3rd Person POV
Well. How can I describe the situation on Lisa's car? Let's just say that—
- WHERE THE FUCK DID THIS STRONG WIND CAME FROM?! - Lisa said as she was trying to diverte the car from the crazy amount of rocks and leaves flying around as if they were in a middle of a storm
- Jennie! - Rosé screamed. She knew who was causing this and, until she was calmer, there was a big possibility that this gale would quickly turn into a storm
The brunette was flabbergasted with the recent news Jisoo had given, so she was completely absent in what was happening in the moment, in what she was doing:
- B-but.. I'm not prepared! I still haven't mastered a very important technique! - she said and grabbed her hair - No.. no... this isn't happening. This is my only chance! I've worked my whole life just to get here! I.. I'm not ready
While Lisa was dodging everything that was in the way of her car and Jisoo was closing the windows and trying to calm down their youngest best friend, Rosé was shaking Jennie, desperately trying to get her attention:
- Jennie! Look at me! - she hopelessly screamed - We're going to get through this together!
- No you don't understand - she looked at the blonde and the grey (worry) in her eyes was so bright that it was visible through the black glasses - I can't do this.. I can't do this now, it has to be tomorrow!
Rosé looked outside and she saw the confused and worried faces of every pedestrian. They were questioning the sudden change of weather, the way it got colder and messier with leaves flying around and creating a chaotic jumble of garbage, which made most people get up and leave.
Up until that moment, only the smaller and lighter things were flying crazily around the streets, yet it wasn't alarming... at least it couldn't be compared to what happened when the brunette saved the blonde from that terrific and horrible man, right when they met. Due to that memory, Chaeyoung knew very well what Jennie was capable of and she had to stop her before anything else happened:
- Look at me please, beautiful- she pleaded in a lower voice, hoping to get Jennie's attention
As soon as the older looked at her, Rosé grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers. She brought her hand up to her lips and she kissed her knuckles in the most kind and soft way, trying to convey her feelings:
- Today is our day. I'm going to sing my heart out to my classmates and my teacher, and, before you say anything, I know that it's different. I know okay? But what happens if my voice cracks? Or what if I forget the lyrics since I'm still not so good at Korean? I know my evaluation isn't my get-in ticket to this university, however it is still very important for me, and you know that right?
- I would never diminish anything you find important to you - she assured the younger girl in a whisper
- I know, Jen, I know - she smiled - But now it's time for you to focus. I'm sure that technique of yours was very important, but you need to take the test without it. Life won't always be easy, and you know that better than anyone. If you survived up until now, why can't you just take a stupid test and get in my university so that we can have our little perfect college relationship? - Rosé asked with the most sincere smile plastered on her face and Jennie couldn't help it but to kiss her lips
The blonde closed her eyes and sighed, immediately resting her hand on Jennie's brown locks and internally smiling when her lover's hands travelled lower and lower until they reached her hips. Not only was Chaeyoung tasting heaven, but she could also feel how everything outside had established and went back to its natural state.
Little did they know that someone was watching them the whole time.
•
- Why are they looking at me like this? - Jennie asked while the four of them were strolling down the hall. The brunette was looking around the university of her dreams, the one place she dreamed of since she was 15, but wasn't it suppose to be perfect? Weren't people suppose to support each other or simply mind their own business?
- Well, these bitches are always judging anyone who doesn't have the finest and richest clothes - Lisa stated while looking at the spoiled brats with disgust - Secondly, some of them are xenophobic and last, but certainly not least, you're new. And being new means two things: either you're an easy target or you're a threat to them
Jennie looked at Rosé, who was walking beside her, somehow unaware of the mockery:
- Is this what you talked about? All this.. repulsive behavior?
