WE PARTED AT THE QUAD. Three hours after leaving CJ alone with her thoughts, I arrived back at the dormitories, heaving from exertion and clutching two plastic bags in my hand. I'd gotten carried away, and while that was a terrible excuse, I couldn't deny that it helped a little.
I raised my hand to knock, not bothering to check if the door had been locked first. If CJ was mad at me, this would give her the opportunity to slam the door in my face, thereby releasing some of that anger, which would lead to us being friends again. Blah blah blah.
Slowly, the door creaked open. CJ stood in front of me, glassy sea-green eyes staring right at me. She chewed on the inside of her cheek. "You forgot your purse." Her voice was a whisper.
"Yeah."
"You were gone a while."
"I was gone for three hours." When she said nothing, I continued. "I'm sorry I left you on your own. I really should not have gotten so carried away."
"Where did you go?"
I gestured to the bags in my hand. "To get kimchee."
She arched a brow. "And?"
There was no winning this. "And nothing. Where could I possibly have gone? I barely know anyone on campus, and I'm not one for extreme socializing," I told her. "I wanted to do something nice for you. Comfort food seemed easy enough. I got distracted. I should've been here sooner."
CJ rolled her eyes and wiped her face with her knuckles. "You expect me to believe that you, Lenny Harlow, ventured into town to get me kimchee, got distracted by some phenomenal miracle, and straight up forgot the reason you left in the first place?"
I parted my lips to explain further.
"I'm not finished, Lenny." She threw the door open. "Come on in. You're starting to attract attention."
CJ switched on a light, then dived into her bed. I stayed in position, back to the door just in case I had to make a run for it. If I was going to get out of this ... debacle, I would have to out myself. I was still playing the scenario over and over again. I wasn't ready to relay it to anyone.
"All right." She turned on her back. "You were saying?"
The heat from the plastic bag was starting to burn my thigh. "You said you weren't finished."
She waved her hand in my direction. "Forget what I said. What were you doing that was so time consuming? You said it yourself; you don't know anyone here. So what took your time?"
With a defeated sigh, I set the bags on whatever platform was closest to me and slumped to the ground. At this rate, shame and I would become very well acquainted sooner than later.
"It was August," I said. "August Wilder. You remember him?"
She moved into a sitting position. "Your ex boyfriend?" I nodded. "He was here?"
"No, he wasn't," I clarified. My eyes wandered to the bags containing our dinner. It was the safest thing to look at. "Will you please let me explain?"
CJ rolled out of bed and walked up to me, hand stretched out towards my face. I took it. She pulled me up, barely managing not to fall backwards.
I may have weighed a little more than the average girl.
"Jeez, what have you been eating," she mumbled, swatting her hand "to restore blood flow." She peered into the plastic bags, filling the air with little noise as she rumpled the material. "Wow," she muttered, "you really went all out. How did you go all out? You didn't even have money on you."
For some reason I could not quite understand, she shot me an accusing glare that made me step back until my back hit the door. "I'm getting to that part. I promise."
CJ's mattress dipped under our combined weight. I shrugged off my jacket and tossed it to the side, legs crossed. CJ produced a styrofoam takeaway from one of the bags and took out a spoon, all without looking away from me.
"I'm waiting."
"All right, all right. Fine." I rolled my eyes and pushed my hair back. "I miss August."
"You can't be serious."
"But I am serious," I said with a wince. CJ cautiously lifted the lid. "I miss August, and I don't know why. I even considered calling hi-"
"Are you kidding me?"
I narrowed my eyes at her. "Are you going to let me talk at all?"
"Not unless you stop playing around." The aroma of curry filled the air around us. CJ dug a spoon into her plate, no longer interested in looking at me. She was probably too disappointed to even try. "You can't just miss August after a year of no contact. It doesn't work that way."
At that point, I wasn't sure what to think. On one hand-if I was being fair to myself-she made sense. On the other hand, well ...
"Yeah, well, explain this situation, then." I threw my hands up in exasperation.
She sneered at me, shoved a spoonful of rice in her mouth, and continued sneering as she chewed. I took her silence as a chance to keep going.
"I met this guy on the bus. Says his name is Colin. Kinda tall-about six something-yellow hair, wicked smile," I told her, "and, he's nice. If you count nearly shoving me off the steps as nice."
CJ swallowed. "Sounds like quite the gentleman. How does this affect anything?"
I let out a heavy breath. "Will you please stop interrupting me?"
She shut the plate and set it aside. "How am I supposed to sit here and listen to you ramble about utter nonsense and not leave input?"
"I-"
"Let it go, Lenny." She leaned across the bed to touch my arm. "Maybe ... Maybe it'd be best if you reached out to him, found closure, or did you two already cover that?"
