Trenton, New Jersey
*excuse any mistakes*
Onest Simmons
"Finding My Way Back"
𝐖𝐢𝐟𝐞𝐲💍
𝐋𝐢𝐚 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰 𝐰𝐞 𝐡𝐚𝐯𝐞𝐧'𝐭 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤𝐞𝐝
𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞 𝐝𝐚𝐲𝐬, 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐈 𝐣𝐮𝐬𝐭 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭𝐞𝐝
𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐰𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐚 𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐲
𝐛𝐢𝐫𝐭𝐡𝐝𝐚𝐲 𝐈 𝐰𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝'𝐯𝐞 𝐝𝐨𝐧𝐞
𝐬𝐨𝐦𝐞𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐛𝐮𝐭 𝐫𝐧 𝐰𝐞'𝐫𝐞
𝐧𝐨𝐭 𝐨𝐧 𝐠𝐨𝐨𝐝 𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐦𝐬 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐢𝐭'𝐬 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲
𝐦𝐲 𝐟𝐚𝐮𝐥𝐭 𝐈 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨 𝐭𝐚𝐥𝐤 𝐭𝐨 𝐲𝐨𝐮
𝐢𝐟 𝐲𝐨𝐮 𝐥𝐞𝐭 𝐦𝐞 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞, 𝐋𝐢𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐮𝐬𝐞 𝐈'𝐦
𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐬𝐨𝐫𝐫𝐲 𝐟𝐨𝐫 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫𝐲𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐢𝐟
𝐰𝐞 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐥𝐝 𝐈'𝐥𝐥 𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐈 𝐤𝐧𝐨𝐰
𝐈 𝐟𝐮𝐜𝐤𝐞𝐝 𝐮𝐩 𝐚𝐧𝐝 𝐈 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐥𝐲 𝐰𝐚𝐧𝐭 𝐭𝐨
𝐞𝐱𝐩𝐥𝐚𝐢𝐧 𝐦𝐲𝐬𝐞𝐥𝐟 𝐩𝐥𝐞𝐚𝐬𝐞 𝐠𝐢𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐚 𝐜𝐚𝐥𝐥
I bite down my lip staring at my message. I just stare at it hoping for a reply back. A couple more days passed and we still haven't talked or anything. Everything was just eating me alive right now. From me being disrespectful to my mom to hurting Lia feelings.
I was just being a dick to people that did no wrong by me. I mean I was being disrespectful to the woman that raised me by herself. The same woman that I would kill someone over the moment they disrespectful her. And I turn around and end up talking crazy to her.
And for Lia, I said I wouldn't hurt her feelings or break her heart. And I turn around and say shit that I can't take back at all. I was just a walking contradiction at this point. I sigh when I seen she had read it. I put my head on the steering wheel, locking my phone.
"Some guidance would be nice God." I mumbled to myself.
Feeling my phone vibrate, I quickly look up thinking it was Lia. Sadly, it was one of those spam messages. I didn't want to win a damn iPhone, I wanted my girlfriend back.
I let out another sigh then proceeded to get out my car. Since I couldn't apologize to Lia at the moment, I decided to apologize to my mom in the meantime. I also needed her help with all this. I really was stuck, I wasn't sure what to do to get Lia to speak to me.
My mom was the only one I could go to since I damn sure wasn't going to Shooter. I already knew he wasn't even going to help me, just punch the shit out of me for being disrespectful and messing up my relationship for validation form niggas he told me about. I really didn't listen at all and now I was suffering the consequences for not doing so.
I walked inside the diner seeing my mom and some girl. The girl look at me then look away.
"Hey, mom can I talk to you real quick?" I asked walking to the counter.
"No." She said and I sigh deeply.
"Mom, seriously, I really need to talk to you." I told her and she shrugged her shoulders.
"And I really need to get ready for work, so go talk to someone else."
"Mom, please!" I begged walking behind the counter and she look up at me. "Your the only one I can talk to right now. Lia hates me and Amir is just going to punch me without letting me talk. Just please!"
She cross her arms, "What do you need?" She asked aggressively. Before I said anything, I look over at the girl that was standing there.
"Sorry." She mumbled before walking to the back.
"What do you need, Onest?" My mom asked again in the same aggressive tone.
"I came because I really need your help. For starters, I want to apologize for how I talked to you days ago. I was very disrespectful and you know I would never disrespect you, so I'm sorry about that." I apologized and she just look at me.
