Esme was distraught.
The harsh wind had settled down to a faint breeze, a warming sensation taking over the air. The tree's faintly rustled in the distance as the smell of soil and the previous night's rainfall filled the estate's surface. Her eyes locked on the faint outline of the sun rising above the horizon. The sky was glowing as if someone took a paintbrush with the most exquisite colours and threw them out towards the sky. There were tints of pink, blue and white coming together, aligning as one to blend within each other.
The clouds silently passed without a care in the world. The splashing of the water just beyond the estate caught her attention, as her vision focused on the waves, hitting the sand one after the other. The smell of the ocean area faintly drifted into her nose, and she breathed the saltiness in as if she was being transported elsewhere.
The only problem was, she was unable to remember where. It was as if she was reliving a memory, but given the smallest details, and the most important ones snatched away from her hold. It was left for her to figure out for herself. But Esme was far too tired. Her eyes were shallow from the lack of sleep over the past few days. Under other circumstances, she would have got down to planning and attempted to figure out how she could remember such a strange sensation. Instead, things had most certainly changed.
Ever since her kiss with Mr.Malfoy, her brain had decided to recall every single detail to exact perfection.
It would start with the way his dainty fingers brushed up against the corner of her mouth, wiping away the excess chocolate that laid upon the skin near her plump lips. Her eyes closed shut as if he was there with her. She could remember how his fingers traced along the outline of her lips and then slightly pulled her bottom one down, sending a peculiar sensation throughout her body.
Then she remembered his grey eyes. The ones that were always full of intensity and hardness. The ones that held his emotions with a force, ungiving of his purest devotions. She could envision how they immediately switched into a luminescent silver that liquified with such softness it pained her heart. And then the most aching feeling.
When her impulses got the best of her, and she swiftly pressed her lips up against his.
There was a burning sensation in her stomach. He was absent from her presence at the moment, but she could still feel his lips pressed up against hers. She could feel the passion as his warm mouth delivered kisses, one after the one. She could taste the faint peppermint that emitted from his mouth as he tenderly kissed her with softness.
Esme had never been kissed like that before, and perhaps, that was why it was so difficult to push it into the back of her mind and never retrieve it. Or maybe it was because she forgot what it was like to be taken care of, and she was tired and wanted to give in to the most astronomical experiences life has given her after being released from the cell.
Her chest rose and fell as she stared out in the abyss. The world was silent around her. She was blocking out the voices in her head. His voice.
The one that had hurt her the most.
"I have full control of you. Are you really that desperate?"
Yes, she wanted to scream. I am desperate to use you, and you're prolonging my plans by making me feel things I've been trying to push away.
And she repeated it like a mantra in her head until she was certain she was going to believe it.
I'm using you. I'm using you. I'm using you.
The worst part was another sentence had found its way through her thick skull. It broke through the cracks through pure sincerity and her brokenness.
I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
The words enveloped her mind, and guilt flooded through her body. It hit her like a tidal wave after she understood.
I have full control of you.
Because she did.
Mr.Malfoy gave in to his affections for her even if it was for a mere minute. He kissed her of his own will.
Esme's eyes snapped open, watching the sun finally rise from the horizon. She sighed heavily, hoping that the guiltiness would fade amongst other things.
The day after their kiss lyrics of words had sprung in her brain. It was there, out in the oblivion. She refused to acknowledge the words or even unlock them. She pushed and pushed, but as she sat alone a week after the kiss, her words had fought their way to the surface, fighting for domination against her reluctance.
I miss you.
She missed his company.
She waited hours after that day, hoping he would pop his head through the door and come in to play another chess game with her. Each time the door made a cracking sound or opened slightly, she would jump off the bed, a guilty feeling hitting each nerve. Then only being filled with pure disappointment as Nolly walked in.
After the third day, she gave up. She knew he was in the Manor. She could hear his footsteps marching towards his room and the slamming of his door every night. Each time the footsteps approached her door, she would hold her breath, praying he would come in. To her utter disgust, she even wished he would be horrid towards her and say the most hurtful of words. That way she would be able to see him even if it was for a second.
Esme forgot how much time she spent with him until his presence disappeared from her life. He had taught her so much. Now the absence of his light was hanging over her like a burden. He left her, and she wanted to scream at him because he promised he would take care of her.
But trust was always an issue. And Esme hated that somewhere deep down, she trusted him more than anyone else.
After the second week, Esme had become miserable. It was beyond lonely. Nolly's company was fun, but there was always something missing. The portraits were rude as usual, bickering and sneering at her as she walked through the Manor, looking for clues. There were no clues. The room that she had gotten drunk in was covered in wards. She wasn't even able to approach the doorway before she felt an invisible force shove her back slightly.
After the second week, she stopped hearing his footsteps approach the door. She no longer heard the floors of the Manor shake signalling he had arrived back through Apparition. The sound of his bedroom door slamming stopped. She even refrained from asking Nolly where he was and why he stopped coming to see her because even her small house-elves looked more tired than usual. She sulked in her room, mindlessly playing chess by herself. It was pathetic, but she was yearning for his company, his presence.
