✧･ﾟ* CHAPTER TWO
In My Dreams
(Season 1, episode 1)
"You don't know what it's like,
Not to know who you are"
THE LIBRARY WAS A SECOND HOME FOR ANYA AT THIS POINT.
It was the only place Grayson let her go alone. It was exactly two blocks over from the apartment building, about 467 steps. Being the only escape she had from going crazy in her room, Anya went every chance she got. She used this time to catch up on everything she had missed while being locked up and while she was taken in the blip. World events, politics, social norms, trends, you get the picture.
So much had happened, so much she missed out on. Anya wished she had led a normal life all these years. A life where she wouldn't have to study up on over a decade of events.
Anya couldn't help but look up Bucky's name when she sat at the library's computers. Information on his pardon came up but something else caught her eye. A link to the Smithsonian museum? She clicked on it.
"Best friends since childhood, Bucky Barnes and Steven Rogers were inseparable on both schoolyard and battlefield. Barnes is the only Howling Commando to give his life in service of his country."
There was a picture of Bucky looking much... happier than she had seen him before. Beside him was Captain America himself, Steve Rogers. Anya certainly knew who he was. But she didn't know they were friends. Interesting.
The library was quiet and peaceful. Quiet was something she never got used to. She often thought back to her cell where music would play every hour of every day. She used to think it was tortue. But in reality, it was conditioning. It was teaching. Given her abilities, they wanted her to learn songs, melodies, harmonies, train her voice to emulate the songs they played for her. To grow her power.
So a place this quiet was the strangest sensation. She could never stay for too long, only a few hours at a time. Anya would start to get antsy, she needed noise. It was just habit.
With two new books in her tote bag, Anya made her way over the two blocks back to the apartment. The sun was setting over the tops of buildings and the streets were still busy. After being alone for so long, walking through a crowd gave Anya a boost of energy every time.
She sang softly to herself in the elevator back up to her apartment, making her phone float up and down in her hand. She stopped when the elevator doors opened and stepped out.
Sitting outside his apartment door was Bucky. His back was against the door as he looked down at his phone.
About a week had passed since she had seen him last. Grayson had told her to avoid him at all costs. But that was hard to do when he was right in front of her. He looked up when he heard Anya's footsteps and gave her a polite smile.
"Hey Anya," He nodded.
"Hi Bucky," She asked, raising an eyebrow. "Any reason you're on the ground?"
"I'm locked out." He replied, jerking his head towards the door behind him. "Locked my keys inside by mistake. And the landlord isn't answering my calls."
He held up his phone in a gloved hand. Anya wondered why he always wore gloves. Maybe he had a thing about dirt?
"I could try calling if you'd like." She held up her own phone.
"It's alright," Bucky shook his head.
"You'd rather sit on the floor?" Anya asked.
"I'm comfortable." Bukcy replied sarcastically. "Floor is better than nothing."
"Well," Anya shifted her tote bag to her other shoulder. "I'd invite you to my apartment but I don't think you'd be very... welcome."
Grayson would definitely die of shock if she came waltzing back into their apartment with Bucky. That is, if he didn't kill her first.
"Your boyfriend don't like me?" Bucky glanced in the direction of her apartment. Anya choked on air.
"Grayson isn't-" She stuttered. "He's not my boyfriend. Definitely not. He's... he's my brother."
That's what they told strangers. They were siblings. Anya didn't mind at all. She never had a sibling before and Grayson practically treated her like a little sister.
"Oh good," Bucky nodded. "I was thinking he was too old for you."
Anya chuckled. Now why would Grayson have such a problem with him? He certainly didn't seem like... well a brainwashed murderer from HYDRA. She had met plenty of those in her life. Maybe he really was better, reformed. She liked talking to him. He was funny.
Anya looked at the locked door before glancing over the hall to her apartment. What Grayson didn't know wouldn't hurt him.
"I can get your door open." She said.
"What?"
"I can get it open for you."
"How?"
"I can pick the lock."
Anya pointed to the door. Bucky stared at her.
