Mia 💛
"Follow me outside" Zane's command was simple as he gathered his belongings and shoved them into his bag.
I nodded my head and followed Zane out the door.
Outside, the sky was blue and the sun shone brightly above us. In silence, we ambled towards the side of the building where there was shade and a little more privacy.
As we walked, my mind raced with every possible scenario that could happen right now.
I tried to fight back the negative thoughts that crowded my mind and instead, approach this situation with a blank slate.
Zane stopped abruptly and I looked around.
Now that we were mostly out of sight, Zane turned to me; his bruised, slightly swollen face was a painful reminder of what happened the other night.
Guilt washed over me as I stood there waiting for him to say something to me first.
The ball was in Zane's court and I felt uncomfortable as I stood there biting my lower lip with anxiety.
Zane faced me silently.
I quietly watched as his blue gaze slowly raked over my body before lifting to latch onto my brown eyes.
I let out a hard sigh and closed my eyes the moment he took a step forward and entered my personal space. It was the first time since the incident that we stood this close to one another.
We were so close, I could feel his body heat radiating off of his skin and smell his masculine body wash permeating my nose.
Being this close to him again was intoxicating and overwhelming to my senses. I wanted so badly to grab him and pull him close to me but I didn't.
Instead, I waited for Zane to make the first moves.
Watching him, I could see Zane warring with himself.
But after a few seconds, I felt as Zane reached out and placed his hands on my shoulders.
I jumped slightly from the contact.
"You're.... trembling, Mia." He stated softly as he peered down into my eyes.
The stone cold demeanor that he had before defrosted ever so slightly as he took in my frightened body language.
It was the first time I realized that I was literally shaking from fear of rejection from this man.
I didn't answer him because I didn't know what to say.
His presence affected me in ways that no other person could and I highly doubted that he realized that.
Goosebumps rose on my skin the moment Zane's hands began to slowly rub up and down my arms as if I were cold and he was trying to warm me up.
The silence between us was deafening, causing me to chew my bottom lip as I tried to think of something to say.
"You have no idea how hard it is to stay away from you." He finally stated but moreso to himself.
I cleared my throat and answered.
"What are we to each other? What's going on with us?" I asked but Zane simply shrugged his shoulders.
Immediately, my heart skipped a beat. "I don't want you to stay away from me, Zane. Give me a chance.... Give us a chance...." I trailed off after realizing how desperate I sounded; I hated sounding so pathetic.
Zane didn't say anything at first. Instead, he closed his eyes and shook his head.
"Mia- I ... I don't know....I feel..." He trailed off without finishing his thoughts.
And Instead of using his words to express what he really wanted to say, I felt Zane pull me closely into his arms.
"fuck! You make it so hard. The way you stare at me during class when you think I don't notice" Zane chuckled humorlessly then continued. "I don't want to stay away from you. But I can't keep going on like this. It's not healthy...." he trailed off.
I heard his words but couldn't comprehend them right away. Instead, I instantly melted as I naturally molded into him. The feel of his larger hard body against mine was pure ecstasy.
It had only been a few days since we held each other like this but ...
This was what I missed.
This was what I craved.
His words had me so confused. I thought we came to the conclusion to be together at the lounge. I couldn't understand his sudden switch up.
And then I thought about Tanisha....
The only positive was that I could hear so much emotions in his voice. I clung to those emotions for dear life, hoping this meant he missed me. That Tanisha really didn't matter to him.
I held my breath and waited until Zane said something else.
He didn't.
Instead, I felt as Zane pushed his body weight into mine and leaned us up against the side of the brick building before placing his head on my shoulder, sagging his large body against me.
It was as if he had so much weight on his shoulders and he was finally letting it fall off.
With his head down in silence, I began to hear soft sniffling sounds and repeated deep sighs coming from him.
Was he crying? Why?
The second I felt a single tear drop against my shoulder, my heart immediately broke as my own tears began to brim the rims of my eyes and threatened to spill over onto my cheeks.
"Zane?" My voice was filled with emotion. He didn't respond and so I continued as I lifted my hands and patted him gently on the back. "It's okay to cry; I think it makes you a stronger person." I stated as he let it all out.
After a minute or so, I could tell the tears had stopped.
On a harsh whisper, Zane spoke up.
"You have me so conflicted, Mia. You have no idea."
