Tuesday
As we had to go downstairs for PE lessons, everyone started leaving the classroom.
It took me some time to find my water bottle. And by the time I'm done, my friends already left without waiting for me. I was left alone in the empty classroom with all the lights off.
I sighed, feeling a bit hurt. It's always like this. And if I show that I'm upset, they'll say that I'm overreacting. Not with the literal words, but they'll hint that.
After rushing downstairs, I caught up with them and joined their group again.
"Yah! You guys forgot about me." I kept a smile on my face and my tone as bright as possible.
"Oh, oops, sorry we didn't notice." We are a large group. Some noticed me and turned around, apologizing, while the others just kept chatting on their own.
Lesson started. The boys all came down early just to play soccer so they're in a middle of a match, while the girls would follow the normal lesson process and warm up by jogging around the field.
Actually, I could've just sat aside because of my leg injury, but I didn't want to be left alone so I endured the pain to join my friends.
"God damn it," I thought to myself as my shoelaces loosened while I was running.
Originally, I wanted to keep running, but I don't want to fall, so I decided to tie them.
"I'll tie my shoelaces," I said to one of my friends running next to me before going aside and kneeling down.
And after I got up... they're gone, again.
I took a deep breath. I can't let this ruin my day. I'll be hanging out with Keeho and Shota later.
"Guysss," I started jogging again, "wai-"
Before I could finish speaking, someone pulled me from behind and I got dragged off the running track.
At first I was terrified, and then I sighed in relief to see who it was.
"Don't grab me like that, I'm not a cat."
"Oh, sorry." Intak realized and his hand stopped grabbing the back collar of my jacket.
"Do you have something to say?" I asked, "and don't you have to play soccer with the others?"
Intak was wearing what he would usually wear for playing soccer, but the only difference from usual was he's not sweating as much. Normally, he sweats a lot.
"I'm taking a break," he replied, laughing a bit, "earlier the ball hit me right in the face."
"Holy shit, that must hurt a lot. Are you okay?"
"Yeah. The other guys were worried though, for almost ruining my perfect face."
"Oh my god." I rolled my eyes.
"Anyways," Intak's smile suddenly disappeared, "are you going to tolerate this? The way your friends treat you?"
"Uh... you saw?"
He nodded.
"M-maybe it was me who didn't make it clear enough to ask them to wait for me..."
"What about this morning when your squad was chatting and you were completely outside the circle?"
Fuck, he saw that too? Why did he notice so much? Was it obvious that I'm an outsider?
"Look, I'm pretty sure they didn't do this on purpose. They wouldn't do such thing to hurt me. Everyone knows that they're super nice and unproblematic." At this point, I don't even know whether I'm defending my friends to Intak or to myself.
He paused a bit, "it doesn't mean that they wouldn't do anything wrong. Nice people can make mistakes too. Plus, from the way they treat you, I don't really think they're that nice anymore."
I let out a long sigh. At this moment, Intak held out his hand to block the sunlight that was shining directly on my face.
"I... I don't actually know whether this is normal in a friendship, especially with a large group," I said, "it's not like I'm anyone important. Like what they say, we all get left out sometimes...."
Intak didn't respond immediately. He put his hand down, and leaned down so we're on the same eye level. He spoke firmly.
"Chaerin ah. Friends aren't supposed to make you feel unimportant."
He's right.
So... I've been with the wrong people this whole time?
I widened my eyes, my breathing becoming shaky.
Sure, knowing that I'm not supposed to be with those people, I would cut off the friendship, or drift away from them. Right?
But the problem is...
"But... I can't stop being friends with them," my voice became quiet, "they are the only people I hang out with—"
"You still have me," Intak cut me off, making me laugh a bit.
"No I mean, we talk, but you usually hang out with the other guys."
"And from now on you can hang out with me."
I was speechless for a while. "You know, just the sight of us standing together looks weird for everyone else, let alone hanging out..."
