-------------------------Mew's POV------------------------
Everything that has been happening feels like a dream to me, I can't believe that I'm already at this stage where I can talk and even play with the kids, there is even times when I wake up feeling scared that it was really a dream and I find myself hurrying to see if Gulf and the kids were really there, the moment I see them a wave of relief fill me up
Somehow I'm grateful for the landlord who forced me to live with them, my life completely changed and I'm feeling refreshed and more and more hopeful, I can even tell that the bad memories that lived with me all those years are fading away each passing day and I'm really enjoying my current life with them, yet lately the urge of wanting to touch Gulf is getting higher each time I talk to him
Like when he looks sad when he remembers his sister, I really wanted to pat on his shoulder and comfort him, or when he got sick, I wanted to help him and I really hated my phobia back then seeing him struggling to get into the car, I want to help him cooking in the kitchen but I couldn't because we will surely end up touching since the kitchen is a bit small, touching Gulf is enough for me and I wish I could do it
Well, I was shocked when he told me he is gay, he though he made me feel disgusted but I didn't feel that at all and it didn't change my mind, on the contrary, it made me want to get closer to him after hearing his story and looking sorrowful because of his ex-boyfriend betrayal... the war inside my head between my phobia and the urge to touch Gulf is both tiring me and driving me nuts
"do you want to try?" Gulf suddenly asked while we were working in the office
"try what?" I asked being confused
"touching me" my eyes went wide as I stared at him speechless, did he feel my strong desire to touch him?
"touching?" I didn't know how to react to what he just said
"I think you are ready to try and touch other people, I mean adults, you are already so relaxed and fine with the kids and your personality changed toward others too, oh wait, you should start by touching your father since he is your family" he said with an encouraging smile and excited eyes
"it doesn't matter if it's you or my father or anyone else, personally, I want to start with touching you and keep it a secret from my father in case I may get sick again, he already went through the shock of seeing me so sick and faint and I don't want him to go through that again" I explained
"in that case, I agree, of course I don't want you to force yourself, just do it whenever you feel ready, before that may I ask, were you born with it or did you get it because of a bad experience?" he asked looking worried, I sighed remembering my psychiatric words
"... the first step to be cured is to open up about your trauma, accept it as a part of your past and move on" so I guess to be able to touch someone I should first get everything out of my chest about that accident, I know that Gulf would be understanding and will listen seriously to me, he will surely find the right words to comfort me like before
"it happened almost 15 years ago, I was in my second year of middle school..." I told Gulf what happened back then as he watched me stunned not uttering a word, he was looked very sad and even guilty
"I really loved my mother, she was very close to me and taught me everything, she encouraged me and was there for me when I was sick, sad, happy unlike my father who had to work most of the time, her touch always made me feel calm and better, but after seeing her touching another man so lovingly, all my love for her turned to complete hate, I hated her so much and her touch made me at that time made me feel so disgusted to the pointed I feared to be touched by her and everyone else" I said with an emotional voice remembering everything that happened
They said that we can recall all details of bad memories better than good ones since they leave a huge terrible impact on us for life and that's true, the images of that day kept swimming inside my head that made me shiver so much, my scarred heart was crying inside me making my chest feel so tight and it was a little hard to breath
"I understand how much hurt and pain you've been through, I can tell that the scars from that experience are still hurting you making you afraid and suffocate from all the sadness and sorrow you've went through but you must remember that she didn't want you to see that, that your mother was even waiting for you to graduate middle school before telling you the truth, of course there is no excuse for adultery and betraying both you and your father yet she still wanted to cherish you and even though she didn't love your father she gave up her life just to raise you with everything she had" his words made me glance up to him, Gulf looked serious and kind, his soft voice was enough to make me calm
"cherish me?"
"you said it yourself, she was always there for you, she gave everything she had to be with you, teach you and guide you, she celebrated all your birthdays, she always took you out and bought you the best clothes, she spent sleepless nights taking care of you when you were sick, don't get me wrong, I'm not trying to cover for what she's done, yet her tender warm touch that was full of love for you was genuine"
"how can you tell?"