"You know a sorry isn't going to cut it right?" She asked and I nodded my head.
"Yes, I know."
"Are you sure cause I feel as though you don't. I feel as though you think you can just do something and as long as you apologize afterwards, your off the hook. But, that's not the case. You have to suffer the consequences of your actions all the damn time. And at times, a sorry isn't going to do anything." She told me walking off and I follow behind her.
"I know that, I do mom. And I'm suffering the consequences right now. I didn't mean to disrespect you or come crazy, I just really need your help." I continued begging.
I really was desperate as hell.
"What do you need help with, O?" She asked, putting her hands on her lips.
I bite the inside of my lip staring at her. I look down, my eyes getting watery a little. Damn, I was about to cry over her.
"I-" I paused, clearing my throat then looking back up. "I fucked up." I continued, sniffling a little.
"What do you mean you fucked up and are you about to cry?" She asked sounding concern.
I ignored her question sitting down in the booth. I covered my face really on the verge to cry at the moment.
"Onest, sit up and talk." My mom told me and I look up.
I sigh, "I ended up talking bad on Lia, making up lies. I said how she was a hoe and she gets passed around. She heard what I said and got upset about it. We got into an argument and I ended up saying how she's naive and how she depends on other people to find her happiness. I also said she's trying to find love to fill in for her fathers spot and ended up saying she couldn't because her dad doesn't love her." I told her, realizing how fucked up that was.
Jesus, that was harsh.
"Are you serious?" She asked and I nodded my head. "Oh, your not coming back from that."
I sigh leaning back in the chair, "I didn't mean it, I was just angry." I said and she shook her head.
"Onest, people show their true colors when they're at their lowest, drunk, or angry. You showed your true colors and now your suffering the consequences. You said some mess up shit to a girl that did no wrong by you. Why did you say all of that?" She asked.
"Cause I was embarrassed to admit that I was falling in love. Junior and 'em were clowning me over it and I was just embarrassed." I answered.
"Embarrassed? About being in love? Boy, you really need to grow the fuck up. You said all that shit because of some stinking ass boys clowning you for being in love with your girlfriend. That's the most stupidest shit I ever heard and the most stupidest shit you ever done. You really just messed up your relationship because of some clown shit. Lia most definitely isn't going to take you back." She told me and I tuck in my lips.
"No apology is going to fix how broken her heart is. And the fact that you made up fucking lies about that girl, knowing damn well she doesn't do shit like that. You really fucked up Onest and there's no coming back after this. No matter how many times you apologize, say it was a mistake or write a song about it. Your not coming back from this at all."
"Those boys, not even men, are prime example of a man that I didn't want you to grow up and be. Those are the same niggas that have nothing going on for themselves at all and pray on their friends downfall. I taught you to be a leader, not a damn follower. So, why on earth do you care about what they think You worrying about trying to please them caused your relationship to end."
"Usually, I'll help you out and give you advice, but I'm not at all. You deserve whatever Lia decides to do and I really want her to leave ya ass. You fucked up a perfect relationship over something stupid. I don't understand why you was even hanging out with them dudes in the first place. You don't need a lot of friends, you have one friend that help you out. Despite what Amir does for a living, he's your only friend that keeps it real with you unlike those other niggas. You fucked up and now you have to deal with whatever comes at you."
"I love you Onest, but this is on you. Your grown, so figure it out for yourself. I will tell you this whatever she decides to do, DO NOT gaslight that girl and make her feel as though she needs you to survive. Because if I hear you did such thing, me and you will have a fucking problem, Onest and I mean that. If she wants to break up, accept it and leave her alone. You broke that girl heart, so you have no reason to be emotional. You need to grow up and that's that."
დ︎დ︎დ︎
"Yeah, you knew not to come to me cause you know imma fuck you up. You said all that shit for the validation of some niggas and let them keep disrespecting her for what reason bro? Your bright as hell bro, so ion know why you do stupid shit. Sorry to say this, but y'all not getting back together."
"I know that." I muttered, playing with my earring.
Between my mom and Shooter repeatedly telling me my relationship was done, I didn't even have bother to think it would work out. I hurt Anneliese and I knew I wasn't getting her back. I just wanted to say I was sorry, that's all.
"Glad you know that shit foreal. Still can't believe your stupid ass and all of this for what? A couple of niggas approval of you or some shit? Thats stupid as fuck. In all honestly, the conversation shouldn't have even went past the first sentence. You should've dead that shit the moment she was mentioned. Childish ass shit man." He told me, I let out a small sigh still playing with my earring.
