Nearly two days have passed since I saw Zev. Wednesday came around almost too quickly. Since what I saw that day I've been feeling like I'm in a haze, like I'm seeing myself live.
I'm taking a wild guess that he's feeling better though, recovered really fast. He went to class today, from what I understand. We didn't walk to the university together like we usually do though. I waited for him at my place and when he didn't show I went over to his. When I knocked there was no answer, I was a little worried, because he usually has no problem being on time for class.
I called him and he just said he had to pick things up for his classes. He didn't say much else other than a 'sorry' before he hung up. His voice was dry, he seemed like he almost didn't want to talk to me. I didn't have time to overthink though, I was almost late, so I just went to class.
After my lectures I came home lazed around for a bit and here I am now, laying on my couch pondering why Zev did that this morning. It was extremely unlike him. Even if he is mad at me he's never cold like that. Well, I don't know if he's mad at me, best not to jump to conclusions.
Maybe I'll cook him up something, regardless if he's mad at me or not, there's no downside to giving him food. He should be home in a bit, I'm pretty sure he has work till around 6 today.
Should I make him brownies or roasted cauliflower lasagna... I think he'd like the brownies better. Alright then let's get down to business. I cleaned up the counter before I started, I hate messy work areas. It was a quick recipe, so I was done in under an hour.
I cleaned up as I went so there was hardly a mess leftover. I have to let them cool, 20 minutes should work fine. In that 20 minutes of waiting, I scrolled through Instagram. I looked up from my phone realizing 40 minutes had gone by. I swear this damn app has some time-travelling properties of some shit.
I cut the brownies into smaller squares and placed them in a plastic container to bring over to Zev's. I grabbed my keys off the counter and pulled my shoes on. I made sure to lock the door behind me. We didn't like in a bad neighbourhood or anything, it was mostly students in this complex or the elderly. The places were cheap. But that doesn't mean that people couldn't just come walking in.
The walk over to Zev's felt longer than usual but it was still under 20 seconds. I just can't stop thinking about if I did something to upset him.
I stood at the door hesitant to knock. The warmth from the brownies was steaming up the container. I mustered up the courage and just did it. There was no answer so I knocked again.
Nothing.
Maybe he's not home, even weirder but I guess it's whatever, I'll just leave them on the counter for him with a note. I reached for my keys and looked for the one for Zev's place. What do I write on this note? 'I'm sorry' sorry for what I don't even know if he's mad at me. Maybe 'Here, I hope these make you feel better, call me when you get the chance...? Yeah, I think that's ok.
Crap.
I put the key into the hole and turned it. When the door opened I heard music playing. I closed the door behind me, and then I realized that music was Zev.
"If I meet you in the middle maybe we could agree
You make me feel little how you're looking at me
And you can throw me shade, all it does is just cool me off
First it just threw me off, now I'm just moving on"
He was sitting on the floor shirtless still wearing his cargo pants and one sock on from work, with a guitar in his lap singing what I think was 'The Beach' by The Neighbourhood. He was faced mostly away from me, so I guess he hadn't seen me.
His voice was beautiful, I didn't know he could sing. My heart thumbed harshly in my chest.
Fallin' again, I need a pick-me-up
I've been callin' you friend, I might need to give it up
I'm sick and I'm tired too
I can admit, I am not fireproof
I feel it burning me
I feel it burning you
I hope I don't murder me"
I hope I don't burden you"
He stopped, before finishing the song. He and I used to listen to The Neighbourhood back in first year. It's been a while. I almost felt sad looking back at our younger selves. So naive and innocent, but so reckless.
He looked kinda sad. Maybe it wasn't something I did? "H-hey?" I hesitated, I mean he probably didn't want me to see that. I still can't get over how beautiful his voice is.
He turned to face me in shock. He looked like he forgot how to breathe for a second. But he didn't react like I thought he would. I thought he might laugh it off or joke around, or at least say something. His face was as white as a sheet, he looked like he'd seen a ghost or something.
He just stared at me in horror. Not a sound came from his mouth, I don't even think he was breathing.
"Zev...?" I hope he's not mad.
His face went from pale to red, faster than I've ever seen on any person. "J-j-jasper!?" I don't think I've ever seen him so shocked.
