Rafael
"When was your first date" The interviewer asked us. "Our first date was quite unexpected. Last semestral break, he was invited to my father's birthday and we trespassed on one of my parent's garden, that's the time we officially dated we decided to have our fist date there. We just eat some strawberries. It was simple but memorable" I answered.
But of course that's not true. They just asked me to create some scenarios that is based on some actual events. In short they just wanted me to add some seasonings for the final product.
"How about you Dalton? What is the personality of Attkinson that you liked the most?"
"He's mature and childish at the same time. He also has this personality where he always fight for what is right and I think that's the personality that I really like about him" Muntik na akong mapairap. Pansin ko ay dumadal-dal sya ngayon.
"How about you Attkinson? What personality of Dalton do you like the most"
"He always looks tough in front of others but when he's with me, he shows this gentle side of him and I'm happy because I only get that privilege" Hindi nakatakas sakin ang ngiti ni Trouble.
"Ohh, Dalton smiled for the first time in our interview" The interviewer giggled and teased us.
"Anyway, how do you feel about dating a guy?" Napatigil ako sa tanong. This past few days, I've also been asking myself that.
Trouble is here courting me and I'm not sure whether I like him or not. I'm happy when he's with me but I'm asking myself if this hapiness is really worth it. Pag pinag-patuloy ko to, baka kung ano ang sabihin ng ibang tao lalo na't pareho ang kasarian namin.
And that's my weakness, this toxic society is my weakness.
"Raf, she's asking you" Nagising ako sa realidad. "P-pardon?"
"How do you feel about dating a guy?" I cleared my throat first since I'm not really sure what to answer.
"Well, it's hard. The society is kinda toxic these days and some people can't accept this relationship but there opinion doesn't matter to me as long as I'm happy" Mahaba ngunit wala sa sariling sagot ko.
Hindi ko alam kung saan nanggaling ang mga sagot na yun, kusa lang lumabas at hindi pa ako sigurado kung tama nga ba yun.
After a few questions, we are finally done for the day. Nagpaalam narin kami sa iba pang staff at crew saka tuluyang umalis.
The studio was quiet far from our condo that's why we decided to use my car as transportation.
Trouble was quiet in the whole ride and I don't know why. I wanted to ask him but I'm afraid that I'm crossing his personal space.
"In case you want to go at my house please make sure to lock the doors. I won't be coming home tonight" I gazed at him but he's been avoiding it.
"Where are you going?" He said while still not looking at me. "Sleep over"
"To where?" Nanatili syang nakatingin sa bintana. Ang bastos kausap punyeta. I'm slowly losing my patience.
"Trouble what the hell is wrong with you?" I snapped but tried my best to remain calm.
He finally looked at me innocently. "W-what did I do?"
"Why can't you look at me? You've been avoiding my gaze for days now?! Tf is wrong with you?" Hindi sya nakapag salita.
He nibbled with his lips, one thing that I hate and love at the same time because he's always doing that when I'm angry.
"Stop doing that!" Pinitik ko yung labi nya "Oh that didn't work"
"The fuck is wrong with you!?" Sandali syang napakamot at nag a-alangang tumingin sakin "Hindi ka talaga mag sasalita?"
"K-Kasi a-ano eh" Tinaasan ko sya ng kilay. Ano bang ginawa ng lalaking to at nahihirapan syang mag sabi sakin?
Hindi talaga sya nag salita at naubos ang pasensya ko. "Fine, if you don't want to tell me then dont.
"Bumalik kana sa condo at may pupuntahan pako" I parked the car when I saw the buildings parking lot.
I heard his calling but I didn't look back. Tsk! Kaagad akong sumakay ng taxi papunta sa bahay.
I'm so pissed right now.
"Oh kuya, ang aga mo ah" Bungad sakin ni Claire na nasa may swimming pool. Hindi ko rin sya pinansin at nagpatuloy sa kwarto ko.
Kaagad kong hinanap ang mga video games ko at nag laro. Narinig ko ang pag katok ni Claire pero hindi ko sya sinagot at nag suot ng headphone.
That goddamn man! He should've told me that he doesn't like me anymore. Well that's his problem. I don't plan on being involve with him from now on!
Napatigil ako sa pag iisip ng mapansin kong may mali sa controller. "Fuck" Nakita ko ang pagka sira nito. Was I putting too much force?
Tsk! Kasalanan mo to Trouble!
