5.10
Can our poor Alice ever catch a break?!?
***
The panic in his eyes was the only thing infesting her thoughts. No matter how much she tried, she couldn't stop thinking about her son in her arms. She had tried applying pressure to the open wound. She could not lose another child. Not to another bloodshed.
Alice didn't agree with any of the violence that occurred that night. She tried her best to get them all through the night. It was her grandchildren's birthday after all. She only wanted to have a happy night with her family. When her son showed up unexpectedly she was welcoming, but cautious. No bone in her body genuinely thought he would hurt them. She saw the good in her son. She knows he's not a safe person to be around but a part of her wanted to overlook that. She wanted her son. She needed him. She just couldn't risk to lose her son forever. She wanted her innocent son back. She wanted to remember the moments they shared as mother and son. The good times they had with him adjusting to the family. She wanted to hold onto those memories. The good memories. She wanted him to be happy for once in his life. She couldn't give him that then. She felt the need to give him that now. She wasn't a big fan of Chic, but she was willing to put those strong feelings aside for Charles's happiness. She saw how happy he was every time she visited him. She couldn't take that away, especially when she knew how terrible the heartbreak would be to get through.
Alice worried about Charles. She did more than worry though. She felt guilty for what she had done. Regardless of it having been an accident. They had hit the floor. She tried to move the gun away, but the trigger went off in the process. As his mother, her heart aches for his pain. She was meant to protect her baby boy, not shoot him.
Betty feared that her mother would spiral, again, like she had for Polly. She couldn't be any more right. She found the woman knocked out on the couch, hours after she told her about Charles's state in the ICU. Betty carefully took the empty wine glass from her hand and placed it on the table. She covered her mother with a blanket. This was the most peaceful she's seen her in a while. She didn't want to wake her up and take that away. Her brother was not on her good side right now, but for her mother she hopes he makes a speedy recovery. This was not what her mother needed right now. The wine bottle was empty again. That didn't sit well with her. She also noticed the nearly empty pill bottle on the table that also belonged to her mother. Her mother is not handling this in a healthy manner and she knows it.
Outside letting himself in with his copy of the house key was no other than FP Jones. After he received a call from War Baby at Shankshaw and was informed about his son's vital situation he came straight to town. He spoke to Tom, whom filled him in on some of the details. He knew he desperately needed to check on Alice and the family.
FP had expected everyone to be asleep so his intentions were to be quiet. He noticed how the living room light was still on though, so when he walked in his eyes darted over to the couch. Betty relaxed when she saw that it was just FP. She heard the door and was initially terrified. She knows prisoners were still on the loose. "Mr. Jones?"
"Betty, sorry for not giving a heads up. I heard what happened and came as fast as I could. How is she? How are you and the twins?"
"I'm going to be honest. Not so good, but she's finally resting. Dagwood and Juniper are upstairs sleeping. And to say that their ninth birthday was chaotic wouldn't really be enough."
"It's been a long day. Why don't you call it a night, too? I've got it from here."
"Are you sure?"
"Positive," FP nodded.
Betty knew he would know what to do to support her mother. That's why she also wanted to talk to him before she left them alone. "Mr. Jones, can I ask you something?"
"Sure, Betty, what is it?"
"I don't mean for this to come out as insensitive, but I think I need to ask. When you drank, how did it make you feel? I know it didn't help, but...do you understand what I'm trying to ask?"
FP looked over at Alice. He sensed what she was trying to point out for him. He could see the mess on the coffee table. "Is that what's she's been doing?" Betty gave him an honest nod. "Well, Betty, I'll be honest with you. I drank to not feel. When your mother was back in my life, she made me feel something different. Something better. I didn't need alcohol to do that for me anymore. She became the support I needed. She pulled me out of that nightmare. It was just like when we were only those damn kids from the southside. Your mother is my rock. If it weren't for her, I'd probably not even be here telling you this."
"You're a good man, Mr. Jones. Please be there for her."
"I promise you I always will."
Betty smiled and disappeared up the stairs. FP walked over to Alice. She looked exhausted. He could only imagine what's been going on with her. He agreed with Betty. She most definitely needed to rest but he didn't think that would be on the couch. He's had his fair share of slumber on couches and it always hurt his back in the morning. He gently removed the blanket and slid his arms under her to pick her up. She began to stir in her sleep. He was worried he woke her up. He thought he succeeded up until they made it to the stairs and she groggily said something to him. "What's going on?"
"Shh, go back to sleep, Al."
"FP?" She couldn't tell if he was really there or if she was imagining him.
FP laid her down on the bed under the covers. Alice reached out for his arm before he got to step away. "What are you doing here? Aren't you supposed to be in Toledo?" The last time they spoke over the phone he was telling her all about his new project at work. He wasn't due for a visit for another couple of weeks.
"Forget about that for now. Get some sleep. We can talk in the morning."
"Wait. Where are you going? You can't leave me." She didn't want him to leave her side. Now that he was here there was something about it that triggered something inside of her. The thought of Charles reminded her about what happened to him. He was in Charles's situation seven years ago. He was the one lying in a hospital bed fighting for his life. The amount of fear that took over her body when she got the phone call from Dr. Patel left her frozen in place. If he didn't make it through that bullet wound she didn't know what she would done.
