I showered again. Just in case. I still looked like shit, but I felt better knowing I was clean. My insides were churning again and I felt like a kid in love.
The thought made me stop and look in the mirror. Was I in love?
A fluttering sensation spread from my chest all the way to my toes. Last night's memory flashed back into my brain, sending those same feelings spiralling again.
I knew things were more complicated than that, but I felt utterly, completely overwhelmed by this strange feeling that brewed in my chest. The thought of Chiara sent my heart into overdrive. Simply rolling her name off my tongue sounded otherworldly.
Imagining her fingers on my thighs felt impossible. Yet, it happened.
A nauseating feeling overwhelmed me as I searched for something to wear. I felt the most comfortable in my jeans and my shirt, but-
Those were hard to take off.
I gulped down the thought, ignoring the fact it even popped up in my mind. Of course, I didn't expect anything to happen. I knew she just broke up with her boyfriend.
I threw the jeans away and put on a grey cotton dress, wide enough to hide everything that needed to be hidden. The V-neck complimented my boobs and the wide hem hid my thighs.
Grabbing nothing but my phone and my wallet, I hurried down the hallway. I was scared out of my mind, which meant I had to go there fast, otherwise I wouldn't do it.
Before I could knock on her door, they flung open, revealing Chiara in high-waisted jeans, a loose white shirt, with a huge, brown Fendi bag in her hand.
A numb nervousness bit my stomach as soon as her eyes met mine. Being this close to her made me want to push her back into the room and just look the door. I wanted to hear another moan on those pink lips. I wanted to see desire in those green eyes.
What the hell was this girl doing to me?
"You don't have a bag." She simply said and looked over me. I was too baffled to say anything. "Wait here."
And she disappeared in her room, only to return a few minutes later with a large Louis Vuitton bag with their trademark pattern all over. Excitement, mixed with dread flooded me. We were leaving. We were going out. In public.
"W-what?" I looked at her and the bag.
Chiara grinned. Why didn't she look hungover?
"We're having a girls' day out." She said and closed the door behind her, shoving the bag in my hands.
My mouth was probably hanging wide open and my eyes searched her face. I looked like a scared fawn, most likely.
"I can't take that." I tried to shove the bag back, but Chiara grabbed my wrist, opened my palm and literally placed the handle on it. Her touch accelerated my heartbeat.
"There's towels inside. And a swimming suit." She still held my hand as she pulled me forward.
"What?" I stopped her. "Wait, where are we going?"
She turned towards me and bit her lower lip. I found myself wanting to bite those lips for her.
Fuck, Jackie, what's wrong with you? I cursed myself inwardly and hoped none of it showed on my face.
"Abbot suite, of course." Chiara hopped down the hallway. It was kind of weird seeing her in sneakers, even if those sneakers were Alexander McQueen.
"We're going to your hotel?" I tried to will my heart into relaxing, but it wouldn't stop racing.
"To a suite!" Chiara shouted and continued her hopping. I followed on instinct.
Chiara was taking me to a hotel. And she gave me a swimming suit. Chiara, swimming suit, hotel. Fuck. I thought the point of this year was to relieve stress, not to cause more.
My legs moved by themselves, because my mind was too overwhelmed to command otherwise. The butterflies in my stomach turned painful; almost suicidal in their attempt to burst out.
Chiara walked past the double staircase that led to the main lobby.
"Uh-"
"We're going through the terrace, I want to grab a latte." She answered before I got to ask the question.
The bag in my hand felt like baggage; heavier and more uncertain. We would walk through the crowded terrace, where everyone would see us. I couldn't handle that. There was no way I could handle that.
Maybe she felt it, because she turned around as soon as my legs hesitated. Her eyes glinted with seriousness, understanding. Chiara walked right up to me, but there was no mischief in her expression.
"I'll share with you something my father taught me." She said and I found her voice stronger than usually. "You have to learn to enjoy other people's discomfort; otherwise, they will enjoy yours."
When I kept quiet, Chiara continued.
"You are better than ninety-nine percent of this school, Jackie." Her eyes sparked. "But you keep your shoulders slouched and your head down, because they made you feel inferior, weak, uncomfortable. You should never let them bask in your discomfort, you should throw it right back at them."
"And what do you suggest I do?" I asked, keeping my voice flat and resolute. Despite my obvious agreeableness, fear of confrontation and lack of social grace; I never fucking cowered.
When Josh Wright called me a nobody, I called him incapable.
"You grab your handbag firmly, walk through the terrace with your head high and make them lose their fucking minds." Chiara intertwined her fingers with mine.
This time, my head was in full control of my legs as I followed her. My heart was still beating rapidly and heat spread from my face to the rest of my body, but I followed her.
As we were grabbing our lattes in the café, I glanced through the glass doors. Sunshine spilled all over the terrace, shedding light on all the people who would judge me. But I clenched my jaw, held my latte tightly and walked through the door with Chiara by my side.
And sure enough, walking with her felt like walking next to a queen. The centre of attention, gracious and powerful.
People's heads turned and I imagined everything they had to be thinking. Why was she with me? First the party and now this. Why was I so important to her?
This time, though, I didn't let their sneers snap my neck. I tensed those muscles and kept my head high, even though I wanted to run away and hide.
