I dont know if I have moved on yet, but I did move out.
I know that it was more of an instinctive decision, which makes it a little bad. But personally, I needed it.
I got accepted at Kingston University, which is like.. only two hours away from home, so I can be close enough to Judy when she needs me. Luckily, Andrea accompanied me there, so we were lucky enough to be able to share a dorm room together.
Life is good now, its been almost four months since that morning.
It took me about five hours to come out of the initial shock, and accept the fact that the person who has been my only family for past six years has died too. And the very moment that I realized this, I was raging with anger.
I blame it all on Harry. He was so fucking desperate to become normal again, that he didn't even realize how Niall was evidently plotting a fucking suicide alongside.
I dont even remember the last thing we said to each other. And I didn't even get a proper goodbye, hell I didn't even get to bury him. All because of Harry.
And I dont even want to begin thinking about Niall-being-Cian-and-fulfilling-his-life-destiny shit. It is all too much.
That is partially the reason why I escaped from that place. Life has been cruel to me, but I am not going to wait for a good thing to happen from now on. I am going to fight my way through everything and snatch happiness from fate.
Studying English Literature has always been a dream of my parents' and mine. And I get to fulfil it now.
I haven't talked to Harry in a very long time, although we didn't part ways in anger, we both knew that it was probably better if we ended things. I will always look at him as the reason of my best friend's death. And I dont think anymore time or apology is going to help it.
"Violet Adams?" I snapped back in reality as I heard someone call my name.
It was Andrea, waving her palm in front of my face.
"Sorry, what?" I said, shaking my head a little to stop the flow of thoughts.
We were currently sitting on my bed, trying to decide on an outfit.
"How does this look?" She asked me, probably the third time because I am sure I wasn't listening the first two times.
She was holding up a green knee length dress, it was off shoulders, and had a cute, shiny belt at the waist. It would definitely look amazing on her.
"I think this is the one," I said, already imagining how drop dead gorgeous she's gonna look tonight.
It's Louis' Birthday today.
And he is giving us a party at his father's farm house. Apparently, he has invited more than half of the school, as a little reunion.
Now, the tiny little problem is that the farm house is only about ten minutes away from Judy's house, which means I will have to control all the urges to go there for a little bit, just to see what Harry is up to these days.
You can do this, Violet.
__________________________________
Turns out I couldn't.
That's how I end up standing in my old room about two hours later.
Harry isn't here, which is good. Now, I have to find my air pods. (That's what I said to Judy when I came in the house)
The room is exactly how I left it, not one thing has been touched.
I also had to pick up some clothes, so I started looking through my closet slowly.
Now that I am here, I strongly dont want to run into Harry, looking at his face will resurface all the memories, and I am barely holding things together right now.
Wait, if he is visible now, how can he come inside? Judy doesn't know anything about him, why would she let him in?
Just on cue, I heard the staircase unfolding from the ceiling.
Crap.
"Oh, hey! I didn't know you were coming." His voice sounds a little hoarse, as if he is nervous.
I could feel my heart breaking a little, and my throat starting to dry.
"Yeah, I just stopped by to... get some clothes and my air pods," I said awkwardly, still not looking up at him.
"Oh.. okay," I could hear the pain in his voice, and the disappointment.
Good.
From the corner of my eyes, I noticed that he wasn't moving, which made me look up at him.
But I shouldn't have done that.
Because the moment my eyes met his green orbs, I felt all my walls slowly crashing down.
I had to take a few breaths to stop myself from tearing up, but when I felt my eyes starting to water, I quickly turned around and pretended to look for something.
A single tear fell down and landed on my hand. And before I could stop it, I sniffed.
Shit, he's gonna know.
"Violet," He called out softly, whispering.
I didn't answer. I would have but I am not sure if I could.
"Violet, please look at me."
Shit. Shit. Shit.
He is standing right behind me now. I quickly wiped any left over tears and sniffed again, making sure to put all my guards back up, I am not forgiving him, never.
When I turned around, he had the saddest expression on his face, a look of helplessness.
"I know what happened is unforgivable, so I am not gonna apologize to you."
"Good choice,"
Sarcasm, the ultimate weapon is out.
He ignored that comment, and walked towards the nightstand to pick something up.
"Niall had asked me to put it beside your night stand before the cure ritual, but you didn't read it. I wanted to give it to you earlier but you didn't.. you weren't listening to me, so.."
I did see that envelope addressed to me, but I was in so much hurry to reach to him that I didn't even give it a second glance, and after that I didn't let Harry talk to me for days, and then shifted to the dorms.
"To Violet" was written in Niall's handwriting, looking at it made me want to punch somebody, and cry ofcourse.
I quietly took it out of his hands and kept it in my purse carefully. I will read it when I am alone.
"Okay, I should probably get back to Louis' party,"
Fuck, why did I say that!!
"Oh, I am going there too!" Harry exclaimed, making my head shoot up to look at him.
