The day was half over and the wind was not letting up. They tried to relax as the branch continued to hit the window as if on a loop to bang again and again. They lay on the soft and freshly made bed in each other arms.
Alex was drained even though it was a wasted day and all they did was sit in the tub and wash each other. All she wanted to do was go back to bed and relax. Azriel being the protective and understanding male that he is decided that she need him. In all reality, he was the one who needs her. He needs to be touching her so that his mind would finally catch up to reality and understand that she was okay and nothing was going to happen to her.
Even though she was in pain and everything they were doing was for her, Az couldn't help but feel she was the one comforting him. His head lay below her chest but not fully on her stomach. Both his arms were encased around her middle, his right arm becoming numb with time. Alex was leaning against a couple of pillows and had her one hand scratching Azriel's scalp while the other rested on his back.
Time flew by quickly and both of them remained in the same position. The only thing that changed was that Azriel's leg was now on top of Alex's, entwined between her two. The much-needed rest that Alex needed was granted.
Azriel loved when they just laid with each other not needing to say anything but showing that they were there for each other if need be. When the sun was starting to set, Alex began to talk about miscellaneous things. Az enjoyed this as well, but only gave the occasional grunt and nod when it was needed. Never really speaking but only listening.
He was sucking up everything she said as if it were the last thing she would ever say. This morning had been a scare for him, he didn't want to feel like that ever again.
"You've been quiet? Are you alright?" Alex asked pausing scratching the top of his head when she said the words. She seemed to have lightened her words when asking if he was ok. Even though they just found each other they have been through a lot and one knew when the other was have a tough time.
"Yeah, I'm just reminiscing," Azriel said not even acknowledging Alex as he started to rub his hand from the side of her waist to her belly button.
"I can feel it you know. Talk to me," She leaned over making her head parallel with his forehead, and kissed him. She whispered the words, making her breath touch his skin.
Azriel paused all movement even his own breath as he thought of what to say. He had never been connected to someone like this, besides Rhys but it was never a two-way street. He just came into Azriel's mind whenever he felt like it but Azriel could never do the same unless invited.
"I was just thinking about this morning." He hesitant admitted. He was scared that she would see him differently because he was terrified to lose her, to lose his love, his mate.
"I know. I'm sorry for making such a mess and scaring you." She calmly stated making sure to keep eye contact with him. She wanted to see everything that progressed in his eyes. She wanted to make sure to say the right things.
Az had been through a lot and was fragile at some times. He was always strong around everyone but Alex was the one person that he did not need to be the one with everything on his shoulders. With Alex, he could finally relax and enjoy his life.
He was silent for a long while, he started to rub her midsection again and adjusted his leg between hers. Azriel was a man of few words but when he wanted people to know something he did not shy away. Alex knew, through the bond, what Azriel was feeling but he felt that he needed to say it.
"When...When I woke up.." he choked, not wanting to relive one of the most horrid things he has ever experienced. Azriel was a spymaster, he went into camps for information. He had fought against the worse and lost brothers upon brothers yet nothing hurt so much as the possibility of Alex being injured. Nothing was so sickening as the feeling he had this morning.
"It's okay, I'm here. I'm right here." Alex slides down from the pillow she was leaning on so that she was flush with the mattress and Azriel was flush with her.
"I didn't know what happened. I didn't know what to do. I smelled the blood and....and so many horrible things came to mind. I had to pause before I turned, I couldn't even look at you. For fear that you were injured or worse. I couldn't...I couldn't..." A single tear fell from his eye as she struggles to get the words out. Alex felt the warm drop and immediately slid down even more until they were face to face. Azriel was no longer on her chest but looking at her directly in the eyes.
"You know I would never let anything happen to me...happen to us." Trying to persuade Azriel that she was okay and nothing was going to hurt her. "You don't have to be scared all the time, it's over. The war is over. You have me, all of me. And I am never letting go."
By the time Alex finished, Az had multiple tears streaming down his face all at once. He struggled to talk but when he finally did, it came out broken, "If anything happened to you...while...while I was sleeping right next to you...I could never forgive myself." Az, with his arms around her waist, pulled her closer and rested his head on her neck.
Alex tries to reassure him but before she could he whales, "I was so scared. It would have been all my fault. I would be lost without you. I don't know if I could live without you. You are my everything and If I lose you I lose everything."
Azriel was now sobbing into her chest and staining her shirt with his tears. Alex was also crying, she knew that Azriel was sensitive and guilt-ridden but she had no idea he would react this way. All Alex wanted to do was hold him close and make sure he never doubted himself again.
If anything were to happen to her and he was right next to her, he would wake immediately and put his life on the line for her without even a second thought and she would do the same. Of course, he wouldn't let her but she would try.
"It's okay, It's alright. I'm fine. Nothing happened, it's just some silly period crap." Alex trying to joke as tears treaded down her face. She had to be strong for Azriel and reassure him that everything was okay.
"I just...I panic and thought the worse. I know I shouldn't have. And I'm sorry for overreacting, I shouldn't have woke you up like that and scared you. I'm sorry." Azriel said with his guilt consuming his features, his hands now enclosed around his face. He wiped the tears away and looked at Alex. She was perfect for him. She fit his body perfectly and she always knew the right things to say to him.
Alex held onto him and made sure he heard every word, "Azriel you are the most loving man I could ever ask for. You are so amazing. You never have to apologize for anything. You acted in the right, it is better to overreacting than to not react at all. Thank you for being so protective of me, I've never had someone love me the way you do." It was true, Alex grew up poor and with many brothers and sisters. They always had to look out for themselves and her mother never took good enough care of them. Azriel was everything that Alex needed and was everything she never experienced.
The day seemed slow to end, Azriel and Alexandra were still tangled up in each other. They went through many positions before settling with the first one but in opposite positions. It was time for Azriel to comfort Alex, Alex had her head on his chest right where his heartbeat fast and loud and she wrapped her hands around his solid torso.
Alex was still bleeding and it was impossible to get the scent from Azriel's nose. He tried everything from sniffing Alex's hair every few minutes to trying to smell something so bad it would shut down his sense of smell completely. None worked but he continued to smell her hair very often, she soon fell asleep in his arms. Only moving once or twice and switch directions. Some time into her sleep she groaned as if she was in pain and Azriel kissed her head and squeezed her tighter, never wanting to let her go.
Azriel admitted to Alex that he was scared, beyond terrified when he had woken up. But what he never really said to full scope was that he thought he had failed her. When he woke up he thought the worst: that she was dead. He was right next to her, how could someone have killed her? The second thought was that he was a failure, he failed her miserably. Azriel had brought Alexandra into this Fae world and he couldn't even protect her. He was the shadowsinger and feared but many but yet he always found a way to blame himself and put himself down. Azriel knew no other things to do, he was told he was a failure and made fun of throughout his childhood and to him, somethings never change. He was wrong of course.