It feels like the gang is finally back together again. It has been so long since all of us has done something together, even something simple like have lunch together, due to schedules conflicting or lunchtimes practices or drama meetings.
Senior year has definitely been more hectic than we thought it would be.
This year has definitely filled our days a lot more than we all thought it would, and slowly but surely driven a wedge between us. It couldn't be helped and the change hasn't been malicious; it is merely the combination of unaligned extra curricular schemes tied up with class schedules that don't match up like they did junior year. Senior year has simply just led to an inevitable drift in our group.
I smile as I watch Derek putting the nachos in the centre of the coffee table, Faye and Clay laughing as they carry all the alcohol in from Clay's truck, April's appalling singing carrying through the house as she sets up the music. It's been so long since we all just did something, just us, that this moment feels that much better.
I know that a few others have been invited, Faye asking Devon to come and I know that Derek asked if Raven could be here. I asked Mackenzie, for obvious reasons, and because she's going to be staying over after everyone has gone home. She knows about the quality time we're having as a group for a bit before everyone comes over, but she knows she's coming over than everyone else's plus ones so we can tell everyone about us.
I think it's about time we told people the full extent of our relationship, which I know she's been wanting for us. She's been so patient with me, keeping our feelings a secret from everyone until we're alone, but I know it's draining her. I know she wants to be open with our relationship and she's out and proud and I want to make her happy more than anything in the world.
I'm not just doing it for her, though her feelings did play a large part in finding my own courage. I want to be able to hold her hand or kiss her in front of my closest friends, and it be considered as normal as it was for Clay and I to kiss.
I've asked her to arrive half an hour before everyone else's plus one just so I can tell everyone closest to me. I don't even think Derek knows I like girls so this is going to be quite the shock for him. He's never showed an indifference towards anyone who's gay, so I'm hoping that he'll be okay with it. I even spoke to Clay and asked him if he could guess how Derek would react, and Clay said he'd be nothing but accepting so I'm quite at ease with telling him.
Being with Mackenzie has really allowed me to accept who I am, and defending her against people like Emma has made me realise I am more than capable of ignoring what people say, because I know how I feel and nobody telling me that it's 'not right' or that 'god would disagree' is ever going to change that.
I can't help but smile at myself. I have come so far from the scared little girl who didn't even want to look in the direction of another girl in fear someone thinking that I was looking for a little too long. I am now in a happy relationship with a girl that has broken down some of my walls of fear and allowed me to finally act and feel like myself.
She's allowed me to finally accept that what I feel is completely normal, that there is absolutely nothing wrong with me.
I snap out of my daydreams and make my way into the living room where everyone is set up. April is sat next to Derek who his trying his upmost hardest to flick her nose, and Faye is sat on the floor next to the keg pouring herself a cheap beer, her gaze eyeing up the book I saw she'd snuck into her bag.
"What're you drinking superstar?" Derek smiles to me as I take a seat on the floor besides Fate, letting my head drop onto her shoulder. Clay launches himself onto the beanbag beside Derek and grabs his cup of beer, pouring the whole thing down his throat in one go.
I toss him the packet of unopened plastic cups and nod in the direction of the keg. "One shítty warm beer please."
Derek chuckles and winks my way as he pours me a drink, Clay and April arguing over what to put on the music. April wants to put on some catchy top 40 music, whereas Clay wants to have Travis Scott and Drake on. Both of them are basic mainstream choices so I choose not to get involved, opting to sip on my beer rather than get involved.
"Who fancies some drinking games?" Faye pipes up, interrupting the ongoing argument. I grin at the sheepish looks on their faces as Faye unleashes her "motherly stare of disapproval" upon the two squabbling teenagers. "I think a quick round of truth or dare should get us a bit drunk, no?"
We all grin as we take our seats, Derek lowering the volume of the music so we can hear each other before asking Clay to infamous question. "Truth or dare?"
Clay picks dare, obviously, because that boy does not do talking about anything personal. The game starts pretty tame, Derek daring Clay to down his drink before Faye dares Derek to put on a full face of makeup. April also goes for dare, something I'm rather amused by, as Clay dares her to dunk her hair in the pool outside. To say she wasn't impressed would be an understatement, her face thunderous when she returned to my living room minutes after, her fiery hair a deep auburn colour as it drips on my carpet.
"April." I smirk, knowing exactly what I'm going to ask her. "Truth or dare."
"I'm not doing that again." She shudders, still wringing her hair out with the towel I grabbed her at least fifteen minutes ago. "Truth me."
"Who do you keep disappearing to see when you tell us it's Derek?" I raise my eyebrows at the way her face pales, high-fiving Faye when she squeals with glee at my question choice.
The sight of April's mouth opening and closing like a fish stranded out of water has me and the rest of the group cracking up. I've never seen the chat first girl in our school so speechless before.
"Okay what?" Clay asks in shock at the fact everyone in the group seemed to be aware of the sneaking around except for him. "Even you knew Derek?"
