"And we all have that one person, whether from months or years ago, we'd wish to go back to because even at the end of the day, their arms were the only thing that felt like home", said Miss Vivian, our PSHE teacher.
Even though my mind wasn't ready at all to start on with school again, Emily insisted me to continue with the classes since I was physically well, and quoting her words here "It's going to take your mind off things for a bit". I hoped that too, so Monday onwards I rearranged my schedule.
Back to the lesson again, honestly----it was such a shame that those girls with snatched ponytails and Prada bags weren't intrigued during these lessons even for a bit. PSHE really was one of my favorite subjects and it still is. Only if each and every sentence hit more deep and made more sense.
Little chuckles were heard from the other students as I slumped back on my chair, my eyebrows knitted together in concentration. I shook my head to ignore the laughing voices and got back to the teacher, "But that still doesn't reduce the pain, does it?"
She let out an exhale as her lips transformed into a smile, "It doesn't. But wishes only come true if you make one and besides that, my dear, life is a gift---" a loud bell ringed all across the room and Miss Vivian clutched her bag using one of her hands, "---A one to always cherish".
I sighed as I closed my eyes. Looking over to Emily, I saw her packing her things up.
"Hey, where are you going?"
She stood up. "It's the last lesson"
"But it's the chemistry period; the teacher will be here anytime soon"
She shook her head. "The teacher is absent, we all are free"
"Oh, what are you going to do?"
"I just got some of these documents I need to scan real quick"
"Hm, right"
I saw her moving out of the doorway as I ran my finger through the books in my bag trying to find anything to do. I didn't really have much in mind to complete, but I also don't want to sit here alone and overthink. Then this thing passed through my mind, I saw a library book in my bag. Oh gosh I need to return this book to the library! And just like that I clutched the book in my hands and ran to the library.
The next I knew was that I was knocking on the library door, "May I come in?". Miss Samantha slowly turned around from her bookshelves and lowered her glasses with the help of index finger, "Oh, long time no see, Y/N"
I plastered a smile on my face as I walked over to her desk with pile of books and computer. Then, I placed my book over the desk as I clasped my hands behind my back, "I came here to return this book to you".
She weakly sat on her revolving chair and brushed aside a strand of her grey hair, sliding the book to herself, "How was it?"
I furrowed my eyebrows and cleared my throat, "I am sorry miss, I didn't get time to read it"
"Oh", she opened the book and examined the bookmark which laid on the first page, "But that rarely happens". I didn't respond to her, instead I walked over to the bookshelves behind her chair and inspected their covers.
She turned around on her revolving chair, squinting her eyes to look at me from head to toe, "You look pale too, is everything okay?"
"Perfectly okay" I said, giving her a reassuring smile. She hummed in response and got back to her work, slowly typing on the keyboard. I sighed to notice that she forgot about the talk and then I got back to finding a book, but something extremely peculiar caught my eye.
I know Miss Samantha really well, and as far as for the information I have, she only has one phone, which she doesn't even use that much. But there I saw another phone beside her's on the glass desk, I peered over the chair as I squinted my eyes to see the lock screen of the other phone. And once I got the view, my eyes widened in astonishment, HOLY-
I cleared my throat and quickly placed the book back into the rack, "Miss?"
"Yes my dear?" She turned around on her chair again to face me.
"Since when did you have two phones?" I chuckled nervously.
"Oh", she turned around to pick up the other phone and showed it to me, "Are you talking about this?"
I quickly nodded
"It's my daughter's, she was on her phone too much these days, so I just took it away from her for a day only. You know" she whispered, "Anything for a child's safety". I nodded again, but I still didn't get the answer my curiosity asked for, and the picture I saw on the lock screen made the palms of my hands sweaty.
I sighed, rubbing both of my hands together, "Can I ask you another question Mam, not to invade your privacy or anything"
The question didn't seem to affect her at all, "Go On"
"Who's the person with your daughter on her lock screen?" I asked when I clearly knew the answer. My blood ran cold when I first saw the picture. My heart skipped a beat after seeing a person my heart always skips a beat for. There, I saw a girl, probably Miss Samantha's daughter and Louis. And most of all the background seemed oddly familiar too, only if I knew where is it from.....
