Ilk felt a pang of nostalgia as the Ibris approached Urth, recalling the last (and only) time she was here during her smeethood years. The Armada was to dispatch a fleet of enemy ships and Dad didn't want her to be there during the confrontation, so he sent her to Irk. Or at least he wanted to send her to Irk, but Ilk had hacked the ship's computer to go to Urth instead, where she spent three entertaining days with Zim. Despite his... difficult personality, the Invader was nice to her in his own, strange way; she even got to help him with one of his schemes.
She had so much fun that she had completely forgotten about her father. When he received word that she never arrived to Irk, he thought she had been kidnapped by rebels and scourged the universe for a trace of her, torturing people along the way. It wasn't until Ilk called Skoodge that she learned what was going on. Dad grounded her for a month afterward.
"This is Urth? It's not that impressive," Foxtrot pointed out, taking a gulp from his grootbeer.
"Well, according to the scans, this planet is composed of 70% water and 40% ground. The atmosphere is breathable, but the water is overly contaminated with toxins that are harmful to... well, foreign life forms."
"What kinds of toxins?" Echo inquired, eyeing Masouri inquisitively.
"I'm not sure, maybe Zim can tell us when we're down."
The Ibris descended through the stratosphere until they were a few miles above the city Ilk had pointed them to. Masouri flew the ship towards Zim's neighborhood.
"Where do we park?" he asked, noticing all the vehicles stood next to the sidewalk in some areas, leaving him no free area to land.
"Wait, Masouri!" Ilk cried out before he could fly any lower. "Hyoomans have never gone beyond their own solar system; they might react badly if an alien ship just lands in the neighborhood."
Echo chuckled. "Relax, from what Zim has said about these mammals, they wouldn't see anything is amiss even if we walked around with signs that read 'we're aliens'." she stood up, stretching out her back. "Anyway, I'm going to get a drink. Coming?"
Once the girls were gone, Masouri rubbed his hands together, snickering. "Today's the day, gentlemen!"
"You'll finally go to the dentist to correct your overbite?" Foxtrot asked, uninterested.
"What? No! Today," Masouri laughed. "I'm asking Echo out!"
"Why? You don't want her on board the Ibris anymore?"
"That's not what I mean, you jerk! I mean that I'm asking her out on a date!" Foxtrot snickered; Masouri frowned. "What?"
"Nice meeting you." Foxtrot shrugged without lifting his gaze from the console.
"What do you mean?"
"Remember the last time someone asked Echo out on a date? She wouldn't talk to anyone and spent her time beheading dummies for an entire month." Blue shivered. "Geeze, I'd never seen her so mad before that particular episode."
"Hey, I'm different!"
"In what sense? I mean, something could go wrong if you do manage to ask her out, and if that happens it'll ruin both your friendship and working relationship."
"Foxtrot, if that's your way to make me feel better, you're fired!" Masouri tried his best to sound more annoyed than nervous, but his voice was trembling.
As much as he hated to admit it, Foxtrot had brought up a good point: what if something went wrong? What if he screwed something up and his relationship with Echo broke beyond repair? He was no fool, he knew that friends-turned-lovers-then-broke-up never went back to the way they were; sometimes they don't even talk to each other.
"Come on, Masouri, Echo likes you the way you are," Blue said, trying to reassure his friend. "A date is like hanging out with a friend in a more romantic manner. Everything will be alright as long as you act like yourself."
Thankfully for Masouri, the console sent a proximity alert. "We're almost there!"
The Ibris descended towards the street, landing in a small space between two land-bound vehicles; one of the ship's claws accidentally tore through the car in the front. By the time the Kryvtor squad descended, a crowd had formed around them. Ilk reacted quickly.
"Don't worry, fellas! It's just a... musical!"
The crowd sighed in relief.
"Oh, it's just a musical."
"Geeze, I thought it was an alien invasion."
"These lads and their musicals."
"Mama, can I make a musical when I grow up?"
The group watched in utter astonishment as the hyoomans went back to their own business just like that, not even questioning about their rather obvious alien looks. Zim wasn't exxagerating when he said that hyoomans were stupid.
Ilk led them down the street and towards Zim's base: the little green house was just like she remembered, gnomes and everything
"So this is the place?" Blue inquired, eyeing the building curiously.
"Yeah, Zim lives here."
"I imagined Zim's nest would be... bigger."