I walked over to him slowly and sat in front of him. "Here I made these for you." I passed him the container. He looked down at it and took it slowly, almost like he didn't trust me... it hurt a little. "Your voice is beautiful, why didn't you tell me you could sing?" I was trying to be as cautious as possible, I couldn't read him right now, it was really weird.
"Wh... How. Why are you here?" He didn't seem mad so that was good, just confused.
"Well I haven't seen you or really talked to you since Monday, and what happened this morning. You're not mad at me right?" I hadn't realized but Zev's place was really clean today. Like my level clean.
"What? No, what reason would I have to be mad at you? You helped me get rid of that cold. You just really scared me just now." His face had gotten super red and he was gripping on to his guitar for dear life.
"Hey calm down," I said as softly as I could put my hand over his that was gripping the neck of the instrument. I could tell he was embarrassed, I guess I understand, but he has no reason to be embarrassed. His voice is awesome.
"S-sorry... How long were you standing there for?" His voice was quiet, but he seemed to have taken my advice and calmed down a bit.
"Like maybe a minute." He tensed right back up. "Hey hey hey, your voice is beautiful, I'm kinda sad you never told me you could sing." He was really into it, he looked like lyrics hit him a certain way. Did Zev feel that way about someone? But he didn't tell me. "Do you like someone?"
His eyes widened. "Huh! No why would you think that?" He was definitely lying to me. Zev isn't a bad liar but sometimes I can see through it, like right now.
"Don't lie to me, you like someone don't you, and you didn't even tell me." This hurt more than anything, but I couldn't let him know that.
"I don't... like anyone." I wish he wasn't lying to me, I wish what he was saying had been the truth, so maybe there would be a chance of being with him.
The last time I dated was back in second year. It lasted 2 months. She was actually my first and last girlfriend.
Zev had a girlfriend for the end of first year and beginning of second year. I stopped seeing him, then he showed up one day saying it didn't work out. He didn't tell me till almost a year later what happened. He told me she was getting too clingy and wasn't letting him hang out with me. There was of course an "I missed your food too much dude," at the end of that sentence.
Even if I can't have him in that way, I'm more than happy just having him as a friend. So if he likes some girl and she's going to try to take him from me, like the last one did, it's going to hurt more than it did before. I didn't even like him this way back then, or at least I didn't acknowledge it.
"It's fine if you don't want to tell me. Remember I'm always here for you if it goes badly. I promise."
He looked up at me. "I appreciate it but you shouldn't make promises you don't know if you can keep." What was that supposed to mean? Just as I was about to say something my phone started to ring. I looked at Zev asking with my eyes if I could answer. He nodded.
The caller ID said it was Ezra. Oh Jesus what did he do this time? "I swear to God if you locked in some dude's basement I'm not picking you up this time."
Zev mouthed 'Ezra?' asking who it was. I nodded. He just smiled softly, shaking his head.
"W-what... how'd you know?" Was this man serious? "I'm just fucking around, anyways. There's a party Friday night, I know Zev will wanna come, I should have called him and got him to drag you, but the man never picks up the phone. It's always on silent. You tell him to stop doing that. Anyways yes, you guys are coming. Same place as usual. Cole has the best parties. 9 O'clock, don't forget. Ok bye. Hey don't touch that you fucking-" The call ended with Ezra yelling at someone else, not sure who, but whatever.
Zev looked at me with concern. Ezra hadn't given me time to answer. "There's a party on Friday, he says we're going, and it's at Cole's place like normal. He also says to stop leaving your phone on silent." Zev just rolled his eyes with a smile.
Ezra never fails to lighten the mood. "Are you going?" He asked softly.
"Yeah, I guess. I always go with you guys, why stop now?" Yeah, I didn't enjoy them much myself, but you never know when you might just have a good time.
"I don't know if I'm gonna go," He said looking down. Something's definitely not right.
"What, you have to, you always go." I smiled brightly, maybe going to something like this will cheer him up.
"I dunno." He placed his guitar beside him softly.
"Come on, it'll be fun and besides, maybe you can confess to that girl you like." I smiled, teasing him slightly. "You know if she'll be there?" I don't know why I'm helping him get this girl. I mean I guess they say when you love something, you gotta let it go.
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure she'll be there. She usually is." He was blushing again, it was so cute. "But I don't know if confessing would be a good idea. She might never talk to me again, and I can't go through that. N-not again." He looked down with sadness in his voice.
