We were in the living room and all I could do is stare.
"You gonna yell at me or are you going to stand there." He asked innocently, I scoffed at him.
"I have so many things to say to you right now- I dont even know where to begin."
He didn't reply and I sighed.
"First. What the hell was that the other morning. You tried to kiss me. And I want to know why."
"It seemed like a good thing to do at the time."
"Ok at the time, but did you even think about the conflict that would put us through? Even if I wanted to be with you- which I dont, so dont even. But even if I wanted you, our covens would never allow it. My family wants me gone as it is, and your father wants to gone too. If they find out that we are anything more than just acquaintances they could try and kill each other."
"Yes, Rae, I know. I grew up learning these rules too."
"Well clearly you dont know, Kai! Otherwise I wouldnt be having to explain it to you! I know you dont care about your family, but I care about mine. And if they were to somehow fall because of us... Do you have any idea the strain that would put me through?"
No response. I didn't wait for one either.
"Another thing. Liz. What the hell? Now I'm not saying I necessarily like being nice to them but I honestly wanted to help. I want to be apart of them and I wouldve been able to prove myself to them that I was capable if you didnt rip me away! Which leads me to another part. You took me, made me follow and obey you until the ending of the merge. How the hell do you think I feel about that?"
"Obviously not happy." He said bluntly.
"Would you like me to go on?"
"Yes." He said without a hesitation, that threw me off and I leaned back crossing my arms.
"What?"
"I said yes. Keep going."
"W- why?"
"Because I want to know why your upset at me." He mumbled, I ignored his sincere and kept rambling.
"First things first. Do you know how much blood you guys spilled? And with me sitting so close? If I wasnt so worried about what wouldve happened I wouldve fainted! Next, you were talking to Jo about how much you hated seeing the eclipse everyday. Dont you think I did too? Me helping you, you helping me, we were supposed to get out of there alive, unharmed, and separated. You the leader of your stupid coven and me gone!"
"It is not my fault they tricked me!"
"Your right, it's not! But I had every single ounce of hope you had- if not more that that merge would work! Then it failed, your family locked you up in your permanent penalty box and my family put me in mine. When I agreed to help everyone fear you I did it because of what I'd get in return! Not because I wanted to help you!"
"You dont think I know that? You dont think I knew that you just wanted to get out? I know you didnt like or want the responsibility to run your coven! We all knew you were first in line, and you feared it. And when you told me not even half of that I wanted to help you because I know what it feels like to have to do something- or be something you dont want to be!"
I was speechless for a moment, then moved onto the next topic. "And then you let Luke merge with you?"
"Well what was I supposed to do? I merged with someone didnt I? Just like I needed to, now I'm where I wanna be and Luke is dead!"
"Just because I never like the boy doesnt mean he deserved to die."
"What is this sudden attitude about?"
"You! You get me so upset, I dont know what to do with myself! I know you dont care about what I say or how much I yell at you because I know you wont listen!" He stepped closer to me again, shortening the distance between us.
"Then make me listen." He whispered.
"Why. So then I frustrate myself because you arent really listening? Or because you dont care." He stared at me like my words finally offended him.
But he still never said anything. In fact he started to move away from me. "Where the hell are you off to?"
"Well I'm assuming your done yelling at me so I'm leaving."
"What? Why?"
"Because there is nothing else to be said!"
"Then yell at me!"
"You want me to yell at you?" I nodded my head. "Why."
"Because I dont want you to go." He stared at me for a moment, seeing as my anger formed into tears unnaturally. But he never spoke a word about it.
Instead he walked up to me and slammed his arms around me. Even though I basically asked for it, my first instinct was to push him away.
Especially because it was him. And the reason of me not liking physical contact. But when he held me, it felt natural and safe. So I didn't fight it.
I nestled into him, feeling his warmth and taking it in.
I dont know how long we stood there for, but I felt his grip loosen slowly and then he finally unwrapped his arms from around me. I wanted to tell him to put his arms around me again. That I liked him being here with me and that when he touched me he made everything ok again. But I couldn't.
He brought his warm hand up and laid it on my cheek, then put a small amount of pressure on it to make me look up. When my eyes met his he didnt have any reaction. Usually he would smile or wink or something. But this time there was nothing. He brought himself into me again and kissed my forehead. His lips were super soft.
"Maybe I should take you to the Salvatores." He said, the name stuck out in my head from when my father taught me about Stefan Salvatore the ripper when I was younger, but I didn't know them.
"I dont know them. Plus, why would you want to send me off to a ripper and his insane brother?" He looked down at me, this time there was a smile on his face.
"Your right. You know you what you should do? You should, like, never leave my side then. Because this is ripper country... and if your not careful," He quickly spun me around so my back was up against his chest, he held my wrists down by my waist. "You might get bit." He whispered the words into my hair, then proceeded to kiss my neck instead of biting me.
