This chapter is dedicated to SailorCiel. Thanks for your votes and your support :)
23 - Love Of My Life
Staying away from Brent was an uphill battle right from the start. And not only that – it was draining and took a lot out of me. That was maybe the reason why I never again tried to leave after I finally went back to him.
My challenges started the morning after I arrived at the shelter as soon as I went back to school. I felt lost. Caroline was not as forgiving as Kade and when I approached her, she just blew me off. I went through the day in a daze, realizing I had no one left.
On top of that, I was behind in all my classes which was probably a good thing since I could use my studying as an excuse to get out of the group counselling and the joint activities at the shelter. I was not ready to face the world – there was too much turmoil inside me I wanted to work through on my own. I didn't ask for help in the right places – in hindsight, a serious mistake.
That day, Brent waited for me outside the school and though I was stunned to see him, I really shouldn't have been. Seriously, what did I expect? He wasn't the type of man who would have just given up without a fight – I had damaged his ego. If someone ever left this relationship, it would have been him and not the girl he had chosen as his queen.
He rushed over with a guilt stricken face. "Rena, please - I need to talk to you."
I glanced around but there was no one who could have come to my rescue so I started walking towards the bus stop. "I don't want to discuss this, I need more time."
Secretly, I had hoped that this would shut him up and this would have been way too easy.
"Please, Rena. Just two minutes."
I stopped and gazed at him. "OK, what do you want?"
He took a deep breath, ready to have apologies pelt down on me like a waterfall. "I love you, Rena. I know why you left, I have behaved unacceptably. I swear I will change. I will never lay a hand on you again. Just please forgive me, you mean the world to me."
He looked really sincere with desperate eyes and my defenses were unravelling but then I remembered Chantal. "I heard this all before, Brent. I am sorry, but I'm scared that you won't keep your word."
I continued my hasty walk but he kept at my heels. "I understand your frustration, I really do. Just please, give me another chance. I won't blow it this time, I promise."
I paused again and looked him over. He seemed devastated and it hurt me that he was upset but I still felt empowered. I was not going to give in this time. "I'm sorry, but I really need more time. This is all too much for me."
He sighed. "OK, I'll respect that. But please promise me you will call me later this week." When he saw my hesitation, he quickly added: "Just to talk, of course. If you do that, I will give you your space."
It was preposterous for him to demand anything – after all, if I wanted to take a break, that was my choice – but I was sufficiently brainwashed not to notice. "OK, I will call you."
He finally allowed me to leave without further hassle. The whole encounter shook me up more than I wanted to admit and I should have talked about it to someone but I didn't. I thought I could handle it on my own. That was mistake number two.
He left me alone for a few days and I focused on school work and somehow, passing my day. I helped out in the shelter when expected but refused to confide in anyone, even blowing off Laura a few times. This caused some frustration on hers and Tisha's part which I intentionally ignored.
Finally, on Thursday, I got a welcome visitor – Kade came to the shelter to check up on me. After a quick 'hello' and 'I'm doing great', we decided on a match of table tennis in the game room.
"How are you really holding up?" he probed after we got the game going.
"I told you I was fine," I claimed though I was feeling awful. The loneliness was getting to me.
"You know, family support is invaluable in this type of situations," he continued. "I really think you should contact your father. If you want, I can call him for you."
I caught the ball, giving him the evil eye. "Did Tisha put you up to this?"
He blushed slightly, unable to hold my gaze. "She may have mentioned something."
I got angry. "I just don't understand why everyone is trying to rush me. I need time. Is that too much to ask for?" I snapped.
"Of course not and I'm sorry." He gave me one of those apologetic grins I had gotten used to by now.
We continued our game in silence - the only sound was the plopping of the ball onto the table and the crashing sound when the bat found its mark. I could hardly concentrate, fury raging inside me. I was sick of people constantly pretending to know what was best for me.
I wasn't even sure why I was so adamantly refusing to talk to my dad but I think it was mostly the feeling of utter failure. Plus, of course, there was a certain finality associated with that. If I moved back in with my father, he would never allow for Brent to be part of my life again and deep down, I wasn't ready for that. I wanted to be the one ultimately making that choice.
We must have played for an hour before a fight out in the hallway distracted me and I detected Brent's voice.
"I want to talk to my fiancé," he howled. "You can't keep me from her. We love each other."
I stormed out and almost burst out laughing at the scene in front of me. Tisha was in a frenzy yelling at Brent while Sam, our security guard, was towering over him in an intimidating gesture. He looked quite scary with his broad shoulders and bulging muscles but everyone who knew him realized that he was a softy at heart and couldn't hurt a fly.