- Yeah, but this is as easy as it gets. At least they're not bumping into you - the blonde shrugged and stopped right in front of the principal's office - Okay, this is your stop Jennie
The brunette looked at the door and a wave of inferiority passed through her body, which Rosé clearly noticed. The taller girl put her hands on her shoulders and made her look at her:
- You got this, okay? - she assured her with the most soft voice. She cupped her cheek and ran her thumb through her soft skin - I believe in you, I know what you're capable of
- Yeah Jen, you got this kiddo - Jisoo bumped her hip with her and she gasped
- I'm only one year older than you! - they laughed and Lisa hugged tightly the older girl
- You got this - Jennie returned the hug and finally, she looked again at the blonde girl
They shared intimate and sentimental looks. They knew that if Jennie got in, it would take them a step closer to conquer what deep down they both desired: a relationship. A relationship where they would officially be girlfriend and girlfriend, where they could declare their feelings without having the fear of not being reciprocated, where they could freely taste each other's lips and feel each other's bodies with the assurance that they belonged to each other. Where they could finally admit the love that they feel.. or at least that was what Chaeyoung hoped. That Jennie loved her back, because for Rosé, the brunette was everything to her.
However, if Jennie didn't succeed to enter the university, both knew that it could be the end for them. Not because they didn't like each other, but because they would simply drift apart. Rosé would continue her studies and Jennie would try her best to be admitted, but they both knew that the brunette would forever blame herself and, looking at Rosé, would be a reminder of a lost opportunity:
- Don't overthink - Chaeyoung said, not entirely sure if it was for Jennie or for herself. The blonde wasn't sure on how to act, because what she most desired was to kiss the hell out of the girl in front of her
Surprisingly, Jennie stepped forward and tip toed her way to Chaeyoung's cheek, giving it a delicate kiss:
- I will pass this test and I'll come home to you, so I can kiss those plump lips of yours - she whispered and Rosé blushed
Jisoo's phone vibrated and she read the message:
- It's time Jendeukie - she nodded and knocked two times on the door
The three girls watched as Jisoo's father opened the door and looked surprisingly happy and not authoritative:
- Is your dad on drugs? - Lisa asked in a whisper and Jisoo elbowed her while Rosé only chuckled
After a brief conversation, Jennie entered the room without sparing a last glance to her friends. As soon as the door closed, the ball rang and Chaeyoung's anxiety kicked in:
- God.. only one class to go and then..
Suddenly, the tallest girl of Lisa's and Rosé's class appeared behind the girls and scared them:
- Boo! - she giggled and the others jumped, slightly frightened
- Jesus Christ! - Jisoo put her hand on her chest - You— wow! I'm going to class before someone arrests me for decapitating this bitch!
The black haired girl went to her class and Yuna looked at the girls:
- Shall we go to English class?
•
Chaeyoung POV
I couldn't pay attention. Not only was I dying of anxiety because of my evaluation, but I was also worried sick for Jennie:
- Come on babe, you've been preparing forever for this for the past months - Lisa patted my back and I rested my head on my hands, which were on the table
- Yeah Chae, we will rock this - Yuna assured me and I closed my eyes, trying my best to hear our teacher's voice, Miss Lee Hi, one of the few that I liked
As the class continued, my sleepless night started to catch up to me and I slowly started to drift off...
RING RING
I flinched with the loud bell sound and, for a few seconds, I legitimately thought I had fell asleep on my kitchens table and my stupid IPhone alarm went off. But as soon I glanced around and realized a bunch of my classmates were leaving with their backpacks on and I was the only one still sitting (on top of my books which had saliva—), I almost had a heart attack.
A pair of lips kissed the top of my head and for a few moments due to my most recent nap and state of trance, I could've swore that it was Jennie:
- Girl, Miss Lee wants to talk to you.. good luck - Lisa gave me a sympathetic look and Yuna approached me
- I'll wait for you - I saw her leaving the classroom and seating on a nearby bench
I groaned and I felt shame on every single cell of my body. How did I let myself fall asleep in the middle of the class?!?