I nodded.
"Well." She leaned back and reached for the plate. "I still don't know what you're planning to do, but I'm willing to support you as long as it helps you get over this newfound obsession." She gave me a tight-lipped smile.
"Did you find the receipt?" I asked. She looked at me in confusion. "He, Colin, the guy I met, insisted on paying. Honestly, I'm glad he did because I didn't have money on me. You know that," I told her. "You should take a look at the receipt. It's in the second bag."
CJ didn't take her eyes off me as she dropped her plate for the, what, third, fourth time? She was probably already annoyed I was late, and with all the interruptions, I could guess it wasn't making her any happier. But then again, she'd interrupted me too.
She rummaged through the plastic bag, stirring up noise with the sound of the nylon being rumpled over and over. Finally she found it and held it up for me to see. I gave a small nod. There was a smile on my face.
"Turn it over."
On the back of that strip of paper was a string of numbers. I wished it meant what I thought it meant, despite everything I'd worked for in the past year and a half. Colin had enjoyed my company. He'd wanted to meet up again, or something. He'd given me a contact number. Saying it that way made me sound old. I needed to stop smiling. My face was starting to hurt.
"You got his number," said CJ, jaw slacked. "You got his number?" She looked up at me. "You got his number!" She leapt at me, nearly causing the plate to fall. If its contents had spilled onto the bed, I would've killed her. She peered up at me through her bangs and thick lashes. "I can't believe you got a guy's number. Did you ask for it?"
I bit my tongue. What was the point of any of this? Why did I even get on that stupid bus?
Why the fuck did I date August Wilder?
"Does it matter?"
"Uh, duh. Of course, it matters." She got up and leaned back into her previous position. I muttered a silent thanks. "If you asked him, then it could mean that he only gave it to you to be nice. But, if you didn't..." She paused to wiggle her eyebrows. I didn't know what was wrong with her. A second ago, I was fairly certain she wanted to pulverize me. "Then he obviously wants to see you again!" She shoved the paper in my face. "You should totally text him. Tell him you're home. Tell him you liked the kimchee. Tell him you had a good time. Ask him if he's home. Just talk to him."
Well, CJ was on board. That was a good thing. At least, I thought it was. And I hadn't thought about August in ... a minute or two. So, yeah, another win for me. Maybe this Colin guy was a miracle. Sure, it felt a little shitty when I thought too much about it, what with him being a "rebound" and all, but I couldn't let this slip through my fingers. CJ wouldn't let me.
And if it didn't work out, we could still be friends.
"All right, all right." I raised my hands and snatched the receipt from her. Her eyes shone with delight. She was beaming, happy. I wondered what it was like to care so much about a person that their happiness made you happy. I'd had that once, but that was a long time ago. I didn't think I'd have it again.
She scooted back so she was leaning on the wall. "Geez, this is so exciting!" I rolled my eyes at her. She was acting like a schoolgirl.
And she'd successfully strayed off the topic that initially mattered. Granted, it was my fault, but I didn't think she'd care so much about why I was home late.
I weighed my phone in my hand, taking note of the way it felt, of all the angles. I was stalling and I knew it.
Then, the screen lit up. It was Carter's app. I'd gotten another match.
I clicked on the notification, grateful for a distraction, even if it didn't last long. The bio was a bit vague. I couldn't even tell what gender the user was. I supposed it didn't matter much, but I didn't like not knowing things. For all I knew, it could've been a troll account or something.
Darius' Owner, 21
Student and ... Dog owner?
ASU
4.5 meters away
I have a sexy dog. That's all there is to know.
Oh. My. God.
This had to be a joke.
The entire thing with iMeet Cute ... the two matches I'd actually paid attention to since I got the app were complete jokes. Were dating profiles supposed to be that way? Was it really all about the fun parts of yourself?
I was scanning the profile picture for any glimpse of the actual owner when CJ yelled at me. I jumped, startled, and accidentally swiped up.
"Have you texted him yet?" She peered over my shoulder. "What are you waiting for? Why are you on this stupid app?"
Stupid app?
"Get off me, you psycho." I tried to shrug her off, but she was rooted in place, her hand firmly placed on my other shoulder. "Weren't you the one who told me to give it a shot?"
I imagined her rolling her eyes as she sighed and fell backwards in a dramatic way. I was grateful to have her weight off my shoulders.
"That was a hell of a long time ago, Lenny, back when you weren't obsessing over your ex. Back when you hadn't met this ... this Colin guy."
"Well." I snorted. "Thanks to you, I just swiped up. So now, whoever this person is thinks I'm interested." I clicked the power button and tossed the phone over my shoulder hoping it hit her in the face. "Thanks a lot, best friend."
