TW : drug use, suicide, trauma
Kian's POV
''Mom, please. I don't want to talk to her. I'm probably going to embarrass myself." I whined to my mom who was just chuckling softly.
"Kian, amore. Why would you embarrass yourself? Just be you and that's all that matters." She explained.
How can I be myself when I'm socially awkward and have a tough time talking with someone. And my English is not that perfect, but my mom talks to me in English to make it better.
Being a fourteen-year-old boy is tuff. And no many people accepted me in school. However, I try to talk to someone who may be a potential friend. So far it was bad. And I got bullies.
"I'm going to think about your advice, mamma." I smiled. Just when she was about to reply, the door of our house busted open and my father stumbled in.
"Victor, what happened?" My mom rushed over but got pushed. I was always scared of my papa so I couldn't yell at him or tell him how wrong he was to push mamma aside.
"We are doomed. Our work collapsed." He said and stumbled on the chair. My eyes widened hearing his words. I know that their work was important to them.
"Come?" Mamma yelled. [translation: How?]
"It's all gone. We can't even afford this apartment anymore. It all went to dust." Papa said waving his arms around.
They were both devastated, I could see it in their eyes. But I never expected my life as a young boy to turn out that way. Then months after, we moved into a one-bedroom condo. I was usually sleeping on the thin mattress in the living room if that's what I could call it.
My mamma and papa have started going out more and they would come late. They thought they were quiet but I heard them every time they returned. I could smell alcohol coming from them and another smell I wasn't aware of before.
One day I retreated from school to come home and mamma was using some white powder. She made a line on the small coffee table where I usually ate when we had food and snorted it into her nose. It was strange to see that activity coming from her. I think people aren't supposed to snort things in their noses just like that.
"Mamma, what is that?" I asked curiously and sat next to her. She leaned back and took a big sniff of air before relaxing and smiled softly.
"It makes me happy. I feel relaxed, bebè." She ruffled my hair.
"Would it make me happy if I try?" I asked but she shook her head in response.
"No no. Little boys like you aren't supposed to use this." She chuckled.
"Does it helps with other things too except being happy?" I questioned.
"It helps you to forget."
Very interesting powder that makes you happy and forgetful. I guess it helps my mom to forget what are we going through. But I'm concerned about her using this. It smells weird.
When I looked at her again she was asleep on the floor. She was probably tired. I pulled her up with all of my strength and put her on my back. Mamma has gotten light for these past few months. She always joked that she wanted to be slimmer so she is probably happy now, but I still wanted her to eat more.
I placed her in the bed and covered her with the light duvet, letting her rest herself. She had a bit of white powder on her nose so I wiped it with the blanket. I was scared to touch it.
***
I came home crying after school because some bullies told me that my parents are druggies. But I didn't believe them.
The house was empty but I got used to it. I see my mom more often than papa but that's okay. I don't really like him.
I stopped when I heard the movement in their room. It sounded like a chair screeching so I went to open the door. My mouth hung open at the sight and big tears started sliding down my cheeks.
"Mamma, don't!" I yelled and started to move when she stopped me with the raise of her hand. I couldn't want to move but I regretted it after.
"Mamma can't take the suffering anymore. I tried to forget but I can't. Mamma will always love you, bebè." She smiled and the chair under her got pushed away as I watched my mom close her eyes.
"No! Mamma!" I cried out catching her legs but from that position it was hard. I tried removing her from the rope around her neck, but after few moments, I realized something.
My mamma was gone.
The ring of the doorbell on the door of my apartment, stirred me up as I ran over for help. There stood two cops with hard faces looking at the small form that made me scared.
"Are you family of Victor Moreno?" The taller one asked.
"Yes. I'm his son." I replied.
"With our condolences, we came here to inform you that your father died in the accident." The other one said. I could feel my heart constricting against my chest. My tears dried as I had nothing to spill anymore.
"Where is your mother, kid?"
"She killed herself a few moments ago." I responded plainly. They pushed me aside and ran to the only door in the condo. But my body felt numb. I didn't know what to think anymore.
The cops were yelling something but I blocked out all the sounds as I slid down the wall and brought my knees to my chest. I lost everything in less than an hour. How twisted the fate was...
The therapist wiped a tear and took a serious stance to look more professional. Valeriana was holding my hand tightly and kissed my cheek.
"I love you so much." She whispered with a smile. I kissed her knuckle and lifted the corner of my lips.
"You're very strong, Mr. Moreno, for enduring all of this inside you for so long. How do you feel now that you explained everything?" She asked.
"Good, I guess. I never told anyone what happened in detail. Only my nanny knew." I answered.
"Do you believe you have a problem?" She asked making me furrow my eyebrows together.
"I wouldn't be here if I didn't." She chuckled at my response.
"That's true. But what kind of a problem?" I was still confused, wasn't her job to find out?
"No, I don't."
"The past can't be changed or erased neither can be forgotten, but it can only be accepted." Her words triggered something in me that was never there.
"So Mr. Moreno, I believe you still did not accept what happened with your parents. When you accept that fact, your life will change." She explained. I nodded still at the loss of words.
"Alright! I think it was enough for today, but I expect you to come to the next session. I believe we need to talk a lot more." She smiled. I nodded leaning over and shaking her hand.
We departed from my therapist and walked to the car. Her words were ringing in my head. The past can be only accepted. Was I ready to accept my past and what happened? I believe I can.
"Are you okay, love?" Valeriana's voice snapped me out of my thoughts.
"Yes."
"I was so proud when you were talking. Do you even know how strong are you?" She smiled and stroked my cheek in the way I adore.
"Thank you. It took a lot of time but I did it." I said proudly, stroking her swollen stomach. Our second blessing. I still can't believe we are gifted with the most precious gift anyone could have, again. Our daughter was with her babysitter so we could see my therapist together. I liked when Valeriana was with me.
"I love you."
"I love you forever."
A/N
This is a very important part of the whole story that explains Kian's trauma and nightmares. It took longer to write it because honestly I wasn't thinking about writing it but I did it, after all, to clear up the whole thing. Thank you for reading.