"Fucking hell," Kyle muttered, turning away. J just stared at his lap, trying to process it all.
DaKarie told them. Everything.
Alright, well, not anything about the locker room. He guessed he should probably get on that before it came to bite him in the ass. But everything else.
"I knew he was sick before but I didnt think..christ, it was so obvious."
"Epilepsy my ass." Kyle added, clearly frustrated.
"You knew?" DaKarie focused back in on the kid, waiting for some sort of explanation. He just shrugged helplessly.
"One of the first days we met, outside of school. Was helping mom out at the hospital. He had an appointment with an oncologist."
"Wait so you knew this and you didn't think to tell us?"
"He pulled me aside, asked me not to tell. He said everything was fine DaKarie. The hell was I supposed to do." Karie gawked at the almost annoyance flash across the boys features. "You know how he is."
DaKarie huffed, rubbing at his waves as he tried to think of what happened next. Kyle was still silently fuming and J was as distant as ever so he knew he had to take the reins. Shit was harder than they made it look.
It wasn't that complicated, not really anyway. They were informed, they'd go with him, chill with Max. They would figure out that crap with Christians dad and they would start fresh. They just needed to take it bit by bit, right? Not so hard.
"Agh okay." He hopped up, brushing off the intense thoughts. He began packing up his things as he informed them of his plan. "We gotta go see Max at the hospital, he knows were coming. Was thinkin we could talk to the fam, figure out some nights we can spend there so he aint alone so much. Place is boring as fuck anyways."
"DaKarie, wait just a m-
"Oh J." The kid sighed as he was cut off but tried to humor him. "Theres these kids at the hospital that Max kinda looks after sometimes. He talked me into giving some clothes; good ones, not like goodwill shit. We got the boys covered but got nothing for the girls. Was thinking if one of your sisters had some old ones she thinks they might li-
J stood, suddenly looking bigger then he ever had before as he faced him.
Hell yeah he was still a pipsqueak DaKarie would say but..he didnt like that look he was giving. His jaw clenched instinctively, preparing himself for the blow.
"Im sorry Max is sick. I am." He looked dead serious, trying his best to get his sincerity across. Karie looked away, steeling his anger. "But it doesn't change anything."
"It changes everything, man."
Kyle came shuffling over a moment later, probably sensing the tension. He wasnt one to interfere but that didnt mean he didnt worry and shit.
"Hes fuckin dying, J. You should..shoulda seen him. At the game, I mean he was losing it." He took a second, shaking his head as if that would rid the memory from his brain. It killed him just thinking about it.
"You are the best person I know. You find out hes dying and you just shrug it off like it aint none of your fucking buissness? Really? I don't believe that shit for a second."
"We agreed we would go to him for help. For Christian. That was all I signed up for Karie. I know your scared for him, I get it."
"Nah, fuck that. And stop acting like this doesnt bother you man cause its pissing me the fuck off! Whats this really about huh?" DaKarie shrugged off the hand Kyle put on him, wanting him to take a minute. "Nah, you might be fine putting up with his tantrum but I've had enough."
JJ stared, surprised almost at getting called out on his bullshit. Yeah, that's right, Karie thought. Sweet, adorable, mature J, too soft to ever be mad at?
Well he wasn't around no more, was he?
This big ol' man here though? Man had some balls on him. He wanted to talk like men, they'd talk.
"Tell me what this is about. Because right now Max is lying in a fucking hospitol bed probably puking his brains out and Im here dealing with you."
JJ stared, lost for words. Not in some come to jesus way but like he finally realized something, like he was disappointed. "When did it change? When did you stop hating him?" He sounded genuinely confused, as if it was were out of nowhere.
"I never hated him. Not once." DaKarie said firmly, leaving no room for debate. The boy shook his head but said nothing. "I was angry. At myself. At my life. I took it out on him. That sound familiar there, J?"
"DaKarie." He broke his glare as Kyle pulled him by the wrist, physically having to break him from his preaching.
"I think you should leave now." JJ uttered, trying to remain calm, bury his anger. He didn't do too good a job. Shit, he probably wasnt used to the feeling.
He sat down in his desk chair, pointedly facing from them. Their talk was over apparently. Karie scoffed, jerking at his bag.