"An impenetrable fortress isn't precisely stealthy," Ilk pointed out.
Warily, Fury stepped into the lawn. He sniffed everything around him, entranced by the plethora of new scents. His nose led him closer to one of the gnomes. The robot turned its head towards the Indokuro and touched his nose. Fury bristled his spines and let out an annoyed hiss as he swiped at the gnome with his paw, claws outstretched; he struck with such force that the gnome's head flew across the lawn and landed right at the door, which burst open seconds later.
"Get away from Zim's gnomes, Fury-beast!"
"Hi, Zim!"
Zim's usual grumpy demeanor instantly shifted to elated as soon as he heard Ilk's voice. "Ilk-smeet!" Without thinking it twice, he pulled her into a tight bear-hug, ignoring Blue's uncomfortable cough.
"Zim... can't breathe!"
"Zim, perhaps you should let go of Blue's mate before he pummels you." Foxtrot said.
"Wait for your turn, Blue-lizard!"
"Zim!" Ilk cried out, prompting the Invader to let go of her.
"It's nice that you came to visit Zim, Ilk-smeet and Sobrekt-beasts! You should come into my base before any pesky hyoomans see you!"
Masouri shifted uncomfortably. "They kind of did already, but they thought we were part of a musical number or something."
The interior was just like Ilk remembered; the only difference was a new door on the right side leading to another room. Before she could react, a familiar SIR unit had tackled her to the ground in a bear-crushing hug.
"Ilkieeee!"
"H-Hello, GIR...!" Ilk laughed, patting the robot's head. "It's been a while!"
"I missed you, Ilkie! I wrote you letters and ate them, so I couldn't send them! So I made you a muffin instead!" GIR held out a chocolate muffin.
"What's that thing?" Echo grabbed the odd-looking pastry to take a closer look at it. It was warm with a soft, squeeshy texture.
"Muffins are a hyooman pastry consisting of a small baked bread. It can be accompanied with nuts, berries, and chocolate chips."
"I guess you must be this place's AI," Masouri said.
"No, just a random disembodied voice stuck in the ceiling."
Foxtrot raised an eyebrow. "You must be quite an obsolete model if you actually have the screws to talk back."
"I heard that!"
"Duh, that's the point. Otherwise, I wouldn't be talking out loud."
"How about we let these two settle their differences while we continue the grand tour of Zim's base?"
Leaving Foxtrot and the computer to their snarky comment competition, Zim led the rest of the party down to his lab. It took Blue a while to fit into the trash can, which prompted Echo and Masouri to stay behind and 'make sure Foxtrot didn't get himself electrocuted or something'; Ilk could tell they didn't want to get into such a tiny elevator. Perhaps she could talk Zim into making it bigger.
Like the rest of the base, the laboratory hadn't changed at all. Even Rexy was still in his pen eating cows. There was a far larger pen which was currently empty, though. It's probably Zimkro's. Speaking of which...
"Hey, Zim, where's Zimkro?" Blue inquired.
"Zimkro beast must be flying around somewhere. He seems to have a particular aversion to confinement, so Zim lets him roam free."
"Isn't that dangerous? What if someone sees him?" Ilk pointed out.
Zim laughed. "Never fear, Ilk-smeet! I created an effective camouflage for Zimkro-beast!"
-IZ-
"Look, mommy, a zebra!"
Zimkro raised his black-and-white striped head, glancing at the kid passing by with his parental unit. With an indifferent snort, Zimkro went back to his nap.
-IZ-
"Ilk!"
Ilk smiled at the two familiar voices and echo of hurried footsteps from the corridor. "Bob, Skoodge!" she laughed when the two shorter Irkens raced down to meet her; she might have hugged them if Blue wasn't watching. He might more or less tolerate a hug to his mate from Hitorken Zim himself, but Skoodge and Bob were something else entirely. "It's been a while, guys! The Massive hasn't been the same without you!"
Dad and Uncle Pur had banned the two shorters from the Irken flagship after they lost it in a bet against a Sobrekt. In the end, they ended up hitching a ride to Urth with Zim. Ilk missed her two companions, but she was also glad that they seemed to be happier here.
"Ilk, look at this!" Bob headed to a wall that had black scribbles and stretched himself up as much as he could. His lekku touched the highest mark by a few inches. "I've grown three inches taller!"