I eyed the teacher. Miss Lee Hi was a very beautiful women who had long brown hair and hazel eyes. She was around her 20's so she was extremely new for someone who was teaching young adults, however the small age difference didn't seem to bother her, not even the whistling or the 'compliments' she received from the students. But what I admired the most was her patience and kindness to everybody.
But one thing was certain: everyone knew that she had her limits.
I got up and packed my things, because not even the possibility of getting detention was keeping me away from Jennie. What I wanted the most was to get this conversation over with to go see her.
I walked slowly to Miss Lee's desk, eyes on the ground since I couldn't bear to look at the teacher:
- Miss Park.. you don't strike me as a sleepy person, especially not during class
- I'm r-really sorry ma'am - I curved my body - I know there isn't any excuse for what I di—
- Isn't today your really important singing evaluation? - she asked, which made me straighten my posture and look at her
- Y-yes
She got up and approached me, a small smile appearing on her face:
- It's okay, I guess you were too nervous to have a good night of sleep and well.. I do have to admit that grammar is very boring so - she pointed at the board, which showed a PowerPoint of English grammar
I did not expect this reaction
- You should get going, Chaeyoung - she returned to her seat and gestured to the door - I don't want to steal your last few minutes of preparation
I didn't think twice and I headed for the door, not without mumbling a 'thank you' on my way out:
- I was not expecting that - Yuna got up quickly as I grabbed her hand and push her down the hall - Hey! Calm down! Where are we going!
- We're going to see.. a friend of mine! - I said the very first thing that came to mind
- And doesn't that friend have a name?
I rolled my eyes, a mix of emotions going through my body as we took hurried steps to the principal's office. As we reached it, I saw Lisa and Jisoo leaning on a wall while they chatted:
- It's not over yet?!? - I asked impatiently, which alarmed my friends
- Woah, calm down Chaeyoungie - the oldest said - We know that you wanna see your girl, but you have more important things to worry about
They're right. Fuck. I need to calm down or else I'll choke on my evaluation.
Yuna looked at me with wide eyes:
- Not to pry or anything, but last time I checked, you were into Chanyeol? And now suddenly you have a girlfriend? As in, a female
- Is that a problem? - Lisa asked with a frown on her face
Yuna raised her arms and shook her head:
- Not at all! It's just.. I'm surprised that's all
I looked at the youngest and ran my hand through her arm:
- I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but it's new for me too. It's been a roller coaster of emotions and actions and I'm a little lost in all of this, you know? - I admitted obviously omitting the supernatural side of things - Plus, as you mentioned, my lover is a she, and we all know how things can go when the word spreads
Yuna approached me and gave me a quick, yet strong hug:
- It's okay Chae, I'm here for you! Oh, and I support your relationship with this girl, but I still have to know her tho. Don't want you dating with a bitch
- Oh, she's certainly not a bitch and we're not dating - I scratched the back of my neck with the sudden realization that it was indeed stupid not being labeled after all this time - We're.. getting there.. hopefully
Suddenly, the bell rang and I swear to god that I could literally throw up. I wanted to enter this stupid principal's office, grab Jennie's hand, get on a plane and fly all the way to Hawaii. No one would look for us and it would be just me and her on a beautiful island, having the time of our lives:
- Earth to Chaeyoung - Lisa snapped her fingers, waking me from my unrealistic dream - It's time
I looked at all of them and finally at Yuna:
- Show time
•
- Omar Young! - my teacher called out and one of my classmates got up and went to the front
My hands were sweaty and I gulped, realizing that I was up next.
Ugh, why the hell didn't I eat my sandwich before this class?!? I feel like I could pass out at any moment, not because of my anxiety, but because of starvation!
I let the sound of the calm piano soothe me and I closed my eyes, trying to recall Jennie's words after I sang to her.
I loved the song
You sang it beautifully
I've never heard such an angelic voice
I don't need anymore music from the radio or from any singer, as long as I have you by my side, singing to me everyday
I felt every word, every melody, every emotion
Is this what heaven feels like?