"But we already started hanging out since a few months ago, just outside school. No one in the class said anything even after I reserved your seat next to me for the new school term." Intak seemed a bit frustrated.
"I promise, I'll be there whenever you need me. I just wanted you to be treated better. You don't deserve to be the only one giving without getting anything in return," he said.
I've never seem him speaking so sincerely before. At the same time, I was touched by his words.
Honestly I was about to give in, but I told him my last concern.
"I can't exactly leave them though, I mean, they even celebrated my birthday, I'm still their friend," I chuckled. "Man, I feel bad for thinking them as bad friends..."
"You can walk away from them when they upset you, and you can come to me. It's not bad to put yourself first."
Man, I didn't know this guy here can say such comforting words.
I smiled, "I understand. Thank you so much."
Intak smiled and patted my head.
"Do you want to have lunch together later?" he asked.
"Sorry, not today. I have plans with someone."
"Oh... okay then, what about let's eat something after school?"
"Yeah sure."
—————————————
As soon as the bell rang, I grabbed my wallet and phone and ran out of the classroom.
We only have a 1 hour long lunch break, and I still had to take the train so I needed to be quick.
When I arrived at the train station we're supposed to wait at, I was suprised to see Keeho and Shota already there waiting for me. They were chatting happily as if they've been friends for years. Isn't this the first time they meet each other?
"Hi!" Keeho greeted as he saw me.
"Hi noona!" Shota smiled.
"The two of you look close," I said.
"Well, kind of," Keeho and Shota exchanged looks, "we had a video call last night and we're friends now."
Holy crap... Keeho please teach me how to socialize with other people.
As we walked to McDonald's, I thought of someone.
"Where's Jongseob?" I asked Shota.
Shota thought for a while, "he's probably still at school working on a project."
"Ah... I want to call him to come along." It has been some time since we had lunch together.
"You should!" Keeho exclaimed, "I want to meet him too. Also, I asked Jiung to come along, to make sure he's eating properly."
My heart skipped a beat hearing Jiung's name. I really wanted to see him again.
"That's great!" I smiled, "this gathering is going to be fun."
Shota and I sat down at a table while Keeho went to order food.
"So, how did you guys end up calling each other?" After texting Jongseob, I asked Shota about how he became friends with Keeho.
"Keeho hyung at first texted me, but he could tell that I'm not that good at writing in Korean," the younger boy explained with his usual smile, "so he suggested that we could call if I'm more comfortable with speaking in Korean."
I smiled, "aww, that's sweet. He's a nice person, isn't he?"
He nodded. I haven't seen him in such a good mood for a while.
After a while, Keeho came back with a tray.
"Lots of fries for Shota!" He said cheerfully, placing the tray in front of the younger boy, whose expression brightened.
"I'll go and get the rest, wait for me," he then looked at me, but I stood up as well.
"It's fine, I'll get it myself."
Keeho and I left to table to get our own food.
"Thanks for taking care of Shota, I think he really likes having you around," I said to Keeho.
"I always wanted to have a little brother like him," he replied, "but surprisingly he's a lot more independent than I thought. At least he wants to be more independent."
I thought for a while, "I could see where he's coming from. His mom is super over-protective of him. She treats him like a 6 year old instead of a 16 year old."
"Hmm..." Keeho nodded, "that's why he seemed so happy when I asked him whether he could bring me to dance lessons."
Thinking about it, it has always been me "bringing" him to dance lessons, even though in reality it's the other way round. Shota was probably upset by his mom's words.
"It'll be great if you can make him feel more independent, like what you said." I picked up the tray, he followed right after.
"Will definitely do that," he smiled.
Suddenly, Keeho turned around and his expression brightened.
"Hi Jiung!"
Jiung?
I immediately turned to see him, who waved at us as he showed a small smile. I waved back, smiling as well.