If only I could go back and not do the shit I did. I wouldn't be going through this at the moment.
"So, whatchu finna do?"
I shrugged my shoulders, leaning back in my chair.
"Ion even know to be honest. She won't talk to me." I answered, shrugging my shoulders again.
"Well, she have every right. Unfortunately, I'm not going to give you advice because you don't take that shit at all. Instead you do what Onest wants, so imma let you figure this shit out for yourself. Deadass, O, stop doing stupid shit man cause it's only so much I can have your back on."
"Aight."
"Don't say aight and end up doing something stupid." He said and I smack my lips.
"I'm not." I said, quickly looking over once I heard a knock on my door.
"I gotta go." I said, picking up my phone.
"Keanu, I swear imma send you to the hospital if you do some stupid shit." Shooter told me and I smack my lips.
"I'm not, I gotta go." I hung up the phone, tossing it on my bed. I got up, waking out my room.
I headed towards the door then look out the peephole. "Why?" I asked myself, opening the door.
"Why are you-"
"Did Winter come by?" Victoria cut me off and I scrunched up my face.
"No, she didn't. Why would she be here?" I asked. She ignored my question, pushing past me walking inside.
I tuck in my lips not even bothering to go off. I really didn't have the energy to do so at all. I shut my door then leaning on it.
"Victoria-"
"That bitch here?" She cut me off again and I rub the bridge of my nose.
"I don't know how your talking about." I played dumb already know she was talking about Lia.
"You know exactly who I'm talking about. I guess she's not here which is good cause she gon' get fucked us again." She said and I raise my brow.
"What are you talking about?" I asked and she gave me a smile.
"Oh, she didn't tell you?" She asked and I mugged her.
"Tell me what?"
"Oh..." she started laughing and I didn't find anything funny. "Winter and I jumped her while we were at the store. That's what she get for talking shit on social media."
I pinch the bridge of my nose, "Victoria, get the fuck out." I told her calmly before I spazzed out.
"I'm not leaving nigga. I came over here before Winter thot ass came. Damn, that bitch is annoying-"
I tuned her out walking over to her. She gave me a smile, but it quickly went away when I grabbed her arm. I kept ignoring her, pulling her to the door. I opened it then toss her out.
"You lost your everlasting mind touching me. Don't make me get my people on you again cause I'm sure this time they'll kill your stupid."
"Victoria, I really don't give a fuck. Have a nice day." I told her before slamming the door shut and locking it.
დ︎დ︎დ︎
Anneliese
Welp.
I hummed a little looking at the positive pregnancy test. I wasn't even mad about it just disappointed. But, hey this is what happen when you don't use protection.
Wear condoms kids.
"Well, as your mother I should tell you, your dad is a piece of shit. But, we'll be alright." I said rubbing my stomach.
I shook my head getting up from the table. I moved the For Sale poster out the way and grabbed the permanent marker and the bag of balloons. I grabbed the rest of the things I needed then headed out the back.
It was my birthday and I finally turned nineteen. It felt like I been eighteen for ages really. And even though, I'm going through something at the moment, I was still celebrating my birthday. What was going on wasn't going to stop me.
Plus, I was celebrating it with my mommy for the first time. And my child that I didn't even know I was pregnant with.
I sat down on the grass and proceeded to open the bag of balloons. I took one out and starting blowing it up. A bitch was struggling at first, but I finally got it after a while. After tying the balloon, I took a string and tied it around it too.
"Wish you were here really mom." I mumbled as I started writing on the balloon.
"You would help me out with a lot of shit I have going on right now. Even though, your not here your still in my memory forever. In loving memory, my mommy. I love you." I said then releasing the balloon into the air.
I look up watching it float away which made me smile. As much as I want to be up there with her, I couldn't.
It was finally time for me to grow up and be on my own. No more being naive and sensitive. No more letting things slide or looking for happiness through others. Time to get myself together not only for me, but for my child.
Time to find and love myself.
დ︎დ︎დ︎
Aight so I know some of y'all didn't want her to get pregnant, but I needed her too I'm sorry. The way I have the story in mind, I needed her to be pregnant so again sorry.
I'm not putting her through any more drama, she's going to have a come up y'all I promise. Onest on the other hand, it won't look pretty for him. Anyway, I just wanted to tell y'all that.