• • •
WHAT WAS I DOING AT the fountain at eleven at night? I didn't fucking know. I'd left my cellphone back at the dorm with CJ. Let her do whatever the hell she wanted to do with it. I didn't care.
The pool sounded like an amazing idea, but I hadn't taken anything with me except my jacket and my unnecessary temper. I needed to go back and apologize. She'd done nothing wrong.
I sniffed. Warm water sprayed me. I bent over to get a better look at the bottom of the fountain, wondering if people still made wishes and threw coins into them. There were no shiny things as far as I could see, but that could have been because someone was taking out the coins. I pictured a black masked bandit, not much better off than I was. It made me feel fuzzy in a bad way.
"Lenny?" a voice called, nearly sending me toppling forward. I straightened, looking them in the eye. It was the library guy, the pool guy, the coffee shop guy.
I was so fucking tired of seeing his stupid face everywhere.
"What?" I snapped, feeling a little awkward as the word left my mouth. It was uncalled for, but I was mad. What did I care about taking my anger out on him? I'd take it out on anyone. I was so tired.
He held up his hands in mock surrender. "Sorry. Just wanted to make sure it was the right person," he said. He looked me in the eyes, stepping forward, stepping forward, until we were inches apart.
I honestly wanted to slap him. Punch him. Kick him. Anything.
"What are you doing out here?" He looked around. "Alone?"
I shrugged, feeling my expression soften as I sat on the fountain's edge. I really didn't care if the water sprayed my back and soaked my clothes. I remembered I still hadn't texted Leah back.
"I'm making a wish." I shoved a hand into the fountain, scooping up some water collected at the bottom of it, watched it drain away through my fingers, shoved my hand in again. My back was no longer to the fountain, my back was to the night. All I could see was him, this man who seemed to be everywhere all the damn time. "What are you doing here? Did you follow me again?"
He laughed. His laugh had a very nice sound. His laugh almost reminded me of August, but I wasn't supposed to think about August right then. Not while with someone else. Not ever again.
"No," he said, staring at the fountain instead of at me. "I just got back from ..." He shook his head. "Doesn't matter."
Of course, it didn't matter. I scoffed. I didn't want to hear about his girlfriend-or boyfriend-but if he intended on getting anything out of me tonight, he needed to be less vague. I wasn't in the mood for it. I still hadn't gotten his name. It was infuriating.
I sighed and placed my leg on the concrete that rounded the fountain. "You know, we're never going to get anywhere if you keep doing this." I played with the water. It calmed me down, but only a little. "What's your name, stalker?" I asked, looking him in the eyes as much as he allowed. And boy did he let me. Was this a staring contest? Was he challenging me with those stupid eyes of his?
He lowered himself onto the concrete. "I'll tell you my name, but you have to give me something in return." He smiled at me. I was slouching very badly. Under the weight of his gaze, self-consciousness got the better of me and I straightened my spine. Piper would've been proud.
"Name your condition first. I'm not going to agree to something without knowing what it is," I told him.
What was I doing? What was I becoming? Just a few hours ago I'd been with someone different. We had fun together. Conversation was great. A few hours before that, I'd been obsessive in my thinking about August. Was this what it felt like to be a tramp? Was I overdoing things?
Maybe he sensed my shift in moods, or maybe it was because I got squirmier than usual, because his gaze hardened in an uncomfortable way, like he was trying to see through me. I wanted to tell him it wouldn't work. No one had ever seen through me, no one except August, and that wound was too fresh for me to let anyone poke at.
What if he saw something he hated? What if he left?
I shook my head. I was being an emotional moron. What the ever living fuck, Lenny? Stop reading too much into things. I tended to swear a lot when I got angry or upset. It was the only way anyone who really knew me could tell how I was feeling.
"Come to the café tomorrow night," he said. "Then I'll give you my name. We can have breakfast for dinner, and we'll never have to see each other again. Not unless you want to."
Of fucking course. It was the most idiotic statement I'd ever heard. How could he say that with a straight face?
"That's a stupid-as-fuck condition," I said. "I'm not doing it."
He sighed, nodded, got up with little trouble, unlike my earlier consort. His major didn't haunt me like Colin's did. Maybe he would be good for me. Maybe.
What would CJ think? I should tell my sister.
"Is there a chance I could change your mind?"
I stared at him blankly. "There's no way I would go out with you just because I want a name, stalker. Plus, my nickname for you has a nice ring to it."
He ran a hand through his hair, his very curly hair that grew upwards. He had a single ear piercing.
He sat back down and looked at me again. I fought the urge to feel around on my face. What was so interesting about it?
"Can I call you Lenore?"
Ugh. Men.