The hospital contacted Alice as soon as FP went into surgery. She was listed as his emergency contact back when they were just a pair of southside teenagers. It was the night she drove him to the hospital for his broken arm. She was at his side the whole trip there. Ever since then she was never removed from the list.
It had taken everything in her to get herself out of the house to make her way to the hospital. It wasn't because she didn't want to see him. It was because she was afraid that it would be the last time she would. The last time she felt this awful was when she thought she lost her son to drugs, but FP was there. He helped her through the pain. They helped each other.
Charles witnessed the way in which the news affected her. He stopped by after working with Betty in his office. She told him she would see him back at the house later. He walked into the house and saw his distraught mother in the hallway. "Mom?" He furrowed his eyebrows in confusion. He took a step in her direction. "What happened?"
"It's, it's your father." Alice stuttered out in between shaky breaths. "He was...he's-"
Charles pulled his mother into an embrace before her legs would give up on her. "Oh, mom."
Alice sobbed into his chest. "What if he doesn't make it out of the surgery? I can't lose him, Charles. I just can't. I'm not ready."
"Hey, we don't know that. You said he's in surgery. There's still hope."
"Be honest with me, honey. What are his chances? They aimed at his chest." She needed to hear it, even if she didn't like the answer. She wanted the truth.
Charles knew there was less than a fifty fifty chance of surviving. If his father was very lucky then he would hope it was only a flesh wound. He didn't think putting statistics in his mother's head would help her stay sane while they waited to hear the results. He couldn't have her worry over something that could end up being false. "He's in good hands. Focus on that."
"I want him home with me."
"If I learned anything about him from you is that he's a warrior. I'll be damned if he doesn't fight his hardest to come home. I've been around long enough to pick up on things around here. Coming home to you is and always will be on the top of his list."
"But what if he can't? What if he tries everything he possibly can and he still can't?"
"He's not going to let that happen. I don't know if you've noticed but he always finds his way back to you. This is no different. No matter what, he will always be a part of you. He will always be there for you."
FP wanted to give her time alone to rest but right now it didn't look like that was going to happen. Alice was visibly shaking. "Nowhere," He took a seat on the bed next to her. "Hey, hey, I'm not going anywhere. I'm here." He held her tightly in his arms. He ran his hand up and down her arm to calm her down. He pressed a kiss to her head. "I couldn't lose you."
"What are you talking about?"
"Charles was there. He made everything okay." Alice rapidly breathed. "And I hurt him. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. It's my fault. I did that to our baby. I was taking it away and it went off. I didn't mean to hurt him. I couldn't hurt my babies."
"It's okay, Al. It was an accident. We know it was and he's going to be okay. Our boy is going to be alright." FP was just like Alice. He couldn't find a single bone in him to hate their child. He had many layers, many of which he didn't approve of either, but he was their son. Deep down he knew there was a good heart inside of him. He had the same trouble with his daughter. She needed him and like any true father would do he was there for her. He helped her through it. Their children were just as troubled as they were at their age. But unlike their own parents they were there to help them. "I promise everything is going to be okay."
"We don't know that! I'm a terrible mother. I don't deserve to be a mother. I failed them all. I didn't protect them. I hurt them all as their mother."
"Alice, you're far from the truth. You have been a terrific mother to our children. You don't even know the half of it. Do you know how much of a role model you have been to Jellybean? To Jughead? Betty? Polly? Charlie? The twins, may I add."
"You're just saying that. Tell me what you really want to say. I'm a terrible person."
"The opposite. You're the glue that holds us all together. Do you think I ever would have picked myself up without you? Do you think Jughead would have had a good literary hero to look up to without you? Do you think Betty would have learned to become an independent young woman without you? Do you think Jellybean would have learned what a real mother would do for their children without you? Do you think Polly would have been brave enough to know she could bring two beautiful children into the world without you? Don't you-"
"I hurt them all! You can't forget that," Alice interrupted him. "I don't even know if our son will make it out okay. Betty told me he's doing well but I honestly can't wrap my head around if that's true or not." After Betty lied to her about Polly, she couldn't easily believe her about Charles. She believed she could just be telling her what she wanted to hear. "Oh, God, Polly." Alice shut her eyes tight to hold in the remaining tears. "Two babies. Two that I failed."
"I don't know much about Polly, sorry, but Charles is recovering." FP had been in contact with the prison. "You didn't fail them, Al. You have done everything you possibly can to save them. I know it hurts. It hurts me just as much. But you can't keep blaming yourself for this. Don't let this haunt you the way it had me. It won't get any better that way."
"How are you so sure? How do you know it's going to be okay?"
"I'm going to be here for you every step of the way. I'm not going anywhere. You were always there for me at my lowest. Even when I didn't deserve it. I want you to know that it goes both ways. I'm always here for you."
"I love you, FP." Alice flicked her eyes up to look at him. She has calmed down. She believed him. Things were going to be okay. She snuggled her head back into hist chest. He pressed his chin to the top of her head. "I love you just as much, Alice, everything is going to be okay."