"How does it feel?" Dean asked almost an hour later, when he was sure he'd scraped off every last inch of blood. His hand was aching, and his throat was sore because he hadn't stopped singing the entire time, but he would have done it for twice as long if it brought Castiel comfort.
"Sore," Cas said, still resting on his stomach. "But, better, over all."
"Do you want to rest now? Or get the sling back on?" Dean asked.
"Better get the sling back on," Castiel decided. "Then, definitely rest." He pushed himself up and climbed out of the bed, and Dean helped him with the sling once again. Castiel was so appreciative of Dean's kindness, and his patience. He wished he could form the words to let Dean know how much he meant to him. But all he could manage was, "Thank you, Dean."
"Get some rest," Dean said, picking up the bucket of bloody water and the rag. "l'll be back to check on you later."
Cas nodded and climbed back into bed, pulling the blankets up and covering his wings and bare chest. Within minutes he was fast asleep.
He woke up the next morning feeling much better rested and in less pain than he'd been in for a long time. He sat up and pulled the blankets away, then yawned and stretched his left wing and arms at the same time. God, if felt good to have the sticky, dry blood gone and to feel like he could stretch each feather as he needed to. Feathers that had been torn, burned, or shredded were slowly growing back, making him feel whole again. He was still waiting for the break in the right wing to heal but that would happen in time.
As he made his way towards the door he saw that Dean's blankets and pillow were still on the floor next to the bed. Had he slept there again? If so he wasn't there now.
He grabbed his trench coat and slipped it on over his wings. He was tired of walking around half naked. The bends of his wings stuck out over the collar quite a bit, and their tips fell several inches below the coat. It felt snug with his wings inside and didn't close in the front due to the bulk, but at least it was something, and it provided more comfort than he expected it to.
He walked out into the main room of the bunker calling for Sam and Dean but heard nothing, so he made his way to the kitchen. No one was there either.
Then Castiel had an idea. Dean and Sam had both done so much for him lately, and he wanted to do something for them. So he decided to make them some breakfast. He'd never done it before but how hard could it be to whip up some bacon and eggs?
*********
"Woah," Dean said, walking into the kitchen. His eyes went wide at the huge mess all over the counters and stove, and the angel in the middle of it all, looking confused and frustrated, but also embarrassed.
"Cas, what happened?" he asked. "Did the kitchen explode on you or something?" There were dirty pots and pans everywhere, broken eggs and pancake batter on the counter and floor and the smell of burned bacon in the air.
"I, uh, was trying to make breakfast," Cas said glumly. "For you and Sam. It didn't work out like I'd hoped, clearly." He looked around at the huge mess he'd made. "I'm sorry, Dean. I know it's a mess. I'll clean it up." He started piling dishes next the sink and grabbed a washcloth, but then he felt the hunter's warm breath on his neck and a hand reached over and took the rag from his. He noticed that he didn't flinch even with the hunter so close to him. He turned to face Dean and came closer to his face than he'd anticipated. He stepped back a little, flustered and he was sure Dean noticed him blushing.
"Dean, please, I want to clean this myself. It's my mess. You have done enough," he insisted.
"Why don't we clean it together?" Dean suggested. He grabbed a towel and tossed it to Cas. "I'll wash, you dry." He couldn't help but notice Castiel's new "look." Trench coat on over his wings, and his black dress pants as always, but still no shirt. He couldn't decide if the angle looked dorky or sexy as hell, or maybe a little bit of both.
"Alright," Cas said reluctantly, though he was thankful for the help. They worked silently for a bit before Cas spoke. "Dean, did you sleep on the floor again last night?" he asked.
"Yeah," Dean said. "I wanted to make sure I was there if you needed me." He swore he saw Cas blush again and it made him smile. "Thanks for trying to make breakfast," he said, "even if it didn't work out."
"You've done so much for me, Dean," Cas said sincerely, drying a clean pan. "I just wanted to do something for you. I guess I'll have to try something else."