I couldn't help but notice how his fashion style is always oversized sweaters and wide pants. It looked cute on him. He even wore transparent frame glasses today and it suited him a lot.
"Have you ordered your food yet?" Keeho asked, and he nodded.
We waited for Jiung to get his food as well before we went back to our table. Shota was shocked and confused to see Jiung with us.
Oh right! Shota has met him before.
"Hi, nice to see you again Shota," Jiung said, sitting down next to me and making my heart skip a beat. "My name is Jiung."
"He's my best friend," Keeho added.
The younger boy's eyes widened in shock, but they were also sparkling. He was surprised, that he could once again meet this stranger who once helped him through a hard time.
"Hey guys—" After a while, Jongseob finally arrived, and just like Shota, he was in shock to see Jiung.
"Wait a minute..." he mumbled, "no way..."
I grinned. "Yes way, we're friends. Now go get food or you won't have enough time. Introduce yourself later."
"Can't you go and get it for me?" he whined.
"Can't."
"Fuck you."
As he was told to, Jongseob went to buy food and came back, sitting on my other side.
"Uh, hi, my name is Jongseob. Nice to meet you guys," he said.
"Nice to meet you! I'm Keeho, this is Jiung," Keeho introduced himself and Jiung. "You can freely call us hyung."
"I think I have seen you somewhere on instagram..." Jongseob replied.
"Ah, if you're talking about a certain clothes shop then yes, that's me."
"Woah! That's so cool! You looked so good modeling for those clothes."
"Come to our store more often! We can give you a discount and I can help you match clothes if you want."
Jongseob smiled widely, "thanks hyung, I really need more advice when it comes to fashion."
Aaand... Keeho befriended Jongseob that easily. Impressive.
"That's great, you no longer have to keep bugging me to shop for clothes with you," I grinned, putting an arm around the younger boy's shoulder.
"Oh, she goes shopping with you instead of Shota?" Keeho asked, and we nodded.
"I thought you and Shota would be like besties," he was surprised, "since you know, you guys live together and are the same age."
"Their personalities aren't that compatible since the start," I explained, "they share a room but at school they hang out with different people."
"I dance, and Jongseob doesn't," Shota added.
"Then what's your hobby, Jongseob?" Jiung questioned.
"Gaming!" The younger boy responded, "and producing music."
I almost choked on my drink. "Music?! You produce music?!"
I did not know that at all. I thought that all the times he stayed outside after school was just going to the internet cafe and play games.
"Uh, I didn't mean to keep this as a secret from you," Jongseob took a sip of his drink, "but you never asked so..."
"Wow, seriously..."
"Actually, since when did you guys start living together and why?" Keeho asked, "you can answer if you feel comfortable to."
"It was three years ago," Jongseob answered, "my mom renovated our apartment so it became a lot bigger. Shota's family was looking for someone to share an apartment with so... yeah."
"Oohh I see..."
We all focused on eating for a while, only some occasional conversations between Keeho and Shota.
And suddenly, Jongseob whispered in my ear. "Which one are you dating?"
My mind went blank for a second, until I realized that he's talking about Keeho and Jiung.
"What the fuck man," I whispered back, "none."
"Maybe they are interested in you."
"Lol you have to be kidding..."
"What if I showed them that funny photo of yours—"
"Don't you dare! I'll literally barbecue your hand," I paused. Ugh if I'm mean to him he would just take revenge. "Please don't... don't show it to them, I beg you."
He smirked. "Your reaction is so sus. I'm starting to suspect that you're interested in one of them."
I widened my eyes. "No!" I exclaimed, a bit too loudly, making the rest of them look at me.
My face reddened in embarrassment, especially after making eye contact with Jiung.
"Okay, I am," I whispered, "but don't do anything about it and ruin stuff for me, please."
"Sure why not, it's not like you wouldn't ruin things yourself." He was joking, but it triggered me. I tried not to show it.
