I can't even describe the fury I'm feeling right now, but at the same time, it's like I'm frozen and don't feel anything.
I'm not even mad at the fact she is in my office. I'm mad at the sight in front of me. She is trying to pick up the pieces of the little house that means so much to me. She doesn't know what she caused by this, she doesn't know what that house represents, she doesn't know how much it breaks me to know it's all ruined now.
"I-I'm sorry...I didn't mea-" she tries to say something but I interrupt her.
"Get out!" I say harshly but try not to scare her away or make her cry again. I don't know why but when I yelled at her last time and when I saw how that affected her, it hurt me to know I was the cause of it.
Her eyes widen and her hands shake as she still holds the pieces and I can see she didn't mean to do this but I'm so angry right now that I can't control myself.
I-it was on accident...I-I swear...I'm so sorry..." she lets out quietly, tears filling her eyes.
"Get. Out!" I now yell and make her flinch but she listens and gets up from the ground, leaving the pieces on the table before she quickly walks past me and out of the room. I heave a sigh and close my eyes for a moment before I slam the door shut and walk towards that table.
I take the pieces in my hand and sigh. How am I going to fix this?
I let the pieces fall out of my hands and kick the vacuum cleaner. I take off my tie and leave my office to go to my room and take a shower to cool down my nerves.
She had to do it again. She had to do something that would make me yell at her and make me a monster. I hurt her again, I scared her again and it hurts me. I don't like yelling at her. I even try to interact with her a bit more these couple of weeks because I want her to feel relaxed and safe here no matter this fucked up situation. But I did it again. I fucking did it again and I don't know if she would be so forgiving as the last time.
I don't know why I feel like this towards her. I don't know why I don't want to see her hurt and scared, especially not by me. I never was mean to women and never yelled at them. Then why am I doing it now? Why am I like this towards her?
All I know is that I hate it, I hate this side of myself. And I know I shouldn't blame anyone else besides me but it all started with this arranged fucked up marriage. It's him who deserves my anger, my father was always the reason for this side of me and I hate that she is the one receiving it.
I have to apologize to her. Again.
...
I go downstairs after I've taken my shower and changed into some comfortable clothes. As I reach the kitchen I stop in my tracks immediately at the look Mari gives me and I already know I'm in deep shit.
She grabs a knife, making my eyes widen but she is still staring at me as she twirls it in her hand. I have to admit I'm fucking scared right now. She is a petite little woman but I know she is capable of doing anything. And since this is about Aria and since I know she came to love that girl, I know I'm not gonna be let off the hook that easily like the last time.
"So..." she starts and stabs the knife in the cutting board in front of her that is filled with vegetables. "You want to explain yourself or you want me to teach you a lesson before you go and apologize to her?" she continues and once again gives me that deadly look.
I gulp and can't believe I'm scared of her but she still has that knife and I'm not trying to lose my life today. "I-I'll explain" I'm quick to answer her and she smirks. "Okay. Go ahead my boy, before you pee your pants" she dares to mock my state but I can't blame her. I really look and feel like a child in front of their parent that is about to scold them.
She never looks away from me but starts using that knife to cut the vegetables and I can't help but feel relieved that she won't be using that knife to do something to me.
I explain everything but she stills sides with Aria. Which is not surprising but I know she feels bad for me because she knows how much that little house means to me. She is the only one that knows the meaning behind it.
"You better apologize to her tomorrow and don't let this kind of situation happen again. She's been through enough and she doesn't need this on top of that" Mari says making me confused. What does she mean she's been through enough?
Mari must've seen my confused state so she speaks up again. "It's not my place to tell you".
And I understand that. I won't be glad to hear Mari told her something super personal about me if I wasn't aware of it so I respect she doesn't want to tell me about her. But I can't ask Aria. I'm sure she won't let me in or let me get to know her after how I treated her. And I deserve that.
Mari's words go through my head once again and only now I register that she said I can talk to Aria tomorrow. "Where is she now?" I ask and Mari turns around to check on something that's on the stove. "She is with Lindsey. They went shopping for your celebration party" she answers and I just nod my head.