I glanced at Chiara sideways and realised for the first time why she liked being in the spotlight. It felt... rewarding. It felt like I mattered; like I existed.
Once we climbed down the stairs, I released the breath I was holding.
"Everybody is going to talk about me." I mumbled, my heartbeat skyrocketing once again.
"Welcome to my life." She simply answered as walked to the huge, double gates. Behind them, a black sedan waited.
"Aren't you ever afraid they will judge you?" It was a foolish question, because I knew how much people already judged her. And she did, too.
"Oh, honey," Chiara chuckled, "people judge you anyway. Might as well give them a reason to."
The driver that exited the car and opened the door for us was the same guy that drove the limo we were in last night. Embarrassment crept to my cheeks and I was probably red all over. The driver simply nodded towards me and opened the door of the car without a word.
"Why are we going to your hotel?" I thought that was the easiest question. Silence made me wonder why she kissed me last night and I wasn't brave enough to talk about that yet.
"I told you. Girls' day out. We'll gossip and drink champagne." Chiara leaned onto the seat. Déjà vu was strong, especially when even the driver was the same.
"And who is us?" I let out a chuckle; it sounded nervous and strained. Why was she always so relaxed?
"Reina and Maggie."
I swallowed my heartbeat.
"But they'll come after the shooting. It's just you and me for at least an hour." Her breath hitched slightly and my head snapped towards her.
And all the calmness I was able to muster, quickly dispersed as I caught the nervousness in her voice. I was suddenly unable to focus, because I knew what was about to happen. What could happen. I was not ready for this.
And hanging out with Reina and Maggie? That scared the shit out of me.
We spent the rest of the ride in silence and I still couldn't focus on anything other than the smell of her perfume and the proximity of her body. The desire was almost overthrown by worry.
Something was obviously going on here, but I didn't get the chance to talk to her about it. And now, we were heading to a hotel and I didn't want to ruin it. Selfishly, I wanted her hands on my body again. I wanted to pretend everything was talked through and settled.
The conflict continued all the way to the large, modern building covered mostly in glass. Our car drove all the way to the entrance and we exited right in front of half-circled stairs. I raised my head and watched the sun reflect off the huge windows. I knew Chiara's dad owned a hotel, but obviously never stayed in one. The doorman smiled at Chiara as soon as we approached the revolving door.
We walked through, welcomed by a modern, simple lobby. A couple of guards, all dressed in suits, walked by, but no one checked our bags. A blonde, business-like receptionist behind the counter smiled at Chiara and handed her the key.
I was too nervous to focus on all the details. All I could do was follow.
The suite was at the top floor. My heart was in my mouth the moment we stepped out of the elevator. And as we approached our destination, I felt the need to run away. But I didn't. I kept my legs moving and my heartbeat somewhat under control.
And then Chiara unlocked the door.
What opened up before me was a huge living room that overlooked the city underneath. Sunshine spilled all over the grey carpet and the fine, black sofas that spread around it. Right in the middle of the room, a cart waited for us, with a champagne bottle sticking resting on the silver tray and glasses around it. Windows reached the floor and the ceiling, allowing a beautiful view. But if need be, long curtains could be drawn over it. White walls were covered with pieces of art and a square-shaped, modern chandelier hung above our head.
Two large, open doors connected to the living room. One led to the king-size bed covered with red, silk sheets and a bunch of pillows. And the other led to the bathroom.
Or, the hot tub room.
"Make yourself comfortable. You can change in the bathroom." Chiara said and closed the bedroom door, leaving me to explore the suite.
I entered the bathroom/hot tub room. The marble tiles were beige, with red streaks, adding a touch of warmth to the room. The huge, rounded, luxurious hot tub stood on its own deck, overlooking the city underneath. At least five people would fit inside. Bubbles spilled from the water, inviting, promising. Its sides were dressed in marble, with small steps that led to it. Illumination came from underneath the surface. The champagne was already ready on the built-in drink holders on the side.
Clean, white robes hung from the wall above the hot tub and a red rug was on the floor, inviting me to stand on it, to run away from cold marble.
I turned towards the acrylic vanities on the opposite side, resting under the mirrors. My reflection was scared and flustered, but I forced myself to decide it made me look more attractive. Well, the redness in my cheeks, at least.
I peeked outside, only to find the bedroom door still closed. I leaned against the wall and breathed in deeply. My hand dipped to the Louis Vuitton handbag, deciding to see what she picked up for me. I was nervous as hell.
To my surprise, the black two-piece suit was sporty and quite covering. Relieved and grateful, I took off my clothes and tried the thing on. She could have just told me to bring a swimming suit, I thought as I stared at me body. The suit gripped my butt nicely, making me feel like I actually went to the gym at least once a month. And the cleavage wasn't too deep, which made me comfortable.
Chiara knocked on the door.
"Come in." I put my clothes on one of the tables next to the hot tub.
She opened the door. My jaw dropped and my heartbeat raced. She had a skimpy, red two-piece suit on and it left little to imagination. The tiny fabric barely covered her breasts and I couldn't help but look over her hard nipples that probably stuck out because of the cold. I trailed the curve of her body with my eyes, taking in her small waist and her long legs.
Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.
"Ready?" She grinned, a bottle of champagne in her hands and a hint of wickedness in her eyes.
No, no, no, fucking no.
"Yes."