After the third week, Esme blamed herself for his absence. It was her fault that she pushed him too far. Her mind had altered her memories. Esme strictly remembered, forcing her lips onto his when he most certainly did not want to kiss her back. She detested how much she thought about him, but everything she did somehow reminded her of him.
The glass of water- When he healed her scars.
The books- he had gifted to her.
The chessboard- where he taught her strategies to win.
Her mind was fuzzy, and she slept through most of the day, staying awake throughout the night. She even stopped her research of Death Eater's.
The fourth week, she gave up on sleeping at night. Esme would troddle over to the balcony. The temperature was warm for the end of February, and she would cuddle up on the side of the couch, peering out into the endless darkness. Sometimes her eyes would flicker to the corner of the balcony where he once sat. She pictured him sitting in his sweats and hoodies with messy hair wet from the rain. Esme was deprived of human interaction, and it was tearing her apart from the inside out. It was as if something was biting at her insides and shredding her soul, piece after piece. She had gotten attached to Mr.Malfoy in the short time they had spent. There was no point in denying it anymore.
One month after the kiss, Esme had given up on waiting for him. She approached the door of her room and yanked it open, deciding to move on with her life, and shut the emotions out. With a determined look over her features, Esme walked down to the library. The sound of piano playing in the background- bouncing off the walls of the Manor.
As she approached the main entrance that led to the library, the sound of footsteps behind her caught her attention. She stopped in her tracks for a second before spinning on her heels, turning to face the source of the sound.
It was as if the entire world had frozen around her, her breathing stilled, and the one sound that was clear enough to hear was the thumping of her heart in her chest. The soft melody of the pianos vanished as she stared straight into the eyes of Mr.Malfoy.
Strangely enough, it felt like she could breathe again. His eyes were also sunken and rimmed with a slight redness from exhaustion. His skin was paler than usual, and his hair combed back neatly as we wore his regular work attire.
He cleared his throat, looking away from her immediately. "Ms.Smith."
"Mr.Malfoy Um- Where? Where did you go? You- well." Esme blushed furiously, looking down at her feet. "You never um came."
"I had work." His tone was clipped.
They were dancing around the main topic. Esme could tell by the way he was hesitant to meet her gaze. "Are you back now?"
His mouth twisted, and his eyes focused behind her on the bulky doors of the library. "Not for long, I have somewhere to attend to tomorrow morning."
"Can we play chess tonight?"
His eyes flickered, and she waited for him to look at her. "Please," she started again.
"Alright."
With that, he turned, apparating away. Esme's chest fell as her heart sank to the ground, seeing he refused to spare her one glance.
Trying to keep herself busy, she pulled out Wuthering Heights from the shelf, heading up the stairs of the library to her personal area. Her head was spinning with thoughts, trying to calm her nerves about being around him again tonight.
Would he show up?
Would he not?
Was he upset with her?
One after the other bloomed in her mind until she was fed up and groaned in frustration sitting back up.
Esme shot up from the couch, walking out of the library, deciding on what to do.
After standing in the entrance for over ten minutes-her eyes fixated on the greenery outside, her feet pushed her forward. A walk would help clear her mind. Her eyes moved past the new hedges that were planted. She instantly noticed that all the roses were gone.
They had disappeared from the gardens, and patches of dirt had taken their place, looking quite ugly. There were splotches of mud and a series of dirt patterns taking over the land, where they were once planted. Her eyebrows scrunched together in confusion. Perhaps they died, she thought. She made no effort trying to figure out who would have killed them-it exhausted her too much.
Her mind was swirling around, still preoccupied with the fact she would be spending time with Mr.Malfoy after a month. It pained her as she planned out strategies to get closer to him again.
That was the point. No distractions. Use him.
It had always been the plan, and she refused to allow her emotions to get the best of her.
As the evening approached, she grew fidgety, mindlessly walking back and forth across her room. Nolly tried to offer her a calming draught for her distress, but she shook her, no, saying all would be fine. The clock ticked, minute after minute and her palms grew sweaty as she finally decided on sitting down at the table.
Esme heart went back to thumping so vigorously, she might have collapsed in the seat. Then again, Mr.Malfoy had the tendency to make her feel things that were beyond anything she could ever remember experiencing. Not even Scorpius could make her feel the way he did. Lost in her thoughts, she was oblivious to Mr.Malfoy strolling into her room.
The past month flew past her head as she finally got a good glimpse of him. His chest was covered by a plain white t-shirt that fitted his body, giving her a clear outline of his sculpted abs. Her eyes widened at the sight of his veins protruding from his bulky arms. Esme noticed that the ring he always seemed to wear on his pointer finger was no longer there. He sat down silently, keeping his hands above the table but still refusing to meet her eyes. Her fingers were shaking in her lap, her leg moving up at such a rapid pace she was afraid the table might start shaking.
