Chapter 5:
as long as i'm here, no one can hurt you
YEEUN
“You're so smart but you have no patience.” My younger brother says and it takes my everything not to smack the back of his head with the couch cushion.
“You have no idea about adulting, so shut up.”
“How could you leave a job you've been dreaming of in just ten days? And instead of money, you got a boyfriend.” He says, snickering.
“Yah! Jang Ri Eun!”
He must have seen how serious I am so he rolls his eyes and leaves me alone, walking back to our room.
I put down the bag of chips that I've been holding, losing appetite for the snack. I grab my phone and look for part-time jobs instead while I'm waiting, hoping for other companies to call me for interview.
seunghee: where are you? show your face. when are you moving in? i'm talking to my family about moving out tonight. wish me luck
I smile as Seunghee's message pops up.
yeeun: i can't believe you guys are serious about moving in together. let me get a job first.
seunghee: move in first, then get a job. you'll have your own room instead of sharing with rieun.
Hmm, that makes me think.
Yes, I'm 24 years old and I still share the bedroom with my 17 year old brother who does nothing but play Mobile Legends until 2 A.M. We're raised by a single mom so this two-bedroom apartment is the best we've got.
Our mom gave everything to get me to finish college. Partial scholarships I managed to get helped but barely.
—SYS GIRLS
seungyeon: girlssss good news
seungyeon: our homeroom teacher said she'll help me clear my name!!!
seungyeon: and u girls will help me too thanks to ur awesome high school records lol
yeeun: wdym
seunghee: she meant ur top grades. but what did i do???
seungyeon: apparently our former teacher loved reading your writings
seunghee: oh wow i always knew i liked mrs. park
yeeun: gaaaaaaah i hope u fix this soon eonni. you don't deserve this!!
seungyeon: i hope so too. see u girls later back home!
yeeun: that's really weird to me. i haven't even seen the place
seungyeon: then what are you waiting for?
seunghee: ^
yeeun: i'll drop by later!
* * *
“Your brother was kinda right.” Joon says after I ranted to him about how annoying Rieun was today.
“Yah, you're supposed to be on my side!”
He smiles, a little dimple showing on his cheek. “I'm always on your side.” He says, “But I don't understand why you left the company if it's been your dream to work in UCE. It's hard to get in too. That much I know. You never told me why you left.”
I look away, avoiding his eyes. “It just happened.” I say and then changing the topic, I tell him, “I'm thinking of living with Seunghee and Seungyeon eonni.”
“What? Really? Why?”
I smile. “We got drunk the other day and it kinda just happened.”
Joon takes my hand with a playful smile. “Just live with me instead.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “Do you have a death wish?”
“No, I just like you.”
“It's too soon for that.”
“I'm kiddingㅡbut I wouldn't mind.”
I chuckle, pinching his nose. “You weren't kidding. Take it slowly, okay?”
“Okay, ma'am.”
I look at him as we walk and I sigh. “But would you really live with me this early in the relationship? We've only been together for five months. You still don't know a lot about me.” I ask.
He shrugs. “We'll just find out more about each other if that's the case.”
I smile a little. “You have no fears.”
Joon looks at me and asks, “What's that look on your face?”
“It's just that sometimes I envy you for not being afraid to take risks.”
“Jang Yeeun, taking risks does not mean someone's not afraid of them” he says, holding both of my shoulders and making me sit down on a low hedge by the street. He sits beside me, interlacing our fingers together. “Here's a questionㅡwould you rather have stories to tell someday? Or would you rather just listen to others tell stories about how they lived their lives?”
“Hmm, I don't know. Both don't seem pretty bad.”
“Okay, let me rephrase that. Would you rather have stories to tell someday about all the things you've learned from all the risks you took despite being afraid? Or would you rather just listen to others tell stories about how they took risks despite being afraid and then regret that you didn't do the same while you could?”
I couldn't answer him. No matter how much I wanted to choose the latter, fears sometimes still take over. I don't want to say something I couldn't stand for.
Joon smiles at me, kissing my forehead softly. “Tell me someday when you've chosen. I'll be with you.”
And it's only been five months that we're dating and I've known him only a little longer than that but I could feel myself falling a little deeper in his rabbit hole each day.
I don't know if he realized it but he's one of the biggest risks I've ever taken. Back then, I didn't care about dating or not having someone in a romantic way. I thought there's a huge difference between wanting something and needing something, and a romantic relationship was definitely not a needㅡbut being with Joon made me realize that there could be a very thin line between those two. And now that I have him, I hope I never lose him.
* * *
When I get back home, mom is already preparing dinner. Even when she's always tired from work, she still insists to be the one to prepare dinner.
Rieun is gaming on our small dining table while mom is prepping. I sigh at the sight of him and take my bag off before helping out our mom. “Hi, mom.”
“You're on time for dinner. You haven't eaten, have you?” She asks.
“Not yet.” I reply.
As we eat, I finally decide to open the topic about moving out. “Mom, how would you feel if I moved out?”
She shrugs. “Probably better. I won't have to hear you and Rieun bickering all day.”
“Mom! You can't hear us bickering all day because you're always at work.” I say grinning.
“Well, everytime I'm home then.”
“I don't know about mom but I would be happy to finally have the bedroom all to myself!” Rieun chimes in, clicking away on his phone.
Mom hits his hand. “Get that phone away! It's dinnertime.”
I smirk and stick my tongue out at Rieun who sighs and with a deep frown and a longing look on his face, put his phone down. He's such a brat but he never disobeys mom. I guess that's one thing we have in common. We love mom to the moon and saturn.