When did he get rejected before, so bad that she never talked to him again? He never told me about that. Maybe I shouldn't ask. "Come on, I'm sure she won't, you're a great guy, you're built too." I lightly punched his shirtless body. "Come on, even if it doesn't work out we can still hang after if you want?"
He sighed. "Ok I guess since you're so eager to go, but don't forget what you promised..." I raised an eyebrow. His eyes half-closed. "That you'd-"
There was a sudden loud crash from the bedroom. Our eyes darted in the direction, then back at each other. "What was that?" He asked with a shaky voice.
It sounded like there was a whole person or something in there. There was the sound of something heavy being dragged on the ground. "I-i don't know."
He slowly stood up, making his way over to the door quietly he picked up a broom on the way there. I followed not too far behind him.
"Do you think it's an animal?" He asked holding the broom ready to fight whatever was in his room.
"Maybe, but how would it get up on the second floor?"
"Maybe it flew." We kept our voices down.
He reached out and grabbed the door handle. "It's cold..." He took his hand away and looked at me confused.
"What?"
"It's cold, feel it. I'm not joking." He took my hand into his and put it on the handle. He was right, it was cold.
"Did you leave a window open?" I took my hand off the metal.
He gave me a look. "Dude it's November."
"That doesn't mean it's not cold." I mean I guess it kinda does.
"When was the last time you were cold?"
"Like last-." I counted the months on my fingers. "March or April, I think."
"Exactly." He reached for the handle again, the dragging sound continued. It was unsettling, made me shiver. He turned the knob and flung the door open, pointing the broom at whatever could be in there.
The sound stopped, there was silence. "Huh, that was weird." He leaned the broom next to the door. He walked inside and I followed behind him.
As we passed the threshold of the door, we were surrounded by an aching cold. One I personally haven't felt for a while.
I'm sure he felt it too, I saw his back muscles tense when he walked into the room.
His briefs came past the waistband of his pants, but we're still low enough to expose the two shallow dimples on either side of his spine. I bit my lip, the curve of his body and the shadows of his muscles was-
"Oh no!" I snapped out of it and looked where he was looking. All the photos of me him and the rest of the boys that he had on the board on his wall were scattered on the ground, along with the board itself. He quickly ran over to pick them up. "Oh thank god they're still ok."
I stood there and looked around the mostly dark bedroom when I felt something cold drift past me. I looked behind me and saw a barely visible shadow gliding out of the room. It was taller than me, way taller than me. "Z-zev- look..."
He turned around but by the time I got back to where I was the shadow had faded. "What?"
"Did you see it?" My knees felt weak suddenly. I have to go, I can't stay here, I have to go. A chill ran up my spine and there was a sort of nausea in the pit of my stomach, my hands started to shake. I could hear my heartbeat.
"See what? Hey, are you ok?" He put his hand on my shoulder.
"I have to go. I have to go..." I quickly tried to pull myself together and ran quickly to the front door.
"Hey, hey?! What happened?!" He chased after me, I didn't look back. I don't know when he stopped running after. I never looked back. Not till I was in my apartment.
I slammed the door behind me. I held it shut for a few seconds. Why did I run like that, what was that feeling of uneasiness? I don't think it was what I saw, I've been seeing shit like that for a while now, but that feeling.
My phone buzzed, I reached into my pocket, not even looked down to see who it was. I just answered it. "H-hello?"
"Jasper, what happened? Are you ok? What did you see?" He sounded concerned.
"Nah, it's ok, nothing. I guess I just got um... spooked." Sure I was half lying but I didn't know what else to tell him.
"You ok though, you want me to come over?" Usually, I would never pass up on spending time with Zev but I kinda wanna just pretend I don't exist for a bit. "I'm already in the hallway, I could be there in like 3 seconds."
"I'm fine. It's ok. E-Enjoy the brownies, I'm gonna go to sleep." I forced an enthusiastic tone into my voice.
"It's not even 8 yet." There was sadness in his voice or maybe it was worry, or both.
"Yeah, I know. I just don't feel like being awake anymore." My mind felt empty, and my body felt exhausted.
"Oh. Umm, ok then. Please let me know how you feel in a bit if you're not asleep. And I guess I'll see you tomorrow morning?" He really is the best.
