Elizabeth sat straight, tapping her foot in anticipation of an argument. The Colonel had spent the last three days looking through the notes she and her nurses had compiled on the men Captain Rogers had rescued four weeks ago and today he had come to her for a discussion on specific men. The men in question were Tim Dugan, Gabe Jones, Montgomery Falsworth, Jim Morita, Jacques Dernier and, of course, her Bucky.
She had been pre-warned of course. Steve had pulled her aside a week ago.
*
"Elizabeth," he said, "I need you not to freak out."
"Steven Rogers. What about me makes you think telling me not to freak out stops me from freaking out?" The panic that engulfed her instantly had one point of origin: worry for Bucky. "What's happened?"
Steve offered a sympathetic smile as he sat down in the chair opposite her in the tiny tent The Colonel had given her as an office space now that there were so many more soldiers whose care needed to be organised. He placed his hand out on the desk for her to take and she did instantly. Over the course of the last four weeks they had grown fond of each other and had often found themselves in whispered conversations by Bucky's bed side as he slept during those first two weeks.
"The Colonel is putting together a team for me to head up. He wants me to take down Hydra and, well Lizzie, I don't think I can do it without him."
Her eyes dropped to where his hands now encased her own and she gently pulled away.
"He's not ready Steve."
"Come on Lizzie, you and I both know he's healed twice as fast as the others have. He's stronger than you're giving him credit for." Steve sighed as he sat back and Elizabeth finally looked him in the eye.
"No Steve, you're wrong. Physically yes, he's healed well, but you don't see the tremors that he hides from you. You don't feel his entire body tense before he even wakes from the nightmares that plague his mind, nightmares that rip him from the sleep he desperately needs I might add. He's not ready." She wasn't mad or angry. Her eyes screamed with worry and her voice was quiet and calm.
Elizabeth waited for him to respond. If there was one thing she had come to know about Steven Grant Rogers it was that he always had a response. When he didn't say anything she knew.
Without another word Elizabeth rose to her feet and stalked out of the small tent and towards the soldiers quarters.
Bucky had been discharged from the medical tent after two weeks of watchful eyes and constant care, with the agreement that he'd go back once a day for checks. Lizzie's orders. He was relieved of course, it meant he felt less fragile, less like people were waiting for him to break. On the other hand though, it meant that Lizzie wasn't with him every night. On nights when she was on shift he often found himself sneaking in to watch her work, sitting in the corner of the tent with their book in hand, or camping out in her office so that he was close to her. On nights she wasn't scheduled to work he would sneak to the small tent she shared with one of the other nurses and wrap himself around her, letting her presence ease his mind. On nights like that he would fall asleep with her head on his chest, his arms tight around her and his soul at peace. Nightmares would wake him, but they passed quickly when she would softly caress his face, her eyes on his, and breathe with him. She was his safe place.
He sat, content in the bunk he hardly slept in, re-reading The Hobbit and scribbling answers to more of Lizzie's margin questions, when she stormed in.
"You agreed to it, didn't you?" Her lips pursed as she waited for a response and she balled her hands into fists over and over again as they hung at her sides. She was shaking slightly and her nostrils flared as she waited for a response.
Bucky put the book down beside him and stood carefully. He had never seen Elizabeth angry and he wasn't entirely sure how to respond. He took a small step towards her, his hands stretched out towards her but stopped when her hands came up, palms out, telling him she didn't want to be touched.
"Lizzie, I'm a soldier. I was bound to have to go back out at some point and what's safer than being part of Captain America's team?" He spoke softly, calmly.
"You and I both know you aren't ready Barnes."
"Did you just last name me Lizzie? Really?" Bucky smirked and took another step towards her.
"Stop it. You do not get to look at me like that and act like this is all okay." Tears started to spill as she spoke and Bucky suddenly felt like he'd made the biggest mistake of his life. "You do not get to have those conversations and not even tell me Bucky. You - you can't leave me."
"Shit. No, Doll don't cry. I'm sorry. I'll fix it, I'm sure Steve hasn't given the list to Colonel Phillips yet. He can just take my name off of it, Lizzie. I can fix it." He wrapped his arms around her as she buried her face in his chest and cried.
