Once all my boxes were in the apartment, thankfully after my dildo embarrassment courtesy of Harper, Logan stayed with Wes and Charlie. Dad still hadn't shown up from where he'd gone to cool off, so Mom and I took a break. We stopped by the front leasing office, where I picked up my parking pass.
Fortunately, the manager Stella was also there while she worked the graveyard shift. So once Mom and I moved our cars out of the loading zone, Mom drove off to pick up Dad while I went back to the leasing office. I followed Stella past the front desk area to a small, cramped, and practically suffocating office space. The white walls were covered with lots of silver-framed prints of Monet pictures.
Probably best Mom gets Dad because, by this point, the man could've walked up to Canada by now.
Stella looked in her mid-fifties, with gray-streaked black hair pulled into a tight bun and frown lines around the corners of her mouth. Everything in her posture screamed uptight professional like a principal, but she gave me a kind smile while she pulled up our apartment's file out of a large filing cabinet behind her desk.
"You don't have any two-bedroom units open?" I asked even though I already knew the answer was a big fat no.
"We actually don't have two-bedrooms, just a one-bedroom and a den option," she mused while her brown eyes skimmed over the large manilla folder in her hands. "Those are twenty-four hundred a month but currently no, there are none available."
Twenty-four hundred?
"Okay." She placed the folder flat on top of the white desk between us. "You and your husband Mr. Hightower are in the largest one-bedroom square footage-wise, so your rent is nineteen hundred, fifty dollars a month."
Oh gosh, again with the husband thing. I can't imagine how that happened... It better not have been Logan.
"Now, your husband's stipend is fourteen hundred a month and..." She paused and glanced at her screen. "Yours is a flat four thousand, paid in half each semester. So your new monthly balance will be two-hundred, sixteen dollars and sixty-seven per month, utilities, high-speed internet, and local phone calls included but you're on your own for cable."
While Stella continued, my mind stayed frozen on one thing.
Two hundred and seventeen dollars a month.
That's... unbelievable. I can afford that with just my library job. Or even, Ellie's Kitchen.
"You can pay all upfront and we'll apply a credit or you can do monthly installments on the two-seventeen." Stella's eyes lifted to mine. "We don't do short-term leases and because your husband moved in August first, you're locked in for one year until next July thirty-first."
Again with the husband. I should correct her, but it's been three times. Is that past awkward? Yes.
Wait. Did she say July?
Suddenly, the gravity that I'd left our housing arrangements up to Charlie slammed into me. My mouth dried but my fingers moved on my own, pulled out my checkbook, and wrote a check for the entire lease's amount. The finality of our arrangement hit me when I signed, then pushed the check across Stella's desk. The sense of dryness crept over my tongue and I swallowed tightly.
Financial boost aside, I need to talk to Charlie sooner than later about what the hell is going on here.
And... my so-called husband.
After the worst sleep I remembered, I woke up on the living room floor wrapped up in a burrito of blankets. Once I got my bearings, I pushed myself up to a seated position and glared at the sofa.
"You're going to the dumpster asap," I threatened the hideous waste of floor space, which was a luxury we couldn't afford in this apartment. Dad's snoring last night also proved that these walls were paper-thin.
After we ate some of Logan's breakfast cereal, Mom and I went to the grocery store while Dad went to the bank. Once they'd found out the building had coin-operated laundry in the basement, he offered to pick up some rolls of quarters, which I appreciated.
Dad was very quiet when they'd returned last night, just mumbled greetings to me then retreated to bed with Mom. His silence continued through our silent cereal chewing but I knew at some point we'd have words before they left today.
"Might not be what you expected, but maybe it won't be so bad," Mom mused to me while we walked behind a metal shopping cart. I'd obviously chosen the wrong one at the nearby Safeway grocery store, because the right front wheel spun randomly and made the cart twice as difficult since it constantly pulled to the right.
"What's that?" I asked sarcastically and struggled with the cart past the floral department. "The part where I'm living with a football player, or that he's my ex-boyfriend?"
Who I broke up with because I was fucked up emotionally.
"Ellie." One of her hands rested gently on my closest shoulder. "I know you and Logan didn't part on good terms -"
Because of me.
"- but I really think he still cares about you," she finished with a tight smile.
"Mom," I frowned at her forwardness. "I don't know how he feels, I haven't really talked to him yet."
I left the 'I will once you leave' part off but by the look of recognition in her eyes, she knew what I meant.
"Ellie, I know you probably don't want any advice," she hesitated while her eyes, the same dark brown as mine, studied me like she gauged my reaction.
Think we all know where this is going.