"You have to leave, sir," he demanded. "Rena doesn't want to see you."
Though I knew they meant well, I didn't appreciate their interference. It wasn't their place to make decisions for me.
"That's OK, I'll talk to him," I advised stubbornly, something which would turn out to be mistake number three.
Tisha and Kade exchanged a glance. It just confirmed that I was done with them meddling in my life.
"Let's take a walk," I suggested, grabbing my coat from the closet next to the door. I needed to get away, I couldn't think straight.
Brent gloated when he opened the door for me – it was a strategic victory in the battle of winning me back. We strolled down to the Rainbow Beach Park, enjoying the peace and quiet. He didn't rush me, not forcing any conversation on me and I really appreciated that. It was starting to get cold - the air was really crisp and there was the scent of snow in the air. A week from now would be Thanksgiving, one of my favorite holidays and I always relished those years when the world had transformed into a winter wonderland.
"How did you find me?" I finally asked.
"The GPS tracker in your phone," he admitted. "I always knew where you were but wanted to give you space like you requested. I only came by tonight because I was really worried. I'm sure this is even harder on you than on me and I am already going through hell."
I was touched by his concern. "It has been a confusing time for me. I really appreciate that you are not rushing me."
His fingers graze gently over the back of my hand, his eyes upon me with caution. I was sure he was ready to pull back at any moment at the slightest sign of my displeasure. I liked him being on his toes – I felt in control.
"I don't know how I could go on without you," he mumbled. There was so much sadness in his voice and my heart was aching. I hated seeing him in so much distress. We were both unhappy with the way things were but Chantal's image kept flashing in my mind, preventing the scale to be tipped in his favor.
The wind was blowing mercilessly and I shivered in my light jacket. He took off his coat but hesitated before placing it around my shoulders. "May I?" he asked. "I don't want you to be cold."
He was back to his gentleman ways, doing everything right that night. I nodded and was actually grateful when I felt the warmth around me. The jacket smelled like his aftershave and I remembered all the good times associated with the scent – our first date, first kiss, the first time we made love, a few real happy moments. Oddly, I never associated any violence with the fragrance – those were always dominated by sweat and the salt of my tears.
We wandered through the night, both in our own thoughts and he managed to control the clattering of his teeth to ensure I wouldn't end our time together. I felt close to him and a few times, I was tempted to just ask him to take me home. I couldn't stand the thought of going back to the shelter, actually worried to face Kade - I feared I had disappointed him once again.
But at some point, we ended back where we started and it was time to say goodbye. He handed me a small package. "Just a little something to remember me by while you work things out. Please don't forget how much I love you."
He didn't try to kiss me and didn't even take back his coat - he just disappeared into the darkness, leaving a big void in my heart. In a trance, I walked back inside the shelter. Kade was still there, waiting for me in the reception with Tisha by his side. She excused herself as soon as I slumped in the chair next to Kade.
"Let's have it," I muttered, ready for his roasting.
He sighed. "It's not my place to tell you what to do. I have given up a long time ago trying to change people who don't want to change but you should be careful. This is just some twisted game he is playing."
"I am not planning on going back to him but I need some type of closure." I was hoping he could relate.
"I understand," he claimed. "But it takes a lot of audacity for him to just show up out of the blue and you running off with him sets a bad example for the other residents. Tisha is really mad. I think you should talk to my mom and get a protection order to guarantee that he stays away."
I stare at him. "Brent didn't do anything wrong."
He rolled his eyes. "He almost beat you to death. Isn't that enough?"
I didn't want to have to deal with it right then and there - all those expectations were overwhelming. "I will think about it. I'm really tired now and starting to get a headache."
He got the hint. "I should go then."
At the door he turned around and gave me an encouraging smile. "Hang in there. I have faith in you."
He sure was more convinced about my abilities than I was. "Thanks, I will try my best."
I walked back to my room and sat down on the bed, slowly unwrapping the present. It was a keychain with a broken heart. A little note was stuck to it. 'Even if we are apart for now, I want you to remember that you always carry a piece of my heart with you. I love you more than life itself.'
There was a lump in my throat, I was so touched by Brent's gesture. That night, I slept tightly covered by his coat, his scent almost making me forget I wasn't with him. I was really starting to miss him. That was mistake number four.
Brent is breaking out the heavy artillery. What do you think? Was his apology sincere? Do you think he loves her in his own twisted way? And what do you think will make her finally go back to him?
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