"No," I said sharply, already making to get up and run away. "That name is reserved." Reserved for who, Lenny? You're being overdramatic. No one calls you that. Get over it, and get over him. It's just a name. "It's reserved for my grandmother."
Okay, so, I had resorted to lying. Did it matter? Not one bit. He didn't know what the truth was. All he had to believe were the things I told him. The lies I would obviously feed him if he didn't stop asking foolish questions that were nobody's business.
He nodded, clearly not buying my story. I didn't even think it through. I wanted to facepalm.
I'd told it to him at the pool, when I was obviously thinking about some guy he probably thought I was in love with. For a brief second, I saw my grandmother's face on his. She tsked, shaking her head in disappointment. I stuck my nose up and turned it away. If I needed to be snobbish, I'd be the damn best snob to ever exist.
"Okay, Lenny." He got up again and shoved his hands into his pockets. Did he have trouble sitting still? "Can I at least walk you back to whatever dark hole you crawled out from? It's pretty late. I don't think it's safe for you to walk alone."
"I don't need your opinion on what's safe for me and what's not." I splashed a pathetic handful of water at him, aiming for his face. The water wet his chest-his shirt. I groaned. "I'll be fine. Leave me alone."
Wish a sigh, he set his foot on the concrete. He was glaring very hard at me, like I was frustrating him or something. How the fuck was that any of my business? I didn't ask for company.
"Lenny."
"Stalker?"
"Stop calling me that. I'm not following you."
I scooped up some more water, dribbling it on his shoe. I couldn't very well see what kind of shoe it was, but it looked like a boot. It was black. A black boot.
"Then stop showing up everywhere. I keep running into you. It's so weird." I scooped up some more water, but he stopped me before I could wet his shoe even more. I frowned up at him. "Let go of my hand. This is considered sexual harassment."
He released my hand as if I'd burned him. "Sorry." He pulled his bottom lip into his mouth and chewed on it. The sight made me feel ... things. It made me warm.
I hadn't meant it that way. He should've known that, shouldn't he? I was joshing around! You know, like friends did.
I sounded so pathetic. I felt even worse. I needed to go home.
"I really think you should go," I said to him. "I'll be okay. It's not the first time I've had to walk back to my dorm on my own." It probably did nothing to make the situation better, but I hoped it made me out to be brave. God knows I needed a few redeeming qualities, even if they were all lies.
Then again, I had one. Good-looking convenient liar. Excellent for situations involving seduction. I probably sucked ass at seduction, but what did I know? August and I were together for too long. There was no one for him to compare me to.
He looked down at me. I didn't like being looked down at. "Lenny," he said again. What was his deal with me? With my name? What if he was actually a stalker? Or a kidnapper, or a rapist or something? I didn't even know this guy. What the hell was I doing alone with him near midnight?
"Stop saying my name. I hate the way you make it sound." That was a lie and he sensed it. Good.
"Okay, okay, fine." He let out a huff and placed his foot back on the ground. "Can we please go now? I understand if you don't want me to know what house you're in, and that's totally fine. You don't trust me. I don't care much about that yet. Just let me walk you to the quad."
I scrunched my nose up. "Why are you so adamant about this?" I asked, but got up anyway. As much talk as I had, my bite was nothing to compare.
He just shrugged. "Because." We plunged into the night, the warmth of our bodies making sure we knew we were not alone.
Me to me: did you seriously write five whole chapters without using the f word once?!
Me: *stares in astonishment*
Also me: *fills chapter six with as many swear words as are appropriate*
Hello, there wonderful people. I'm feeling very good about myself today, and I owe it all to authors whose first published works had typos (I'm sorry, I'm a terrible person, but yes, seeing that other people who are now very well known had errors in their first attempts makes me feel better about myself. I'm shallow. I'm aware. I'm deeply sorry.)
Moving on! This was such a long chapter. At least, for me. I usually keep them short, but then I realized that was an incredibly unnecessary thing to do, and that if I was making people wait a week they needed to get something worthwhile, and-
Most of that was true, but, I actually couldn't stop writing midway or anything. I'm holding out on the male pov until he tells Lenny his name, because it wouldn't be fair for you to find out before she does. (Actually, no. I tried writing a chapter from his point of view but I could not. Why? Because I honestly didn't feel like it. I love Lenny. I can't get enough of Lenny. I sound like a lovesick teenager.)
All right. This is getting too long.
I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter! I almost didn't know where I was going with it, but at least now I can see how very connected and important it is to the plot. That makes me very happy.
Okay! Need to stop. *Laughs in typographical errors.*
Please keep India in your prayers and donate if you can! (Probably don't donate to change though?) And don't forget to mask up and stay hydrated! I adore every single one of you, truly.
Until next week,
- angel ✩