"But you're going to do it anyways," I finished with a sigh then stopped the cart in the brightly lit produce section. My eyes skimmed over the area with the intention I needed as many rainbow colors as I could find this week, but what specifically I had no idea.
After Stella made me fully aware of how Logan's scholarship knocked down my rent considerably, I debated how I possibly repaid him. So once Mom and Dad left, I owed Logan some expression of gratitude.
At least a cooked meal after his practices.
I can't believe he said he still follows the meal plans.
At one point in time, I planned out all of Logan's meals, even made them for him and Grace for an entire week at a time. But, after our time gap, I had no idea what he ate anymore.
I don't even know what his favorite food is.
Wonder what else has changed... Is he even single?
Since the old Logan had a sweet tooth, I started at the berry display, picked up some strawberries, and breathed in a few boxes until I found one that smelled sweet. The blueberries looked like they'd seen better days so I passed on those. After I pawed through the blackberries and raspberries and found some that weren't moldy, I put everything into the cart.
Salads are safe, I guess.
I pushed the cart silently towards the piles of fresh spinach and kale and, once I got there, sorted over the options.
"I know he went behind your back," Mom started and spoke quicker the more my eyes narrowed over my shoulder at her. "But I think he had the best intentions. Dad -"
"Is Dad still at the bank?" I cut in because the last thing I wanted to hear about was when Logan had started the messy situation two years ago, or how Mom still pacified Dad's temper again.
"He'll meet us back at your apartment soon, he wants to set up a few things," she replied and held out a plastic bag for the kale bundle I now clenched tightly.
A yawn left me and I checked the time on my phone. "He's better, it's like ten am. And what exactly is he setting up?" I asked with the mental image that whatever he set up, it involved barbed wire and an electric fence.
"For starters..." Mom grabbed a bunch of carrots. "He got you an air mattress to sleep on in the living room temporarily."
"Is there even room for one?" I raised my eyebrows. "That apartment is pretty close to my and Charlie's dorm room freshman year. I should just put my twin mattress on the floor."
But at least then we had bunk beds.
Suppose I could always bunk over Logan... Oh gosh, mind out of the gutter Ellie.
Even though we dated for about six months, I'd only slept in bed next to Logan twice. Once included our hotel room here in Seattle and the memory of our time together still flushed my cheeks warm. The second time was our UCD hotel visit after Jake beat up Ryder and neither of us slept.
Where we also tried... what a mess.
The only time Logan and I attempted having sex, I was so nervous that my body tensed up and the entire experience was awkward, painful, and embarrassing. A bad first time hadn't scared me away from sleeping with anyone else, the simple truth was that no one else had measured up against him.
"Eggplant?" Mom stuck one in front of me right when the grocery spray misted over the vegetables. Given my distracted thoughts, I suppressed a giggle at the irony here.
I probably do need a cold shower.
"Sure," I replied dryly and grabbed my hands around the firm, rubbery exterior of the unfortunately emoji-inspired sexual innuendo. While my hands slipped it into another outstretched plastic bag from Mom, I backtracked on something she said earlier.
"What did you mean, the air mattress is something temporary?" I asked and dropped the eggplant into the cart.
"You probably don't want to have your bed mattress as the living room sofa option. So Dad's shopping for some couch options, something that either reclines or turns into a futon," Mom answered while she pawed through some broccoli crowns. She held up one, then looked over the cart. "How about veggie lasagna? I've brought you ten jars of red sauce to hold you over until Parents' Day."
"That works." While that would've lasted me the whole semester, Logan's appetite changed everything. Despite that, I had no other ideas and nodded at her suggestion.
"I know we'd planned to stay tonight and then leave tomorrow morning, but let's just play it by ear," she suggested. "We don't want to impose too much, so we'll get the groceries home, Dad and I will take you out for lunch, then pick out and order you a sofa, okay?"
"Yeah... I'd like that," I replied slowly as a smile spread across my lips. "Thank you."
After another thirty minutes at the grocery store that resulted in a sobering trip up three flights of stairs, Dad waited in the hallway outside door three-oh-four with a bunch of his own bags. My arms trembled and the plastic bag handles cut into the flesh on both hands' palms, so I dropped all my bags in the hallway. While I dug through my purse for my keys, his expression looked impatient but fortunately the hot anger that burned in him yesterday looked gone.
"Ready to apologize, hothead?" Mom joked while I unlocked the apartment door and squeezed inside. "We've got more bags downstairs, could you go grab them?"
"This whole setup caught me by surprise, Gianna," Dad grumbled, then shifted his eyes towards me. "But... I'm sorry, Ellie."