"No, you don't, Cas," Dean said. "Look, don't get me wrong, I appreciate it. I do. But you don't need to repay me. That's not what friendship is. I'm here for you because you need me to be, okay? And when I need you to be there for me, you will be. I'm sure of it. Because you always have been." He looked at the angel, and the angel looked at him, for a long time. Dean didn't know what to do. He couldn't look away. Cas wasn't looking away. In fact he swore he saw the angel's eyes glance towards his lips and he swallowed, his heart pounding.
"Hey guys," Sam said from the doorway, looking at his phone. He didn't realize he'd walked in on something until he looked up and Dean and Cas both looked away from each other, flushed. Woah, he thought. "Did I interrupt something?" he asked.
"No," Dean and Cas said firmly and in unison, looking at Sam.
Sam tried to hide a grin. "Okay," he said, "Well, Gabriel just texted. He's got the Seal of Solomon and he says he should be back any day now with it and the Fruit. So we should be able to get Mom and Jack back soon."
"After we catch Lucifer," Dean pointed out, since they needed his grace for the spell.
"Right," Sam said, a little deflated. "But we're getting closer."
We were getting closer, Dean thought. Before you showed up.
********
"So, uh, it seems like things between you and Cas are going okay?" Sam said as they ate lunch that afternoon.
"Shut up," Dean said, shoving a fist fill of sandwich into his mouth.
"Dean, I saw the way you two reacted when I walked in on you earlier," Sam said. "Am I wrong or are you guys . . . getting friendlier?" he coaxed.
Dean just kept chewing his sandwich, taking another huge bite. He took a swig of his beer and then got up from the table and walked away.
Sam sighed. "Good talk," he said to himself.
***********
Dean sat in his room with his head in his hands. He had such a rush of emotions going through him right now. Excitement and anxiety about what had happened between he and Cas. But also guilt and fear at the thought of leaving him again once Gabriel did get back with what they needed to open the rift. He was relieved to finally be so close to getting his Mom and Jack back but he also felt so torn between his duty to care for Cas and his duty to save the other members of his family. Cas hadn't done so well the last time they had gone on a mission and Dean was worried about leaving him alone again. Especially if Lucifer was going to be in the bunker. They were going to get Rowena's help in keeping Lucifer bound but if something did happen and he escaped, even at his best Cas was in no condition to fight the Archangel, and now, with everything he was going through, he wouldn't stand a chance. And what if something happened to Dean while he was over there? What if he never saw Cas again?
One thing he did know was that whatever happened, right now was all he had, and he needed to make the most of it-needed to spend as much time with the angel as he could before he had to leave.
He stood up and walked down the hall to Castiel's room. The door was shut so he knocked gently. "Cas?" he said.
"Come in, Dean," he heard Castiel say in his deep gravely voice.
When he entered the room he saw Castiel sitting at the foot of the bed with the remote in his hand scanning through Netflix. He saw that the angel was still in his trench coat. "Resting?" he asked, sticking his hands in his pockets.
"More just bored," Castiel sighed. "I've been stuck inside for days. I can't help out on missions. I feel like I just need some fresh air but I can't very well go out like this," he gestured to his wings and his lack of clothing.
Dean nodded. "Yeah, I see what you mean," he said. But then it occurred to him, "We could go for a drive, in Baby. Stay on the back roads, roll the windows down if you want. No one would see you."
"Okay," Castiel said, "I like the sound of that."
"Great," Dean said, clapping his hands together. "Let's go."
They told Sam they were going for a drive. He didn't say anything, just grinned and went back to his books, as Dean gave him the shut up face.
As they were climbing into the car Dean thought, Did I just ask Cas on a date? Did he just say yes? Is that . . .? Are we . . .? Holy shit! His heart was racing now, but he told himself to just calm down and drive.