I was surprised when she actually agreed to go with me. I mean I wouldn't ask her to come and be around all those people, but those people know we are married and it would raise suspicion if we didn't show up together.
"Dinner will be ready soon" Mari pulls me from my thoughts and I just nod again. I would lie if I say I didn't miss Aria's food. She is a great cook and I'm a great asshole for being so mean that night when she first made dinner for us. It was so delicious and painful to lie and stop eating just because I wouldn't let my guard down and so I could feed my ego. And that day when they tricked me and told me she made that lunch only after I ate half of the plate already made me feel so embarrassed and speechless, but at the same time, I'm glad I was caught because now I can enjoy her food without me pretending I don't like it and making a fool out of myself.
"Okay. I'll be in my office till then" I inform her and go to do some work so I won't be so busy tomorrow.
...
"Come on man. We should go out and relax a little and from the way you look, I don't think we'll get any job done for today" Lucas tries to convince me to go with him to a bar tonight. I am exhausted from last light. After dinner I stayed in my office, burying myself in work just to get my mind of her and that awful feeling of guilt. And today I had to get to my company early so I didn't get the chance to apologize to her yet. That's why I look the way I do. Like someone ran me over with a truck.
"Lucas..." I close my eyes, leaning back in my chair and taking a rest for a while. "Please, Lorenzo. Just one drink I promise" he begs with puppy eyes that kids would usually do to get what they want. And somehow I cave in.
"Ugh fine" I groan but he does a little happy dance that makes me shake my head.
I grab my suit jacket and he does the same before we leave the company and get in the car to get to the bar.
I almost wince at the loud music and the stuffed air that filled this bar. I was never a fan of these places, not even when I was young. Not that I am old now, I'm 27 but still, I never found what is so fun about this.
God, I sound like a grandpa.
"Will you stop frowning and enjoy a little" Lucas speaks as he places our drinks on the little table we are occupying. I just give him a look and drink the whiskey he ordered us in one go. "Woah there buddy. I'm going to get you another one" he stands up but I pull him back instantly. "No, it's enough for me" I shake my head but his eyes widen. "No it's not" he quickly lets out and scurries away before I can stop him.
I sigh and look around, noticing some people from my company here as well. Lucas comes back with a tray in his hands and I raise my eyebrows at him. "Did you quit your job and start working here without telling me" I joke and he shakes his head at me. "Haha very funny. I just figured it's better to do it like this so I don't have to go back and forth every other minute" he explains and sits down.
There are ten glasses of whiskey on that tray. "Oh come on man, loosen up" he hits me in the shoulder and takes another glass. I sigh and do the same. There is no way I'm escaping this now.
"Hi, handsome" some woman joins us at the table and stares at me. I look over at Lucas who chuckles and then back at her. "Sorry, I'm taken," I say surprising her and even me. I mean theoretically, I am taken even though what Aria and I have is fake, but I still made a contract where I promised I won't be seeing any women until the contract is over.
But still, I don't why it felt good to say I'm taken and that with Aria on my mind. Ugh, what is happening to me? "Ohh...is it serious though?" she dares to ask. I look over at Lucas and see that he is shocked by her words as much as I am. I look back at her again and wave my hand where my wedding ring is. Her eyes widen and she clears her throat. "Well okay then..." she awkwardly says before she leaves.
"Well...that was something" Lucas chuckles and I just take another glass of whiskey, losing count of how much I drank already. He smirks at me but still worries even though he invited me here for this specific reason. "Take it slow buddy" he pats my back but someone joins us again.
"Hey...wanna dance?" another girl speaks while she leans over our table but looks over at Lucas. He quickly downs his drink before standing up. "See you later buddy" he slaps my back leaving me here alone. I can't believe him.
I hold my half-empty glass and spin it in my hand when someone joins me at the table. Ugh, not again. Can people just leave me alone? For fuck's sake.
"Hey, boss".