I chuckle at how oblivious Clay is. Despite the fact he is an incredibly intelligent boy, looking at doing astrophysics at university, he doesn't ever pick up on situations like this. He's in his own little 'Clay Bubble' as most of us like to joke. Derek nods his head and then crosses his arms, sending a very pointed stare April's way. "Well, who have you been meeting instead of me?"
April chews at her bottom lip, her face reddening once the realisation settles in that all of her friends (except Clay) knew she'd been sneaking off somewhere with someone and now she had to come clean.
"You remember the night we went to Old man Irish's." She begins, her cheeks darkening if that were possible. "Well I've been meeting up with one of the college boys from the bar that night."
"He does know you're seventeen right?" Faye asks lowly. Faye is really big on her social issues so is very much one for equal rights and Black Lives Matter. She also can't stand when girls fake their ages to appear more appealing to older guys which in the long run can actually get them arrested.
"Of course! Of course he does Faye." April says quickly. "He was faking his age that night as well funnily enough. He's nineteen from Texas and a freshman at UPenn. He's a gent I promise."
"He better be." Derek mutters almost stroppily. I'm putting it down to those two being best friends and Derek looking out for her, as she's never actually shown interest in anyone other than Derek. Derek being so oblivious means he just thinks she's never been interested in boys, not that she's never been interested in anyone other than him.
"Alright superstar." Derek raises his eyebrow at me as an unnerving smirk tugs at his lips. It seems like he's very quickly dropped the subject like a typical boy. "Truth or dare?"
"Truth." I say, watching his shoulder deflate, a chuckle slipping past my lips at the defeated expression on his face.
"Ruined my night." Derek pouts jokingly, throwing his head back and downing the contents of his drink. "Alright fine, why did you and Clay break up?"
Because I like girls.
I smirk at the sentence that ran through my head, the knowing look from Clay let's me know he knew exactly what I was thinking. It would be the easiest way to tell Derek, but I feel like that level of bluntness would fry his brain.
"We realised we were better off as friends." I shrug calmly. "We never really gelled as a couple and we never really acted as more than best friends so we thought better to end it."
"Very mature." Derek nods his head thoughtfully. I smile and take a large gulp from my drink. "And here I thought it was because you and Mackenzie were an item."
I spit my beer everywhere.
Derek laughs loudly and obnoxiously, a large shît eating grin on his face, his eyes kind and full of humour. "I saw you to at Peter's party with your tongues shoved down each other's throats. I figured I'd let you tell me when you were ready, no point getting butthurt about it. Thought I'd rush things a little bit with you because you were taking so damn long to tell me."
My jaw is swinging whilst everyone else in the room is laughing at my expense, and while I'm slightly embarrassed Derek caught Mackenzie and I kissing, the weight on my shoulders has officially lifted.
Turns out Derek is much less oblivious than I thought.
"I'm sure you won't mind her coming over when everyone else does then?" I laugh, the fondness in Derek's eyes letting me know his answer before he does.
"Of course not, superstar." Derek smiles softly. "It'll be nice getting to go all 'big brother' on her and let her know what'll happen if she hurts you."
"You don't need to do that." I gasp, my eyes wide at the thought of Derek being protective. I relax at the breathy laugh that escapes him, the reality of his joke hitting home. "Oh ha ha you were joking."
He grins, and the subject is left, almost like it's the most normal thing in the world to talk about, like the weather, or how much algebra sucks.
And I'm so grateful.
~•~
It turns out, Raven also had her suspicions about Mackenzie and I. She and Derek had been investigating the ins and outs of Mackenzie and I's relationship ever since the night we went to The Velvet Lounge. She said that she'd noticed the glances and the touching and the dancing, and grew curious to just how close we were.
Frankly she's happy for both of us, a fact that makes me feel even better about telling people. The smile on Mackenzie's face as we filled our friends in on the extent of our relationship, the fact we could sit on the couch with her hand on my knee, made my chest feel blissfully warm.
Blissfully happy.
Once the final keg ran out we started to wind down, opting for casual conversations about schoolwork and the winter trip. Most of us were pleasantly drunk so nobody embarrassed themselves. Mackenzie and I told everyone that we wouldn't be joining them and whilst they were visibly disappointed we all knew we were going away for the state championships in Miami so we'd have a chance to party together before we all go off to college. April looked the most disappointed however I could tell she was impishly excited for Mackenzie and I to go away together "just the two of us" as she kept hinting at with the tone of her voice and glint in her eye.
We put a film on as midnight crept closer, and practically everyone had fallen asleep before the midway point. Mackenzie and I had crept upstairs and slept in my bed as it wasn't comfortable having Derek's feet close to my head.
Everyone went home early the next morning before my parents got in after they helped me tidy up the living room except for Mackenzie who stayed for the remainder of the day. My dad arrived home before my mom did so decided to cook for the first time in forever, so we sat as a family, Mackenzie included, and had the first catch up for as long as I can remember.
My mom had won her most recent case and had decided to take some time off as she had barely been home as of recent, a fact that made me really happy. With Will coming home next Friday, I knew that my mom and my brother would both be at my final soccer game before the state tournament, which will determine if we go into the tournament first or second string for our school district. My mom promised she'd be there, and I honestly felt like I might cry. I already knew that my dad had that day off so the fact my whole family would be there to watch me play warmed my heart.