Pinakalma ko ang sarili ko bago bumaba at nag hanap ng pagkain. 2 pm palang naman. "Tsk sino namang kaaway mo?" Sulpot ni Claire.
"So Trouble! Kingina nya! Hindi ko alam kung anong problema nya! Kung ganun lang din pala dapat hindi na sya umamin sakin-"
"Omg!" Napatigil ako sa sigaw ni Claire. She was grinning at me like crazy. I started to realize what I just said.
The fuck!
Just thinking about Trouble already gets me in trouble! Iba talaga ang epekto mo Dalton!
"Bakit hindi mo sinabi sakin Omg!" Patuloy na pagsisigaw ni Claire sabay hampas ng braso ko. Hindi ko talaga alam kung bakit ang wierd ng mga babae.
Nanghahampas pag kinikilig! At isa pa! Ano namang nakakakilig sa sitwasyon ko?! Pinag sawaan po ako at hindi pinakaslan.
"Okay stop kuya! Can you quiet down a little bit, I can fucking hear your thoughts" Hinila nya ako papunta sa sala habang daladala ang isang ice cream na solo pack.
"Sige kwento kana" Tinignan ko sya saka umirap at nag kwento.
"So yun ang dahilan? Hindi ka sigurado kung gusto mo rin sya?" Tinanguan ko lang sya "Seryoso ka talaga jan kuya?" Sinamaan ko sya ng tingin.
"Makikipag usap ba ako sayo kung hindi?" Napahawak sya sa dibdib nya "Harsh ka"
"Pero seryoso kuya, sure ka talagang hindi mo sya gusto? I mean, I know you, you will not get yourself worked up if you are not interested" Sabi nya ng may diin.
"What do you mean? Na gusto ko sya?"
"Wag ako ang tanungin mo. Ikaw lang ang makakasagot nyan. Ang akin lang ay hindi ka magkakaganyan kung wala kang nararamdaman para sakanya. Speaking of naramdaman, I'm not saying romantically, any type of feeling can be considered. Kahit care for a friend payan. Kasi kung wala ka talagang pagaalala sakanya, matagal mo na sana syang binasted" Mahabang salaysay nya.
She's right, I guess.
"Are you really sure you don't like him? Or your like this because you are scared of something?" Sandali akong napaisip.
Scared?
"Oh I know, you're scared about what the people surrounding you will say right? Once they know?" Tinignan ko sya "You don't know?"
Tumaas ang kilay nya "Ang alin?"
"We are currently in a fake relationship for STATUS" Natigilan sya "Featured kayong dalawa sa STATUS?!" She said in a state of shock.
"It should be a surprise but I guess it's not gonna hurt if I tell you" Napanganga nalang sya "This years STATUS article is bomb!" Malakas na sabi nya.
"Btw kuya may tanong ako. Is it possible that you will like kuya Trouble despite the fact that you are both guys?" Napakunot ang noo ko. Kuya Trouble?
"Kuya Trouble?" Ngumisi lang sya at sinenyasan ako na sagutin ang tanong nya "It's possible. He has a great personality and good looks. If I were a girl, I would definitely date him"
But too bad, I'm not.
"But kuya, gender doesn't matter-"
"Of course it does. Not all people are like you Claire, not all people are like us and not all people can accept same sex relationship" She let out a sigh.
"But what does it matter? They don't control you. You are not responsible for them. They didn't do anything for you so why should you satisfy them? If they know how beautiful it feels to love someone despite what everyone was saying, they'd wish they were in the same situation as you"
Ilang topics rin ang napagusapan namin at lahat ay tungkol sakin. "Tama nanga yan. Magluluto na ako, anong oras na oh" Gulat naman syang tumingin sakin.
"Ikaw nagluluto?"
"T-Trouble taught me" Magsasalita pa sana sya pero tuluyan na akong pumunta sa kusina.
Pagkatapos kong mag luto ay sabay kaming kumain. Papa and Dad are not here again. They have the same likes of traveling and they always do it together. While me and Claire are left at home.
Okay lang din naman. They are living their life to the fullest and it's not like pinapabayaan nila kami.
Umakyat ako sa taas ng kwarto at nag muni-muni. It's not late yet so I decided to check out some books.
I couldn't concentrate because Trouble keeps appearing on my mind.
Hindi naman sya mahirap magustuhan sa totoo lang. Sooner or later, I know I will fell for him. I wanted to stop this because I'm not as brave as my parents but everytime I look at him, I can't walk away.
I'm afraid that if I finally backed down that's when I realize that I need him more than anyone.