He looked over at Cas, sitting next to him, looking rather ridiculous with his wings sticking out both above and below his trench coat. But he also looked content and comfortable, which Dean was thankful for.
He pulled out on to the country road and rolled the windows down so that Cas could enjoy the breeze. The angel rested his head back on the seat and sighed, drinking in the smell of grass, the warmth of the late afternoon sun, and the feel of the wind blowing through his hair. And he smiled.
Damn, he's beautiful, Dean caught himself thinking as he looked at the angel, his blue eyes closed, smiling that breathtaking smile. Dean watched as the wind ruffled his perfect dark hair. There's no way I can leave him here alone, he thought, his heart breaking. What if I never see him again? What if he loses me?
He jerked back to reality when he realized he was starting to drive off the road and swerved, which startled Castiel and brought the angel out of his rested state.
"Dean?" he said, worried. "What happened?"
"Uh, squirrel," Dean lied, and he didn't even believe himself. Squirrel? Really? That's the best you could come up with? He criticized himself.
"Dean, are you okay?" Cas asked, narrowing his eyebrows at his friend.
"Yeah, of course," Dean lied again, playing it cool. "Hey, let's listen to some music," he reached over and turned on the radio. They were starting to play one of his favorite songs and he started to sing along, tapping the steering wheel, and motioned for Cas to join him. The angel hesitated. "C'mon, you know you want to," Dean encouraged, grinning at him like a giddy little boy. "I know you know this one."
Cas grinned at the hunter. It did sound like fun.
"Just the good old boys," they started singing, and Cas's smile got bigger. Dean looked at him, smiling from ear to ear as well. The angel seemed extremely happy that they were singing together, something they had never done before.
"Never meanin' no harm
Beats all you ever saw
Been in trouble with the law
Since the day they was born
Straightenin' the curves
Oh, flattenin' the hills
Someday the mountain might get 'em but the law never will.
Making their way, the only way they know how
Yeah, well, that's just a little bit more
Than the law will allow
Making their way, the only way they know how
Yeah, well, that's just a little bit more
Than the law will allow
I'm I good ol' boy
You know my mamma loves me
But she don't understand why they keep showin' my hands
And not my face on TV
Making their way, the only way they know how
Yeah, well, that's just a little bit more
Than the law will allow"
"Wooh!" Dean said, throwing his fist into the air as they finished. "Yeah." He looked at his friend. "You're not half bad, Cas," he said. He almost reached over and slapped the angel on the shoulder but caught himself.
"Thank you," Cas said, nodding his head in appreciation. "That's good to hear."
Another moment of silence passed and Cas noticed it was dark out now. "Should we head back?" he asked.
"Nah, I have a better idea," Dean said. He drove about a quarter of a mile longer and then pulled off into a clearing, far enough off the road that they wouldn't be seen by other cars. There was a large open field in front of them, and a small lake beyond it, the moonlight shining down on the water, making it sparkle. The stars up above them were endless.
"What are we doing?" Castiel asked, confused as Dean turned off Baby.
"C'mon," Dean said getting out of the car, and Cas followed. Dean didn't say anything else. He just climbed up on Baby's hood and sat, resting back on his hands, staring at the sky.
"What are we doing?" Castiel asked again, climbing up to sit next to Dean. He ended up sitting on one of his wings and had to pull it out from under him. He could feel the evening breeze on his partially bare chest and actually found it rather soothing.
"Nothing," Dean said contentedly, laying all the way back now, hands behind his head, feet crossed over each other, staring at the sky.
Cas followed Dean's gaze, looking up at the stars. They were beautiful. In all of his years on earth he didn't think he'd ever really taken the time to notice and appreciate them the way Dean seemed to be right now. He looked over and smiled at the man lying next to him.
"C'mon," Dean said, patting the hood behind Cas. "It's better if you lay down."
Cas lied down next to Dean, folding his arms on his chest. "Do you do this often?" he asked.