Did it hurt? When you fell from the sky?
Sing it to me again
Your Korean is getting so much better! I'm so proud of you
Again please? If you sing it again I promise I'll cuddle with you!
- Park Chaeyoung! - I heard my name and I rapidly opened my eyes - You're up!
I took a deep breath and touched my bracelet, the one my mom gave me when her and dad split up. It meant everything to me, it reminded me that I could do anything I dreamed off and, even if I failed, my mom would always be there to support me and give me the strength that I lost in the process.
I looked at my audience. 29 people looking at me, waiting for some kind of melody or words to come out of my mouth, however I knew what they truly wanted. My classmates were literal vultures, waiting patiently for me to commit an error to attack on my most vulnerable moment. The only difference is that vultures want you dead because you're they're dinner, while my colleagues want to attack you because they enjoy doing so. But I wasn't about to give them that satisfaction.
I took a deep breath and closed my eyes, opening my mouth as soon as the music started.
(I'll put now the lyrics in English so you guys can understand the music, but she's singing it in Korean)
Why is it so hard for you
To properly
See me trying
I get shocked to see
How much I get hurt because of you
My days are a struggle
Even my dreams are painful
If it was you
How would it be
If these crazy days became yours
If you break down as much as me
Will you know?
All the pain that fills me
To the point where my heart is about to explode
How much I want you
If it was you
I would just love me
Jennie and I were cuddling on her bed. My arm was over her belly and my head was buried in her neck, while she had one arm under my head and the other also resting on her belly, our fingers intertwined. She had been helping me with my Korean on the song, and now we were laying on her bed just relaxing, without discussing about our position or the fact that we were certainly not acting like friends. However, it was peaceful, because both of us knew that we would disturb the silence by these answerless questions and random possibilities, so maybe, just maybe, staying in silence was the best option:
- Rosie?
- Yeah? - I whispered on her neck, sending a shiver down her spine
- Can I ask you something?
- Sure - I was too tired to feel anxious or nervous about her question, so I closed my eyes, hoping that I could savor this moment for a while
- The song.. If It's you
- What about it?
- I know that you're really good and that your dream is to become a singer, so you really need to pour your heart and soul while you're singing. But.. something is telling me that it's not just that
- What do you mean?
- I think that.. you're expressing yourself so much because.. something similar happened to you - I opened my eyes and memories came flooding back. I was starting to feel nauseous, but I didn't move a muscle - Look, the first time you sang me the song, you ended it crying and you hadn't even noticed it!
Since I didn't answer, Jennie sighed and I could feel the regret and shame of asking me that question filling her body:
- I'm sorry, I shouldn't—
- Her name was Suzy, Suzy Bae
My heart is endlessly down in the ground
I'm afraid of
Everything that
They say you'll be happen when you fall in love
Who said that?
Because I only know a love
That's looks at you from behind
If it was you
How would it be
If these crazy days became yours?
- You don't need to talk about it if you don't want to
- It's okay - I sat up and rested my body on her headboard, tilting my head to her window - We never kissed or were in a relationship, but it was one of the realest and deepest things I've ever felt
- I thought that you thought you were straight before meeting me - I cracked a smile and hit her arm as she laughed, her eyes painted in yellow (happiness)
- Well I guess I never labeled myself, I just wanted to love somebody who loved me back. That person being a guy or a girl - she nodded and I petted Kuma, who had previously jumped on top of me
- Okay, so I guess you're pansexual?
