The rest of the week sort of went by in a blur. Like a bad fever dream with lots of sandwich orders and Hilary constantly squealing and giggle at me. I swear you be nice to her one time and suddenly she thinks you're her new best friend.
Sigh.
Okay so after I helped her win that claw machine she switched lunch tables and sat with me and Wes much to the annoyance of all her friends. Wes kept giving me that face, the Poppy you've done it now, face. I kept giving him the, lay off me will ya, face.
Zoey was avoiding me, yet again. This time I have no clue why. Every time I would see her in the hall the moment I would try and walk over to her she would get the heck out of there as fast as she could. I could see her staring at me and Hilary sometimes. Which just makes me madder at Hilary and want to get away from her.
Hilary has definitely become that annoying person people pretend they love when in reality everyone hates and talks about them behind their back. And by everyone, I mean me. It's like a walking nightmare every time I turn the corner, there she freaking is!
Just when I think I've finally lost her, BAM! She comes up behind me and hugs me. I swear I wake up screaming expecting her to be standing over me and watching me sleep. The girl does not know the definition of personal space.
Also, she's made it a regular thing to come and bug me at work. I've been working on my plan to hook her and Alvin up but just when I think the two are hitting it off, he says something dumb and screws it up. Or she will completely miss her chance or blatantly ignore his flirting. Gah! I just want to grab their faces and smash them together and say kiss already.
I don't even think Alvin likes her like that, but he is just a natural flirt anyway. Leftover charm from his pretty boy days. He can't help himself. He flirts with anything breathing or pretty looking. Guy has a desperation about him, it's kind of sad really.
I think he might still be in love with his ex, he talks about her a lot. I don't even think he notices he's doing it. Poor guy, he might be single for a while if he keeps going the way he is going.
Saturday morning came and I felt someone sit next to me on my bed. I thought my nightmare was about to come true and I was going to find Hilary staring at me with those creepy lavender eyes. But when I opened my eyes it wasn't Scary Hilary, it was Zoey.
Wonderful, beautiful, Zoey.
"Zoey! What are you doing here?" I sat up.
The mirror adjacent to my bed showed me my bed head and I cringed quickly fixing my hair.
"I heard from Hilary that you guys are hanging out today." She avoided eye contact.
"Yeah... we are..." I eyed her.
She was silent.
"Well, you didn't come all the way here just to confirm that so what's up? You still mad at me?" I crossed my legs and gave her my full undivided attention.
She sighed and slouched down in defeat. Her eyes stayed glued to the ground. I watched her clench and unclench the bedsheets in her hand.
"Zoey?" I moved closer.
"I... I think I'm going to tell Hilary how I feel."
"What! Now? Today!?"
She nodded.
"No. No, no, no. You don't want to do that. No! Bad plan, abort, abort."
"Poppy!" she turned to me obviously in distress.
"Zoey! You can't just go up to her and say that! Hilary will totally freak out. Besides we've been over this. She's not even looking for a relationship right now, she told me."
"Wait she told you that? Why would she tell you that, wait why did you even ask about that?"
"For you!" I quickly come up with, "I've been trying to give her hints."
"You have?" she raises an eyebrow.
"Duh! What are best friends for?"
"But I've been mean to you..."
"Yeah, I know. You jerk."
She sighed, "God Poppy I'm so sorry. I've just been stressed out and these feelings I have are like really strong. I can't just ignore them. I'm freaking out here. You weren't helping, I just, I can't explain it. You don't know what it feels like to feel like this."
I know more than you think.
"Hey, my friend is in love. No big deal. But we got to play this right. Hilary is not interested right now, trust me. Alvin from work has been flirting up a storm with her, just went right over her head. She even asked me if Alvin liked me, I mean the girl is oblivious. If you go in declaring your feelings it is not going to be pretty. Trust me. I say abort the mission."
"Good thing I came here first." She sighed in relief.
"Yeah, a good thing." I force a nervous laugh.
"I'm sorry I've been a crank lately. I just, I got a lot going on at home. Plus this Hilary thing, I just... I'm so confused."
"Hey, I'm confused too," I grumbled.
"You are?"
Crap! I let it slip. Think of something quick.
"Yeah... uh, I am. I just uh, well you see... I..."
Ugh!
"Are you gay?" she asks outright.
"What! No! God, Zoey really?"
"Poppy I saw how that kiss affected you, plus I always thought you gave off a vibe."
"Have you been talking to Wes?" I frowned.
She giggled and smiled. I felt my heart skip a beat.
"I'm so fucking gay." I accidentally said out loud.
I quickly shut my mouth and felt my face go red.
"I mean, gah! Just ignore that last part."
She laughed hard and I fell back on my bed, putting my pillow on my face. With any luck, I can suffocate myself before Hilary shows up.
"It's okay if you are, you don't have to lie." She playfully shook me.
"I just don't want to freak you out. I don't want you to think I'm only saying it because you said it first." I moved the pillow and turned to look at her.
"Well, are you?"
"No." I sighed.
"So you're gay then, not just because I'm gay." She laid next to me.
"You've said gay so much that now it sounds weird."
She laughed.
I turned and smiled at her.
Zoey is so beautiful when she laughs. How could I not notice it before? The way her full raspberry tinted lips pull back to reveal her amazing smile. Those white and straight teeth like a smile you'd seen in a commercial. I like looking at the skin wrinkle up by her eyes, her cheeks moving up just slightly filling with a blush. Making her tan skin look that much more stunning. The way her green eyes with hazel flecks sparkle, I could stare at them all day.
Why does she have to be so beautiful?
"Poppy," Zoey called snapping me out of my daze.
"Huh? Oh sorry." I blushed.