"because you were really happy before the accident, you said that you really loved her and that shows how much she cared for you, if she treated you even a little bad or her feelings were fake you wouldn't have been affected much by that experience, kids can somehow feel the adults real feelings for them, maybe their innocence shows them adults true colors but we can't perfectly hide our true feelings from children, I'm sure you heard about cases were children ran away from home or became distant because they could feel how their parents loved their sibling more than them"
"yeah... I heard about that"
"for you, as a kid you must have only felt real love from your mother which made her so precious to you, so you don't need to be afraid because every time she touched you before, she only had genuine feelings toward you, she did betray your trust and did smth terrible but that is another story" I went silence listening to Gulf, everything he just said is true, I never felt anything but worry, happiness, encouragement and love for her, her smile was always kind and bright whenever I scored high in my test or came first in sports, I remember the first time I wrote an essay about her and she cried so much after hearing it on parents' day
"you will be fine P' Mew, you already did great by telling me that and getting out, you are alright, you are already cured, there is nothing to worry about anymore" Gulf's eyes were full of encouragement and assuring me that I'm really fine, honestly I felt so relaxed and peaceful, his tender smile was telling that I did the right thing and that it's time for me to move on
That's when the war between my phobia and the urge to touch Gulf has ended...
Unconsciously, I reached hugging Gulf tightly, I didn't shiver, I didn't feel sick, I felt nothing but a wave of relief and sadness as tears started rushing down my cheeks, even when I realized that I was holding him, I didn't let go, I could tell that Gulf was surprised and froze for a minute not knowing what to do but it seem when he felt my tears he slowly reached gently patting on my back
"thank you... thank you Gulf... thank you" I kept thanking him, all my hidden feeling just exploded all at once the moment I felt his warmth, I just couldn't stop crying still hugging him tightly
"you are very strong, you are completely fine now, you can enjoy a normal happy life from now on P' Mew" he said assuring me that it's real, for a moment I thought it was a dream but it's not, it's real and gulf just saved me and helped me to be cured, after a while, I slowly let go facing him
"the years of my phobia is finally over, it's all thanks to you, I owe you my life Gulf, no words can express how grateful I am to you" a pure tender smile appeared on his face reaching his hand and gently patting on my head then wiped away my tears
"I'm overjoyed to know that I helped you to be cured and have a better life, honestly I did nothing but to encourage you for time to time, it's you who was brave enough and took the first step changing your life, you are very strong P' Mew and you became a greater person"
"if I didn't meet you, if you didn't come here to live with me, my life wouldn't have changed"
"you helped me move on and forget about my heartbreak in Japan and the terrible accident and I helped you in curing your phobia, we both supported each other... maybe we were meant to meet to comfort and aid each other"
"yeah, I believe so too" I reaching holding Gulf's hand
"so it's real, I can touch you without getting sick, it makes me feel so warm inside"
"it's been so long for you to feel someone else skin, take your time to get used to it"
"I will" honestly I didn't want to let go that night, I wanted to keep feeling his touch, his heat, the feel of his soft skin but I also didn't want to bother him, he looked so tired since he stayed up all night to finish his work yesterday, the next day, I called my father who rushed to my place, as soon as he came
"Mew, son, is everything alright?" he asked walking into the living room, Gulf was preparing lunch in the kitchen watching us, my father looked really worried, I smiled getting closer to him and then without a warning I hugged him tightly, of course he freaked out and tried o push me away
"I'm fine father, I'm cured, see? I'm not getting sick" I assured him after pulling away, he stared at me with wide eyes not believing what just happened
"cured? No phobia? Hug?" he uttered in surprise
"yes, no panic attack, no fainting, no phobia, I'm fine" that was his cue jumping to hug me, there was tears in his eyes and he even shivered from how overjoyed he was
"I'm so glad son... thank you for trying your best and becoming better, thank you for fighting your phobia and winning! You are so amazing son"
"it's all thanks to Gulf who helped me and supported me all this time" my father let go and jumped hugging Gulf who go stunned for a moment but quickly relaxed
"thank you, I'm so grateful for you, I will never forget your good deed, you saved my son for a life of misery and loneliness"
"P' Mew also supported me and helped me when I was sick, from now on you should enjoy your life being close with your son, both of you must make up for all the years you lost"
"we will, come on father take a seat, I have a lot tell you"
"I'm all ears son" I spend the rest of the day telling everything that I did during all the past years, we even decided to go back to my high school and university and take pictures there that we couldn't take before
"I'm sorry father for treating you badly all those years and even doubted you, I really hated myself back then and I regret every moment I didn't spent with you"
"it's fine son, it wasn't your fault, we can start anew from today onward"
My life became perfect, I started to go out without gloves and I managed to go around feeling normal, I even met Mild and shook hands without a problem, I can fully enjoy my life from now on like any normal person without hiding or avoiding anyone, sometimes, I keep holding Gulf's hand while watching TV, it remind me that it's all real and that I'm completely cured besides, his touch makes me feel so safe and delighted
My current closeness to Gulf made it impossible for me a foresee a day when things would quickly change and we will end up avoiding each other that also proved to me how much I was dependent and addicted to touching him... to him
It all started when his younger sister visited during her vacation...