Xela
"Have you seriously never had a crepe?!" Annie dramatically gasps in disbelief. I shake my head at the distraught girl in front of me. All of the sudden Annie calls our waitress over, "Can we have a stack of strawberry crepes?" She smiles at the woman who looks our age, her face looking annoyed.
"I'm allergic to strawberries" I tell Annie, not looking forward to the swelling and hives I am sure to get if I eat any strawberry. Annie gives me a scowl, "Who is allergic to strawberries?!" She says with a joking tone. At the same time, a bell goes off indicating someone entered the cafe. My head instinctively turns to find Ryder with a confused look on his face as he looks at a piece of paper in his hands.
His eyes meet mine for a split second before I turn back to Annie, "Let's get chocolate, then." She smiles at me, not realizing my slight distraction. "Sounds good." I say, the corner of my eye catching Ryder passing by to the front, as he passes, he plucks a single banana slice from my plate, eating it without even looking my way.
The waitress gives me a bitchy look before leaving and going to the counter, twirling her hair as she takes Ryder's order.
Annie looks at me in shock, mouthing 'What the hell' to me.
I roll my eyes, 'He wants attention' I mouth back, making Annie laugh. Within a few minutes, we are served a plate of brown crepes, smelling delicious. Ryder was handed a box of muffins before leaving, not looking in my direction once, like he didn't take food off my plate.
"What an asshole." I grumble once he leaves. "That was hot." Annie says, popping a chocolate chip that had been on the crepe into her mouth. I roll my eyes, "Arrogance is not hot." I say, maybe too harshly.
"I'm starting to think you're a lesbian."
"Yeah yeah" I say, cutting into the crepe and trying it. "So....." Annie trails off, looking to me for my thoughts. I didn't think it was amazing, if anything it was far too sweet for my liking, but since she loves it so much I had to tell a little white lie. "I love it!" I exclaim, taking another bite. It wouldn't matter if I liked it or not, I would finish it regardless.
That's what constant days without food does to you, or maybe it's just watching eight year old Penny starve night after night.
"I hate this road." Annie grumbles as she flies through a stop sign. I laugh, loving how the wind is whipping my hair around. Annie drives a bright red convertible, I know, cliche. Annie cranks the radio up as we make a turn around a hill, driving next to a cliff overlooking the ocean.
"The story starts when it was hot and it was summer and, I had it all I had him right there where I wanted him!" Annie starts to belt out, her voice surprisingly good.
Annie continued to scream the lyrics to the song I have never heard before as we sped along the cliff. "Have you never heard this?" She pauses to yell, but I can barely hear her words over the noise of the wind and the engine. I shake my head, making her mouth drop open.
"This is Taylor fucking Swift!" She screams at me, her words barely audible. I just shrug and turn my attention back to the ocean, watching the waves. "Every day on the drive to school we are learning a new Taylor song." Annie tells me when we pull up to my house. I'm sure my hair is all over the place when we come to a complete stop. I move hair from my face and turn to Annie, "Deal"
Annie smiles, fixing her hair into a low ponytail. "Tomorrow at 8 AM sharp" she declares as I'm getting out, "You always say that." I tell her, knowing every time she says 8 she actually comes at 8:15. Max and I end up sitting on the curb waiting for her.
"Tomorrow I'm going to be on time! Also I'm hitting up Starbucks so do you want anything?"
I shake my head, "I'm good, thanks"
Annie nods before saying goodbye and driving off.
I look at the tiny box of food Annie gave me because she couldn't finish hers. It may be weird taking someone's leftovers but I would never let it go in the trash.
Stepping into my house, my mom is sitting on the kitchen island, her face in her hands and her hair a mess.
I walk over slowly and place the box in front of her, knowing she probably hasn't eaten in a while.
"You will like this" I tell her, her head shooting up and her red eyes meeting mine. She doesn't say anything as I scoop the food onto a paper plate and give her a fork.
Slowly, she takes bites of the food, not acknowledging that it is someone's leftovers.
I think back to times with my mom and my dad, and desperately try to see the woman she once was. The woman she was before I ruined everything.
She thinks dad left because she started drinking, which might be partially true, but that isn't what made him pack up and leave in the middle of the night.
When he had found out I killed a man, he was furious. Yeah he helped me cover it up, but I was just eleven years old so I didn't know what was happening. He didn't ask me why I did it or what happened, he didn't care.
I don't regret killing the man.
