Chapter 3:
the one that got away
✨✨✨
SEUNGYEON
“WHAT IS THIS? WHY ARE YOU TAKING OUT MY THINGS?” I ask my manager, Yujin, when I wake up and there are men all over my house, carrying my stuff.
Yujin looks at me as though I'm the biggest mistake to ever happen in her entire life. “I knew you were drunk talking! I knew you wouldn't remember!”
“Calm down. You sound like a girlfriend I slept with and said ‘I love you’ to.”
The good thing about Yujin being my head manager is that we're the same age and aside from Yeeun and Seunghee, I think she's the next closest person to me.
“You went on a house haunt last night with your best friends! And you scheduled a moving company to take out your things exactly at 9AM, that's what you texted me. You said you don't care about living in some luxurious apartment if you feel lonely everytime you get home.”
“I didn't say that!”
“You said you don't care whatever the company says since they're dropping you anyway.”
“Wait, what? They are dropping me?”
“No! That's what you said!” Yujin grabs her phone and shows me a long ass text message that I apparently sent like she's showing her strong piece of evidence to the court. “You paid three months advance, two months deposit and you signed the contract at the office of the real estate agent. You will now live with Seunghee and Yeeun.”
I sit down on the couch, probably the only thing they haven't moved yet from the living room. “Woah, how much did I drink yesterday?”
_____________
SEUNGHEE
I wake up in an unfamiliar place, on the cold floor and I could smell the weird scent all over aside from the alcohol one coming from my own mouth. I sit up, feeling a backache.
“What is this place?” I mutter, squinting my eyes around. There's not a single furniture in this place and some parts of the wallpapers are already coming off. Was I kidnapped? What the—
My phone beeps. Oh God. I have my phone, okay.
3 text messages
1 from Cha Hyun Jin
My heart skips a beat as I go on a quick battle inside my head whether to open it or not. Why? Why is my ex texting me?
This is Cha Hyunjin's girlfriend. Stop sending my boyfriend voice mails. Just so you know, I'm deleting them. Please don't contact him again.
A piercing scream comes out of my throat even as the door opens, revealing a shocked Seungyeon. It goes on for almost a minute until my throat dries up.
“What in the world happened?” Seungyeon asks, tossing me a bottled water.
I gulp it to the last drops.
“Calm down. Ohmygod. You look like someone who drunk texted their ex.” She says and the water goes up my nostrils I almost died.
Her eyes widen, rubbing my back as I cough and then she starts laughing. “Ohmygod, you did!”
“Kill me.” I tell her when I could finally breathe again.
“Can't. I'm already in so much trouble. I don't need a murder scandal next to the bullying scandal.”
“Wait,” I look around again. “What the hell is this place? Did you kidnap me?”
Seungyeon snorts. “Again, I don't need a kidnapping scandal.”
“Seungyeon! Why the heck did I sleep here and how are you here?”
She blinks, smiling sheepishly. “This is our new home.”
“My head is going to explode.”
_____________
VOICEMAIL TO: CHA HYUN JIN
“Hey, uh, Hyunjin-ah. Umm... I don't know why I'm sending this voice mail. I guess it's because we ended things so badly and we haven't spoken to each other since then. I just want to say I'm sorry. I know it's been so long and it probably doesn't mean a thing now but I still want to say I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I turned you down on that proposal. I'm sorry that I never knew I wasn't ready until you were there asking those words to me.
It's insane because sometimes I still think about you and I think I miss you but I also think I don't have the right to feel those things. Not after what I did.
I hope you're doing well. I really do. And thank you for the last three years that you've been in my life. That's... that's really all I have to say.”
________________
SEUNGHEE
“Seunghee, where are you? Don't you dare ditch me on my wedding day.” I'm in Seungyeon's car and Yujin, her manager, is giving me a ride home when I got a call from my college friend, Eunbin.
Holy shit. Right. Right. I'm supposed to go on a wedding today. After yesterday's drinking session with Seungyeon and Yeeun, and in between me and my head going through the fact that I signed a contract with a real estate agent that I'm moving into a new apartment with my best friends, and trying to figure out what the heck did I say in my drunk voicemail sent to my ex, and that my ex boyfriend has a new girlfriend nowㅡit has left my mind that today is Eunbin's wedding day.
“IIIII'm on my waaaay!” I look at my wrist watch. “I'm definitely on my way.” I repeat. Who am I kidding?
“You better! I need you here. We're taking pictures with the bridesmaids in about twenty minutes.”
“Twenty minutes?”
“Yeah, why?”