"Could've handled it better Dad." I picked up my bags and entered the tiny apartment. I hadn't gotten much of a look at the space, not that there was much to look at, but went right into the kitchen, stumbled around piles of boxes, and dumped everything onto the stove top.
"You really don't have much space." Mom dropped her grocery bags outside. "Barely two people can stand in this kitchen. And the bathroom -"
"Don't remind me," I groaned quietly because I knew once Logan was back in here, the space felt even smaller.
While I emptied my groceries out of the bags and imagined where they possibly fit since there wasn't a pantry, Mom craned her head backwards out the hallway. "There's no desk space, guess you get to use this table. Do you still have to buy your books?"
"I do." I nodded distractedly. "I'll go to the bookstore later."
What I omitted was that I also planned to stop by Huskies Stadium after the team's practice tomorrow. A particularly pissed off girlfriend had texted me while Mom and I stood in the checkout line.
Monique: Hey E. Need your foot up D's ass. 2morrow?
me: Of course! 🦶
Once I emptied all of my bags and Mom's, Dad showed up with the last ones. Since I knew the kitchen wasn't going to get organized right away, I shoved the fridge and freezer stuff wherever it fit and pushed everything else onto what little counter space was available.
Once finished, I turned to my parents, who looked exhausted. Their shoulders slumped forwards and they both leaned against the kitchen entrance frame. Mom in particular looked in no mood to cook, so I just offered, "There's a cafeteria-type place nearby, Local Point. We could just grab a quick lunch there."
Twenty minutes and a few decisions later, we sat on orange pub-style chairs around a raised circular table in Lander Hall. The relatively new grab-n-go dining space had an industrial feel, with polished cement floors, metal ceilings and exposed ductwork, but wood accent walls. I slid my tray with a couscous veggie bowl from Tero across from Dad and paused while I looked at my parents.
We'd been so busy since I arrived, I hadn't really noticed how tired they were. Both had circles pressed around their eyes, their postures slumped forwards in their seats, and suddenly both just seemed... older.
"So... Jake sends his wishes," Mom interrupted my silent inspection of their current state.
"Sure he does," I snickered and speared a broccoli tree with my fork.
"You two should contact each other more," she replied with a pointed look before she bit into her sandwich. "He's the only brother you have."
If he wasn't so busy sleeping with half of USC's campus, then maybe I would.
Oh wait, I mean leading the Trojans to a National Championship.
"He's up here in a few weeks," was all I replied. "I'll see him then."
"Are you ready for class tomorrow?" Dad asked, then took a long sip of his soda.
"I need to get my books." I mentally groaned at another five hundred dollars to be dropped on books, but I always bought new books, and not only the required ones but also the recommended. "But once I unpack, I'm ready."
This quarter, my classes were Sports Nutrition, which I was excited about, Food Safety and Health, Human Anatomy, and Elements of Stat Methods. I wrinkled my nose at that last one, then realized I had no idea what classes Logan had or even what his major was. Suddenly, the two-year gap made its presence known and again I wondered what else was different about Logan.
What else don't I know about him anymore?
Mixed emotions stirred inside me at that thought. On one hand, the fact there was any reason I didn't know Logan as well as I used to made me sad, and how that was entirely my fault drew up a giant, steamy pile of guilt. On the other hand, part of me looked forward to getting to know him again. I had a few burning questions for him, one in particular that resurfaced in my mind more times than I was comfortable with.
Does he... have a girlfriend? He has to, there's no way he doesn't.
"Ellie?" Dad's voice snapped me out of my distracted thoughts. He coughed a few times, then set down his soda and looked directly at me. "You know I'm not happy about this... situation."
Think everyone in the Admissions building and pretty much a five-block radius knows that.
"Yup," was all I replied.
He shifted in his seat and dropped his eye gaze. "Ellie, after what happened -"
"I'm fine," I cut him off because the last thing I wanted was a reminder of why I broke up with Logan years ago or anything that happened since then.
Not going there again.
"I trust Wes and Charlie, it's just -" he paused for a moment like he searched for the right words. He couldn't have found the more wrong ones though, when he said, "I don't think I'll ever get used to you growing up."
"You don't have a choice." His words flared annoyance inside me and I shoved my food tray away. "Like it or not, I'm here. I'm safe and I'm fine. I'm doing the best that I can, on my own, and trying to move forwards."
"I don't want to talk about this," I stood up and grabbed my tray with a hard yank. "Because the more you push, the angrier I'll get and the more likely I'll cut you out of my life. I just... can't keep doing this, sorry."
I didn't wait for an answer, just walked away with my head down. Otherwise both my parents would've seen the tears that welled up in my eyes and no part of me wanted that baggage unpacked.