Instead of giving up on my path of woven worlds, I chose to place my truth upon my notebook and talk myself into starting a new story. Never forgetting the old but moving on to something better. I still had a few more stories to rewrite and I couldn't give up just because of a story I didn't write... I owed it to Daniel, those lost souls and myself to keep moving forward, and to May reminding me not all is lost, you can always begin again.
Once strong and new.
Destructible I was not.
Time wears thin, emotional storms rage, yet I still stand.
Under the surface behind closed walls
I slowly crumble.
Hoping for all hope to be renewed before another storm hits.
I can no longer hide as I fall to the earth in a heap of stories,
not quite shattered but a pile all the same.
Sitting there with my insides exposed for all to judge.
Shaking their heads in disbelief at the mess I'd become.
My head fogs as my chest burns.
All I want to do is scream...
DON'T IDENTIFY ME!
I am not one to be labeled, because I am so much more.
Then the Fog rolls in,
Protecting me from all the worry.
Masking my feeling of defeat.
With a smile and a shrug of the shoulders.
Why would anything be wrong, I say...
I patch up the cracks
Carefully balancing the pieces
As the Fog holds strong.
Making my once crumbled defeat
Look as if I was once again renewed.
Behind the surface, I still crumble
Just waiting for another storm.
But for the moment I am unstoppable.
I can feel the power numb my worried mind.
Allowing me to wake to another beautiful day.
The Fog is my safety. It is my anchor to my own made-up realities. But I am slowly pushing it away because the truth of it all is, I don't need protection, what I need is to step up and allow myself to scream to the world who I truly am. Nevertheless, the power the cover gives me never lasts and once again I am left weak, if not weaker than before. The energy I feel when my emotions are locked away from my heart only last until they once again break free. Overwhelming me, leaving me worn, as I allow all that was hidden to come back and attack my mind all at once. Causing my heart to race and my breath to leave my lungs fighting to expand within my chest, which is burning from the acid tears, I refuse to let escape my eyes. Slowly breaking me, crumbling me from the inside allowing my weakness to be exposed to the world outside of my own imagination. Silence comes as I open my notebook and begin again.