“Ha-ha! Nothing. There's traffic where I am right now, so I might be late.” I say, hitting Seungyeon on the arm when she pretends to look around trying to find traffic. The traffic is smooth sailing.
“Okay, eonni. See you later.”
“Okay, Eunbin-ah.”
As soon as I hang up, I turn to Yujin. “Choi Yujin, you beautiful, most beautiful manager ever, please step on it.”
______________
As soon as I get home, I'm so relieved that none of my family are there. Seungyeon and I rush to my bedroom. “I'm late. I'm gonna take a quick shower.” I tell her.
“Do you even have anything to wear?”
“I always wear the same thing. What do you mean?” I ask before going into the bathroom. I shower in five minutes. I don't even put on a hair conditioner. I brush my teeth to remove the remains of yesterday's alcohol consumption.
When I come out, Seungyeon has prepared a dress.
“What's that? That's not what I'm wearing.” I tell her, grabbing my dress from my closet that I usually wear in the weddings that I attend to.
“You're not wearing that dress! I'm sick of seeing that dress. Yujin found this dress in my van so you're wearing this instead.”
“Seungyeon, I don't have time to condition my mind into that dress. And I need at least 24 hours to condition my head into wearing something. You won't get it.”
Seungyeon grabs my dear old dress and shoves hers towards me. “You're wearing this. Cha Hyun Jin might be there. He's friends with Eunbin too.” She wiggles her eyebrows up and down.
I sigh, sitting in front of my dresser and plugging in the blow dryer. “Jesus. I forgot about that. Now I don't want to go to the wedding.”
“You're going. It's Eunbin. She's like your favorite hoobae. Besides, how many times have you gone on a wedding this year? Your college friends always see you wearing the same thing.” Seungyeon snatches the blow dryer from my hand and quickly works on my hair.
I space out a little as Seungyeon does my makeup as quickly and decently as she could. In the years of being in the entertainment industry, she has almost perfected the art of makeup and styling. “What's with your face?” She asks, looking at me through the mirror.
“What?”
“Thinking about Cha Hyunjin?”
I sigh again. “I'm thinking about weddings. Most of my college friends have gotten married by now. I can't believe that Eunbin, the youngest of them all, is also getting married. She's like twenty-three.”
Seungyeon finishes the braid that started from the top of my head all the way to the ends of my hair. “Well, there are women like that. There are ones who choose to do their own thing first and settle down later, and then there are those who seem to believe that they're put in this world to love someone, and be with that person and build a life together. I think neither is bad.”
I small smile curves on my lips. “I just wonder sometimes if I did the right thing. Was it right saying no to forever with Hyunjin?”
Seungyeon sighs this time, fixing my side burns and then checking out her finished ‘product’ with a nod of approval. “Girl, would you have said no if your heart wasn't screaming no? You know that no means no.” She takes the dress that she wants me to wear from the bed. “You weren't ready and he couldn't wait any longer. I know you were with him for so many years and you tried to make it work—but some things, even if you try again and again to fix them, they just stay broken.”
I get up from the chair and put on Seungyeon's dress. It's the same shade of pink that my old dress has. Believe it or not, brides often choose pink as the color motif for their bridesmaids. Anyway, Seungyeon's dress has long sleeves and the entirety of it hugs my curves in a way that makes me a little self conscious. Clothes I wear never emphasized my body shape this way.
“Ohmygoood! It fits you! Look at you, ma'am. You're ready to get a lot of phone numbers tonight at the after-party, considering you won't be landing back in Hyunjin's arms.” Seungyeon says when I open the door of my room.
I tuf at the front edge of the dress. It is the kind of dress that's short in front and extends all the way to the ankles at the back. “I don't know,” I look at myself in the mirror. “Isn't it too out there?”
“You look gorgeous. Shut up. It's literally Oh Seunghee print all over with added spice!”
I try to smile, taking a deep breath. “Okay! No time to change my mind. Eunbin's probably starting to accumulate resentment towards me now. Let's go.”
_____________
After Yujin and Seungyeon have dropped me off the location, and after making a few questions to several people, I finally find Eunbin sitting alone in a room reserved for her to get ready.
I lean against the doorframe and smile. “You're not getting cold feet, are you?”
A smile curves her lips as soon as she turns around and sees me. “Seunghee eonni! Oh my God, you look gorgeous! I feel special that you're wearing a new dress in my wedding.”
“Ugh, jeez. Was it really obvious that I was wearing the same dress over and over in the weddings?” I ask, hugging her with a sigh. “Look at you, blushing bride. I can't believe you're tying the knot before me.” I pull away with a smile, taking a good look on her.