"Tsk, don't need this shit. Ima go take care of Max. You know, while he's still breathing? Have fun telling everyone to fuck off out yo life, I'm sure it'll help."
Karie didn't look back, storming through the house. Fucking unbelievable.
-
"..Jaime." Kyle took a step closer, hand reaching out to comfort. The man leaned forward out of his grasp before he could.
"I dont need..look, I'm fine. Really. I just have enough on my plate right now without all of that." He gestured vaguely to where DaKarie had been. He gave a sigh but turned around so they faced one another. "You can go too. Its your right to be there if you wanna be. So don't let me hold you back, alright?"
Kyle shook his head, barely understanding. From the Greenfield mess to the cancer to DaKarie's psychotic break it seemed, his brain was a mess. He didn't know what to think, he didn't know where he should be.
But he knew, looking at Jaime, at how regretfully unbothered he was about it all. He knew the reason but it still sent his hairs standing.
"Jaime, I know your hurting. But please listen," Kyle gripped his face softly, wanting him to hear the words. He was never great at this but he would admit he was feeling a little more then desperate. "I think we need to be there. I think you need this, with everything going on. Please. Just try."
"And if I can't?" Kyle stared, unsure what to say. He thought about Max. About all the times he was cold, all the times he'd let him down. The last words the man had spoken to him. The words that often haunted him.
He gaped. He hated the way his voice shook as he spoke. "I messed up. This might be my last chance. So im taking it, with or without you." Jaime closed his eyes helplessly, not able to hide his hurt. Kyle was leaning his chin up, wanting him to understand.
Their heads held there for some time, pressed together. They remained silent, allowing what felt almost like a snap between them linger. Jaime placed a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, nudging Kyle back.
"I hope it works out." He stated, turning away in his seat then. Kyle stared, not moving from where he stood. He wasnt sure what just happened.
He left at the sound of sniffles, the man having yet to change his mind. That was that, he guessed.
"Yo Bambes." Kyle turned, surprised as he had just stepped onto Jaime's porch. DaKarie was sitting there on the swing, having waited he'd guessed.
Kyle looked away slowly, not sure of anything. The man was already standing before he could take a step. Despite his conflictions, he gave into the arms that surrounded him. They held eachother briefly, needing the relief.
"Your coming right? Tell me your comin." Karie muttered, a sense of urgency in his voice. Kyle shook his head, not sure what to say.
"I..what about Jaime? I promised him I'd.."
"What about him? He made up his mind, didnt he? We don't have time to wait for him to get some sense. Max needs..sigh, we gotta go."
Kyle didnt stand around then. How could he? He meant what he said, this was his last chance to make it up to Max. At least it felt like it anyway. He wouldn't waste it.
"Karie." He said firm, pulling the guy from his angry rant. "I know your mad at him. And he's..he's not himself right now. He doesn't wanna tell you, that's his right. But you should know, it.."
The anger was almost wiped from DaKarie's face completely, long forgotten. He grew concerned at Kyle's hesitation. "Is it bad?"
"Not cancer bad. But i get why he's pissed." The man looked away, jaw clenched. He looked a mix of annoyed and guilty. Kyle gripped his shoulder slightly, reassuring him. "He needs time. Just try not to take it personal."
"Heh. Easier said then done. Fuck, lets just go. I was actually havin a good day before all this." DaKarie glanced back to him as they walked, trying for a smirk. "You two gonna make it up to me?"
"And what does that mean?" Karie raised his hands in defense, not bothering to respond as they rushed to the car.
"Karie, wait a second."
"Huh? What?" He half sat back in his seat, glancing eagerly to the large building. He grabbed the hand Kyle had used to stop him, locking their fingers as if that would make him any more sure of himself.
Kyle opened his mouth, wanting to explain. Explain all the hurt he'd done to Max.
The boys had never really gotten that or at least they never brought it up. Max rarely did, not till the end. He was forgiving and he was patient and Kyle..he wasn't what he had deserved. How could he ever make up for that?
"What do I say?" Is all he'd managed. Karie seemed to understand well enough. He give his hand another squeeze.
"Whatever you need to." Karie hesitated for a second, looking out at the hospital again. "Just try to steer clear of the rape shit, maybe? At least for a few days or-
"Days?"
