The seat was cool under them as they lay sprawled by the window, a pleasant breeze blowing across their faces. Cigarette smoke curled around them while a record played in the background. Remus snuggled closer into his boyfriend, mindlessly humming along.
"I love you"
"Yeah I know" sirius replied, smirking. "I love you too" He leant down, closing the gap between them.
The phone started ringing. "Ugh i'll get it."
"Alright, come back soon though"
Sirius shot him a smile before standing up and walking over to the phone. Still grinning, he picked it up, but as soon as the voice on the other line sounded, his face dropped. Remus watched the colour drain from his face until Sirius was standing there, unmoving, showing a look of pure horror. Concerned, Remus walked up and went to reach for him, but before Remus could touch him, Sirius apparated. Alone and confused, Remus paced the kitchen, making a list of all the reasons Sirius would have disappeared like that...
Dumbledore called him onto a mission
Their friends were in trouble
His mother was anywhere nearby
Mary or Peter were dead
Lily and Jam.... No! Sirius was their secret keeper, it wasn't possible.
None of those reasons seemed likely. Something terrible had definitely happened. Remus knew that from how Sirius had reacted; very few things rendered Sirius Black speechless. Remus decided that Sirius would come back eventually, so he sat at the table anxiously tapping his foot. After what felt like hours of waiting, he glanced up at the clock... '5 minutes, it's been 5 minutes. Jesus this is gonna be a long night.'
He wished there was something he could do, but Remus couldn't think of anything. He flipped the record to the B side, but could barely hear the music over the hum of his own thoughts. Two hours and many cups of coffee later, Remus knew he had to start looking for his boyfriend. Sirius always made an effort to send a patronus message if he got called out on a mission that was going to last. But nothing... radio silence.
Remus figured Dumbledore would probably know where Sirius was, but he was too important to trouble, so Peter sounded like a solid first try. He apparated there in a second, his heart thumping with anticipation and fear.
"Peter? Peter! You there?"
The door was wide open, especially strange considering the tight security measures the order had implemented. His wand held high, Remus crept, cautiously into the house. The place looked like it had been ransacked, papers littered the floor with some items of furniture turned on their side. Either some thief had been looking for something, or Peter had had to leave in a hurry. Remus had a sinking feeling it was the latter.
A single tear rolled down Remus' cheek, whether it was from fear or confusion he didn't know, but panic was starting to rise in his chest. The upstairs was just as bad, and it was deathly quiet. What was happening?! In war, you had to suspect the worst, Remus knew that, but he had a feeling something big was going on here.
The next place to check was the Potters' they could all be there and Remus could just be overreacting... god he hoped so. He'd only been there a couple times since they went into hiding, to protect their location but he reckoned he could apparate there if he tried.
There it was, the demolished, once welcoming home of the Potters. With one look at it, Remus fell to his knees, sobbing. The whole upstairs was blown apart and the door had been ripped off its hinges. In the dark of the night , the place had an unshakable eerie feeling.
Had he found them?! HOW DID HE FIND THEM?!
Shaking, with tears streaming down his face, Remus crept into the wreck and prepared for the worst. Rest assured, he found it. There he lay, motionless, his eyes glassy and a final act of courage shown upon his face. Remus' breathing stopped. He crouched down, imagining James sitting up, telling him to stop worrying. But he didn't move, he didn't even twitch. James was dead.
Gently, Remus reached down and shut James' eyes. He wished he didn't have to move, didn't have responsibilities, didn't have to go and find Harry and Lily. With grief weighing him down, Remus trudged up the stairs, his heart pounding in his ears. The last thing he wanted to see was Lily's or Harry's dead body, but he couldn't just leave them there!
Still one question pounded in the front of his mind; Where is Sirius?! Shouldn't he be here?! Deep down Remus knew what James and Lily being found dead meant Sirius had done. But he couldn't think about that right now! He just couldn't...
"Lily!" Remus cried out involuntarily at the sight of her dead body sprawled out on the floor. "No, no.... Lily!" Remus didn't think it was possible, but he was crying harder now. Both of them! Both of them in one night! Remus sank to the floor, cradling Lily in his arms. "How... how could they?" for the second time that night he closed the eyes of a dead best friend. Next, he went to the bathroom and pulled out two clean sheets; he knew he wasn't helping but what else could he do? Tenderly, he draped the sheet over Lily. Noticing a white rose in a jar by the window, he placed it gingerly on top of her body. After saying his final goodbyes with tears dripping onto the sheet, Remus silently walked downstairs to do the same to James. He was just laying the sheet over him when he suddenly thought of something, and it felt like he'd been punched in the stomach...
HARRY! ...
His mind was clouded with sadness and pain, but he was sure he hadn't seen another body upstairs? Finally a glimmer of hope shone through what seemed like endless darkness. Did Harry survive? Sirius must have him!
Slightly remotivated, Remus knew his next step. As much as it hurt him to leave Lily and James alone, he had to go find Dumbledore. He apparated straight to the headquarters and ran around looking for their boss. The solemn atmosphere of the house had left and all that remained was total panic.
"Dumbledore, Dumbledore!"
"Ah Mr Lupin, I wondered when I'd see you"
"You know?!"