"Yeah, tomorrow morning. Like always." I smiled into the phone. "Bye."
There was a silence before he spoke. "Bye Jasper."
I hung up and threw my phone at the couch. It bounced off and hit the floor with a thud. Usually, I'd rush over to see if the screen was okay, but at this point, that's the least of my worries.
I pulled my body up and dragged myself into my bedroom. Stripping down to my briefs and leaving a pile of clothes on the floor I got into bed under the covers. I was suddenly really tired. It wasn't the type of tired that you feel after being up for too long.
This was a different type of exhaustion. The type of that comes on randomly, out of nowhere. Feels like you've been hit by a bus. My body feels achy, and my head hurts. There was a tad bit of nausea too.
I stared up at the ceiling, letting my mind go blank. I didn't want to think about any of the things that I've been seeing. Any of the things I've been hearing. Any of the things I've been feeling. I just wanted to let it all go.
I heard the front door open. Is that Zev? No it couldn't be, he wouldn't have come over after I told him that I was sleeping, he wouldn't do that.
So who is it?
I started to panic, I could hear my heartbeat in my ears. The dragging sound that I had heard in Zev's apartment started up again. The front door shut, and I heard the dragging sound make its way closer and closer to my bedroom door.
The nausea that I felt in my stomach got stronger, but I felt like I couldn't move. I was frozen in fear.
The sound got closer and closer, till there was a light tapping on my bedroom door. I somehow found the courage to move and I pulled the sheets over my head. Much like a child would, but that's all I felt like right now, a child. A helpless child haunted by their imagination.
The tapping continued. My body was so hot. I was sweating in huge amounts, my hair sticking to my forehead, my sheets sticking to my back. I felt dizzy, despite me lying down.
Shit, I don't even have my phone on me. How am I going to call for help?
I shouldn't have left Zev's like that. I should have stayed with him. He could have saved me, and if he couldn't, at least having him there would make me feel better.
I heard the bedroom door open, then everything went black.
************
"Hey? Hey?! Princess wake up!" I felt pressure on my hips and a sudden pain on my cheeks.
I slowly opened my eyes, it was none other than Thorin sitting on my hips pinching my cheeks. "Jeez, why were you in such a deep sleep I've been trying to wake you for a few minutes now?"
I looked around the room, shooing his hand off my face. Hey, wait I can move.
"Yeah I figured I didn't need to paralyze you if you were going to play nice." He shrugged, brushing his snow coloured hair out of his face. "I mean unless you have a thing for being restrained. I much prefer to take you like tha-"
"Hard pass." I met his purple eyes.
"Ouch, fine, but I do have some plans for you tonight. So unless you want to be restrained, cooperate." He smirked, I'm not in the mood for his bull shit right now...
What happened to me? The last thing I remember was.... I ran from Zev's because of that sound, then I heard it outside my room. Did... Did I pass out?
"Hey are you listening? You good, you seem more out of it than usual today. Did something happen between you and your boyfriend Zev?" He was trying to tap a nerve with me, but I don't care enough right now.
I stayed calm, even with him straddling my hips. "Why were you gone for so long?" I hadn't seen Thorin for a while, or maybe it was a normal size gap between his visits and I just hadn't realized.
"Why, you miss me, princess?" He tapped my nose quickly. He had this cheeky grin on his face.
"No, I was just wondering when it'll happen again?" There was an unintentional sourness in my voice.
He pouted, crossing his arms. "That's not very nice princess." He ran his long fingers up my torso. "You love it."
I sighed loudly. Sure maybe some days I don't hate it but I won't ever tell him that. "Please get off me." I sat up but he stayed put, still straddling me. I sighed loudly. "Please..." I didn't feel like fighting him tonight.
He looked at me softly and cupped my cheek. "You look super tired, you not sleeping or something?"
Is he fucking serious? "You're joking, right? You better be fucking joking with me!" No, no, I have to calm down, I can't let my anger get the best of me.
"Umm, not joking, I was just asking princess." He smiled in his usual mocking way, but there was a hint of seriousness.
He was really oblivious, I figured he would be smarter than that. He scowled at me. Oops I forgot he could hear my thoughts. "Well for starters you keep waking me up at night. So that's not helping." I moved backwards trying to get him off my thighs.