"And I grew five!" Skoodge announced, rushing to his own part of the wall. The marks were slightly higher than Bob's. "Can you believe it?"
"That's great, guys!" Ilk congratulated.
"It must have to do with Urth's less dense gravity." Blue pointed out.
"How about you, Ilk? How have you been doing?"
Ilk beamed, puffing out her chest proudly, hands on her hips. "I'm officially a member of the Irken Elite!"
"Cool! Any interesting missions?"
"Not exactly. Dad won't assign me anything he deems life-threatening." Ilk sighed. So far, Dad only gave her simple missions involving live demonstrations of combat in the Academy, diplomatic assignments with a few species (the Sobrekt, mostly), and some other minor tasks.
Skoodge and Bob exchanged glances. "Sounds like Tallest Red, alright." The former commented.
"If Zim may continue," the Invader gave his two newer housemates a frown as he impatiently tapped his foot. "Now that you are here, Ilk-smeet, you can join me in my information gathering to aid me with my latest scheme! After all, what better way to start Invader training than working on the field with Irk's finest Invader!" Ilk blinked. Skoodge and Bob diverted their gazes awkwardly.
"Zim, I'm not going to-"
"Follow me, I got the perfect disguises!"
"But Zim-!"
"I'm not sure what to get for the lizard-beasts, though. Maybe I can improvise with some of my old disguises. Yes, brilliant!" Ignoring the fact that his companions were no longer following him, Zim disappeared down the lab and went on with his rambling.
"Ilk?"
"What is it, Blue?"
"I don't think Hitorken Zim will be a trustworthy caretaker for when we have kids. I mean, he's a remarkable warrior, but honestly, I'm not sure if I would trust him with a hatchling."
"Wise decision, pal. Zim is many things, but 'fatherly' is not one of them. " Bob added dryly.
Ilk stopped listening the moment Blue mentioned the word 'kids' and instead excused herself to help Zim make 'believable disguises'.
XXXX
Alright, you can do this. Remember what Blue said: it's like hanging out with a friend but in a more romantic manner. We've already gone out a few times already, so it should be fine.
Masouri repeated similar self-assuring phrases inside his head as he stared at Echo. She was currently watching TV with GIR; surprisingly, the little robot let her dominate the remote and simply stared at the screen as he ate from a bag of popcorn.
"What's the big deal about the size of their chests? Why must hyooman females make such a fuss about it? I mean, what are they even for?" Echo murmured in disgust, shaking her head, as she watched a commercial for cosmetic surgeries.
"Trust me, you do not want to know." said the Computer.
"Isn't there anything that has blood on it? I don't know, a public execution, gladiatorial battle or something like that?"
"Well, there's a few horror movies with ridiculous amounts of gore, but it's fake blood. It's illegal to actually kill people in cinematic productions, or anytime."
Echo groaned and dropped the remote. "Darn, these hyoomans are softies!"
"I have ketchup! It's like blood, but tasty!" GIR squeezed a whole bottle of the red sauce into a bowl and started dipping strange things such as bird legs and small tires.
Masouri took a deep breath and walked towards Echo; she didn't take notice of his presence yet.
"Echo?"
"Huh?" Echo glanced at him. "What is it, Masouri?"
"Well... I wanted to... I mean..." Masouri mentally cursed himself for stuttering. Her golden eyes were focused solely on him. Oh boy, oh boy! "I..."
"Yeah, I'm listening."
The kryvtor tried to speak, but his tongue had turned into a big knot; the only thing that came out of his mouth were unintelligible words. Masouri nervously pulled onto his scarf with a claw. Echo blinked.
"Uh, are you okay? You look nervous."
"N-Nervous? I'm perfectly fine, thank you very much!"
"Your heart rate is increasing and you're entering a hyperventilating state. You are experiencing a panic attack."
"You're not helping, Computer!"
Echo shifted away. "Okay, if you say so..."
The front opened. "Geeze, couldn't you have parked the ship farther away? I had to tell everybody on the way here that I'm part of a musical and they asked me to sing." Foxtrot growled, placing the supply boxes on the floor. He noticed Masouri's expression and how Echo was averting her gaze awkwardly. Foxtrot gave the former a teasingly knowing look as he grabbed a grootbeer and took a long slurp.