Even at such a young age I knew I shouldn't be touched certain places, especially by a man in his forties. At first I didn't do anything but scream, what else could I do. But when the man came back a week later he had a gun, a gun he tried to get me to do awful things with because it was aimed at my head. Unfortunately for him in such a drunken state he stumbled and dropped it.
I had scrambled and picked it up, not knowing how to work it other than pulling the trigger, which I did without a second thought.
My Dad never knew why I killed him, he never asked. Part of me hates him for not noticing his eleven year old daughter went through something so awful right under his nose. My Dad didn't say a word to me when I showed him what I did, he was scary and silent as he cleaned it up and left without a goodbye.
That's why he left, not because of my mom or her habits. Because of me. Maybe that is why I pity my mom so much. No matter what she has put me through I know that I'm the reason she is like this. She thinks Dad left because of her and she hates herself for it, and I wish I could tell her everything.
But I can't.
——
"Monday's are the worst." Annie groans as we reach our lockers, Max trailing behind us talking with his friends.
I quickly enter my combination, emptying my books into my locker for the week. I can't relate to Annie about hating school, for me it's somewhere that isn't home and I love it for that.
"How was your weekend?" A familiar voice causes me to look up to see Denny. I smile at him, "Good how was yours?" I respond. Denny tells me about how it was Ryder's dads birthday, which made me confused.
"You don't have the same father?" I ask, trying not to sound pushy.
Annie isn't paying attention, she is now talking to Max about who knows what.
"No, my dad adopted Ryder and Blake a few years ago. Ryder's dad isn't around anymore, but we celebrated his birthday. Ryder really loved his dad." Denny explains to me. I want to know what he means by isn't around but I know it's none of my business.
Blake is suddenly behind Denny, messing up his deep brown hair as Denny shoves his brother away. "Stop that" Denny tells him, trying to fix his hair.
From the corner of my eye I spot the waitress form yesterday, the one who obviously has a problem with me from the glare she is giving me.
"Are you going to come back to the club soon?" Blake asks, I'm guessing Denny told him I've been down there before.
I shrug, "I'm not sure."
Before anyone can say another word, the waitress comes up to Blake and drapes her arm around his shoulder, "Have you seen Ryder?" She bats her eyes lashes. Denny gives me a wide eyed look, almost making me laugh.
"Fuck off, Natalie." Blake says, shrugging her arm off of him. The girl, Natalie, huffs and crosses her arms. "I want to talk to him." She says, her eyes attempting to look sad or sexy or something I don't know what she was trying to do.
"He doesn't want to talk to you." Denny speaks up. Natalie rolls her eyes, "I wasn't talking to you." She sneers, Blake tensing at her tone towards Denny.
"It's this bitch isn't it? What the hell are you doing to him?!" She is talking to me this time, almost making me burst out laughing. "Or maybe you are just psychotic." I give her a big fake smile before walking away. Annie had left to get to class, which I should have done earlier because I am going to be late. I don't care for drama like that, I just wanted to be out of the conversation. She obviously doesn't know Ryder whatsoever because if she did she would know we do not like each other to any degree.
——
"I'm so sorry for just leaving earlier, it looked like you were in an....interesting conversation. I didn't want to interrupt just to say goodbye." Annie says as she takes a bite of her usual Nutella sandwich. I ignore how my stomach reacts to watching her eat.
I have money to eat and I have been eating daily, but just a snack for breakfast and a full dinner.
"It's fine, really." I assure Annie.
We talk for a while, until Max brings up something there is next week. "Are you guys going to the bonfire?" Max asks, Annie's eyes lighting up at the words.
They must notice my confusion because Annie explains how every year they light a bonfire on the football field and everyone sleeps on the field and eats. It seems like an odd tradition, and definitely one I would not enjoy.
"I don't know..." I trail off.
"Xela?" Natalie is suddenly in front of me, a nice little pastry in her hand. "I'm so sorry for earlier, I really don't want us to not be friends" she smiles. Annie and I share a glance before i look back to Natalie. "The cafe gave me several pastries to pass out today, to somewhat promote the place. Would you like to have the last chocolate croissant?"
Annie nudges me, "If you don't eat it I will." She whispers. I warily take the croissant. "Thanks?" I say, waiting for her to walk away. I realize she won't leave until I try it.
I take a slow bite from the croissant, my eyes meeting Ryder's from across the cafeteria as I do. His dark eyes look different, almost expecting...
Before I can react to what I just put in my mouth, I taste the strong sweetness of strawberry go down my throat.