Trigger warning - Mention of suicide
"Violet, baby, please tell me what you're thinking, please," He was softly rubbing his hands up and down my arm.
"How dare you, Harry?" I whispered. I have no energy to shout and cry and fight right now.
"What?" He asked, clueless.
"How dare you made me fall in love with you, how dare you just gave me the most memorable night one moment and took away that happiness the other moment, how dare you helped me move on from my past when you already had another trauma waiting for me, how dare you, Harry?" I didn't realize when I started crying, but by the time I finished, I couldn't see his face clearly, tears were pouring out in full flow.
"I know, I am so sorry, Violet. Trust me, I wouldn't have done this but... I really don't have anything to say in my defense. I don't expect you to understand."
"Am I not enough? Do I not love you enough to make you consider thinking about me?" I couldn't help but voice out my fears.
I can't think straight. All the anxiety and fear and restlessness has resurfaced.
"No baby, you're more than just enough. You are so much more. And to be honest, I dont think I even deserve you."
I dont have anything to say to him.
I kept staring at his face until I couldn't see his face anymore, until tears started to flow again.
Before I knew it, my head was snuggled down on the crook of his neck, and I was sobbing loudly.
"I am so sorry, love. I am so so sorry." And then I started hearing sniffles.
That made me look up at him again.
"I love you so much," He mouthed to me, with tears in his eyes as well.
That made the left over pieces of my heart break into a million pieces again.
I cupped his face with my hands and touched my forehead to his.
When I kissed him, I could taste the saltiness of both our tears.
A thought suddenly struck my mind.
"Okay, I respect your decision, Harry. But only if you respect mine in return," I managed to day between hiccups.
He didn't say anything, but urged me to go on with a simple nod.
"If you die, I die with you."
"What? No, that's absurd." He got up from the bed.
"Why? Only you have a right to make decisions?" I asked sarcastically.
I feel a lot better suddenly. Knowing that if anything happens to Harry, I will not have to go through the pain. I will have a way out.
And honestly, I don't want to live in a world without Harry in it.
"Violet, you have your whole life in front of you? There's so many things that you haven't done yet. Your career, your studies, you're just a kid!"
"Nothing matters to me more than you, unlike you." I shrugged.
He was getting angry now.
"Okay, relax.. there's only one percent chance of me dying. And I know that you're strong enough to cope with that, Violet. I have lived more than my fair share of life on this earth. I dont think you understand how painful it is to live a life knowing that its never gonna end."
He stopped, and sat down in front of me, holding my hands in his.
"Contrary to the popular belief, immortality sucks."
"Yeah, I get it. And I support you. I'll even accompany you there, Harry."
I dont even need his affirmation now.
If he dies, I die too. That's it.
"Violet," He said my name like it pains him, closed his eyes and kissed my hands.
"You're my angel. You came into my life with a purpose, and you saved me, my love. You are the reason why I got a chance to set myself free. Please, please, for my sake, dont end your life if something happens to me. It is very beautiful, trust me." I felt a tear drop on my finger.
"You're my angel too, Harry. You freed me too. And I am really in debt of you for that, but I cant give you what you're asking. Even if I dont kill myself, I might die of the grief."
He didn't say anything after that.
Instead, we went to sit outside in the balcony.
He said he wanted to watch the stars with me.
He said he wanted to forget everything tonight. I wanted that too.
"Sometimes I wonder if we would have fallen in love if we met in different circumstances," Harry said after a long silence, I was almost about to fall asleep.
The cool wind was very softly touching our faces as we cuddled on the couch.
"What do you mean?"
"You know, like, if I met you at a café, and we instantly become friends, and one day I ask you out for a movie or something, or maybe like, if we were childhood bestfriends at first.. you know, like we read in novels.." He trailed of, probably imagining it in his head.
I couldn't bring myself to imagine anything. There was only one thing revolving in my mind.
"That would have been nice," I still replied out of curtesy.
"Hey,"
I felt him tighten his arms around me. Silently, I looked up at him, not knowing how to stop my tears again.
I used to hate crying so much.
What happened now?
He didn't say anything, probably because there wasn't anything left to be said.
He leaned in and kissed my forehead.
"Forever,"
That was the last word I heard from him before my eyes became heavier and I drifted off in a dreamless sleep.
_________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Now the next chapter is gonna be the last one.
I am not gonna jinx anything by saying stuff like I cant believe how far I have reached because knowing my dumbass, I will probably lose the flow and not finish the book.
Anyway, so do tell me what you think in the comments, and give it a vote if you feel like it..
Sincerely,
Meera.