- Hm, I think I'm bisexual, I do not imagine myself dating with all types of people, I have my preferences - I bit my lip and sighed - But well, I was 14 years old and I was this timid and shy girl with short hair, definitely not blonde, and with a terrible choice of clothes. Not too different from now, at least in terms of personality
- Not to interrupt, but you're literally the most gorgeous person I've ever laid my eyes on, and I totally dig your fashion, specially those crop tops that highlight your thin waist, or those tight pants that gives me an breathtaking view to that beautiful butt of yours
I looked at Jennie super flustered, cheeks burning up and eyes wide open. The brunette smiled wickedly and I gulped:
- Uhm... T-thank you.. but you're prettier than me--
Jennie approached me quickly and kissed my painted in red cheeks, making me abruptly stop talking:
- Shh.. you're too hot to handle
Damn.. this girl knows how to shut me up.
If you break down as much as me
Will you know?
All the pain that fills me
To the point where my heart is about to explode
How much I want you
If it was you
I would just love me
I know you already answered me
I know the meaning of an answerless answer
But I pretend not to know
And I'm lingering
- Suzy was one of my classmates. She was kind of a bitch to the ones she thought were less of a person than her, like the ones who dressed simple clothes - Jennie furrowed her brows - And I knew she was a bad person, but as time passed and I started to get to know her, I realized it was just a façade. She was the sweetest when we were alone, she treated me like I was her everything and she was so pretty
I let the happy yet hurtful memories flood my mind and I sighed. I entered a dreamy state and let a small smile appear on my lips:
- I remembered the first time I slept in her house. She had this big and super comfortable king sized bed, so we had to sleep together. Before that night, I had never thought about her in any other way because she was that type of girl that you assume is totally straight
- Those girls who wear skirts and crop tops, with those long pink nails and think they're superior? - I chuckled
- We need to stop thinking that women with short or shaved hair, who dress simple clothes are part of the lgbt community, or that those kind of girls that you described are heterosexual - I stated and Jennie nodded, mumbling an 'I'm sorry' - But she had a girly style, but never those pink stuff or those big nails. As I was saying, when I stayed over at her place, she was so freaking clingy! And when we were about to fall asleep, she threw my pillow away, gave me hers and made me stretch my arm so she could lay her head on it
- That's.. weird? - I chuckled and I glanced at her
- I guess it is, but due to that moment, to her sweetness and her craving for my cuddles at night, I started to have feelings for her
Do you know how I'm doing these days?
I can't even fall asleep
I can't even swallow anything
Do you know I'm becoming
More ruined as I look at you? I feel like dying
I feel like dying
- But something tells me that didn't end up well.. - I felt Jennie's fingers intertwining with mine and I sighed
- We continued acting like this for almost 2 years. She didn't act like that at school, at least not when all of this started. She continued to have that 'mean girl' vibe, and that pissed me off, but when we were at her house, everything changed. Cuddling with her was what I needed the most in my life - I admitted and I looked at Jennie, which surprisingly didn't seem jealous, only sympathetic - When we were 14/15 she started to act so clingy with me at school! It was probably one of the few times that I was actually happy to have lunch breaks. And there was one time that we almost kissed at her house, but her mom knocked at the door, so whatever could've happen, didn't
- But.. that seemed like it was going well.. - the brunet's eyes started to become red (anger) and, although I was sad with this painful memory, I could not keep a smile out of my lips upon her fierce need to protect me - What did she do to you?
- Well, I guess she realized slowly what was happening and she started to have a tiny crush on one of my male best friends back then. I wasn't stupid, I knew she felt something for me, but between me, a nerd girl who loved music, and my best friend, a guy who played tennis, the choice wasn't very hard. Nothing actually happened between them because he didn't like her back, but she actually apologized to me for spending so much time with him and that she was actually happier when we were together
- That.. bitch! - Jennie exclaimed in an angry tone and a few objects of her room vibrated slightly. I ran my thumb through the back of her hand and gave her a week smile
- I confessed to her through texts. It was so strange because I didn't send her this big ass text, I started to ask her a few questions to be 100% sure that she liked me back
- Like what?
- Like 'Seeing me with other girls makes you jealous?' 'Do you feel more for me than for others?' 'Am I special to you?'
