a/n: italics mean flashbacks akaashi's having :)
~edited may 29, 2021~
akaashi sat on the floor on his room, looking out his window. the rumbling of thunder and the pitter-patter of the raindrops on his window mixed with the music he had playing in the background.
it had been raining the entire weekend. akaashi canceled your weekly hangout out of pure worry that you'd get sick again. he defended his decision as he didn't want to take care of a sick you again.
truthfully, he just didn't like seeing you sick. the days you were absent because of your cold, akaashi felt weird. he couldn't shake away the empty feeling he had those days.
playing with each of his fingers, akaashi had a lot on his mind. and none of it was school or volleyball related, which came as a shock to him.
it was you, running through his mind at a rapid pace. his thoughts seemed to be organized but they were also a mess.
akaashi knew he had developed feelings for you as the months went by, he didn't try to deny it. which was weird to him, he was never one to be 100% sure about his feelings. but he seemed to give in to his feelings for you so easily. when it hit him, he didn't feel weird about it. he felt sort of happy.
it also helped that he happened to be listening to you two's shared playlist. the memory of the playlist being made was one of his favorites between you two, it always brought a smile to his face whenever he remembered it.
it was a normal saturday, that day was your turn to pick where you two were going to hang out for the day and you had decided on a simple walk around tokyo and just figure out what to do then. you two ended up at a small park, eating cupcakes you two had ordered at this small bakery.
once you two had sat down on an empty space of grass, you took your airpods out of your bag and handed one to akaashi, pressing shuffle on of the playlists you made while you were supposed to be doing homework.
"isn't it my turn to choose the music?" akaashi asked you, knowing you had chosen the playlist for the past two days. akaashi, however, ignored it because he didn't really mind your music taste.
"hmmm nope, don't remember that, pretty sure you chose the music yesterday at lunch." you said, not making eye contact with him. he knew that was a lie, akaashi saw you had a habit of not making any form of eye contact whenever you lied.
"i haven't chosen the music we listen to for the past two days, hand me the phone." you two ended up having a small argument about this for the next five minutes, akaashi claiming he should choose the playlist. you claiming he already chose the playlist yesterday.
"okay, okay, here's an idea," akaashi said, finally tired of having this petty argument with you. "how about we just make a shared playlist? that way we don't argue about this again." you nodded eagerly and opened up your spotify to make the playlist.
you two spent thirty minutes sitting on the grass, deciding which songs to put on the playlist. akaashi adored the way your eyes lit up when you talked about your music. to the people walking by, it looked like a sweet moment between two teenagers in love.
it was more of a sweet moment between two teenagers falling in love. the only problem was, neither of the teenagers knew they were falling in love.
the small smile on akaashi's face returning as he remembered the moment between you two. that day was the day that akaashi had become aware of the butterflies floating around in his stomach when he was around you.
but what confused him was, the moment he realized he truly held feeling for you was when he was walking home from your hang out on the day you were at that interview/photo shoot with your mom and alisa.
akaashi stood up from the floor and walked over to his nightstand, opening up the top drawer to pull out an envelope. it was the same envelope he has received your letter in, he had repurposed it for his own use.
in it were small slips of paper that were delicately folded. akaashi had remembered to write those love notes to you. the only problem was, the notes seemed a little too lovey-dovey.
he pulled a couple random ones out of the envelope and opened them, reading them with a small smile.
'f/n, thanks for letting me nap on you today. you're a really comfy pillow :)'
'i really love this playlist we made, i actually like the bts songs you put on here'
'thanks for coming with me to stargaze last night, please remember i'm always here for you <3'
'this may be out of pocket, but, you looked really beautiful yesterday at dinner with your parents. possibly rivaling aphrodite'
yeah...that last one definitely would've given his feelings away if you had pieced it together. akaashi actually wanted to give each of these notes to you.
in fact, he always wrote them the day before he would see you and put it in his pocket before going to pick you up for school. he would plan on giving it to you when he saw you at your house, but it never happened.
then, he would tell himself that he would give it you at lunch but it also never happened. then he would say that he would give it to you when he drops you off at home after practice but he always chickened out. so, he just put them in the envelope in which he received his letter.
he wondered if this was how you felt when you wrote your letters. this feeling of floating, butterflies in your stomach, and just overall, lovesickness.
growing up, akaashi was more reserved than he was now. when he met you on the first day of elementary school, he was a little shocked by you, to say the least. you seemed so outgoing and cheerful, akaashi was sort of drawn to you in a way. luckily for him, you were also intrigued by akaashi.
it was a perfect balance. akaashi was introverted, quiet, and he usually kept to himself. you were more extroverted, outgoing, and you had other friends besides akaashi but you were closest to him. it was the perfect yin and yang.
when middle school rolled around, akaashi went to a public middle school while your parents, despite not being there most of the time, decided to send you to a private middle school. they claimed it was for 'a better education'.
needless to say, the news didn't go over too well with you or akaashi. while you two had promised to keep in touch, you never saw each other. you never found out why and neither did akaashi. when middle school ended, akaashi had been accepted into two powerhouse schools on scholarship due to his grades and his volleyball skills.
he ended up choosing fukurodani, it was a complete surprise to him when he found out through his mom you had also got into fukurodani. he didn't expect to have a reconciliation with you, especially not in this way.
he enjoyed looking back at his memories from his childhood, they gave him a sense of serenity. and it was a nice break from thinking about his feelings. he didn't know what to do with them.
he didn't know if he should keep them locked away forever and hope they leave, if he should tell confess to you, or if he should tell anyone about them.
akaashi decided on telling someone about them, he decided to tell bokuto about them. he would have to tell him about the situation you two were in, but it would be worth if he got some form of clarity.
akaashi:
bokuto, can i ask your advice about something?
bokuto:
yeah sure
what's up dude?
akaashi:
can i call you about this? i don't really feel like typing it out
bokuto:
...yeah okay
and so, akaashi told him about his dilemma. bokuto pretended to sound shocked over the news that your relationship was fake, he was actually pretty good at faking it.
"sounds like you have a big problem there akaashi. it seems there's something more though, spill it."
"fine...i may or may not have caught feelings for her over the course of these two months and now i don't know what to do...help me."
inside, bokuto was jumping up and down. it seemed easy at this point, the both of you liked each other. it should be easy to get you two together. but, bokuto had to keep calm.
"just tell her dude, what's the worst that could happen? she rejects you?" bokuto knew there was a 0 percent chance of that happening.
"i think for the first time in my life, i'm scared of being rejected by someone bokuto-san."
this piqued bokuto's interest, he knew akaashi was scared of rejection, but not a love confession rejection.
"what do you mean by that?" he heard akaashi take a deep breath and then akaashi said something bokuto wasn't expecting...like at all.
"it sounds a little crazy, but i think, i may be falling in love with her. like...seriously..." there was silence from bokuto's side for a couple minutes. he was trying to process this newfound information. and akaashi was trying to process the fact that he had actually said that.
"...how exactly do you know that you're falling in love with her?"
"it's just...whenever i'm around her i get butterflies, i never want to let her go, i could just stare at her for hours and not get bored. and i get really excited whenever i get to see her. and i just know when this whole relationship thing is over, i'm just going to feel so empty and heartbroken."
"so what do you want to do about this akaashi?"
akaashi took a moment to think before answering bokuto.
"i don't know..."
a/n: THANK YOU FOR 3K ANS LIKE ALMOST 4K as a present, i give you these
one of them is the shared playlist that you and akaashi have and then the other one is the playlist i made for this book. for the twice songs, look at the translation it explains it. see if you can guess which songs f/n added and which songs akaashi added :))