"Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second's encounter with God and with eternity." ― Paulo Coelho
++ C H A P T E R | T W E N T Y - S E V E N ++
Elliott couldn't stand it any longer. She'd been staring at Wes for what felt like hours, now. He was out back, rolling out dough for the pies. Elliott just watched his muscular arms with fascination. The way the muscles worked as he pushed the rolling pin back and forth, back and forth...
Wes turned towards Elliott, flicking his blonde hair out of his eyes. Elliott felt like she couldn't breathe when he smiled down at her, his mouth lifting at the corners. She felt her heart thudding in her chest, so fast she was afraid Wes would hear it.
He leaned forward, his mouth moving but Elliott couldn't hear what he was saying. She was arguing with herself about how much she didn't deserve this. She didn't deserve love. She didn't deserve happiness
But.
Wes was all of the above. Elliott felt like she was in love. She felt happy. She felt like she deserved it all.
She didn't even care anymore. She leaned forward, and while she had no idea what she was doing, she leaned forward and kissed him.
It was short. She pulled back after pressing her lips to his briefly. She knew nothing about kissing. She knew nothing about love.
She snapped out of her daze and then just stared at Wes. He looked shocked. He doesn't know you're a girl! Oh my god, he doesn't know and you just kissed him-
Wes grabbed her hips and pushed her against the counter he was just rolling dough on. Briefly, he heard the bell of the door ringing overhead, signaling the arrival of a customer, but he knew they could wait.
He pressed his lips back to Elliott's, forcefully. And Elliott had been so shocked that Wes would even kiss her back that she gasped into his mouth, which he took full control of. She could feel his fingers pressing in her sides, and she could feel the pressure of his body against hers, and she liked it.
She grabbed the front of his shirt to pull him closer. She wanted more, more, more. The way Wes kissed her made her feel wanted. It made her feel safe. Loved. Happy.
For once, Elliott was happy.
Wes pulled back, looking at Elliott. He could feel his heart hammering in his chest, but he didn't care. He knew this was wrong. It was against everything his father wanted, but Wes couldn't help it.
Elliott just stared at Wes before trying to pull away unsuccessfully. Wes kept her trapped in his arms.
"I'm so sorry! Oh, god. This shouldn't have happened. It can't happen!" Elliott was still twisting and turning in his arms, but Wes refused to let her go. He, for once, didn't want to listen to his father. All he wanted to do was lean down and press his lips to hers once more, but he knew he had to explain some things. Elliott still thought Wes thought she was a guy.
"Elliott, I know you're a girl."
"What?!" Elliott nearly screamed. How? How did he know?
"My father was at your house when Anna found out, and he told me. I'm sorry for keeping it from you, but god. You would have ran if I told you I knew."
Elliott felt faint. She felt a panic attack coming on. She felt sick. "How long have you know?"
Wes tightened his grip. "Since Anna found out. My dad told me later that night."
Elliott threw her face in her hands. Wes noticed her distress immediately, and pulled her closer. "Shhh. Elliott, it doesn't change a thing. Well, actually, it does. I like you, okay. A lot. I wouldn't have kissed you if I didn't. We could be together-"
"No! We can't!" Elliott wrenched herself from his grip. "I'm not a girl! Well, I am, but not mentally! Don't you see? I've grown up a boy. Every part of me screams male! I don't know how to be a girl. I don't even know if I want to be a girl!"
Wes felt her pain. He felt it so strongly it made him want to wrap her in his arms. Even dressed as a boy, he thought she was beautiful. And he wanted her so badly. Wanted her to love him. It was a dangerous thought.
"I'm sorry, Wes. I have to go. Excuse me." And with that, Elliott ran from the store like it was on fire. She couldn't believe she had been so stupid! Kissing him. Letting Anna find out. Who was next?
Elliott began to cry. Mother would find out. She would find out and punish her. Kill her. Bury her alongside the skeletons that begged her to join them.
She stomped all the way up the stairs in her house and shut herself in the bathroom, turning the shower on. She stood under the spray, letting her memories consume her.
"I. Am. A. Girl!" Elliott screamed to her mother. Mary was having none of that, as he grabbed Elliott by the hair and yanked her into the punishment chair. Elliott wasn't even phased.
"Why does it even matter, mother? On the inside, we're all the same, whether or not we're girls or boys! Our skeletons are the same!"
Mother turned her deadly gaze on her son. Her son.
"So you want to be a skeleton, huh?"
Elliott shook her head. "No! I'm just saying, all skeletons are the same! And since we're all made of skeletons, why does gender matter so much! Why do I have to be Elliott? Why do I have to be a boy!"
Mother slapped Elliott across the face. Once. Twice. Three times. Then, she raided her closet full of toys. "You know why. You killed your brother, you nasty little slut!"
Elliott began to cry. "No! No, I didn't!"
Mother turned, grabbing the whip. Her favorite. She brought the whip down hard on Elliott, loving the way her son screamed. "You did. You did, you did, you did! And I'll make you regret it! You're the one that should have died, not my precious son! You're not going to escape. You're Elliott now."
Elliott trashed. She was stubborn and brave. "No, I didn't kill her! Baba did!"
Mother froze. Her eyes narrowed and she hissed at him. "Don't tell me lies, boy!"
Elliott looked mother straight in the eyes. "I'm not."
Mother stumbled back, dropping the whip. Her head ached, and her heart shattered. She had trusted Baba with her life. She could see her playful grin, and the way her eyes lit up when she smiled. She had been her first real friend. And she had single handedly ruined everything.
"No. She loved you kids. She wouldn't have killed Elliott."
Elliott stopped struggling in the chair and watched her mother break down. It was a rare sight, one Elliott had never seen before.
"How did she do it?" She trembled.
"Stabbed him. Tried to get me too, but I ran away. She said it was revenge for what you did to her."
Elliott watched as mother dropped to the ground. She began to cry, then. Cry so hard her body shook.
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