"Fine." DaKarie tsked, scratching at his chin. "Just..have your moment is all I mean. Well figure the rest out after. Cool?"
Kyle sighed but nodded, unbuckling. "Hey." Karie called before he could close the door.
"You fuckin got this, man."
-
Max had spent the whole day just lounging around since he'd been so weak lately.
It wasnt so bad cause of that new visitor he'd been getting. Made the day somewhat bearable.
But he was so used to touring the hospital, goofing around with the kids in the playroom, having sophisticated talks with the grownups and shit.
Actual human contact not just being cooped up in a room, writhing in pain while binging the Office for like the 7th time already.
Chemo had been tough. He had patches coming in so he would need to shave again. To the skin probably since he wasnt really digging the cheeta print.
The whole day was nutrient supplements, Instagram, tv, exercise, and currently were his leg wraps.
He clung to the handle bars as he waddled his way slowly back to the bed. He was only wearing his sweats and had taken his top gown off even though he wasn't supposed to.
Needed to feel somewhat normal at least. He'd have to throw it back on when the nurses came in but whatever.
"Fuck.." He groaned as he pressed a hand to the bed, pulling himself up. "Agh..."
"Need help?"
He slowed, blood running cold at the sound of the deep, often distant voice. One he hadn't heard in he wasn't sure how long.
It wasnt like Karie or Jaime who couldnt seem to help themselves. Kyle hadn't spoken a word to him in 6 months.
He knew what DaKarie said. 'They'll be back', 'everything will work out'. He might've believed JJ would but..never Kyle. Not really.
He realized he was just standing there, scrawny and broken and now stupid apparently. He got himself seated eventually. His hands shook from his lap as he waited, mouth shut tight.
His eyes clenched at the sound of slow footsteps creeping their way into the room.
"If you need me to leave, I will."
Max stared at the floor, not sure what to say. First time in 6 months and it's like this? Bald, scrawny, weak. God, he hated himself like this. How could he even face Kyle?
"I get it. Sorry for bothering you."
Stay with me. Please.
He heard the sound of footsteps retracting to the door. It never opened. A sigh came then.
"I know what I did. I just wanted you to know; I know. And Im sorry. I wish I could take it back. Do it right. I wish there was time to f..fix it." The voice crumbled. He remained silent for a moment, the sound of a hand on the doorknob but it still didnt budge.
"You were generous. Giving. You had everything and all you seemed to care about was everyone else. Making people happy made you happy. You were a lot like..somone I knew. The second I learned that, it was like..like I was waiting for the other shoe to drop. Cause nothing that good ever lasted for me. And now here you are and the other shoe is..and I wasted all that time worrying. Worrying it would happen again and now it is. I got my shot and I fucked it up."
"Kyle." Max kept calling as he rambled, brushing helplessly at tears despite his usual composure. God, how bad he wanted to be able to walk just to go and hold the guy. Stop him from hurting anymore.
"Kyle." He tried again. The guy finally heard it, seeming to have realized where he was and what he was saying.
"I.." Kyle couldnt meet his eyes. Vulnerable and exposed, he slid to the floor, resting his face to his fist. He remained silent, breath shaking.
Max tried to get up, dropping half way. There was no way in hell he'd make it over there.
"Man, can you..come over here for a sec?" Kyle glanced up, eyes narrowed at the suggestion. Max just shrugged a little, smiling. "I got cancer bro."
Kyle came forward until he was face to face with his stomach. He dragged himself to his feet until they were face to face. The guy didn't look too suprised when he was pulled into a massive hug, head pressed firmly to Max's chest.
He was thankful to be of use to someone again. To provide. Kyle said nothing, curling light arms around his back in return. Hesitant but still there.
"If you could stop talking like Im already dead, that would be great." Max tried. Kyle didnt seem amused. He pulled away, sighing a little.
"Sorry. I'm not usually that careless." Kyle eyed him after a moment, tsking. "You can sit now."
Kyle didnt give him much of a choice. Max shrugged off the hands, getting himself onto the bed after a moment. Kyle shuffled a little, unsure, but sat in the guest seat.