"I mean I would have done that," Bucky said. "But I didn't want to break it so I don't think-"
"I won't break it!" Anya cut him off, shaking her head quickly. "Promise I won't. Just... trust me."
Bucky thought for a moment, still staring at her. Then, he got to his feet and gestured towards the door. Anya smiled and leaned over to the door knob.
She had done this what felt like a million times before. She had perfected it. She didn't even have to touch anything. But Bucky was watching her so she had to make it seem... realistic. Exposing her powers, even to someone who might understand her, could mean trouble.
And trouble was the last thing she wanted.
So, she fiddled with the doorknob and sang softly under her breath. The way her powers worked was if she was close to something and focused on it while she sang, she could move it or alter it in some way. That's why she needed the amplifier. But this was small and close enough that she didn't need it. She could almost feel the lock turning itself as she sang.
"Uh," Bucky interrupted her. "What are you doing?"
Anya looked over her shoulder. He was looking at her strangely. It was understandable, she probably looked crazy, singing to herself.
"Helps me concentrate." She lied. "Sorry, I almost got it."
Anya turned back to the lock, working a little faster now. Finally, she heard a click. She looked back at Bucky and straightened up with a smile.
"Try it." She said to him, gesturing towards the doorknob with a flourish.
Bucky reached out and turned the doorknob only for the door to open. He looked back at her in shock.
"How did you do that?" he asked. "Without breaking it?"
"A magician never reveals her secrets." Anya shrugged.
Bucky stared at her again. He did that a lot. But this time his stare made her shift uncomfortably on her feet. He looked suspicious of her for a moment there.
"Well," He said, finally breaking the silence. "Thank you. Good to know you can break in whenever you want."
"I won't rob you." Anya replied. "Unless you have anything good in there?"
"Don't think I do." Bucky shook his head. "Really though Anya, thank you. I owe you."
"Don't worry about it." Anya waved him off. "Find me if you get locked out again."
"I might start getting locked out on purpose then." He said.
They smiled at each other. Anya felt a slight blush creeping up her cheeks. She certainly wasn't used to such flirting. But he was just being funny. After a brief goodbye, Anya walked back into her own apartment.
"What are you smiling at?" Grayson glanced up at her from his spot on the couch.
"Just in a good mood." She replied, putting her bag down.
"Good," Grayson smiled back at her. "I like seeing you happy. Missed your smile, kid."
Bucky didn't get locked out again. But every time to two passed each other in the hall or got into the elevator together, the friendly banter flowed more and more. Anya never told Grayson about her encounters with Bucky. She knew he would get mad at her. Anya was simply glad to have a friend, one that she made all on her own. Bucky seemed glad to have one too.
She couldn't help but feel that he was lonely. After all, it takes one to know one.
•
Anya sat at the kitchen table as Grayson fiddled with the amplifier on her cheek. He muttered to himself in Russian, a language she vaguely understood. She caught the words "improved... sing... kid... god dammit!"
"Will this one shock me?" Anya asked with a frown.
"Not if I did it correctly." Grayson replied. "I have another prototype that should be done in the next few days but just try this one first."
He tightened the belt around her waist and pressed the button that glowed purple at his touch. He tapped the part on her cheek twice before nodding at her to go ahead.
She sang and just like last time, the papers swirled around the kitchen. Grayson nodded and made a note of it. Anya focused her voice on the notepad he held and it flew out of his hand before hitting him on the head. Grayson let out a laugh.
"I get it kid I get it," He chuckled. "We're almost done. I think this is the one. See how easy it was to send your voice to the notepad? The amplifier sends the sound where you want it to go. It's too dangerous to sing out loud without it. Especially if you're fighting. You've seen what damage that can do."
Anya frowned and stopped singing. The papers floated to the ground and the notepad landed on the table with a thump. She nodded. Grayson winced.
"Sorry," He knelt next to her. "Shouldn't have brought that up. You alright kid?"
"Just tired." She shrugged, trying to put on a strong face for him.
"Tired." he repeated. "Have you been having nightmares again lately?"
Again? They never stopped.