"Oh you mean this guy?" she opened the phone once again and I saw his face one more time.
My breath hitched in my throat, "Yeah"
"My daughter is crazy over this Louis guy. If only I could tell you how much she is a fan of him, she's always screaming whenever he comes on the screen. She got really lucky when she went to this riverside restaurant and saw him having dinner with his friends; there she took a picture with him".
She glanced over to the photo and shook her head, "This obsession is really unhealthy".
The breath that was confined inside my throat came out as an exhale. This coincidence didn't sit right with me, no, not because my librarian's daughter came out to be the crazy fan girl we met at the restaurant , but because seeing his face destroyed all the progress I had made.( if there was any progress in the first place)
I didn't realize I was staring down at the floor until she snapped her finger sin front of me. I quickly zoned in as I smiled, "Yeah, okay thankyou". She cocked an eyebrow and got back to typing on her keyboard.
I pursed my lips, swooshing my hands through the book spines as I paid no attention to their titles at all. His face was now stuck in my brain. If I continue to portray the same absent minded behavior in front of Miss Samantha, then she is going to become Sherlock Holmes and question my whole existence.
So instead I walked over to her, "Do you have any book recommendations?"
"Sure, why not!" she beamed. She stood up from her chair cheerfully and walked towards the last aisle, the aisle from where I usually get books from, but I forgot about it today. I smiled to stop the tears from falling and blinked to see what book she would choose.
"There you go" she handed me a book over. I had no intension to read the book whatsoever or even look at the first page but I didn't want to break someone's heart unintentionally, only if Louis knew that.
I caressed the book cover which almost felt velvety to touch, there were golden swirls all over the royal blue background and little daises grew from the swirls. The combination spoke royalty to me.
"This is so beautiful", I whispered.
She peeked her head through, "I know right"
The bookmark itself had golden embellishments, God I had to admit, this is the most beautiful book cover I have laid my eyes on so far.
I brought the book close to my chest, "What is it about?"
"I don't want to spoil it for you, but it's about love. Love that once got broken and the same love got hope again. It perfectly reflects how present turns into past and happy moments turn into memories, but even though the character's heart gets broken, life has something else in store for them".
I handed the book over to her immediately, "Issue this for me please"
She took it from me as she grinned, "Sure thing"
❉ ╤╤╤╤ ✿ ╤╤╤╤ ❉
I was now full of exhaustion, the only thing I wanted was to go back home and fall on my bed before I could fall apart. Even if I try to let go of things, things just don't let go of me and this is the thing which is getting on my nerves.
I inserted the key in the door and pushed it open, seeing mom inside the kitchen. I almost jumped in terror but I pursed my lips and regained my position. I didn't know she'd be here inside the house since it was a working day today, but she just probably would have come home early.
"You are back". She smiled
"I am back"
My body felt heavy and I couldn't stand upon my legs anymore, so the next thing I knew was that I threw my bag on the couch and collapsed on top of it.
"How was school today?"
"Fine", I mumbled.
"You can go change, I have already placed your clothes on your bed"
I hummed in response and lifted myself up from the couch along with my bag, "Okay". Just as I was about to take another step and move towards my room, mom piped in which caused me to stop midway.
"Y/N"
I gulped. "Yes, yes mom?"
"I was going through your closet, to find clothes for you, and I took out this white chunky sweater, But."
"But?"
"Why do you have two of the same sweaters? I mean that size surely isn't going to fit me, so why did you buy two of the same things?"
Then it hit me like a truck. I bought a pair of white sweaters when I first went shopping with Louis. But just as damaged I already was, thinking of him made my body melt. And the thought that I never got a chance to give it to him....
"I-I bought one for Emily, but I never got a chance to give it to her".
"Hmm" she gave me a smile, "That's alright".
I gave her a quick nod. Then I glued my eyes to the floor and ran upstairs to my room. I walked through the doorway and opened my door, But I stopped midway as the room just beside mine caught my glance. The room beside me once belonged to Louis. I reached out my hand to turn the metal doorknob, and pushed the door open, it was no surprise that the room was all empty, only whitewashed walls that surrounded the room. I don't know why, but a part inside me still wished the room was filled with his belongings, but it wasn't, and never will.
A/N: Only a few chapters left :/