"Who was it?" Max tried, already having some idea. The guy just shook his head, "Doesn't matter anymore." He didn't like the answer but didn't push. They stayed silent for a bit.
"It wasn't careless. I just got worried I guess."
"See?" Kyle gestured in almost disbelief. Max grinned. "There you go again." He spoke up slowly after several moments. "You did make me happy. I need you to know that. Everything you did." Kyle chuckled a little at the thought, probably remembering all the stupid shit he used to do.
"I guess I'm good at pretending. But you were good. You showed it in everything you did. You were very human. I did love that."
Max took in the way their eyes met then. He swore he was getting cotton mouth or something. He looked away nervously, not sure if it was even that deep.
"Yeah. Well at least you loved something." Max shook his head regretfully. That definitely came off petty.
"Max, I know its late. I wanted to say it I jus..would it be shitty to say right now?"
He looked away, fighting the question in his head. He wanted to hear it. So bad, he wanted to. He'd dreamed of those words for a year already. But he looked around and he knew his answer.
"Yeah. That would kinda suck." Kyle smirked a little, as close to that laugh as Max was likely to get again. He smiled, taking it in.
"There's something else we haven't done, you know."
"What?"
Kyle eyed him, waiting for him to get it. It hit him then. Even the thought of it seemed out of the question.
"No." He said immediately, mind racing to his vomit bucket and the iv. Shit, how pathetic he must've looked. "I mean I..I'm not like I was."
"You know I don't care about that."
"I know. But I do." Max shook his head, disgusted at the idea. Or more at himself. "It can't happen like this."
"Okay." Kyle said easily, squeezing his shoulder. He gave a deep breath and all the nerves slowly left him. There was nothing to worry about. He thought silently, eyeing the boy.
"But you would want to?" He questioned. "I didn't think you..saw me that way."
"I have for a long time Max. Like I said, I just..kept fucking things up with you. But of course I felt that way."
"Oh." Max stated. He looked away at the tears that were stinging his eyes. Such a pussy. "Heh. And here I was taking it personal."
Kyle squeezed his shoulder, wanting to do more but didn't. He wanted more then anything to give that to him. But they would wait. Max would get back to normal and it would happen all on its own. And it would be perfect, just like Kyle deserved.
"I'm sorry too. About everything." Max muttered, helpless to go on.
There was so much that should be said. But at the end of the day, that's what it boiled down to. I know what I did and I'm sorry.
"I get we're not okay. But..do you think maybe.."
"We're on the right track." Kyle stated, sounding certain yet he pulled away. Max got it. The last thing they needed was pressure. "I'm glad I'm here, Max. I hope I still have a shot."
"You do, trust me."
Their attention was pulled at the sound of a slow thud on the hospital door. They grinned a little when they could hear DaKarie's groaning.
"Y'all fucking or something? What's taking so long? I'm bored, bruh." He kept thudding on the door with his head. Max chuckled, having missed the dudes antics.
He remembered suddenly who else was missing for the picture. Dude was probably running down one of the his doctors, talking his ear off asking a bunch of questions. Sounded like something he'd do.
He smiled at the thought, turning to Kyle. "Did JJ make you come in first? Too scared or something?"
Max dulled for a second, mulling over his words. "I hope he's okay. I..was kinda cold to him last we talked. Need to talk to him too."
He glanced to Kyle guiltily, trying for a smile. It dropped at the look on his face. The wind was knocked out of him suddenly and he wasn't sure what to say.
"..oh." Yeah.
"I'm sorry. We tried to..he's going through some stuff. He just needs some time."
"It's fine, man." Max cut him off, smirking a little. "Can't have everything, right?" He grimaced at the sadness ripping at his chest. He called for Karie to come in to quit his yapping. The door swung open a moment later. The man looked like he could finally breath.
"We good?" He glanced between them eagerly. His mood seemed to dampen at the hesitation Kyle gave.
"Yeah." Max reassured. He jabbed affectionately at Karie as he came close. "..thank you. Really."
"Tsk." Karie stared. He leaned down, kissing his forehead roughly. Max shoved him back, chuckling. Kyle just had an easy look on his face as he let all the stress of the day disappear.
It wasn't perfect. Not as perfect as they knew it could be but..it was something. It was more than Max could've ever hoped for.