Why was he so conflicted? Could he not choose between me and Tanisha?
Once the words left Zane's mouth, I felt him shift his head ever so slightly until I felt the warmth of his full lips against the bare skin of my neck.
What was he doing?
Instantly, I could feel a zap of electrical current shoot straight through my body and awaken my pussy. Zane lifted his lips off of my skin.
"You're like a drug that I'm addicted too and I can't get enough...." he whispered hoarsely before trailing off and leaning back in and kissing the tender skin of my neck again.
Reflexively, I shuddered and sighed heavily as I basked in the pleasure of his touch.
I felt like this was the perfect time to speak my truth to him. The way this was going, I now felt confident that we could work this out.
My voice was low but gruff with emotion as I spoke.
"Zane, baby. The way I feel about you? I can't even begin to wrap my head around it-" I stopped briefly to mull over what I truly wanted to say before continuing to speak into Zane's ear while he peppered my neck with small light kisses. "Seeing you with Tanisha the other day... it did something to me. It broke me-" I pulled back gently from him so that I could glance into his eyes as I spoke.
Zane sighed frustratingly but loosened his hold on me to give us some space. As I peered up at him, his eyes were bloodshot with the tears he'd shed just a moment ago.
This was my opportunity to lay everything out there for him and I prayed to god that he didn't reject me.
I continued.
"Zane, I think-...I think that I'm in love-"
But before I could finish my words, Zane cut me off so abruptly, I almost stumbled backwards as he placed his hands on my lips to roughly silence me.
Zane's entire demeanor stiffened and transformed in a matter of seconds as he began to shake his head, no.
"No, Mia. Don't you dare fucking say what I think you were about to say to me." Although low, Zane's voice was slightly harsher than before. "I can't take it. Please don't say what you don't mean!" He was pleading with me.
Zane continued to shake his head lightly, almost as if he were shaking my words out of his mind.
He continued.
"I loved you, Mia. I still love you. But I'm convinced there is no way you can feel the same way about me. The way that you've strung me along for this long-" Zane took a step back as he stared at me with crazed eyes. "I fought for you over and over. Both emotionally and physically to the point that I ended up in the goddamn hospital and what do you do? You don't even have the audacity to come and see me..."
Zane lowered his head and exhaled his frustrations before looking back at me.
"You wanna know why I've been distant? I had a revelation in that hospital room. This-" Zane pointed back and forth between us as he continued. "-This thing between us shouldn't be this hard. Love shouldn't hurt both mentally or physically but for some reason with you? It does. From day one, Mia. I've always made you my priority while I was always your option! Don't get me wrong, what I said earlier is true, you're like cocaine to me and it's so hard to be around you and not want to touch you, to kiss you, to fuck you. But for my sanity, I have to take a step back from this; from us."
Zane's words hit me like a ton of bricks.
The slight hope I felt only minutes ago was completely snuffed out.
I was at a loss for words because it was true. I hadn't treated him right.
I had so many things I wanted to say but my tongue felt heavy like lead as I stood there staring at Zane.
After a long pause, I responded weakly.
"Just tell me one thing, Zane. Does Tanisha have anything to do with your confusion?"
Immediately, I saw the anguish in Zane's face as I regretted the words that just tumbled over my lips.
He just explained himself to me and yet, I was still bringing up Tanisha?
I watched as Zane face-palmed himself and dragged his hand frustratingly down his face.
"See, you don't fucking get it, do you? Look in a goddamn mirror sometime, Mia. This has nothing to do with Tanisha. She was at my house helping my back-stabbing sister pack her shit!"
Zane rubbed his eyes with frustration while I stood there watching awkwardly and speechless.
"Listen, Mia. Obviously this isn't going anywhere and I've got to go to my next class." Zane rolled his eyes.
Without waiting for me to acknowledge his words, Zane turned on the ball of his foot and began to dart away from me.
I should just give him his space.
I should just let him calm down.
I should just let him go.
But like he was implying, I was too selfish for all of that.
Reflexively, I reached out and grabbed a hold of his arm.
Immediately, he turned around and his gaze latched onto mine with anguish.
I couldn't end this conversation like this.
"Wait, please, Zane! I'm so... I'm so sorry." I stated as I fell to my knees and tears flowed down my puffed out cheeks. "I can explain. I know I royally fucked up but please give me a chance to explain." I begged him with every fiber in my being.