He got off me and sat in front as he spoke. "Is it really that bad? You should have just told me that. Here." He put his hands on either side of my face and kissed me. I just stared angrily at him. "There now you're fully energized."
I felt a buzz go through my body like I had snorted cocaine or something. "Hey, no, no, no I'm going back to sleep, don't mess with energy levels." I just wish things could go back to how things were. Honestly, when I struggled with insomnia I had a better time than this.
"But you s-" He gave me a look of confusion.
"Just don't. Put it back." I snapped.
"Umm o-ok." He kissed me again hesitantly. I think I threw him off his game, I've never seen him act awkward before. "You're an odd one. But alright."
I felt the tension relax and my eyelids droop. You know it could be worse, at least the most common hallucination I'm having isn't trying to kill me. "I'm not a hallucination. I'm all real princess." He crawled towards me and put his hand on my dick through my briefs. "I like these. They leave less to the imagination." He caressed my upper thighs before sliding his hands up the leg holes of my underwear.
"Hey! S-stop!" I did my best to try and push him off me. His warm hands wrapped themselves around my currently soft dick. Besides Thorin doing this type of shit with me, I haven't actually gotten any action in a long time. That's probably why when he does this it feels so much more intense than it should.
Maybe that's also why I've been feeling this way about Zev. Because I'm horny. I was brought back to reality, or what feels to be reality, by the hot pulsing of my dick. "So you're admitting that you like what I do to you?" He smirked, taking his hands off my dick and running them around to my ass. He groped harshly.
I kicked at him trying to get him to stop. "No, get off me. I just want to go back to sleep." After what happened today, I'd rather just not be conscious. I felt one of his fingers prod at my asshole and I let out a sound that even surprised me.
He paused and smirked. "Hm, didn't know you could make pretty sounds like that. Are you a bottom?" He took his hands out of my underwear and sat back on his knees.
I moved away from him and closer to the headboard. Am I a bottom? What kinda question is that? As far as I'm concerned I'm not gay. "I-i don't think so, no I'm not."
"Mmm Jasper that sound that came from those pretty lips of yours would say otherwise." The way he teased me made my dick pulse, and I'm not sure why.
He grabbed the waistband of my briefs and pulled them down too fast to react. I scrambled to pull them back up but before I could grab them he was tossing them across the room. I covered myself with my hands. Throughout all the times he's done stuff to me I've had my underwear on. Now I'm completely exposed. "Aww, are you embarrassed."
I shook my head, but I could feel the heat on my cheeks. He was making me feel small, but not in a bad way. "Come on move your hands, let me see it."
I shook my head again. I didn't want to talk, or even open my mouth. I'm afraid of what might come out. "Don't make me restrain you, because then I can do whatever I'd like and the only thing you could do is pray to the bastard upstairs that I'll stop. So let me see."
I don't want that, I don't know what he's planning but it'll probably be worse if I have absolutely no say in what's happening. With my back pressed up against the headboard and my heels pulled in inches away from my bare ass, I moved my hands out of the way. Everything was on full display for him now. All of it.
I covered my face with my hands out of embarrassment. But I'm not going to lie, there was something about the humiliation that was making my body hotter. "See that wasn't so bad. Ooo, you're a total virgin back here, doesn't even look like you've played with yourself." He pressed two wet fingers against my hole. Tingles went through my whole body, and I let out another sound, I couldn't hold that one in, it's just too much. "Tell me is that true, no one has touched you here, not even yourself?"
My toes curled into the sheets as he continued to prod. He never pressed into me, he just touched the area softly, rubbing circles. "N-no, no one has." I buried my face further in my arms. This feels good.
He took his fingers away and I looked up at his smirking face. "I'm glad you're finally coming around. And don't worry I'm not planning on going all the way with you today, don't want to hurt you, just testing the water that's all. Spread your legs more, let me suck you off."
I moved my arms away from my face and looked at him. I shook my head, I don't want that right now, I'm not going to get suck off by a guy. "Please no."
"Oh come on Jasper, you're friend there is begging for attention. You know you want to. Aren't you horny, looking at Zev all day, being around him, waiting to confess so you guys can have your way with each other?" He took my throbbing cock into his hand. I closed my knees all the way to try and stop him.