At least once every night Anya woke up from a dream that terrified her. Dreams of what HYDRA made her do, what they did to her. She dreamt of the operating table where she got her scars. She dreamt of Ambrose and how he ruined her life. She dreamt of him finding her and Grayson.
But sometimes her dreams didn't make sense. She didn't remember these things happening. But as soon as she wakes up, she forgets again.
All she can remember are flashes of fire, echoes of screams...
Someone saying "I'll meet you right there."
A music box.
She definitely remembers a music box.
These things from her past are things she knows she will probably never remember. HYDRA took those memories away. Even some things from her captivity she doesn't remember. She doesn't know how long she was there, the days and weeks and years all muddle together.
Dreams are memories of some sort. She still has faith in the truth of them.
"No," Anya lied. "No nightmares. Haven't had them in a while."
She didn't want to worry Grayson. He had done so much for her, she didn't want to add onto his stress.
"I'm glad," He put a hand on her shoulder. "You've seemed so happy these last few days. I like seeing you like this."
Anya smiled softly at Grayson. In the end, she just wanted to make him happy. He had done so much for her, why can't she do the same for him?
"Unrest, in the wake of recent events has left us vulnerable." The TV was still on in the living room. "Every day Americans feel it."
"Why don't we take a break?" Grayson asked and unattached the amplifier from her.
"While we love heroes who put their lives on the line to defend Earth," The TV continued as they came in and sat on the couch. "We also need a hero to defend this country."
"Wait, what?' Grayson grabbed the remote and turned the volume up louder.
"We need a real person who embodies America's greatest values."
Anya got a better look at what was happening on the TV. The man on screen was giving a speech in front of what looked like some official building.
"We need someone to inspire us again, someone who can be a symbol for all of us."
"What's he talking about?" Anya asked. Grayson shushed her.
"So, on behalf of the Department of Defense and our Commander-in-Chief, it is with great honor that we announce here today that the United States of America has a new hero."
"Well shit." Grayson frowned.
"Join me in welcoming your new Captain America."
Another man walked out of the building. He was wearing a similar suit to Steve Rogers' and was holding the shield proudly. He smiled and waved to the camera and the cheering crowd.
"...Ew."
Anya didn't bother watching the rest of the show or the new cap's interview that happened the next day. It didn't sit right with her. Finding a replacement this soon... It felt disrespectful.
While Grayson watched the interview, Anya went to the library. But she didn't stay long.
Her mind kept going back to Bucky. Steve Rogers had been his friend. And they just replaced him with some random guy? She couldn't even begin to imagine what he must be feeling right now.
The library was certainly not helping her mood. So she packed up her belongings and headed back to the apartment building.
Anya was in her own world as she entered the elevator. She was scratching at her neck absentmindedly, gently running her fingers against the scars on her neck. The elevator doors were closing but stopped when a gloved hand pushed between them.
Anya jumped in surprise, her hands flying up to push up her turtleneck and cover the scars. Bucky stepped into the elevator. He looked... tired. Sad. He looked at her a bit strangely, noticing how she had reacted. Still, he nodded to her.
"Hi Anya." He said.
"Hi." She replied.
As the elevator doors closed for real this time, a silence fell over them. The usual witty banter didn't come up. The silence was getting to her. She should say something, anything-
"I'm sorry about your friend." She said softly.
Anything but that.
Bucky's head whipped to the side to look at her, his eyes wide.
"What?" He asked.
"I just saw on the news that there's a new-"
But Anya didn't get to finish her sentence when his eyes narrowed and his face hardened. He reached out and pressed the emergency stop button on the elevator wall. Bucky rounded on her, forcing her back into the corner of the elevator.
"Who are you?" He asked, his voice low. "How do you know about me?"
"Well you didn't exactly hide very well." She winced.
"Who the hell are you?" He asked again, angrier this time.
"I'm not a threat!" She yelped, holding up her hands. "I swear I'm not. I- I'm like you!"
"Like me?" He repeated, his face closer to hers. "What the hell are you talking about? Anya, who are you?"