I moved away after a moment of enjoying his lips on my skin, but I didnt want to punish him, and he knew he wouldn't get one. I face him again and he still hand his fingers around my wrists.
"What are you not telling me."
"The people you are trying so desperately to fit in with, those are the Salvatores and their friends."
"Oh." He giggled at my shock but I didnt spend too much time on the topic. "Still, how are you going to get me there? I'm not walking across town to get there and I'm not teleporting myself over there."
"I have my own magic." He smiled.
"Not a lot. You used almost all of it up during the merge, dont waste what you have left on getting me someplace I'm not wanted. It's not worth it." He leaned into me again, whenever the time was right it seemed like he always had enough room to get closer to me.
"Anything to do with you is worth it." He said softly.
"Then let me stay."
"Why?"
"Because I'd probably sleep on their couch anyway, and I like yours better. So I'm staying."
"Fine." He giggled, then let me go and walked away into his back room.
"Hey Kai," I called out before I laid down. He peaked around the corner.
"Yeah?"
"I still hate you." I said in a serious tone.
"I know." He said every so casually, then went around the corner again. "Let's see how long that lasts." I heard him whisper to himself.
"Game on." I whispered back, then laid down and nearly passed out immediately.
***
My nights rest didnt seem long enough. But I immediately got up and walked into the kitchen, following the smell of eggs. I walked in feeling like it was a hallucination, I smiled at the sight of him flipping the eggs on the pan.
"You look happy." He said looking down on me, I nodded and unconsciously leaned up and kissed his cheek.
When I pulled away he glared at me, and the realization hit me as to what I just did. "Did you just-" He said smiling at me.
"Shut up." I yelled at him. "I didnt mean to." I practically whispered, he raised his eyebrows at me.
"You didn't mean to? Because I wont complain if you do it again."
"Yeah well I will! So just forget I did anything. Please."
"Fine. I'll teleport us to the Salvatores, I need to drop off a letter anyway."
"Whatever." I grumbled as he grabbed my arms and took us there.
When we got there, balloons were everywhere. It looked like it was someone's birthday, but there was absolutely no celebration.
When we walked in he gasped with excitement. "Hello!" He called out with pure joy, I grumbled with his enthusiasm.
"Wow. I forgot how massive this place was." He said with a smile as we rounded the corner, my eyes laid in the cupcake stand in the corner.
"Hu," he gasped. "Ah yum cupcakes." He slurred, I was thinking the same thing.
"Hey! By the way. I'm gonna have to ask you to do me a favor. Jo, you need to hand off this letter to her."
"Why would we help you Kai?" Elena asked leaning up against the counter, giving him a judgmental look that seemed to tick me off.
"Well, in case you havent figured it out by now. I'm a sociopath, I know, shocker. But I like being a sociopath, you know. I'm not burden ny things like guilt... or love." He looked back at me at the last part, and I couldn't help but notice how I was almost the same.
Not a lot affects me, I do feel guilt and love but not on the same way I should. When Liz started to gasp for air, I felt guilty along with Jo holding her dead brother in her arms. I did feel guilt then, and over time I'm slowly starting to feel guilty from what I did in 1994. And love.
I've always loved the things that remind me of how young I used to be, now I'm just a 40 year old soul in a 22 year old body. I felt like I've lived so long without even living at all.
Then Kai started to ramble again, sucking me out of my thoughts. "Then this merged happened with me and my brother Luke, and I won. Which us great because now I absorbed the ability to do magic, but now I cant stop thinking about how he died." He murmured, sounding genuinely upset about it.
"Anywho. I cant help but feel bad about it, so I googled how to deal with emotional pain, and it said if you write everything down in a letter then burn it you'll be healed. So I started writing." He paused for a moment to recollect himself. "And this water literally started pooling in my eyes- has that ever happened to you? Like water just, just oozing out of my eyes like I'm some alien creature excreting fluids." He groaned, I couldn't help but laugh.
"So you cried?" I asked hysterically and he snapped his head my way.
"Oh like your one to talk." He shot back, I rolled my eyes and I heard a very faint snicker from Elena. Damon caught it and elbowed her, showing her that it wasnt ok to laugh.
"But yes, I cried. And after that was done I burned the letter, and the feelings- whoop, still there." He smiled unhappily. "I just need her to know that I'm sorry, and I need you guys to have some trust in me. I mean lets face it guys, Elena you out of all people know that there is some good in me."
I so badly wanted to tell him that I knew there was good in him, I'd seen it before.
"You did it with Damon." He pointed out cockily.
"Ook we are done here." Damon announced impatiently.
"Actually- what if theres something we can do in exchange." Elena hinted, I saw Kai smile, seeing his redemption start while I saw what seemed to be a trick. Perhaps I was wrong. But I didnt trust her.
Kai stood up and nodded eagerly, I shook my head and I could see that Damon seemed to be on my side. Even if Elena wasnt the one he didnt trust, we didnt want what was going to happen.
But I also had a feeling that wouldnt last long.