of me.
The fear seems irrational to me and it's making me embarrassed and angry about it. I race cars at well past double—sometimes fucking triple—the speed limit. I drift around corners, having near misses with shit that could kill me if I hit it. I've been in multiple car accidents early in my career. I've broken bones.
So why am I so scared of this?
I'm sure tens of thousands of people go down a zip line everyday somewhere around the world. It's an activity that's been around for a long ass time. I'm sure they're incredibly safe. I just heard Chase and Zara go down without hesitation and they made it safely, with obvious big smiles on their faces.
I mean, people are scared of heights, right? So I guess it's not an irrational fear, but it's irrational to me. Since when am I afraid of heights?
Is it possible that the height of this is a metaphorical representation of something else in my life?
Zayn grabs my hand in his, squeezing it reassuringly. "Are you alright, my love?"
I nod my head, "Just a bit nervous, is all."
"Do you trust me?"
"Of course," I say without hesitation.
"I got you," he assures me.
With my hand still enveloped by his, with our fingers still entwined, he pulls me forward until we're both standing at the edge. To the point where all we have to do is step forward to be flung off the side of this height and begin the descent.
I lean forward slightly to regrettably peer down at the ground below us. It looks so fucking far that my breath catches for a moment. I'm not normally scared of heights, but this is so fucking high that I'm second guessing coming up here.
When Zayn squeezes my hand in his, he calms me. Brings me back to the present. I'm safe. "We'll do it together," he tells me. I close my eyes, focusing on the feeling of his skin against mine and finally nod. "On three," he says and then begins counting down. As he hits the final number, we both step forward and I yelp in surprise.
My body immediately sinks slightly as I sit weightless in my straps. I hold tightly to Zayn's hand as we begin the descent. A whirring sound immediately fills my ears, along with the sounds of the wind whipping past us and my screams of initial fear and eventually excitement.
I throw my head back and yell as loud as my lungs allow me to, admiring the clouds in the sky as we fly down the hill. As I look at Zayn, our eyes meet and I see that familiar spark of happiness in them. Of freedom. Of a lack of care for anything other than this moment.
I attempt to imprint it all in my brain—the look on Zayn's face, the scenery around us, the feeling of my heart thundering in my chest, of the warm sun beating down on my skin.
However, it's over incredibly fast. In a matter of maybe a minute, we've reached the bottom where Chase and Zara are already waiting for us. Chase is holding up his phone and informs me, "I got your screams on video."
I roll my eyes, "Dude, why would you want to film that?"
"'Cause you looked hilarious screaming your head off," he wears a massive smile, an evil sort of grin that tells me he's about to hold any video and photos hostage to terrorize me with whenever the mood strikes him.
"C'mon, let's go see your photo!" Zara exclaims, pulling Chase with her.
Zayn and I are forced to stay where we are as the workers undo all of our clips and buckles, removing us from all of the safety gear. It seems like it takes forever, but eventually the harness falls to my feet and I follow in Chase and Zara's direction to a table with large tablets. When the woman asks for our names, Zayn tells her and I observe as a photo quickly pops up on the tablet in front of us.
I wasn't even aware they took photos as you're flying down the line—didn't even notice the flash of a camera or hear anything—but the second I see the looks on our faces, a smile breaks out on mine. Zayn and I are grinning from ear to ear, holding hands. My mouth is wide open in a laugh, maybe a scream, with my hair flowing out behind me.
Zayn's eyes are squinted, his teeth are showing from how big he's smiling and his opposing arm is held out at the side.
"Ah, shit. Yours turned out so much better than ours," Chase comments from over my shoulder.
"Let's see yours," I demand, reaching for the photo in Chase's hand.
The second my eyes take it in, I laugh out loud. Chase's face has a hilariously pained expression and his knees are brought in tight, with his hands covering his crotch. When Zayn sees, he laughs so hard that he keels over, pressing his hands to his knees in order to catch his breath.
"The things—the straps were hurting my nuts!" Chase exclaims, defending himself.
When I finally am able to, I wipe tears that have fallen from my eyes and ask him, "Why would you ever buy this?"
"It wasn't me!" He informs me.
"There's no way I wasn't getting a permanent copy of this." Zara speaks up, "I even took a photo of it on my phone so if he tries something with it, I'll always have a copy."
Zayn slaps a hand to Chase's back, ruffling up his hair. "You're such a moron."
"You're only saying that 'cause it's literally impossible to take a bad photo of you," Chase playfully shoves Zayn's chest as he laughs.
"You got me."
"Chase, your man crush on Z is showing." I raise an eyebrow as I glance at him.
However, he's staring off at Zayn because he knows we're only fucking teasing, as is he. "Look at him, he's fucking gorgeous."
As Chase and Zayn joke around, I ask the cashier to purchase a copy of Zayn and I's photo. Just as I'm about to hand her cash for it, Zayn interrupts me and demands to pay. I attempt a fight, but Zayn's insistent on me not paying a single dollar for this entire trip, which is then backed up by Chase and it's a losing fucking battle for me.
A/N:
so those of you who don't know (haven't seen my Canadian ass profusely writing it) i'm soooorrrrryy 🥺😭😭
i know i was gone for a few weeks. probably lost about 80% of you and that makes me so mf-ing sad 😭 but the transition of winter — spring courses is a bitch. going from doing one course to having to finish another course in four weeks (that requires like 15 hours of course work a week without studying) is insane. plus, my brother was supposed to get married this month... but my province is the covid hotspot of canada so yeah, that's been postponed for the third time. my brother has a running joke, he's having a seamstress sew (on his suit jacket) every date of the wedding (cancelled or otherwise) 😂 they're even to the point where their change the dates are beginning to fill people's fridge landscape 😭
anyways, i shouldn't create excuses...
i love y'all and have missed you 💕
thoughts on the chapter? i know, it's not exciting (i miss drama 🥲) but vacation isn't entirely exciting to write djsjsk
thoughts on zarielle this chapter?
on the activities they've done?
favourite part of the chapter?
personal Q: who's an artist/band you want Zayn to collaborate with?
for me, it's h.e.r. ☺️
anyways, i'm thinking one more vacation chapter and they'll be back home. i struggle like hell with these stagnant chapters 😩 they're really not my forte, but i understand y'all need some calm in zarielle's life
what do you think will happen next chapter? 👀
i miss zayn 🥺
until the next chapter! i'm gonna try my best to work on depraved now
💕