This was awkward. And I'm usually never feeling that kind of way unless it was, of course, Sarvente. An inferno of exclamation points invaded the corners of my mind in what to do. Who the heck confesses to someone they like after they've been given a place to stay?
In hindsight, it was not the best time to confess. I shouldn't get ahead of myself even if I and Sarvente were close friends. I did say I like her but could I have really explained myself when she asked me questions pertaining to my feelings? There was a high chance I'd stop in between my sentences because I wanted to choose the right words carefully.
This was Sarvente, after all. I shouldn't be bullshitting with her. I was currently in my wasteland of a room, back against the door, scratching the gray feathers of my Ushanka. It wasn't my forehead but I had felt for a long time that the clothes I wore on a daily basis were like a second extension of my body.
I had to be smart about this. That would mean not being reckless with my decisions.
Firstly, while my feelings for Sarvente did just pop out of nowhere, they were far from ingenuine. Sarvente must've thought we were just inseparable but she didn't imply it in a romantic sense. She was devoted to her responsibilities as a nun, she cared for the children visiting and peeing on my shoes when they could. I could literally smash my head at concrete because of these sudden bursts of emotion.
Secondly, the whole sequence was fast as f***. I wouldn't blame Sarvente if she were cautious around me from now on. I could've confessed to her before and it really was suspicious for me to express what I truly felt towards her after she actually purchased a semi-permanent dwelling for the both of us. A two-story one at that!
Angered, I almost thought of myself as some cheap gold digger, only sucking up to whoever provided me their blessings and disregarding those who have it. I wasn't something like that. I could very well leave this place and treat the outside world as my doormat.
But that would be disrespecting the hard work and time Sarvente sacrificed to buy this lot. And I didn't even share 50% of my savings with the expenditures... That f**king plumber was even commissioned by her own monetary capability than my treasure of stolen coins from the local arcade. The guy went on home after setting up the pipes and it seems we could use the faucets for later at night when the water becomes sanitized.
Why'd I have to confess now of all times?
If I truly do like Sarvente I could easily supply reasons as to why. But that's embarrassing as f*** to say and it's my first time experiencing crap like this. Kill me in a pyre and toss me away into the mighty whirlpool of despair.
My phone beeped and due to my paranoid ass, I almost believed it was Sarvente calling me from her device but it was just a stupid Funkbook notification. It was a new post bringing to light this blue-haired dude we battled at the church one time with his girlfriend. They were posing with some purple-skinned people. Sarvente had told me these were dangerous people to encounter but they looked happy in the picture.
Except for the purple guy with the gray hair, he harbored such a malevolent aura.
"Shit if I care, enjoy your relationship!" I threw my phone across the room, knowing it wouldn't break. That thing was special. "This sucks. Life sucks. That plumber sucks...."
Sarvente was still wearing my jacket. I felt cold. Despite how big I was, I needed to wear one. More like, I must wear one. It was who I am.
Focusing on the positives, for now, Sarvente hadn't outright rejected me. She must've been in a daze as I was. She had to show off her clothes and everything, now I can't get her out of my mind. Knowing her for years at the church and from the banters we shared, she was hard to miss and easy to like. It just didn't register to me I'd go this far.
A knock on the door disturbed my clutter of thoughts. Standing up and slightly slouching to avoid being hit by the ceiling, I twisted the doorknob and Sarvente was behind it, her fingers tied together and her eyes looking at me with concern. Without her usual attire, she really did look amazing.
There weren't a lot of things I could call amazing but it wasn't impossible to find one. Her pink hair was visible, her black veil out of the picture. It really brought out the glamor in her eyes.
Ehem, my heart was clenched tightly, refusing to make a single beat because of the tension between us.
I made that up. It was beating so bad one could mistake it for a ticking time bomb unleashing a nuclear blast.
She was so beautiful wearing my jacket. I needed it back though, give it back.
"The plumber left..." she whispered, twiddling with her thumbs.
DAMN IT, STOP BEING SO PRECIOUS!
"He also took some pizza with him if that's okay with you..." she tucked one strand of pink hair behind her ear, looking down on the floor. "You're probably cold, Ruv. You should wear your jacket. Various temperatures are inferior in my eyes."
She unbuttoned the front, making my cheeks fume up. I swiftly stopped her from doing so, buttoning it and pulling the hood up to cover her head. "W-what the heck, Ruv?!"
I covered my coughs with my fist, leaning back. "Wear it for me until you go back to church. I want you feeling safe in it."
She narrowed her eyes, grabbing my cheeks with her fingers. Anyone would be dead under three seconds if they'd execute it to me.
Sarvente's lips pouted. "Why would I be in danger? If anything, you're the one that attracts human waste on your shoes. Adding to that, your voice is enough for the church to fine you. How could you possibly think I'm the one that needs all the protection, hmm?"
"Please?" I said.
"Hmmmm."
"I'm still not fine with that plumber guy getting pizza for free. Think of this as a punishment, then."
Sarvente smiled, the greatest reaction thus far. "Aren't you merciful? This isn't even close to being ensnared by a giant Leviathan-"
This might divide us but I'm... putting all my trust in you that whatever happens, we'll still be fine because we believe in each other greatly than anyone else in this world.
How can I ever run away from Sarvente? Better yet, how had I not noticed how attentive she was towards me before?
I'm kind of glad no one tried pursuing her. Maybe the whole nun thing screamed a no-go. I was the only one who knew the truth.
"Sarvente."
She let go of my cheeks. "Hm?"
"You have to go to church tomorrow, yes?"
"Yep. I get off at 8 pm. There's still so much we need to do for our new home, after all."
I held her hand this time, feeling confident I could do something that wasn't considered heavy yet. Was she going to withdraw her hand? Will she comment about how disgusting it felt to hold mine? When her hand didn't budge and tightened its grip on mine, I knew she was considering me.
It was so soft but this hand of hers... It could literally destroy a mountain if it wanted to. So powerful but delicate in my grasp.
"I hope we aren't ignoring what needs to be addressed."
"I hope you remembered you'd give me time to think about it," she countered back. "I might be like this now but it's only because we've been through so much, Ruv. Good, bad, and even frightening. There's no denying we have a powerful bond, ya know?"
That's been engrained at the back of my head.
"I know you and you know me more than anyone else which is why... give me time to process it. It's hard to believe you'd confess to me, honestly speaking," she said, her cheeks a light red.
"As long as you get it, I suppose..." I said. "If you forgot how I confess, I'll record it word by word and send it to you in voice chat."
"I'll promptly delete it afterward like burning letters sent via arrow..." Sarvente sighed but her smile didn't leave her face. "I appreciate your feelings but we still have a party to cater in commemoration of our new home."
"Was that a rejection?"
Sarvente pinched me again and it wasn't so bad. Call me masochistic. "That was a reminder but if you think it's a rejection, I can make it sound that way-"
"Reminder it is." I raised my hands up.
"Good. Now get your room sorted out. It looks like what the end of a portal would contain."
I was secretly happy. It just didn't show on my face.