"Well yes--"
"And you didn't tell me!" Remus was clutching the banister for support, struggling to breathe.
"Well I assumed Mr Black told you" Dumblore was unnervingly calm.
"Sirius?" Remus whispered to himself, "Yes! Where is he? And where's Harry?!"
"Now, Mr Lupin, you do understand what this means Sirius did?"
"No! NO! He wouldn't!" Remus was shaking uncontrollably now, "please say he didn't..."
"I'm afraid so. He is currently on his way to Azkaban. Unfortunately, he managed to kill Mr Pettigrew as well."
"Peter! Why, why, WHY!" Dumbledore tried to put a comforting hand on Remus' shoulder, but Remus shrugged him off. "Harry, what about Harry? He wasn't there!"
"Now this is a story..."
* * * *
"So the wars over?"
"Yes, for now. It is a time for celebration."
"IT IS NOT A TIME FOR CELEBRATION!" Remus jumped up and stared at Dumbledore, seething. "So where's Harry now?" Remus tried to calm himself; he needed information from Dumbledore.
"On his way to his aunt and uncles, they're muggles and well not very nice, but they'll protect him."
"What no! He deserves better! I'll take care of him"
"I'm sure you know, that you are in no fit state to do that"
"Yes but any kind wizards! Molly and Arthur?"
"I'm afraid they quite have their hands full. It is out of my hands."
No! It's exactly in your hands!"
"Listen..."
Remus could tell he was not going to get anything more out of Dumbledore. He was so angry at the old man he wished to not spend another minute in his company, so he apparated back to the flat before Dumbledore could finish his sentence.
All of them, three dead, one traitor. In one night Remus had lost everything! Now he was alone, and the adrenaline was wearing off. The full weight of everything that had just happened fell on him.
He lent against the wall, to stop himself from collapsing, but sank to the floor anyway, his head in his hands. Outside he could hear fireworks, no doubt celebrating the victory. But it wasn't a victory for Remus, not really. Inside him was a gaping hole, where everything he had loved had once lived. Someone had torn him apart from the inside. The parts of him that weren't torn to shreds were filled with the worst feeling of agony and torture. His home, the only people who loved him were dead, all dead. 'Dead, dead, dead,' he said the word over and over in his head, but no matter how many times he did, he still couldn't believe it. The greatest wizards he knew couldn't be gone! They didn't deserve this, they were too good for this. He wanted to be sick.
But he had to make a call, it was only fair to her...
"Hello?"
"Mary..." his voice was raspy and he was hiccuping, tears still running down his cheeks.
"Remus, god what happened you sound awful. Shouldn't you be happy? I heard the war's over."
"He got them, voldemort got them," saying it out loud was cathartic but also tripled his pain.
"But... but how? No! The fidelius charm? Sirius?!" Mary was starting to cry now, the tension rising in her voice.
"He Fucking Sold Them Out!" the words were slurred as it got harder to talk between sobs, but Mary heard him.
"Oh god Remus, I'm so sorry."
"Look Mary, I just thought I'd let you know"
"Yeah, yeah course, go it's fine"
He hung up the phone. It was getting too painful to talk about it. The order had gotten phones to avoid Voldemort hearing their conversations, who knew it could cause so much sorrow in one night. He wanted to scream, so he did. He had nothing, no one at all. He'd had it all, now he didn't. He'd take the war over this any day.
Lily - poor sweet Lily. She was too good for this world. Always willing to help anyone who asked. The best listener, who could make your problems seem manageable. Who made the best pies, and always had some joy to share. Who'd signed up for the order, for what was right, and so she wouldn't have to be separate from James. She'd given a child everything, despite being in the middle of a war. If anyone was superhuman, it was Lily.
Peter - so innocent and kind. He had never wanted to fight the war, but he wanted to help Sir... him and James, so he signed up. Was the best backup on missions. Always had cakes to spare and time to give. Only half of the marauders' exploits would have been possible without him. He could always make you smile and he died trying to avenge James and Lily. Why would he do that! He was too naive for his own good.
James - hands down the kindest person to ever walk the earth. The glue that held the Marauders together. Who hadn't even dreamed of leaving Remus when he figured out Remus was a werewolf. He'd even become an animagus to help him, for bleeding sake! James, Peter and...him that was. Made a welcoming house in the middle of a war. Always had a spare bed to take in strays, and was always down for some fun. The first person that was nice to Remus and the person that had so much love for a girl he spent seven years pining after her. The person who deserved the world, and deserved a life more that Remus did.
Then there was Sirius, Fucking Sirius! The person who had filled him with so much love he wanted to melt. Yet now filled him with so much hate. The person who had built him up from nothing, and then broken him again. The person who wanted to fight against his family for the good, and then joined them. The person who fought so valiantly to protect the order, and then killed them all. How could one person be the most wonderful person Remus had ever met and simultaneously the worst. It didn't make any sense! Sirius and James were brothers, why wouldn't Sirius ever do that? What drove him to it? Sirius was the most loving, caring, tender, thoughtful and despicable person there was.
Remus despised Sirius for what he did, but he hated himself more for not being able to stop loving him.