WHAT?!
"I.. umm... actually, I have started working in a bakery recently, Louis works there as well, and we became good friends. So he invited me over to his party."
Oh. So he does go out of the house, but how does he get in?
I am tempted to ask but I'll have to talk to him for that. Which I dont want.
"Okay, cool. See you around then," I said, sounding harsher than I intended.
"Wait, can I join you?"
No.
"If you want to," I couldn't say no because that would be harsh, and he doesn't even have a car.
I wish I had some alcohol in my system to tackle this situation. I would have handled it a lot better than this, trust me.
"Great, let me just go and grab my shoes." He said happily, already moving towards the staircase.
Wow, he looks so much normal. I mean, I cant feel that much difference, but just the fact that he has to go upstairs and wear actual shoes, and how he has to use vehicles to get somewhere, and how he has a job now, and the fact that he has already became friends with people.
He really is living his best life right now, and he really got what he wanted.
Maybe, he doesn't even need me anymore.
Wow, he has basically used Niall and me to get what he was dying to get since decades.
"Okay, I am ready, love."
My heart skipped a beat at the nickname, not in a good way.
Well, in a good way, but I didn't feel good about it.
He doesn't affect me anymore. I will forget and behave normally but I will never forgive.
We reached Louis' house after a very awkward ride. I almost jumped out of the moving car to get out of the tension that had gathered in the last ten minutes.
God, save me.
We were greeted by the birthday boy himself when he opened the door to let us in.
"Oh, Hey there mate! And Hi Violet! I see you two have met already," He said cheerfully.
"Yeah umm, we just arrived at the same time." I said before Harry could say anything. I am not telling anybody that I know him. Saves time and energy.
"Happy Birthday Louis," Harry greeted after a second, handing him a small bag.
"Happy Birthday," I greeted after he said thank you to Harry.
"Thanks Vi, I loved your present," He answered, giving me a side hug.
I had ordered him a new gaming headphones, which must have been delivered this morning.
"I am glad you did," I smiled.
Over the past months, we all as a gang have come closure than before, which proved to be a very good distraction.
I soon lost track of Harry and Louis as I went inside to look for the girls. I am glad to be away from him.
Fast forward to next two hours, we played lots of drinking games, I was slowly becoming a champ at this whole party thing. Who would have thought?
"Lets go dance,"
Okay, let me re phrase, I am almost a champ at this whole party thing.
The dancing part, I still suck.
I mean, I dont suck at dancing, I just suck at doing it in front of people.
I remember how much I had enjoyed dancing with Harry that night on new years. Our first kiss.
Shut up!
This is wrong. I can't keep in contact with him and not think about all the history we have.
Its such a weird situation. Harry is the one person who can make me feel calm and relaxed, and now he is also the one person who can bring back all the nightmares that I have.
He is my best dream and my worst nightmare.
Just when I started to think about not thinking about Harry, his face suddenly appears in front of me.
What the hell?
"Hey, can I have this dance?"
Oh damn.
I heard Andrea and Nichole swooning in the background.
"I will personally kill you if you dont say yes, Violet." That was Nichole.
I looked down at his outstretched hand. And then back up at his face.
"Please,"
Oh, not the puppy eyes.
I swear I heard Andrea taking a sharp breathe in at that point.
Okay, think quick I dont have time.
Oh fuck it, I'll go.
I kept my hand nervously on his, and followed him in the middle of the floor where everybody were dancing. Just when we got a spot, the song changed to Perfect by Ed Sheeran.
Fucking perfect.
I looked over at the counter to see Zayn, who was incharge of music.
I swear he winked at me. Okay, they are setting us up. This was a bad idea.
Meanwhile, Harry and I have started slow dancing. My hand is awkwardly resting on his shoulder, his on my waist.
I cant look at him. Nope, I will just stare at out legs.
"I miss you," I think I heard Harry's whisper, near my ear.
Oh no, please. Dont say that.
I still didn't look at him.
I can feel a few stares, mostly from behind us. Louis and Nichole.
Oh, did I mention they are officially dating?
Yup, they are. My ship has sailed.
"Violet, please." I heard him again. Even softer.
This made me look up.
His eyes were moist too.
And that did it, I couldn't stand being near him anymore. I stopped moving and took a step back.
"Stop," I mouthed, shaking my head as I started walking towards the patio.
I need air.
I spotted a more deserted part on the side of the front yard. There was a bench too.
So I went to sit there, with no one around.
It took me a few seconds to breathe properly again. And then I took out the envelope.
It was sealed. Meaning that Harry has not tried to read the letter.
I felt a bit relieved at that.
Carefully, I opened the envelope, already feeling my vision blurring a little.
_______________________________________________________________________________________
Okay, the Epilogue's done.
This isn't the end though, there's one more part.
Do let me know what you guys think in the comments, and give it a vote if you like it!
See you soon,
Sincerely,
Meera.