"Not so much anymore," Dean said. "But when I was younger, Sam and I, we'd be out on hunting trips with my dad and he'd pull over at night sometimes, somewhere like this, and . . . yeah, it was nice, you know, enjoying the creation instead of hunting it . . . just being peaceful for a little while. Then when my dad passed, Sam and I would do it sometimes on our own." Dean sighed. "It's been a while." He gaze didn't stray once from the heavens as he talked.
"Well," Castiel said, "Thank you for sharing it with me." He smiled at the hunter who smiled back.
I know what you hate
I know who you love
. . . what you fear
There is nothing for you back there
The voice of the Empty came flooding back into his mind again. But this time he didn't listen. This time he knew the truth. He knew that Dean Winchester loved him, and he knew he needed to say something. He sat up, looking down. "Dean?" he said.
"What is it, Cas?" Dean said, sitting up next to him. "Are you okay?"
"Yes. No," Cas stammered, wringing his hands together. "I, um." He didn't know why he was so nervous. He already knew that Dean loved him, so why was this so hard? "Dean," he finally said again, starting to tremble slightly, "I know." He looked at the hunter now, his heart beating faster. Dean seamed confused when he responded.
"Know what?" he asked.
"I heard what you said," Cas said softly, "when I was unconscious."
Now Dean's heart was racing and his face flushed. "Oh," he said. "I, uh," he rubbed the back of his neck with his hand, looking down. "Look, Cas, we don't . . . I mean, I don't . . . ," he couldn't form words. But then he felt a hand resting gently on his knee and he looked up to meet the angel's gaze.
"Don't what?" Cas said gently. "Don't love me?" he smiled slightly knowing the answer already. He could feel Dean's leg trembling slightly at his touch.
"No, Cas," Dean was quick to say. His eyes softened and he moved his hand from behind his neck and rested it on Castiel's. He opened his mouth to continue but Castiel put his finger to Dean's lips and stopped him.
"Dean, you've told me how you feel about me," Cas said. "Now it's my turn."
Dean nodded. He let out a deep breath. He was shaking.
"Dean, you've changed me," Castiel said, looking into the hunter's beautiful green eyes. "Knowing you has been the best part of my life." Tears started to fill his eyes now. "You've shown me love in the ways I needed it most these last few days. You've shown me that I am still lovable even when I am struggling. Even when I don't love myself. Your love, and kindness, they've strengthened me. You've helped me not be afraid anymore. You've helped me see the good in this world and in myself, always. From the moment I met you, my life has been better. I love you. Dean, I've always loved you."
Dean felt tears in his eyes as well. He smiled and scooted closer, reaching up to wipe the tears from the angel's cheeks. Then he moved his hand down to rest on the back of Castiel's neck, placing the other hand slowly, gently on the angel's waist, under his trench coat. He relished the feeling of the angel's bare skin under his hand. And he smiled, noticing that Castiel was not trembling or jerking away. And they rested their foreheads together.
Castiel closed his eyes, smiling contentedly, feeling the hunter's strong, gentle hands on his skin. He wrapped his arms around the hunter's neck.
Dean started to inch his hand under Castiel's wing, and further up his back, but then he noticed the angel was shuddering, and he paused. "Are you okay?" he asked gently. "Is this okay?"
Cas nodded, still keeping his arms around Dean's neck, and his forehead against his. He was still so amazed and appreciative at how patient and understanding Dean had been with him through all of this. And it just made him want Dean's touch more. And the shuddering, it wasn't from fear or anxiety this time. It was anticipation and excitement.
Dean smiled and continued to move his hand up Castiel's strong back until it was resting on the soft feathers that attached to his shoulder blade. His heart was beating faster. "May I?" he asked, and Cas nodded again. He started to stroke the outer feathers and he felt Castiel's wing flutter, and the angel's body shifted slightly. He smiled as Castiel's breathing grew heavier with each stroke.
