Quickly rushing into the house, I turned to push the door shut only to be stopped by Chris.
“Yo, Ashton. Wait!” Chris hollered, his voice echoing through the bare hallway.
My body felt like it was on fire, the thought of what just happened made me want to run far away. Miles away from him, I didn’t want to see the look of pity in his eyes when I faced him.
“It’s my fault, I should’ve told you.” Chris breathed, the tips of his fingers gripping onto the wood door.
You think?
Maybe God was punishing me, if so he definitely made his point.
Huffing, I opened the door up some to reveal Chris’ beautiful face. His pink lips were pressed together, and his black curls made his yellow skin even brighter in the dim lit hall.
“Chris.” I started, rubbing the back of my short hairdo. “I can’t do this again, obviously I thought you were single and I don’t want to do that anymore. I can’t put myself in that situation anymore.”
Hesitantly looking up at him, Chris pouted and gazed at me with his mocha brown eyes, his eyelashes thick. “So you don’t wanna kick it anymore?” He muttered, his hands hanging from the pockets of his dingy tattered jeans.
“I can’t, Chris.” I mumbled, admiring the sprinkles of freckles on his face.
Believe me when I say I wanted to, but I didn’t trust myself. I didn’t trust him and if he was in a good relationship, I refused to be the one to ruin it.
Not again.
Popping his lips, Chris walked back up onto me, his cologne invading my nostrils. “I want to be your friend, Ash. That’s it.”
I wasn’t in any position to be turning down friendship, but I felt like it was playing with fire. Too much temptation. This is how it all started with Abraham, friends quickly turned into lovers. Better yet secret lovers.
Taking a long frustrated breath, I peered up at him, pushing hair from my eyes. “Fine, but you can’t be flirting.”
“Flirting?” Chris twisted his lips as if he had no idea he was a humongous flirt.A tease.
“Yes, flirting.” I smirked, my first thought to slap his chest quickly dissolved.
No physical contact.
“Fine, I’ll keep my hands to myself.” Raising his large hands, Chris held them up in the air and wiggled his long fingers around. “So can I come in or do I gotta go home?”
“Don’t you need to go home to your girl?” I playfully reminded him while turning around, Chris following behind me.
“Nah, she’s at school.” He said nonchalantly, closing up my front door.
I wonder how she would feel if she knew he was here in my apartment.
Sitting down on a cushion, I crossed my legs, tossing my scarf onto the side table. The couch moved some as Chris threw his body down next to me, his feet resting on my lap.
“Christopher.” I grunted, sliding his sneakers off of my lap.
Chuckling, Chris let his feet fall down onto the hardwood floors, looking down at me. “Why you just assume my name is Christopher?” He asked, adjusting his head on the arm rest.
Flashing him a crazy look, I grabbed the remote from the coffee table and turned the television on. “I just assumed it woul-.” Before I could finish Chris cut me off, sitting up on his elbows.
“See you can’t be assuming shit. I heard this expression something like ‘if you assume you make yourself into an ass.’” Chris said, trailing his tongue along his bottom lip while messing up the 'expression' that he claimed to once heard.
Shaking my head, I mentally laughed at him, the bright light of the TV flashing in the dark room. “So what is it then?” I asked, Chris snatching the remote from my hand and turning it onto ESPN.
“Christopher.” He said, furrowing his eyebrow as if I had just asked the most ignorant question ever known.
“Bu-.” I started to speak, looking over at him.
“I didn’t say it wasn’t Christopher, I said don’t be assuming shit. Your name could have been Ashy or something, but did I assume that? No.” He mumbled; untying his sneakers and pulling his feet out.
Was he serious?
Shaking my head again, I yanked the control back from his grasp, putting it back on the movie that I had found. “You’re such a weirdo.” I whispered more so to myself, crossing my arms and shifting on the sofa.
Chris and I sat in silence, the movie pot unraveling on the flat screen TV as he sat only inches from me. His body heat up against my arm.
“So tell me about your girlfriend.” I asked as normal as I possibly could, even though it was awkward for me.
Chris turned his attention to me, clearing his throat and licking his plumps lips. “Uh, what do you wanna know?”
“Chris, it’s your girlfriend. You tell me.”
Slitting his eyes, his lips curled into a smile. “We’ve been together since freshmen year-.”
“Wait you’re in school?” I asked, lowering my brows.
Nodding his head, Chris scratched the light stubble growing under his chin. “Yeah.” Looking back at the TV, I couldn’t help but stare at his profile, his strong jaw and messy curls made him irresistible.