Mom turns to me narrowing her eyes. “You better not be thinking about moving in with your boyfriend! It's too early!”
“Ew, Jang Yeeun, are you that easy?” Rieun asks.
I clench my chopstick and aim at him. “I'm going to kill you.” I tell him before clearing my throat and turning to my mom, “Of course not, mom. I know it's too soon for that. It's Seunghee eonni and Seungyeon eonni. They proposed we live together. They already got a place and I think they're waiting for me to make a decision.”
“No,” Mom says. “What money do you have to share a house with them? You still don't have a job.”
As if on cue, I get a phone call from a private number. I excuse myself from the dinner to answer it. Apparently, it's the part time job I applied for in a coffee shop. They say they need additional staff as soon as possible and to come tomorrow so that they could see me work.
I run back to the dining area with a big smile. “I just got a jooob!” I announce.
Mom's eyes widen. “A company called you?”
The smile on my face fades away. “No, it's a part time job I applied for.”
“A part time job?” Mom asks.
I nod. “I'll be working in a coffee shop. Just... while I'm waiting to be called.”
Mom sighs. “Are you sure about this? Will you be okay?” She asks and I feel like even when I didn't tell her anything on why I left my job, she knows something has gone so wrong that I quit after ten days.
I nod. “I like coffee and baking.” I reassure her, but I wanted to cry.
I want to cry.
Four years of college and non stop hardwork, and my mom's hard earned money spentㅡonly for me to work a part time job.
I feel sorry towards her.
“So, you're moving in with your best friends. Are they okay with it?” She asks.
I nod again. “Well, the part time job isn't so bad. I can chip in with the bills with them and I can help with your budget a little too.”
Mom smiles softly. “Well, you can give your brother allowance.”
I snort. “NO WAY!”
“I don't want that either!” Rieun exclaims, turning to my mom. “Don't put me on her leash!”
I laugh at his desperate face. “On a second thought, I would love that, mom.”
* * *
After dinner, I go to the location Seunghee sent me. If I'm basing it on Seungyeon's lifestyle, this wouldn't be the kind of building I would expect. It's not exactly rundown but it's close to that. Plus, there's an uphill road to climb before you get there.
I'm out of breath by the time I punch in the code Seungyeon texted.
There are a lot of boxes; huge and small ones and luggages scattered around. The living room is a mess but at least, there's Seungyeon's familiar fancy couch. The TV is on but nobody is watching.
The kitchen is almost empty except for packs and cups of instant noodles that I found Seunghee making as Seungyeon is sitting and waiting. They're talking about how their days have been when they noticed me standing in the doorway.
“Finally!” Seungyeon exclaims.
Seunghee turns just a little before going back to what she's doing. “Yeeun-ah, I'm making ramen. Have you had dinner?”
“Jeez, if I cut open your stomach, there would only be ramen there.” I tell her, putting the food my mom packed on the table. “Mom sent some food.”
They both gasp, rushing to the table to check out the boxes. “Woah, I love auntie.” Seungyeon says with a little shoulder dance.
“Yeeun-ah, you eat this every night of your life? How are you so lucky? I consider myself lucky enough if my family even remembered to leave some dinner for me.” Seunghee says.
“Yah, do you mean they eat everything?” Seungyeon asks in disbelief.
“I usually come home late so yes, they eat everything.”
“Unbelievable.” I say, shaking my head.
“Anyway, let's eat!” Seunghee exclaims happily. “Yeeun-ah, you eat again.”
We catch up about Seungyeon's progress for the day and Seunghee meeting with a drama producer for the new script she's working on. I tell them about my new part time job.
It's so late when we finished and my tummy feels bloated from eating twice.
Seunghee sighs, rubbing her own stomach as we sit lazily on the couch. “Yeeun, sleep here. Don't tell me you're going back. It's late.”
“It's my first day of work tomorrow. I can't sleep here. I don't have my stuff.” I tell them.
“I have extra toothbrush.” Seungyeon says.
“You can borrow my clothes.” Seunghee suggests.
“You guys don't have beds. You can share my bed.” Seungyeon says with a yawn. “Ugh, I'm so sleepy and tired.”
“So, we're all sleeping together in one bed?” I ask.
Seunghee giggles. “RRRROMANTIC!” She says, getting up. “Sorry to whoever ends up on the floor tomorrow morning!”
We all share Seungyeon's bed. Seungyeon on the left side, Seunghee in the middle, and me on the right side. It's exciting as a sleepover party. All these years, I thought that we've told each other so many things, there's so little left to talk aboutㅡbut I was wrong. We talk so much more about the most random things until we hear Seungyeon snoring softly. Seunghee and I just suddenly stop talking with neither of us saying good night.
Soon enough, I hear her making these little whistling sounds as she breathes into her slumber.
I am wide eyed in the dark with my head running continuously. And once I fall asleep, I have a nightmare about a stranger's hands touching me where they shouldn't and I want to scream and run. That's what my brain told me but I'm frozen on the spot with fear. I can't move at all.
“Yeeun-ah!” Seunghee's eyes are wide with concern against the light coming from the lampshade on the nightstand.
My heart is beating so fast and my hands are shaking as I stare back at her wide eyed. “Eonni...” I call out with my dried throat.
Seunghee and I dislike physical affection. The both of us aren'r a hugger like Seungyeon but I wrap my arms around her for security and without a word, she holds me as she waits for me to calm down. And I feel safe and a little far away from that nightmare.
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a/n:
thank you so much for reading this chapter and im sorry i didn't update for a while! thank you for patiently waiting! 💖💖💖