The following two hours were spent revising and picking disguises; Zim insisted that the kryvtors change their outfits to something more hyoomane-looking, though Echo stubbornly refused to wear the infamous dresses, skirts, or anything that looked too feminine. Fury acted similarly, making the task of painting his scales into an earthen color palette more difficult. Eventually, they managed to come up with rather decent disguises.
Blue put on a red wig with hazel contact lenses and a red shirt under a grape wine jacket and gray short pants. Echo's long black wig reached down to her shoulders and was tucked under a navy blue cap matching her contacts; her pants were bright yellow with a lime green shirt, giving her a rather tomboyish look. Foxtrot's darker clothing complemented his violet scales: black sleeveless shirt with a white skull, black choker and bracelets with spikes, and black pants. The only bright color in his grim palette was the fiery red mohawk wig; the Computer commented that the attire matched his personality perfectly.
Fury's disguise wasn't that elaborate; the problem was getting him to stay still while they painted him. Blue had to promise the indokuro extra treats to get him to cooperate. Afterward, Fury's dark scales changed to bright orange with a white underbelly and black stripes all over his body.
Only Ilk and Masouri were left.
"What's taking those two so long?" Echo murmured.
"You know Masouri, he's picky when it comes to clothing."
"Especially if he wants to look good for a lady." Foxtrot snickered, murmuring to himself.
"What was that?"
"Nothing."
"Okay, ready or not here I come!" Ilk hopped cheerily out of the room, spreading out her arms. "Tadaa!" Blue stared at his mate intently, crest bristled and jaw hanging open. Her outfit consisted of a strapless, sleeveless shirt, ragged jeans, and a light brown wig of curly hair. She kept her black gloves and boots, but her eyes were camouflaged with honey-brown contacts. "So how do I look?"
Blue remained unresponsive. It took a smack on the back of his head from Echo to snap him out of it. "Ouch!" he yelped, frowning at his companion before turning back to Ilk, still blushing. "You look pretty much... beautiful even with... I don't mean to say there's something wrong with your outfit, I just... I'm kind of..."
Foxtrot sneered. "And here I thought that Masouri was the one making a fool of himself. Hey, four-eyes, hurry it up!"
"Geez, chill down! I'm coming! There, happy? How do I look?"
Ilk, Blue, and the rest stared at Masouri's outfit for a good while. He wore a messy black wig, reddish turtleneck sweater, and white pants. His goggles were the only part of his old outfit that remained unchanged.
"Like a nerd."
XXX
In a surprising turn of events, a young High Skool student has discovered a new species of Zebra native to Alaska. Said creature has been named 'Equus Zimvader' in honor of the young man who found it. Zim gave the following statement in an exclusive interview:
'Zimkro is property of Zim, you puny hyoomans! You better keep your slippery hyooman meats off him!'
The bell rang, prompting Dib to put his phone back into his pocket. Flipping unbelievable; Zim paints that new hybrid snake of his a plain white with black stripes, calls it a zebra and everyone buys it? No matter how many times he pointed out that the creature lacks the most basic equine traits, they fell for Zim's pathetic attempt at a disguise.
This Zimkro creature (he was utterly dismayed to learn it was a sort of hybridized Zim clone) proved to be perhaps the most capable of Zim's minions so far. It's smarter than GIR, stronger than Minimoose, bigger than Zim's two newer Irken companions, and far more competent than Zim himself. The only reason Zim's plan still failed with that thing at his command (other than the Irken's general incompetence) is that Zimkro seemed to have a mind of its own and tended to disobey when the mood struck him.
Other than the new minion, there wasn't anything new about Dib's constant quarrels with Zim after all these years. Well, almost. He just found out that Zim has been dating Gaz for a while now. How didn't he find out about it?! Dib couldn't begin to understand what in the name of all paranormal things Gaz saw in Zim; he wanted to believe that she was under a sort of mind-controlling device, but the last time he tried to check it out he ended up comatose for a week.
The rest of the class-all from old classmates from skool plus a few new faces went to their seats. Zim was the only one who was yet to arrive, making Dib naturally suspicious; Zim is only late when he's up to something new. Miss Bitters' arrival distracted Dib from his thoughts as he wondered how he ended up with the same teacher in High Skool. Judging by the look on her face, it's plainly obvious that she isn't too happy about it either. She spoke in her usual, raspy voice.
"Children, to commemorate overcrowding in High Skool, new students will be joining the class."