"I lost you Bucky. I lost you once and it nearly killed me..." she murmured into his chest. "I know you're going to have to go out again, okay, but I just want to know you're going to be safe and it's not safe if you can't keep your focus James."
He tried not to think of the moments when he was gone, he tried to avoid letting his mind revisit those places, but sometimes the scrape of metal on the back of an armoured vehicle, or the clatter of clipboards being dropped onto a desk would pull him right back in and he was no longer safe and with his friends anymore. He was behind enemy lines. He was being tortured. He was 'the test subject' all over again.
Lizzie was right. His mind wasn't in the right place. She was right.
"About that..." Steve couldn't hide the anxiety that now laced his voice as he spoke up for the first time having followed Elizabeth out here.
"You didn't Steve." Lizzie groaned. "Please tell me The Colonel does not have a list with his name on it."
*
"Fantastic work Miss Halsted," The Colonel's approving comment pulled her from her thoughts of the argument she was about to present. "And they're all medically cleared for duty?"
Elizabeth steadied herself before she spoke.
"Yes Sir, although Sergeant Barnes faced significantly different injuries to the other men on that list, and he was the only one taken into isolation while held captive. I would be more comfortable if he remained here for further observation and -"
"With all due respect Miss Halsted," he cut her off as he stood and placed the closed files on her desk for her to file away. "I understand that the concept of Sergeant Barnes heading back out may be difficult for you, given your affections for him." Elizabeth blushed furiously as her eyes dropped. Embarrassment flooded her as he paused. "But, Miss Halsted, I do not care for what you are comfortable with. Your own observations show Barnes healed much faster than the others and he is, all things considered, fit for duty."
Elizabeth did not take her eyes away from the spot on the floor she now focused on. She was mortified that The Colonel had referenced to her private affairs in such a clear manner and the sting of embarrassment was amplified as she heard The Colonel pause on his way out.
"Ah Sergeant Barnes. Meet me in my quarters in ten minutes. I'm sure, given your relationships with both Miss Halsted and Captain Rogers you are already aware of the reasons, and the others involved. Bring them with you, you'll all be given new uniform."
"Yes Sir." Bucky's voice was clear. In that moment he was a soldier taking orders.
When he stepped into the tent Elizabeth stood and turned away from him, scooping up the files and putting them in the small metal cabinet that stood alone in the corner.
"Lizzie..." his voice soothed her slightly and her shoulders dropped as she looked down, holding onto the cabinet. "Come on, Doll. It's going to be fine. We knew it was a long shot and I'll be with Steve. You know he'll keep me safe. God knows I saved his ass enough times, he'll just be returning the favor."
When she looked at him he offered her a lopsided smile and a shrug of his shoulders. She sighed and moved around the desk, folding into him as he embraced her.
"Stop worrying Doll. I'm going to be fine. I'm going to come back to you, every time." He gently placed his finger tips under her chin and lifted her face so that he could look into her eyes. "I will come back."
She closed her eyes as his lips met hers and her whole body seemed to sigh as he let his kiss linger before pulling away and nuzzling his face into her neck, breathing in the scent of her.
"You better Barnes, because I am not losing you again. Now go and get that new uniform."
"Yes Ma'am." Bucky chuckled as she pushed him away from her. He quickly pulled her in again and kissed her one last time before jogging out to meet The Colonel.
By the time Bucky was done, he and the team were all decked out in new uniforms. Uniforms that separated them from the other soldiers. This was the uniform of The Howling Commandos. He pulled at the hem of the deep blue jacket and pushed back his hair, now combed and trimmed, before reentering Lizzie's work tent. She was sitting against the desk, her back turned to him, scribbling notes on a clipboard, unaware that he had joined her. He cleared his throat causing her to jump slightly and she turned laughing.
When she saw him her signature blush spread over her cheeks and her eyes widened slightly. She seemed to lose all focus and the clipboard and pen slipped from her hands.
"Wow. You look -" her eyes slowly travelled over him as she tried desperately to find her words, "- wow."
Bucky grinned as her eyes met his and she smiled.