"Oh fuck off, you're so annoying." My tone came out a bit mean, and it probably triggered him.
His smile faded. "Say that again."
I groaned. Here he goes again.
"Watch your own mouth," I whispered to him, "what you said to me just now was offensive."
"And your attitude is offensive too."
"That's because you started it first!"
"I didn't do shit!" He stopped whispering and so did I.
"Yes you did stop acting innocent! You always act like you do nothing wrong."
"Woah woah woah..." Keeho was terrified by how we stopped talking to each other and how our attitude changed. "It's okay, don't fight..."
I stayed quiet, taking deep breaths. I can't embarrass myself in front of Jiung, even though Jongseob already made me do so.
At this moment, Jiung spoke.
"Do you guys... want ice cream?"
"Not now," I tried to stay serious, but ended up laughing a bit at how random his question was. "It's not like every problem can be solved by ice cream. Like am I a kid?"
He smiled, "that's how things work sometimes. Plus, yes, you're still a kid. Both of you."
I blushed, for probably like the 10th time of the day, after meeting his eyes filled with what seemed to be adoration. Why did he have to look at me like that and call me a kid?! And why did I like this feeling?!
He then looked at Jongseob. "Do you want ice cream?"
The younger boy paused a bit before nodding.
"Which one do you want?"
"McFlurry."
"Alright!" Jiung said, before looking back at me, "you?"
I sighed, giving in. "Same thing."
"Shota, do you want ice cream too?" Keeho asked, and smiled after earning a nod from the younger boy. "Great! Everyone gets ice cream! My treat."
After we thanked Keeho, he left and came back with the ice cream.
"After you guys eat your ice cream you'll be friends again. No more fighting and hurting each other, alright?"
"What the heck!" I lightly hit Jiung's arm, making him burst out laughing. "What's with the tone? Are you speaking to three year olds?"
Jongseob laughed as well, "but this feeling is better than expected? Maybe I actually like being treated as a kid."
I turned to him, a bit surprised. "Really? Didn't expect that from you."
"Are you not being treated like a kid?" Keeho was confused at what Jongseob said, "you're literally one."
He shook his head in response. "People around me kept on telling me to grow up and act like an adult since I was... 13 when....yeah."
My heart ached at his words and the thought of it.
True, he was so young when it happened. When I was 13, I was so childish and I was always playing around. If I were him, I wouldn't be able to handle it.
Not to mention how afterwards both of us were treated like an adult. We had to share all responsibilities together. No mercy was shown on him despite him being two years younger. It was fair, and unfair at the same time.
Maybe I should've been nice to him.
I smiled a bit before putting my arm around Jongseob's shoulder, "do you want me to treat you like a kid?"
"Not you," he threw my arm off him, "I'm your friend. You can rely on me if you need to."
"Aww, that's so sweet," Keeho dramatically wiped his tears, "sibling goals."
We continued chatting as we finished our meal. By the time we're done, I had to return to school in order not to be late for class.
"Right, we don't have much time left," Keeho said after checking his phone, "they need to go back to school."
Shota frowned, not wanting this gathering to end and having to leave Keeho.
The older boy noticed and sighed. "How about this, I'll walk with the boys until they reach school, and Jiung can walk with Chaerin?"
Me? Walking back to school with Jiung? Just us alone?
Oh my god, just the idea of it makes my heart beat faster.
"I like this idea!" Shota smiled.
I immediately turned to Jongseob, seeing whether he agrees to this or not.
The boy was hesitant to give a reply. Normally he would be over-protective but it wasn't the case this time. Was it because of Jiung, who had helped him before?
At last Jongseob replied. "Sure."
"Yeah okay," Jiung answered as well.
I cheered inside my mind. Man I'm pretty sure I'm having a crush on him at this point.
"Chaerin?" Everyone else looked at me. Oh right, I still have to physically respond.
I laughed a bit, embarrassed. "Alright, let's go."