“My parents were against it at first. They said I'm insane for getting married this early butㅡeonni, I really love Hae-in. And when he got down on one knee, all I could think about was the word ‘yes’.”
I chuckle. “That's cheesy.” I say. “I'm happy that you know what you want and you're not afraid to chase it.”
Eunbin gives me a knowing smile. “Come on, eonni, you do too. I know he's coming to my wedding too but you're going to be okay, right?”
“I'm going to be okay because this is not about me. It's all about you and your soon-to-be husband, Hae In.”
“Thanks for coming, Seunghee eonni. Even though you're late. We've already taken photos with the bridesmaids.” Eunbin gestures for the photographer, who's coming back to the room to get a bag, to come over. “Please take our pictures.”
I know I said today's all about Eunbin and her groom but I couldn't help myself from trying to subtly look around for Hyunjin. I'm only able to focus on the exchange of vows and exchange of rings, and them being pronounced as husband and wife.
Weddings are so heartfelt and beautiful, and a once in a lifetime thing usually. So why did I run away the second I imagined myself in it? And then hold on to the bits and pieces of memories left of the person that I chose to let go like a fool.
I convince myself it's nothing to me anymore but I feel myself able to relax the second I realize that maybe Cha Hyunjin isn't coming to the wedding. Maybe he knows all too well that I'd be here and maybe like me, he'd want to avoid me too.
But my eyes catch a glimpse of his smile in the crowd during the reception and I'm in the middle of laughing with my college friends. It feels like the world stop temporarily when our eyes meet across the room. Both smiles quickly melt away from our lips.
In his arm, there's a gorgeous and petite girl smiling up at him. I remember the text message this morning and that finally makes me look away.
“Is it your first time seeing Cha Hyunjin again?” One of my college friends asks, followed by the rest of them chiming into the topic.
“Have you heard? He's dating someone new.”
“Yah, you don't need to talk about the obvious.”
“I would never understand Cha Hyunjin's hurry to tie the knot with anyone.”
“Seunghee, good riddance though.”
“You guys were together since college. How could someone find a replacement that quick?”
“I mean, bringing her to this event where he knew Seunghee would be?”
I sip my champagne as they talk. That's the problem when you were in a relationship for too long and everybody you both know thinks they could have a say in it.
Moving on is already hard enough. Having to listen to people bring it up again and again in events like these never helped. Whether it's sympathy they have for me or for him or the both of usㅡit never helped soothe the emptiness that's still there from having someone leave your life, how someone you used to know so well as the back of your hand is now just a stranger you exchange a brief glance with across the room.
I sit by the staircase outside to get some air and to be away from everyone that knows me.
Just a little while later, somebody sits next to me. And even though I don't turn my head to look at first, I could tell who he is by the familiar scent of his favorite perfume.
Cha Hyunjin turns his head and look at me. We just look at each other for a moment without a single word as if taking in what changed and what didn't. He's still as handsome as I could remember.
Neither of us smile or ask how we've been doing. We just break the eye contact because it doesn't feel right. I look away wondering how humans could have everything around them moving and still feel like they're stuck.
“I listened to your voicemail.” Hyunjin says and I feel my entire body tensed. “Before she deleted it.”
“I'm sorry.”
“You sounded pretty drunk.” The corner of his lips curve up and I've missed that about him.
“Ugh, I was. I'm sorry. I hope it didn't create a misunderstanding between you andㅡand her.”
Hyunjin nods. It takes a moment before he speaks again and I watch him struggle with words. “Seunghee, don't beat yourself up for it. I know that's what you must be doing, but... I found someone else and I'm happy. I wish you would be too. I mean, of course, it would be a lie to say I don't care about you anymore. I don't even know if I'm allowed to say that now that I have someone else, but you and I were just together for so long, I admit it's hard not to still wonder about you sometimesㅡwhenever I'd see something that would remind me of you.” He chuckles and I have tears in my eyes warning to fall.
This is not the kind of night I was looking forward to. But then again, I feel miserable in every wedding event I've ever been because I always find myself wondering about the what-ifs.
“But if you don't see your future with me, then what's the point of everything we've been doing so far, right? I couldn't accept it when we broke up but I've realized that you did the right thing. Thank you for letting me go because now the both of us can find someone who feels right. I'd find someone who sees her future with me. And you'd find someone who will make you say 'yes' eventually.”
_______________
i would propose to seunghee too tbh and get rejected
thank you for reading this chapter!