(Y/N) POV
Social Deity (Kageyama)
(Y/N)
Last-minute warning, you're totally gonna love this idea I have rn,
within the walls of my head
It's amazing ^^
Social Deity
What is it this time, I'm trying to sleep over here.
(Y/N)
Ik Ik, just give me like 2 minutes okay?
Social Deity
Fine whatever
(Y/N)
You just gotta work your ass off,
It's that easy
I expect you to be in tip-top shape alrighty?
Social Deity
I'm always in tip-top shape thank you very much.
But fine, whatever, I will be.
(Y/N)
Alright, now go to bed,
You shouldn't be awake this late
Are you crazy?
Social Deity
You're the one keeping me awake.
(Y/N)
Oh shut up,
Goodnight <3
Social Deity
Night.
♥*♡∞:｡.｡ ｡.｡:∞♡*♥
I was yet to think about it until then, at that moment, as all the emotion I'd put into conversation with Kageyama was once again unreciprocated. Just what was I to him, Kageyama. More than strangers, less than friends, and without me in his life, he could get back to what he was doing before, without distractions, without me wasting his time when he could be practicing. So really, just why was I wasting his time, Hinata's time even. They're both so extremely busy, it doesn't make sense for me to be badgering them both like this.
Regardless of my wretched night, I turned onto my side and faced the wall, forcing my eye closed, trying to just get even a wink of sleep.
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
I'm not sure yet,
but I think that
I want to be something to you
ₓ˚. ୭ ˚○◦˚.˚◦○˚ ୧ .˚ₓ
I turned at the school gate, entering the building. "It's too early to be here."
"Not a morning person (L/N)?" Hinata inquired, putting on his indoor shoes, it was clear that he had been awake for a while, probably in the gym with a volleyball.
"Definitely not," I sighed, putting on my indoor shoes, fighting the urge to fall asleep where I stood. "How about you?"
"Not really, but I really wanted to play some volleyball this morning, so here I am." Ah, that explained it. "So then, why are you here so early in the morning?"
"Oh, well- I mean, I guess that I wanted to watch you guys play a little bit. If that's alright I mean."
"Of course! Does this mean that you're considering being a manager?"
"Well, I'm not entirely sure that I could manage that with everything else going on..."
"But I don't hear about a lot of teams having three managers! So we'd be super cool then."
"Well I mean, I'd be starting next year if I did choose to be a manager, so you'd only have two..." I held back a chuckle as Hinata's smile drooped a little and immediately rose back up.
"But I mean, all of the good teams have two managers anyways, so that still means we'd be in the big leagues!"
"There really isn't any saying no to you is there?" I grinned, "I admire your commitment, and I'll think about it. Does that sound good to you?"
"YES! Absolutely, oh my god, I have to tell Kageyama about this! I have to tell Coach about this!" and then he sped off at a speed that I didn't even consider matching. I felt myself smiling at the floor as Hinata's steps trailed off.
I enjoy feeling wanted, I enjoy telling Hinata what he wants to hear. And something about the way he smiles so widely, and so proudly really makes me want to do whatever it takes to keep it there. But I don't know if I have what it takes to do that. My grades have been slipping, my happiness has been fading. Is it right to put that on somebody else to give me what I'm slowly losing my grip on?
ˏ 𓏧 𓏲 𓏲 𓏲 𓋒 𓏲 𓏲 𓏲 𓏲 𓏧 ˎ
I know how wrong it is,
I know that I shouldn't even consider it,
But he's a dopamine drug to me.
ˏ 𓏧 𓏲 𓏲 𓏲 𓋒 𓏲 𓏲 𓏲 𓏲 𓏧 ˎ
I eventually made my way to the gym, out of breath and incredibly tired. I opened the door to find Hinata laying on the floor surrounded by a brigade of volleyball. Kageyama was balled up against the wall, head between his knees. The air was thick, and the room was silent, all that I could hear were the soft echoes of their breathlessness. As the door creaked open, Kageyama's head gradually turned towards the noise, Hinata's raising from the floor eventually.
"Hey (L/N)..." They both eventually said, voices hollow.
"Who died?" I pondered allowed.
"Only our deathly combo," Hinata mumbled.
"What?"
"Oh, it's just that Hinata is an idiot and thinks that he can open his eyes and spike my sets that way." I heard a faint grumble from Hinata. "Of course, as I predicted, he couldn't." Kageyama glared at Hinata before his eyes met my own. A quiet rage was within them, unquenched and needing an escape.