After we left and parted ways, Jiung and I headed towards my school.
Thinking about it, the gathering was kind of crazy. Me in the past could have never hung out with so many boys alone, except for Jongseob and Shota of course. But despite having brothers, I still used to be very shy and awkward with boys.
On our way back, Jiung started a conversation.
"Was Jongseob uncomfortable with talking about something just now?"
Woah, he noticed.
I nodded. I was about to reply him, but actually I also found it a bit difficult to talk about it.
"Our dad passed away 3 years ago in a traffic accident." It had been a long time since I told anyone else about it. It's still hard.
I continued, feeling not so hesitant anymore,"this topic is off limits for him. He never brought it up in any conversation, nor talked about how he felt about it. When my mom or I mentioned it, he would just stay quiet."
"Then is he... okay?" Jiung was calm, but I could see the concern in his eyes.
"He's a lot mentally healthier than I am. I don't even know how he managed to do that," I said. "Ever since then he dyed his hair purple and went to the internet cafe every day after school."
"He came home late every day, but mom never scolded him because the school surprisingly didn't care." I paused, "but since he talked about it earlier, I think he found comfort through music."
"That's good to hear,"Jiung replied, I nodded and smiled.
When we were near our school, I widened my eyes to see my friend group nearby. And my instant reaction was to... run away.
"Wait, I want to buy something," I said, grabbing the sleeve of Jiung's sweater and pulled him inside a convenience store.
Looking outside and making sure my friends or other classmates already went inside the school building, I sighed in relief and let go of Jiung.
Oh right, I hope he wouldn't misunderstand and think that I didn't want to be seen when I'm with him.
"Sorry, I'm just afraid of... people, in general," I awkwardly smiled at him.
I'm afraid of people, but I like being around him. I wanted to tell him that, but it's gonna sound weird.
He chuckled in response, "it's okay. Go ahead and buy whatever you needed to buy."
I quickly grabbed a packet of glucose candy on the shelf. It's to keep myself from falling asleep in class. "Oh, I just needed this. I'll be back real quick."
After paying for it at the counter, I went back to Jiung.
"Do you need anything?" I questioned, and he shook his head.
"Alright, then... I'll have to go..." I replied, feeling a bit sad that I have to part ways with him.
"Fighting with school," he smiled after pausing for a while, "find me if you need help."
"O-okay... by the way, you're going back to Keeho?"
"Yeah."
"Oh I see." I checked my phone as I received a notification.
Keeho sent me a message.
Keeho
AHHHHHHH
WE FORGOT TO TAKE PICS
NOOOOO
I giggled as I showed Jiung the messages. "Gosh, look at him. I can imagine him actually screaming."
He laughed as well.
I replied to Keeho.
Oh nooo😔
Maybe next time
"I wonder when will be the next time we see each other," I casually said while putting away my phone.
I cheered inside my mind. Yes! That was natural.
Jiung smiled a bit as he raised his eyebrows, "I don't know. Maybe we can bump into each other soon."
It was just a simple move, why did he look so good doing that?
Hoping that I'm not blushing, I quickly said goodbye to him once again before leaving the convenience store.
After parting ways with Jiung, I returned to school, arriving at the classroom right before the bell rang. Aha! Of course I'm always punctual, mostly because I just hate being late, but sometimes it's my luck.
"Lucky me!" I smiled to myself as I sat down.
Spending time with Jiung put me in a good mood. I already wanted to meet him again, to listen to his calm voice and to see his smile. The way he looks at me also gives me butterflies in my stomach.
I fiddled with the packet of candy in my hand, suddenly feeling weird as if something was missing.
Oh right, Intak didn't steal the candy like he does every single time.
I turned to look at the boy, who was looking down, silently staring at his desk. He's even acting weird now.
"Yo," I shook the packet in front of his face, "why are you not stealing from me? Do you want some?"
Intak looked at me, before looking away. "No thanks."