I was so conflicted, on one side he was making me feel really good, but on the other I felt dirty, and wrong. I almost felt like I was cheating...but Zev wouldn't care who I do this type of stuff with, because he doesn't want me in that way.
"You think you're cheating on Zev?.... Mmm, I guess that makes sense. Would it be easier if you could 'do things' with Zev right now?" He stroked my cock with the little movement that I gave him. My dick twitched at the thought of Zev, and Thorin felt it. "Mmh, so you like the idea. Alright I'll do my best, I'm not known for my acting skills though."
What does he mean by his acting skills? Oh my- He was slowly starting to look like Zev. His long white hair shortened and turned black. His frame got slightly smaller and his face. I was looking at Zev. "Zev..."
I knew it wasn't him, and it felt wrong. He had his hand on my cock, this was wrong in so many ways. "Thorin, no, I don't like this, this is disrespectful-"
"There's nothing respectful about this situation. I'm an incubus, and you're a horny human, so it's fine. Besides Zev never has to know." He smirked, pushing my knees open slightly.
"No!" He gave me a stern look and I stopped struggling, I let my knees fall open in defeat. "It's not that I think he'll find out but I don't think I'll be able to think straight around him if I do this."
"You never think straight around that man." It was weird seeing and hearing Zev's voice like this when I knew it wasn't him. It looked exactly like him, even all his tattoos are the same. I looked down at Zev's hard cock. Is that what his would look like hard?
He put his lips centimetres away from the head of my dick. Looking into my eyes and kissed the tip. Zev.... It really looked like Zev. He put me into his mouth, my cock hit the back of his throat and he swallowed around it.
The slick warm feeling of his mouth made me release those moans and sounds I had been holding in. "Zev!" I felt my emotions build up inside me, along with something else.
He moved up and down quickly, swirling his tongue around the tip. I tangled my hands in his hair. It even felt like Zev's hair. "Ahh, Zev? "
He took his mouth off my cock with a wet pop. "Mmh yes Jasper?" He looked at me with his usual goofy smile. How could he possibly look at me like that, in this situation? "Does my mouth feel good?" His eyes were big and filled with false innocence. Before I could answer he smiled and went back to work.
I pulled on his soft locks as he bobbed his head. He moaned around me, sending a slight vibration through me. I moaned and pushed his head further down. I could see he had started to jerk himself off. Would Zev get off to something like this? Or would he look away in disgust?
I was close, so close. I could feel the pressure, and the tingling and everything. Cumming to Zev again, will I ever be able to stop? He grabbed my hips and repetitively deep-throated me. My dick was so hot in his throat, I could feel it. I moaned his name just before I was about to cum.
He swallowed around me, between the eye contact, the hot slick conditions of his mouth and how my hands felt in his hair. I fell over the edge. I came in his mouth, he didn't let a drop out, swallowed it all.
He sat up and kissed me deeply, I could taste myself on his tongue. Why did I feel like this, even after I had come, my body was still so hot and tingly, was it Zev? I held onto his shoulders as we kissed deeply. Our warm chest pressed together and his hard dick pressing against my thigh. I moaned into his mouth, and I felt his lips curve into a smirk.
He pulled away, I don't want to stop kissing him, I could kiss Zev forever. "Hey princess." I opened my eyes and it was Thorin. I was slightly disappointed. I think it had slipped my mind a little that it wasn't really Zev. "You know I'm glad we're moving things along but at the same time, kinda hurt I had to pretend to be someone else just so you'd let me suck you off. But hey we both got what we wanted, so I consider that a win." He spoke smoothly and I could tell he was trying to tease me again. "All jokes aside I do enjoy pleasuring you."
I stayed silent. My whole existence was overcome by guilt. Why did I do this, why did I think this was okay? "Anyways Jasper I'm gonna hit the road as you humans would say, have a great rest of your night." What the hell is wrong with me. "Alright you're overthinking this way too much, just calm down and go to sleep. There are no consequences here. Remember Jasper, as far as you're concerned you're just sitting in your room alone right now and you always have been. Alone in your room with your imagination. That's what you want to think. Then just for tonight, I'll let you think that. I'm not real." Smiling he snapped his fingers, he faded- no my vision was fading, and the room was slowly tilting to the side... or was that my body... Everything went black.