Song: Hellelujah - Avril Lavigne
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Hailey
"I get it as in you're not talking about me, are you?" smirked Nate twitching my guts all the more.
And there he stood. Looking just like he looked five years ago, but more... mature? Tall, handsome, self assured... He had his dark brown hair cut shorter now and the lines in his face looked harder, but he was basically the same star quarterback that dumped me in senior year.
And I wasn't prepared to see him.
At all.
I had known of him a couple times since senior year, but never by choice and never direct contact. I still felt belittled and humiliated by the abrupt way things ended when I thought back at it and I hated this feeling.
But there was no way I was letting him know that. It's been five years for God's sake. So I swallowed the sudden insecurities and bad memories and tried to play it cool like he was.
"I didn't know you'd be here." As far as I now, he was still in New York where he'd been studying until his graduation last year or in Pensilvania with his uncles. But here? Providence wasn't where I'd imagine him even knowing him and Kimmy keep in touch.
I should have known this was bound to happen at some point.
"Neither did I." Nate shrugged one shoulder, his nonchalantly manners only clenching my insides further. How could he just stand there, acting as if there was no drama within us? He tilted his head, letting his eyes take me in and my skin crawled in that weird way it unleashed me. "Long time not seeing you."
"I guess."
West stretches his chubby arms my way, making those cute baby noises and I used that distraction to snap back to reality, reaching out for the little angel. Nate let me take him effortlessly and I was heading out the room just as Kimberly entered it to tell him something, unable to be in his presence anymore without having a physical reaction to this situation.
Instead, I let Westie's cries for attention captivate the largest part of my mind when I entered the TV room and sat on the huge velvet couch placing him on my lap. He'd grown so much now, and he was big for an almost one year old. And beautiful, with huge grey eyes and soft light flocks of hair on his hair that smell like baby shampoo.
West was clearly a lot like his father, whoever it was; at least for now. But he had the same birthmark as Kimberly: a light mark shaped like a half moon under his left shoulder blade. Maybe with time more things about her will come out, but right now I guess most of his features were of this unknown fling.
He giggled, reaching out for my hair that fell over my shoulder and I felt my chest unclenching a bit; but it felt as if I was still out there, hyper aware of the sounds of their faint voices and the hard beating of my heart against my ribs.
That's what Nate does to me.
Last time I'd seen him, we were breaking up. And not a nice breakup. He broke up after a massive fight over two points: mistrust and lack of commitment.
Kimberly had just been interned in the hospital and he found out I'd lied about knowing her disorder. We fight about it, he made it all my fault -something I'd later learned not to think myself. But not only that. He spent the night with her ex and broke up the next day, moving to the other end of the country and cutting all bonds with me.
I told him I loved him one last time, and he told me that he didn't ask me to.
Back then I was so down and lost, he was my first boyfriend and my first everything and he just went. Disappeared from my life as if I never even mattered and it was easy to let me go. But he wasn't. Even now I could tell the huge impact he had on me because five years later and I still could feel dizzy just by having seen him again.
But now I knew better.
He guilt-tripped me over something that wasn't my entire fault, Kimmy getting so bad wasn't my responsibility. I might have done a lot of things different knowing how that would end, but her shit was something she was dealing with and I could only help so far.
And the sudden break up? After staying at his ex girlfriend's house? Once I overcome the initial sadness and shock it was easy for me to realize what happened. What really happened.
He wasn't into commitment, he told me so at the beginning and I guess things never really changed with time. My secret must have just given him the perfect excuse and I failed to realize the relationship was over even before he said those words.
And once I realized that, his reasons to break up became mine: commitment and mistrust.
So no, that wasn't a nice, mature nor peaceful break up. And even if that was long ago, seeing him now and unprepared wasn't an easy pill to swallow.
So I focused on Westie. They would leave soon anyway, and then I could stop feeling so at ease for being in the same ground as him once more.
I tickled the baby and play with his hands until I heard them finally getting ready to leave and pushed down the bitterness, getting up with West resting on my hip to say the goodbye. Kimmy and Riley were in the lobby, by the door Riley held half open, hurriedly whispering to themselves.
I glanced around, but Nate wasn't here and my eyes set back to the door. Maybe he's left already. A huge sense of relief loosened my chest.
Kimberly hissed something and Riley frowned, looking conflicted. It wasn't everyday you see them even disagreeing on something. They'd been together for a couple years now, not always officially; but ever since Riley arrived in her life, Kimberly's been different. More stable, focused and able to push forward her troubles -with herself and with the world.
But also, since Riley was always this sweet and archetype good boy, it was weird to see him frowning, even remotely displeased with whatever conversation they were having.