Zane tried to pull his arm out of my grip.
"Mia, stop. You're being embarrassing! Stand up! I've got to go."
He pulled his wrists from my hands and turned away from me again and so I blurted out my explanation.
"I was molested, Zane!" I yelled almost a little too loud.
Instantly, Zane stopped dead in his tracks.
He turned towards me with wild eyes.
I continued to speak but on a whisper.
For some reason talking about what happened with Jared brought me great shame as if I were the one to be blame for his actions.
"That night you went to the hospital because of the fight...Jared found me and molested me; he nearly raped me." I let that sink in as I continued. "I was coping with that trauma... but I'm sorry, I should've communicated that." More tears streamed down my face as I sat there on the ground pathetically.
Zane's eyes were huge as they skittered back and forth on my face while he absorbed what I'd told him.
I watched as the vein in his forehead began to tick as he balled his fists up by his side.
Zane opened his mouth to respond but nothing came out at first.
I watched as he attempted again but before he could get a word out, I heard my name being called behind Him, somewhere off in the distance.
At the sound of my name, Zane turned around while I looked behind him.
Alicia....
At first, She approached us with a smile on her face but the closer she got and took in the scene, the more her smile faded and was replaced by concern marring her face.
"Oh my gosh, Mia!" She rushed past Zane and knelt by my side.
I understood that anyone looking from the outside in would be confused as to what was going on.
Alicia grabbed my arms to help me up while speaking to Zane.
"What the fuck did you do to her?" She asked as I stood up and brushed myself off.
Zane ignored Alicia's presence as he approached me.
I turned to Alicia.
"Hey, I'm good. We'll talk later." I gave her a quick hug.
Alicia still stood there protectively with her arms crossed.
"Really, Mia? Are you sure?"
"Yes, you're interrupting us."
Alicia eyed Zane one last time before walking towards a bench that was about 50 yards away and sat down.
I rolled my eyes because she could be such a protective bulldog sometimes; especially after what happened at the lounge.
I refocused on Zane and was a little surprised how closely he lingered above me now.
For a few seconds he stood there without saying a word before leaning forward and gently placing his forehead against mine.
Zane exhaled heavily; his warm breath tickling my brows.
I gazed up at him and watched as he closed his eyes for a few seconds, absorbing everything I'd just confessed.
"I swear to God I'm going to kill him." Zane whispered for my ears only.
His words worried me. I didn't doubt that Zane meant what he said.
"You don't have to worry about him, he's in jail with no bond." I stated, trying to curb Zane's appetite for revenge.
"I-" Zane's words broke off at first. "I couldn't protect you."
I shook my head.
"No, please don't think like that. Jared played dirty and hit you with a bottle. Of course he would win."
Zane shook his head with disagreement.
"I should've played just as dirty. If something happened to you-"
Zane pulled back so that he could kiss me lightly on my forehead before pulling me into a deeper embrace. I listened while he took another deep breath as he rested his chin on top of my head.
"I'm okay, Zane. Don't worry."
"Fuck!" He let out frustrated cry. "You've got me so conflicted about us, Mia." He stated before pulling back from me although his hands still lingered on my arms.
I didn't respond to his frustration. And after a few moments, he continued.
"You know what?....I've got to go, I need to think. I need time..."
With that being said, Zane stepped completely out of my embrace and I felt an instant loss of comfort. He stood there for a brief moment checking to see if I was okay before he turned around to leave.
"Zane?" I watched him stop in his tracks and slowly look over his shoulder at the sound of his name leaving my lips.
He raised a curious brow.
In a rush of emotions and without much thinking, I blurted out what I should've told him a long time ago.
"While you're thinking about us, I need you to know that I- I love you!"
Immediately, Zane squeezed his eyes shut as if it pained him to hear those words slip from my mouth.
I continued anyway.
"I know you don't believe me, but babe. I'm willing to show you rather than tell you."
Zane stood there for a heartbeat of a second before straightening his head forward and walking away without another word.
I'll be damned if I gave up that easily.
I peered over towards Alicia who still sat on the bench and watched our interaction intently.
Once Zane got up, she strolled towards me.
"So, are you going to tell me why you were kneeling like a servant in front Zane's crotch? It looked like you were being forced to give him that "glock glock 3000!"
I rolled my eyes as I pushed her playfully.
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