It was safe to say that I had developed a massive crush on him in a matter of hours, and as usual it was someone who was unavailable to me.
“But anyway, her name is Ellie. She’s gorgeous, sweet…I don’t know, man. I love her.”
Envy. I couldn’t help but envy what he and Ellie had, his face lit up by the mere mention of her name. I wanted that.
“She sounds great.” I forced a smile on my face, Chris looking over at me and smiling as well.
He was happy; Ellie definitely had nothing to worry about with him at my place. That was for sure.
“Can I ask about Abraham or are you going to shoot me if I do?” Chris asked, his brows high as he fought back his lips from curving.
Scoffing, I stood up from the couch, Abraham the last thing on my mind. Chris followed behind me into the kitchen, sliding onto the countertop and letting his long legs dangle.
“Come on, Ash. You gotta talk about it eventually. We’re friends, right?”
Handing him a bottle of water, I walked back into the living room, standing by the large floor to ceiling window and looking down at the snow covered ground.
“What are you doing for Christmas?” I questioned in attempt to change the subject, honestly uninterested in the topic of Abraham.
I didn’t want Chris to know anymore about Abraham than he already did, his opinion on me now mattering. He’d judge me, the last thing I needed.
Sitting down on the floor, Chris tugged at my hand, pulling me down next to him so that we were both facing the window. After a few moments of silence, I lightly nudged Chris with my shoulder. “You never answered my question.” I mumbled.
“Guess we’re even.” He simply said, never breaking his gaze from the beautiful snow falling from the sky.
Taking a deep breath, I turned to look at him with my legs crossed Indian style. “Chris, I’ll tell you about it soon, okay? I just- I don’t want to talk about that when I’m with you.”
His infectious smile fell onto his face, his dimples slowly deepening. “Fine.” He finally gave up, moving so that we were face to face, our knees pressed together. “Ellie and I are going to her parent's house on Christmas day and we won’t be back until the day after New Year’s.”
“That sounds nice.” I slightly grinned, nodding my head.
“You spending it with family or something?” Chris asked, tugging at the bottom of his jeans.
“Yeah.” I lied. “It’s going to be fun.” Forcing a smile on my face, I quickly looked away from him, unable to hold eye contact when telling a lie.
“That’s good, Ash. What do you want from Santa?” Chris smirked, his teeth slightly imperfect but that made him even more adorable.
“I don’t want anything.” Giggling, I pulled down the back of my shirt to cover up my lower back, Chris staring at me suddenly making me uncomfortable.
“Come on, everyone wants something for Christmas. Alright, then what did you want when you were a kid that you never got?”
Looking up at the ceiling, I began to think back to my childhood. “A cabbage patch doll.” I confessed, dropping my head in embarrassment.
“Aw.” Chris teased, poking my leg with his socked feet. “That’s cute, Ash.”
“What are you getting, Ellie?”
“We don’t exchange gifts until after the holiday, I was thinking about taking her to California for a week. She’d love that.”
It was no longer awkward to talk about his girlfriend, the fact that she made his whole face light up made it clear that he was deeply in love with her. We sat on the floor for about another hour, sharing short stories and facts before it was time for Chris to go home.
“Try not to kill yourself, Christopher.” I said in a short breath, leaning against the frame of the door with my arms folded over my chest.
Lightly laughing, Chris slid his jacket on, brushing past me as he walked into the hallway. “Don’t worry, I’ll be fine.” After putting his motorcycle gloves on, Chris raised his head to look at me. “I guess I’ll see you after the holidays, huh?”
Nodding my head, I wanted to frown, but for his sake I forced myself to smile. “Yeah, have fun with Ellie’s parents.” I wished he could stay a while longer, and perhaps the two of us could curl up on my sofa and keep each other warm in the freezing weather. Probably not.
Chris grinned a bit, walking up to me and reaching his arms out. “Friends?”
“Friends.” He towered over me while I wrapped my arms around his slender body, his hands resting on the small of my back. Chris’ stubble brushed against my skin as he placed a sloppy kiss on my cheek before standing back straight. “I’ll see you soon, okay?”
“K.” I watched as he clunked down the hallway, turning and waving at me once more before getting into the elevator and disappering.
So badly I wanted to allow butterflies to flutter in my stomach and my heart to skip beats, but I couldn’t. He had a girlfriend; I couldn't allow history to repeat itself.
I couldn't be that girl anymore.