Anya blinked up at him. She was backed into a corner. She could sing, make him forget what just happened or make the elevator move again. But she wasn't wearing the amplifier. This wasn't anything like picking his lock. There was too much of a risk.
He would understand. He had to.
"HYDRA took me when I was young." She said. "I don't know how old I was. I don't know how long I was there but it was a long, long time. They experimented on me. TTortured me. Used me as a weapon. They made me capable of things that terrify me. I escaped a while back, a few years before the blip. Bucky I'm not here to hurt you. I promise."
Bucky just stared at her as she rambled on.
"It's just a coincidence that we're both here at the same time." Anya continued. "You can trust me, I swear. I'm your friend."
Wordlessly, Bucky reached out and restarted the elevator. The doors opened to the fifth floor. He grabbed her wrist and pulled her to his apartment.
"Prove it." He finally said as he unlocked the door.
"What?" Anya was pulled inside the apartment. It was barely full.
"Prove it." Bucky closed the door behind him and took off the glove for his left hand, revealing shiny metal. It was Anya's turn to stare.
"What did they do to you?" He asked. "I want you to prove it. Or else this is going to end badly."
Anya felt frozen to her spot. She looked up from the metal hand to Bucky's eyes. They were narrowed and fixed on her. Prove it. She could prove it.
Slowly, Anya reached up and pulled down the top of her turtleneck, revealing her neck. Bucky's eyes trailed over the scars that covered it and his face softened slightly.
"They wanted to enhance my vocal chords." She said. "It was a lot of trial and error over the years. It's why I sound like this when I talk. All raspy."
"Did they?" He asked. "Did they enhance them?"
"Yes," Anya nodded. "When I sing, I can control... certain things. It depends on how close or large they are. Or my volume or certain notes... It's complicated. I don't even understand it."
"...When you sing?" Bucky looked at her skeptically.
"Remember when I picked your lock for you?" She asked as she covered up her scars again. "And I said singing helped me concentrate? Well I technically didn't pick the lock, my voice did."
"Hold on," Bucky held up a hand to stop her. "Are you telling me you're The Siren?"
Anya's heart sunk.
"How do you know that name?" She whispered.
"You were a myth," Bucky continued. "Shit, you are The Siren aren't you? How? You're... you're supposed to be dead. They said you died."
"Well I'm very much alive." Anya replied. "You knew about me?"
"Everyone did." Bucky explained. "After making super soldiers they wanted to focus on something else. The senses I think it was. Sound was the biggest one. I'm guessing your voice-"
"Do you know who Ambrose Markow is?" Anya interrupted.
"I did." Bucky nodded. "I actually was supposed to kill him. He was supposedly working against HYDRA to make something much worse. Something he could lead. But by the time I got there... he was gone. That entire day is kinda blurry honestly. But I remember he was long gone by the time I got there."
"I wish you did kill him." Anya said. "I was his idea, his pet. He ruined my life. It's his fault I don't know who I am. And he's still out there."
"I still can't believe I'm talking to The Siren." Bucky sighed and shook his head. "And that The Siren's name is actually Anya. Anya what?"
"Here I go by Anya Stellard." She replied. "But I don't think Anya's my real name. It's the one Ambrose gave me. It has a lot of meanings in different languages. But his favorites were power and melody. Ironic right? And Stellard, well that's Grayson's last name. They never bothered to give me one so I took his."
"Grayson." Bucky frowned. "Is he-"
"He has nothing to do with this." Anya said quickly. "I swear. He just helped me out. He's practically family at this point."
Another silence washed over them. Bucky was staring at her again, almost as if he was deciding if he should trust her or not. He was sizing her up.
"I'm sorry Anya." Bucky said firmly. "For what happened to you."
"I'm sorry too." She replied. "For what happened to you. And for how you have to feeling about the new-"
"I don't want to talk about that." Bucky cut her off.
"You can trust me, Bucky." Anya said. "I promise."
"...Can you fight?" He asked.
"What?"
"Can. You. Fight."
"...Yeah."
"Would you want to meet someone I know?"