Cas melted into Dean's touch. The feel of his, strong, gentle hands moving through his feathers. He had started on the top feathers but was beginning to go a little deeper, stroking the softer, down feathers underneath as well. It was soothing but intoxicating at the same time. He moved his face to the side so that his cheek was flush with Dean's. The hunter's face was slightly rough with stubble but Cas caressed it with own just the same. He felt Dean's warm breath on his neck and shoulder. "Dean," he said softly, passionately.
"Cas," Dean said in the same tone. He couldn't believe he was so close to the angel right now. Their faces touching. He felt like he'd waited forever for this moment. He didn't want it to end.
Cas moved his cheek away from Dean's and the hunter stopped stroking his wing for a second as they looked into each other's eyes. They were both breathing heavily as the rested their foreheads together once again, smiling. Both still gripping the other tightly as if they let go they might not get each other back.
"Dean?" Cas said, still catching his breath.
"Hmmm?" the hunter replied, doing the same.
"Please kiss me," Castiel pleaded.
And that was all the invitation the hunter needed. He took the angel's face into his hands gently and pressed his lips to his. Something surged through him, and he didn't quite know what it was or how to explain it, but he'd never felt like this before, kissing anyone. It felt right, it felt good, it felt like home. Castiel's slightly chapped lips interlocking with his, kissing him back. He kept one hand on the angel's face, and slid the other under his coat and around his back once again. He felt Cas leaning into him even more as they kissed, and he began to fall back, slowly onto the Impala, taking the angel with him.
Castiel hovered over the hunter, his heart racing, their lips still locked. But then an intense wave a pain shot through his right wing and down his back, and he pulled away from the kiss suddenly, screaming and wincing.
"Cas?" Dean said alarmed as the angel sat back, groaning in pain. He pushed himself up and his eyes went wide when he noticed a blue light emanating from Castiel's wing.
The angel grunted, clenching his teeth, eyes closed, trying to work through the pain. "My wing," he said through gritted teeth, "It's healing."
"Is there anything I can do?" Dean asked, desperate to help.
"Get the sling off," Cas said slowly, grimacing. "And the coat."
Dean reached over and slid the coat off the angel's back quickly but gently, then got up on his knees to reach the sling that had kept Castiel's wing in place while it healed, and untied it, sliding it off the bend of the wing and across the angel's torso until it was laying on the hood of the car. All the while Castiel's wing continued to glow blue. There was a final brilliant light, and Dean had to close his eyes as Castiel fell onto his hands and knees, and let out one last, intense scream, and then it was over.
Cas sat up, shaking, and trying to catch his breath. "It's okay, Dean," he said slowly. "You can open your eyes."
Dean did, and what he saw was breathtaking. Cas was expanding his wings to their full length, spreading them out to the side, and then up into the air, and back again. They were illuminated in the light of the moon, powerful, strong, beautiful. The angel fluttered his feathers on the sides and tips of each wing, looking from one to the other, and smiling satisfactorily. When his gaze returned to Dean's his wings were still spread, almost getting lost in the blackness of the night sky. Dean couldn't stop staring. "Wow," was all he could say. "Just when I thought you couldn't be any more sexy."
Castiel smiled and blushed. He scooted closer to Dean and brought his wings forward, using them to envelope the man he loved. He placed his hands on the hunter's cheeks and kissed him. He felt Dean's hands resting on his chest. After a moment he felt Dean's hands pushing against his chest slightly and he pulled away.
"You okay?" Cas asked, smiling.
Dean smiled too, keeping his hands on the angel's chest, and nodding. "Yeah," he said, out of breath. "I just . . . need a minute."
They sat for a moment before Cas spoke again. "Dean, does this mean we're . . . together?" he asked, sliding his hands down to rest on Dean's chest as well, his wings still wrapped around the hunter.
Dean smiled, "Yeah, Cas, I think it does," he said. Then he slid his hands up the angel's chest and rested them on the sides of his neck, and brought him in for another kiss.