Neither of them made the effort to move a pawn across the board.
"Can you just look at me?" she begged, utterly done with his ignorance to her state.
His grey eyes snapped to hers, and she gulped from the deathly glare he was giving her. His hues were full of ice, a strange thickness lurking in the corners only making the centers of his hues look more powerful, angrier.
"Is this what you what? You want me to look at you?", he spat, his voice sharp as daggers.
A dagger that could kill with a single swipe,
She huffed, rolling her eyes. "I don't understand why you're so upset with me?"
"You asked for me to look at you, and now I am."
Looking back down at the board, she gradually moved her piece forward- commencing the game.
His finger abruptly moved, pushing his piece forward before she had the chance to think about her next move.
Mr.Malfoy continued to play quickly, almost choosing his next move mere seconds after she had moved her last piece. The tension in the room could be cut with a knife. Her eyes kept flickering up to his handsome features and then lowering to his pink lips.
"Will you just talk to me?" she spat, losing her patience with the defending silence.
"I'm afraid there's nothing to speak about."
The anger she had been bottling up for the past month was going to pop at any given moment.
She paused, retracting her hand from the board. "Mr.Malfoy."
"Ms. Smith," he responded, a smug expression rising over his features. His eyes glinted in the slight darkness of her room. His voice was full of a chilling seriousness.
A fire had ridden in her bones, and she was furious at him for leaving her. Esme pushed out of the seat, which wiped the smirk off his lips. His jaw clenched, and his features hardened again.
"Wha-?"
She ignored him, plopping down on the bed. Mr.Malfoy stood up from the chair, and for a split second, she thought he would walk out of the room, avoiding the conversation that she so desperately wanted to happen between them.
Instead of leaving, Draco walked over to the side of the bed where she was perched, bending down so that their eyes could meet at the same height.
Her heart hammered from their close proximity, and she could smell the faint cinnamon, vanilla and then his signature cologne surrounding his muscular chest that was centimetres away from her. Her breathing was shallow as he glared at her with such intensity there was no time to blink.
"What are you so upset about? Hm? Want to tell me why you're acting like a grumpy child," He growled.
His warm peppermint breath fanned across the face, and she yearned to have his lips on hers again.
"You kissed me back and left for a month," she whispered, leaning in slightly closer. Their forehead's were almost touching, and all she wanted to do was lean forward and kiss him again.
It was a desire that made her body ache.
He sighed, closing his eyes momentarily and then when they reopened, the silver she was accustomed to seeing took its place. It was as if the colour was solely meant for her. As if his eyes never held passion for anyone else but her. It made devotion throb throughout her entire body.
Her eyes fell down to his lips, and she pushed away from him, making his eyebrows snap together in confusion.
"You left for a month. You left me alone, and you knew I needed your company, but you still fucking left," she sneered. Her eyes welled up in tears, as his softened, regret evidently shown on his face.
Mr.Malfoy stood up, straightening his posture. "Je reviens toujours, n'est-ce pas?" {I always come back, don't I?}, His voice full of sarcasm.
The words hit her straight in the heart. She pushed herself forward towards Mr.Malfoy as he watched, tilting his head down to meet her hesitant stare.
"Your infuriating."
He bent down again, their lips inches away from each other. "Good." she mumbled.
Before he could delve down and close the distance between them, the door opened, and the person she never expected to see again walked through the door.
Dolohov.
Memories of being in the cell flashed before her eyes, and she sank back behind Mr.Malfoy as a form of protection. She heard Dolohov chuckle slightly, eyeing her while licking his lips. Her stomach churned in disgust, hoping that she was dreaming and that his horrific reality was not actually true. He looked at her with the same craving in his eyes when she was tied down to a bed months ago.
"Draco. Let's see your son's toy. Has he been putting her to good use?" he purred.
Esme flinched and she saw Draco's hands clench together, his figure becoming more refined as he stalked forward towards Dolohov, a deadly look in his eyes. His veins protruded from his neck, making him look scarier.
"Dolohov, I'll take you to your side of the Manor. She isn't a concern right now." His voice was thin as ice.
It was as if he had completely changed.
Dolohov broke out into a fit of laughter that made her shrink back as her eyes froze in fear. It echoed around her room with a sinister and evil intent behind it. He gave her a wink, and she was about to throw up all over her bed.
No.
This can't be happening.
Not again.
When he finally walked out of the room, closing the door behind him, she leaned forward, grasping onto Mr.Malfoy's wrist.
"Don't leave this time," she pleaded, with tears in her eyes. Mr.Malfoy stiffened from her hold before relaxing slightly.
He leaned in towards her, pressing his lips against her forehead, and she melted from the tenderness of his lips on her skin. Her eyes shut as a single tear trickled down her cheek. She felt his cold finger wipe away at her cheeks as he mumbled against her burning skin. "Vous êtes en sécurité. vous avez ma parole." {You are safe. You have my word.}
When she reopened her eyes, he was gone.