After a second to hesitate, I decide to wonder softly: "Is everything alright?"
Riley looked at me, still frowning and Kimmy sighed. No. Something definitely is off. He then looked at Kimberly but she just returned his stare, raising her chin and folding her arms. It felt like a challenge and he sighed, looking away.
"Fine." he said at last, conceading to something I was completely unaware of but that clearly got him like this. Yet, instead of stretching it Riley looked up to grin at me, but it felt so fake and unreal in him... "Thanks for staying Hails, see you."
"Have fun." I nodded and he kissed the top of West's head before getting out the apartment. I turned to Kimmy who was glaring after him, her brow twitching. "Hey." she looked at me, her lips set in a thin line. "What is that about?"
"He's just-" she shook her head and let out a harsh breath. "Whatever. It's nothing. We're really stressed, you know? I can't remember the last time we hang out without babies and preoccupations." she poked Westie's nose as she spoke and he giggled, making her smile and kiss him too. "Really, thank you for staying. We need this."
"Sure."
I hadn't realized it was that bad. I knew being responsible of a kid at twenty-three wasn't the ideal plan, and that it gave them extra responsibilities, but I should have known if they were in crisis... well, surprisingly, this time it was Riley the one that seemed more stressed. Kimmy just seemed unhappy he was unhappy.
"Ma." West rose his hands, babbling the only word he knew at the moment and Kimberly smiled, not taking him like he was demanding, but stepped closer and kissed his head again and blew a raspberry on his cheek making him laugh and squirm in my arms.
"See you later, babe." she grinned, one of those weird full grins of hers and then her eyes shifted beyond my shoulder. "You ready?"
"Yeah." said a deep voice and just like that the joy in my chest faltered as a new feeling clouded my chest. Something way less pleasing. I turned slowly to the new voice to see Nate by the doorstep, sliding on the jacket I'd seen before.
I really should have known.
It was still so weird seeing him there. At arms reach. Last time we were so close...
I rather not think more about the last time we were in each other's presence.
I couldn't help my eyes from wondering, curiosity and morbidity taking the best of me. He was different and the same. Or maybe it was just the long time not seeing him. Same sharp jaw, same slightly crooked nose that humanized his beautiful features, those green eyes... He didn't look that towering now, but back in high school I always wore flat shoes and now I was on my office heels.
I looked back at Kimmy, not wanting to keep up torturing me like this as the lace in my chest tightened as to my further infuriation she was clearly concealing an amused smile.
Amused.
She set this up.
I narrowed my eyes at her.
"What?" the brunette tilted her head, before blowing West another kiss and opening the door with the hand that wasn't holding her coat. "So, are we going or what?"
I could feel, Nate rolling his eyes even if I didn't look as he passed me and rubbed Westie's hair making him huff a weird sound. A laugh? A protest? I almost snap at him not to touch him, but that would have been stupid. I was just resented towards him, it gave me no right to forbid him anything, much less with the mother of the toddler standing there smug as ever.
Nate made eye contact one last time, taking a second too long -or maybe it was just my hyper sensitive perception- and sent me a tentative smirk that did little to nothing to conceal the burning in my lungs.
"Well, it was nice seeing you."
I almost scoffed. Almost. Instead, I composed enough to pull my lip in an attempt to pleasant grin. "Same."
But for the way they shared a glance, I was sure it didn't fool anyone. Nate got out first and Kimmy laughed, following him out with one last wink my way.
Gosh, I'm gonna kill her!
They close the door softly and West starts softly weeping at the departure of his mother, but as soon as I walked back into the living room and he lost sight of the door his sniffles calmed.
I sat on the ground at the side of the sofa, where they had laid the baby blanket with smiley animals on it and carefully put him there, amusedly watched him eye the animals around him and his fist clenched around the eye of the elephant and the other cradled his bunny plush toy.
He had a few more around, but this one was his favourite, Riley brought it with him when he first flew to meet him from his Erasmus in Berlin. Levi, they call it. And Levi had literally travelled more than me.
"Just you and me now, uh?" I teased as West laughed and rolled on his back, but the sound morphed into a cute yawn. "Aw, are you sleepy?"
Westie babbled, but they were just sounds and I chuckled too, rubbing his soft tummy and watching his eyelids struggling to stay up. No wonder. It was way too late for him to be up.
"Okay. Night time, buddy." I picked him back up, carefully bringing his head to my shoulder as I cradled him softly as he hummed and held on my shirt but was already falling asleep.
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Hey! Really short chapter, I know. If the story gets to 400 votes I'm posting next chapter now instead of waiting two weeks <33
Kimberly Thander (Kendall Jenner)
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