"What were you thinking about? You zoned out on me," she smirked.
How beautiful you are.
"What's so great about Hilary anyway?" I ask.
"You know, come on she's so..."
"Perfect." I finished for her.
"Yeah, exactly."
"She doesn't deserve someone like you," I said.
She eyed me.
"What I'm saying is, perfection is overrated. I mean I don't see the appeal."
"Well you and I have different taste I guess." She sat up.
I sat up too and grabbed her hand.
"Why don't... why don't you and I date?" I suggested.
She just stared at me.
"Like a practice run. I mean we've been friends forever. Wouldn't it make more sense if I was your first relationship?"
"Where is this coming from?"
I shrugged.
"Poppy... I like Hilary."
"I know."
"Okay then." With that, she got up and left.
I quickly got up and followed her.
"I mean, it could be like a practice run," I said.
"No thanks." She went downstairs.
"But why not?" I followed after her.
"Because that would be weird, I don't want to date you." she made a face.
"Morning Zoey, Poppy, breakfast is almost ready. You are welcome to stay Zoey." Mom called.
"Well, why not?" I pushed.
"Because you're you," she said like it was obvious.
With every second I felt my heart cracking in several places.
"Oh..."
"See you around." She said before walking out the front door.
I just stared at the door. I couldn't move. I felt like someone had picked me up and dropped me off of a tall building and I shattered into pieces at the bottom. Because I'm me she said.
What's so bad about me?
Why did she make a face?
Am I that unappealing?
"Where'd Zoey go?" Mom walked over to me, wiping her hands in a dishrag.
I tried to say something but I felt like I had a literal frog in my throat. I opened my mouth and I felt the ball in my throat wobble up and down.
"Poppy?" Mom grabbed me by the shoulder and turned me around to make me look at her.
Finally, the dam broke. A sob ripped out of me like a frog leaping from my throat.
"Oh sweetie what happened?" she pulled me into her arms.
Just then the door opened but it wasn't Zoey coming to apologize it was Hilary with a smile on her face. I hated her. I wanted to tackle her and rip her throat. I wanted to scream at her and curse her out and make her feel what I was feeling.
Her eyes registered my distressed state and her face softened.
"Poppy! What's wrong?" she quickly engulfed me into a hug.
I pushed her off and ran upstairs to my room.
What was wrong with me? Was I not pretty enough? Not cool enough? Maybe I just wasn't perfect enough. Not like Hilary. I tore off my lame cherry themed pajamas and began to rummage through my closet.
A light knock came from my door.
"Poppy? Did I do something wrong?" Hilary asks softly.
Yes, you exist. That's what you've done wrong, Hilary. Why can't you just go die! Ugh!
I pulled on some shorts and a t-shirt. I then pulled on some socks that came up my ankles and slipped on my sneakers. I quickly brushed my hair and pulled it up into a ponytail. Then I opened the door and pushed past Hilary to go to the bathroom. She quickly chased after me.
I shut the bathroom door in her face.
I washed my face and dried my tears. I brushed my teeth and check my reflection one last time. My copper brown hair and brown eyes seemed bland. My skin was pasty looking and unattractive. I just looked... like me.
I quickly turned away and walked out of the bathroom.
Hilary was still there, the girl could not take the hint. I rushed downstairs and grabbed the key to my bike lock.
"Poppy where are you going?" Mom called.
"Poppy," Hilary caught my arm.
"Leave me alone!" I screamed in her face.
She flinched and quickly dropped my arm.
I ran outside got on my bike and took off. I rode down the street and across an intersection over to a park and through the park to the creek. A place where Zoey and I used to come and hang out before it flooded out last year.
I jumped off my bike and let it clatter to the floor before running over to the gazebo and going to sit on the bench, bringing my knees to my chest and burying my head into them.
I heard someone walk up and into the gazebo. I looked up and sniffled. For a moment the sun lit them up just right to where I couldn't see who it was. I got hopes that it might be Zoey, but then my eyes adjusted to the blond hair and lavender eyes and I felt sick.
Hilary.
What do I have to do? Spell it out for her? Doesn't she have other people to bother?
She walked over and sat next to me.
"I followed you," she said before I could ask how she found me.
"Stalker much," I grumbled.
"I just wanted to be sure you were okay."
"Why do you care?"
"Because... You're my friend."
I actually laughed out loud.
"Poppy, what happened?"
"You mean besides the fact I just came out to my best friend and asked her out and she basically said dating me would be gross and would never happen?"
Her eyes got wide.
"I didn't know you liked Zoey like that."
"I don't. Fuck Zoey!" I spat.
"Oh okay."
I just buried my head in my knees and started crying again. Stupid Zoey. Stupid confusing feelings, stupid, stupid, stupid. Why did I do that? I ruined everything. God, I really do suck at this.
"Hey it's okay, it's Zoey's loss." She rubbed my back.
"I wasn't even being serious, she didn't have to be such a bitch..." I mumbled into my legs.
"Hey, I think your pretty great and I would gladly date you," she said to cheer me up.
"Why are you being so nice to me?" I forced myself to look at her.
"Because..." she said.
I eyed her.
Then she leaned in and quickly kissed me on the cheek, reminding me of when I first officially met her. I saw her face get bright red in embarrassment. I smirked; it did make me feel a little better. I moved and kissed her on the cheek too.
"Thanks," I said.
"Butterscotch?" she quickly said.
"Do you ever run out of those things." I sat right and took one from her.
"No way, I restock every other week."
I giggled and so did she.
I opened the butterscotch hard candy and popped it into my mouth, she did the same.
Maybe she's not so bad after all.
I rested my head on her shoulder and stared off into the creek. We just sat like that in silence.