The gentle squeeze of my thigh told me that Mackenzie was really happy for me too.
Then the day after we all go away for the school trip before we finish for winter break.
"Are you nervous about the game on Friday?" I whisper to Mackenzie in the darkness of my room.
It's been hours since we sat and ate with my family, both of us retreating to my room quite a while before this moment. We sat and watched a film before we decided not to bother after we spent most of it kissing and talking to one another.
Mackenzie's head is buried into the side of my neck, her bare legs tangled with my own as her stomach presses into my hip. Her breathing is soft against my skin, the warm exhales causing goosebumps to raise on my skin.
"Can I tell you a secret?" She mumbles into my neck, her words shakily exhaled against my skin. "I'm terrified, but not because of the game."
"Oh?" I run my fingers through her hair, gently scratching her scalp and smiling when I hear her sigh in contempt. "And why is that?"
"Calico State high, the team we're playing this Friday." She starts, and pushes away slightly so that she can look me in the eyes. Her face is nervous, a look I haven't seen on her before. It puts me on edge a little bit, if I'm completely honest. I don't know what she's going to say and her expression isn't giving me confidence. "My ex plays for the team."
I pause, carefully choosing my next words. I can feel myself getting frustrated for her, not at her, but I don't want to portray any form of emotion. This is new territory for us and I don't want to ruin it. It's not often that Mackenzie opens up to me. Despite portraying as a confident young woman with nothing in the world to phase her, she still has such a large wall built of steel around her feelings and her heart. I'll be damned if I ruin this because of my own frustrations.
"Is this the ex that cheated on you?" I say evenly; quietly. My face hardens as she nods her head softly but not for jealous reasons though. The thought of Mackenzie having to see the girl that broke her heart has my defensive side kicking in, my arms tightening slightly around her back.
She nods her head softly against my skin. "Yeah, the girl who cheated on me with Whitney Sandoval."
My mind goes back to the game where those two started fighting, the comments made between the two of them, the anger and fury in Mackenzie's face versus the smug amusement in Whitney's.
"Nice hair pulling Mackenzie but I have to say, I much preferred it when your girlfriend did it."
I remember Whitney shouting those words at Mackenzie and how I had to drag the blonde bombshell away before she got herself into trouble.
"Ah." I say. "I wondered why you hated her so much."
"Alex." Mackenzie says almost urgently. She cups my face in her hands and looks at me with a seriousness I haven't seen in her before. "Don't for a second think that the pain I feel because of those two is me still having feelings for my ex, because that is not the case. I am so into you, you're my girlfriend, and seeing her again isn't going to change that."
I bite my lip softly. Not realising the insecurity building inside me until she reminded me of it. I'm competing with a girl that Mackenzie has some serious history with, and I haven't got anything that I can give her that her ex didn't.
Mackenzie must notice my expression because her face softens. "Alex. Please trust me when I tell you that I feel nothing for Gee, not anymore. I haven't felt anything for her since the moment I found her with Whitney. You have nothing to be worried about, I'm just scared to see her because I don't want to talk to her. I don't want anything to do with her anymore. I've blocked her from everything and removed her from my life. You're my concern now, and as far as I'm aware you're my future too."
So her name is Gee. Is that short for anything? Georgia? Gemma? I can't help but build and image of her in my mind. Is the tall and lean? Is she a blonde or brunette? Does she look like me? Questions fly around until I create the base of a person for which Mackenzie once gave her heart, and the thought kills me.
Mackenzie places a light kiss on my lips and breaks me from my agonising train of thought, an action that has my skin buzzing with electricity and comfort. "I promise you have nothing to worry about."
Is smile and kiss her again, burying my fingers in her soft blonde locks. Her bee stung lips return the smile as she presses them harder against mine, her slender fingers drawing gentle patterns on my cheeks.
"I believe you." I mutter against her skin, loving the sound of her sigh at my touch. "You wouldn't have agreed to be my girlfriend if you weren't ready."
"Agreed." She giggles. "You make it sound like you offered me a contract."
~•~
PARENT REVEAL
Joe Manganiello as Neal Doherty
Rachel Weisz as Katherine Doherty
PLEASE DONT HURT ME. I AM SORRY THIS HAS TAKEN SO LONG JUST DONT HIT ME.
I have taken quite a lot of time to write this I know, but I was so unhappy with the way it was reading. I know I've said the chapters are going to pick up and they definitely will. I've taken time to drop little hints about future happenings in the book and I can promise the next chapter is going to be DRAMATIC.
Do you think we've met Gee before? Has she been a passing by character we haven't thought anything of until now.
Ooh the plot thickens.
It's nice to see Mackenzie opening up, thought I am writing this so I could've had her open up earlier lol whoops.
Hopefully you enjoyed, and if you did look out for the next chapter because hopefully it won't be as long a wait.
Much love.
Lauryn xoxo