- And did she say yes?
- Yes! - I said a little louder since that frustrated me - Suzy said she felt all of those things, but when I said I liked her, she told me she only liked me as a friend? Like..? Did I imagine everything? Or did she actually liked me back, but she was too afraid to come out of the closet?
- I won't say this because I know you or I like you, I'm saying this based on the story that you told me about - I nodded - I do think she liked you too, but since she was trying so hard to act straight, she told you no
I shrugged and took a deep breath:
- Nevertheless, she didn't tell anyone that I liked girls and she didn' t treat me like some kind of freak, the only thing that changed was how close we were
- You don't talk anymore?
- Sometimes, but the last time I heard about her, she started dating with a guy for like 3 weeks, but they had 0 chemistry so.. they broke up
- Do you think she's struggling with the idea of being bisexual? Or gay?
- I think she's bi, but that's not important anymore - I approached her and hid my head on her neck. She laid us down and started to caress my back, leaving soft kissed on my head - Until I met you, I was trying so hard to forget about something that happened almost 3 years ago, I was trying to find someone else to distract me of the fact that after all those years, I still couldn't let her go
- And knowing that she probably hasn't moved on from that as well, makes you question if you guys could ever be together. After everything she made you go through, you still want her
I didn't answer for quite some time, thinking about Suzy and Jennie, how each one of the made me feel like the most important person in the world. I slowly took my head out of her neck and pressed a soft kiss to Jennie's lips, which made her blush:
- Since I met you, Suzy is long forgotten. You're all that I need Jen
She smiled and brushed our noses together:
- But there's still one final phase that you have to go through in order to forgive her - I looked at her confused - You need to sing that song on Friday and imagine that you're singing it to her, but instead of wanting her back, you will tell her that it's time to finally move on
Even though there's no way you'll come to me
Even though I know you're looking for someone else
I don't think
I can let you go
I ended the song and everyone started clapping, even whistling and screaming, but I pushed all of those things aside and I remained my eyes closed. I pictured Suzy on my head and after a deep breath, I mumbled:
- I will finally let you go
When I opened my eyes, everyone was giving me big thumbs up (minus those cocky rich students) and my teacher was still shocked with my vocals. I bend my body to thank everyone and as I looked up again, my eyes met a tiny and beautiful girl leaning on the door. Even though her eyes were covered with a pair of sunglasses, the tears running down her cheeks were noticeable. I cracked a smile and I let one singe drop of water fall to the ground:
- Because now I have found someone new - I mumbled again while looking at Jennie and my teacher interrupted our staring competition with a small pat in the back
- Well done Chaeyoung, I am proud to say that was one of the most powerful performances I've seen in my 20 years of teaching - I widened my eyes in surprise, but bended my body down again thanking him repeatedly
The bell rang and I went to my seat to quickly to pack everything, receiving some compliments and pats in the back in the process:
- I'll tell you your grades on Monday! - my teacher yelled and I felt two arms sneaking around my waist, so I turned behind quickly, ready to push the person away
- Hey - Jennie said softly, and I blushed, quickly looking around to see if there was anyone else on the classroom, but there was only Yuna and the teacher, who were talking to each other - I'm so proud of you
I smiled widely, but quickly remembered about her test, which she noticed it upon seeing my face expressions changing:
- Tell me tell me tell me! - I smacked her arm repeatedly and she laughed
- Well, I drew 4 things he asked me and in the end, I had to explain a little more about myself
- What did you say?
- Of course I omitted half of it, but I told him that my parents abandoned me when I was 15 and I'm living in the upper part of the same bar I work for to try to pay for this university
- And...?
- And... - she stopped talking and I swear to god I was this close to beat the crap out of her if she didn't continue
- JENNIE KIM, I SWEAR TO GO--
- Park Chaeyoung - she took out of her pocket the accepted admission paper and before I could even react, she asked - Do you give me the honor of becoming my girlfriend?