"I'm sure he just needs to adjust to it! Hinata's always done whatever he's set his mind to!" I couldn't tell if Kageyama was setting this up for me, or if he was being genuine about it, regardless, my answer would stay the same. "Don't you think that you're being a little bit too harsh on him?" Kageyama's fist hit the floor. Hinata only exhaled, head falling back down.
"That's what I said (L/N), I think- I know that I can do it! I just need to practice a little bit more."
"Is this really the smartest thing to do before we start attending official matches Hinata?" Kageyama glared at him once more. "Why don't you just bother sticking to what works? That's how we beat Oikawa, not by wasting time practicing something that we don't know will work." Every word he spoke his tone grew louder, with each syllable that passed he sounded more desperate, every second that passed he was more helpless.
"It's going to stop working eventually! I want to play the game, I want to be the ace! I need to find something that will work indefinitely. My spikes are nearly being blocked. How are we supposed to go up against Oikawa like this?"
"You're not the only spiker on this damn team Hinata. We already have an ace and you know that. You're being so selfish Hinata, and you don't even realize it. I'll just set the ball to other people if you get blocked."
Before their fight progressed any further I found myself leaving the room. Their yells grew quieter as I walked back towards the school building.
As the bell wrung I sat down in my chair, exhausted. Even though my eyes were dry, I could feel them watering at how overwhelmed I felt. I'm just, so done. This hasn't been working. And now, I think that Hinata is just as lost and confused as I am. Even Kageyama, my wingman, is left stranded. I think I saw when Hinata and Kageyama walked into class, but I didn't acknowledge them, and they didn't seem to acknowledge me. At some point, I know that class ended and lunch began, but I'm not sure when that took place. The only thing I was aware of was Kageyama shaking me out of my trance. "What's wrong with you?"
"Huh?" I said rather panicked.
"You've been acting all out of wack for hours now. I thought I was supposed to be your wingman. How am I supposed to do my wingman duties if your head isn't in the game."
"My head is in the game Kageyama."
"You look like death (L/N)."
"I'm fine."
"No, you really don't look good at all." Kageyama walked around me so that he stood in front of me, hands still on my shoulders, looking over my face. "You're pale. Really pale. And the bags under your eyes..."
"I said I'm fine, I was just up late last night studying."
"Are you sure about that? Should I take you to the nurse?" Before I could even shake my head I was being dragged there.
"I thought you were asking me if something was wrong, not telling me that there was something."
"Maybe there is, maybe there isn't, but at the very least, you're an idiot, and definitely need a nap."
"Words of affirmation day isn't going as I wanted it to clearly."
"I don't know if I can be a wingman for you today (L/N)."
"What? You agreed to help me out Kageyama?"
"I know, I did and I know that. But, I can't with Hinata right now, so I'll eat lunch with you in the nurse's office while you lay down."
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
I feel unsafe
When I'm being cared for
And I don't know why
︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵ ‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵‿︵
I laid down in the bed, knots in my stomach. "Did you bring a lunch?" Kageyama asked.
"I think I forgot it in my rush to get to school today."
"Ah, alright." He shoved a couple of items from his bento into his mouth. Grabbing the plum from his rice and opening his mouth as a demonstration, "say 'ah' (L/N)."
My eyebrows formed a line, but I did as he asked and he put the plum into my mouth. I chewed it a couple of times and he seemed happy enough.
"This is weird" I sighed. Kageyama wasn't particularly paying attention, more invested in the food he shoved into his mouth. "I don't frequent the nurses office, I haven't even really seen it before."
"I haven't seen it either," his mouth was still full of food. "I spend all my extra time in the courts."
"I guess you do, yeah." I trailed off. There was a grain of rice stuck to the bottom right corner of his mouth, but my arms felt to heavy to wipe it off. He was sitting in his chair so casually. Legs slightly agape, elbows resting on my bed, next to my knees. He was slouched over the mattress, staring down at what used to be his meal. The light caught the right half of his face, painting a soft glow onto his fair skin.
He looked so beautiful to me.
Hey All! Thank you for reading to this point, I don't see myself finishing this in the future, I started it a couple of years ago, but I've been so busy supporting my family that I can't keep this story going along with my other one. I have about 15 other chapters drafted, with how I wanted the rest of the story to go, but they are nowhere near completion. If I feel like I have the time and motivation to finish this story, I will absolutely :)